When Jiang Zhilan woke up with an empty bed at his side, and cold sheets gripped in his fingers, he shot to his feet in a panic, not even bothering to put on his shoes as he searched the room. It was only when he lifted the tent flap to rush outside did he catch a glimpse of Liu Qingyuan's familiar figure approaching. His bare foot retracted from the surface of the soft-packed dirt outside and stepped back onto thick rug fibers. The tent's covering dropped limply from his hand, his gaze lowering. Jiang Zhilan could feel his heart rapidly thrumming in his chest. He turned away numbly from the entrance, pouring himself a cup of cold water from the teapot on the table.
Liu Qingyuan lifted the flap of fabric, stepping into the tent with practiced ease. The corner of his mouth eased into a smile. "You're awake."
"Mm." Jiang Zhilan felt a touch on his waist, a strong arm sliding across his stomach and a warmth sticking to his back.
"You..." he heard him pause, "Your majesty, you should wear shoes. The floor is cold." Jiang Zhilan tilted his head, glancing lightly at Liu Qingyuan.
"Hm?"
"...Jiang Zhilan."
"En." Liu Qingyuan's lips pursed, the corner of his mouth tilting up. He really was too cute. Jiang Zhilan patted his arm, signaling him to let go. Liu Qingyuan hesitated, but eventually loosened his grip, stepping back to let the king turn around. For a moment, face to face, the two people simply looked at each other. Jiang Zhilan gazed at his lover, the sharpness of his cheekbones, the dark circles, and the exhaustion that was so much more pronounced in his gaze. "How is your injury?" He asked softly, a hand rising as if wanting to check. Liu Qingyuan grabbed that hand that hovered in the air, placing a chaste kiss on his fingertips.
"Still the same." Jiang Zhilan pursed his lips, dropping his hand and turning to the side. A sense of unease settling at the bottom of his chest had made his sleep fitful. He was afraid that once he closed his eyes, something would happen to Liu Qingyuan. A finger suddenly covered his vision, pushing against the wrinkled skin between his brows and gently smoothing away the tension. "Don't be angry, ba?"
Jiang Zhilan glanced over, letting out a snort. "Forget it. I can't stay angry at a patient." He reached over, pinching his chin wantonly and kissing him lightly on the corner of his mouth. "Don't go running around too much," He warned, "You'll get sick."
"Mm." Liu Qingyuan tugged at his arm, pulling him into another hug. Jiang Zhilan let him be clingy, patting him lightly on the back. He felt a warm current of air ruffle the hair on the top of his head.
Before Liu Qingyuan could speak, one of his men rushed over. He hastily bowed. "Captain Liu, er Jiang...Jiang gongzi." Jiang Zhilan extricated himself from Liu Qingyuan's grip. He tucked a piece of hair behind his ears nonchalantly, but the red on the apples of his cheeks betrayed his embarrassment. Turning, he fiddled with the teapot on the table.
"Speak"
"Just now, one of the scouts came back. He said he spotted movement in the fields thirty zhang to the south, but when he went to check, it was only the long grass moving in the wind." The soldier scratched his cheek looking a little embarrassed, but he hastily continued. "You know Tong-er. He's always a little skittish but he insisted that I tell you...he said he's been feeling uneasy..." He let out a sheepish smile, eyes flickering briefly between his captain and the beauty standing by the table. "I hope Captain won't be angry with me...especially because..." Liu Qingyuan sighed. This guy...he always talked too much.
"Wait a moment," Just as the soldier was about to leave, Liu Qingyuan stopped him. He turned around, subconsciously straightening at the heavy expression on his Captain's face. Liu Qingyuan frowned, the strange woman's words ringing in his ears. She wanted them to leave...the king rides East...the king...if it wasn't Jiang Zhilan then it could only be...the new king of Gongzhuan! His master, Mo Wu! "Inform everyone to pack up and prepare to leave in an hour!"
"C-captain?" Shocked by the sudden outburst, the small soldier was stunned silly.
"Do what I said. Mo Wu is coming." Understanding dawned in the soldier's eyes.
"Yes! Right away!" He rushed out quickly, the tent flap flying up in his wake. In the silence that followed, Liu Qingyuan felt a light touch on his arm.
"Qingyuan,"
"En." Jiang Zhilan looked at him, hesitating a little.
"Let me go with you." Liu Qingyuan stopped, a small sense of relief rising in him. But he stamped it down, hesitating to speak. He reached up, taking the king's hand in his own. He squeezed it once.
"I...," He paused, taking a breath. But even then, the words refused to rise from his throat. Liu Qingyuan closed his eyes, wanting to seal his own lips, to coax Jiang Zhilan along and fulfill that greedy desire to keep him for himself. A heat rose in his lungs, potent with his richest desires. In the end, he could only vaguely say, "I don't want you to suffer."
How could Jiang Zhilan not detect that he was only telling half the truth? Actually, he already knew he couldn't really go with him, but a selfish part of him wanted to try anyway. Jiang Zhilan pursed his lips. "Actually...I knew it couldn't go the way we wanted it to," Jiang Zhilan smiled sadly, reaching up and kissing Liu Qingyuan gently on the corner of his mouth. "But I...still wanted to try." He was afraid. Afraid that while he was gone, Liu Qingyuan would be in pain, that he'd get sick, and that he'd be too far away to even help him. He was afraid that when he came back, Liu Qingyuan would be in a place that he couldn't reach. Whatever the poison was, it was slowly killing him.
Liu Qingyuan reached out. A deep sense of unease and panic surfaced. He'd never wanted to hold onto a person so tightly. The dry heat in his chest flooded his body, consuming every rational desire along the way. The thought reverberated in his head until his ears were ringing with it. He wanted to grab him, trap him, keep him forever by his side. Jiang Zhilan looked over, sensing an abnormality. He was startled by the madness in Liu Qingyuan's gaze.
"Ugh..." Liu Qingyuan's eyelids dropped, hiding his expression. A hand pressed on his chest, trying to alleviate that burning sensation.
"What's wrong?" Jiang Zhilan grabbed him. "Liu Qingyuan, don't scare me."
"I'm fine," He helped him sit, "Just a momentary uncomfortableness." Liu Qingyuan held onto him, the words that had previously stagnated rolling out in a slew. "Truthfully...I don't want you to go."
"I know," the corners of Jiang Zhilan's eyes turned red and he forced his hands to be steady as he held Liu Qingyuan's face.
"I don't want you to go," Liu Qingyuan repeated, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt a butterfly touch on his eyelid, a shaky breath ghost across his cheek. His eyes opened a sliver, a hand on the back of the king's neck pulling him down. He kissed him almost desperately. When they pulled apart, Jiang Zhilan softly caressed his face. Liu Qingyuan trembled, his grip on the king tightening.
Jiang Zhilan frowned a little, touching his forehead and feeling like he was too hot. He leaned over. "Qingyuan? Look at me."
"Mm."
"How do you feel?" Jiang Zhilan's brow furrowed. "Why is this happening now?"
"It's...it's a little hot." The grip on his arm tightened almost to bruising. Liu Qingyuan pressed his face into the king's stomach, breathing in his familiar scent. Closer to him, he felt his heartbeat slow down, the heat seeming to retreat. "It's alright. It'll pass." A hand brushed the back of his neck, sending comforting tingles down his spine. A coolness spread down his body.
"These few days," Jiang Zhilan said slowly, "I've felt so happy to see you. I'm-" He paused, lips pursing, "I'm afraid something will happen when I'm gone."
"I know." His voice was slightly muffled. The two of them fell into silence, the rising noise of soldiers working outside the tent penetrating into their little world. "Zhilan," Liu Qingyuan called out suddenly.
"En."
"I...I'm not a good person. I don't care about others, about the country, or the world. If I have you...that's all I need." Jiang Zhilan smiled tenderly, his eyes glistening. But from this angle, Liu Qingyuan couldn't see his expression. "I know you care. The country is your home, the land is your blood, and the people are your hands, feet, and fingers. Their happiness is your happiness." Liu Qingyuan pulled back, standing up slowly and holding Jiang Zhilan's face in his hands. He brushed his thumbs over the peaks of those fair cheeks, mesmerized by the face that existed constantly in his memories. Like a rotating zoetrope, he saw him everywhere. "Can't you think about yourself for once?" He asked softly. Liu Qingyuan knew it wasn't possible but he still wanted to ask, wanted to hold onto the hope that was slipping through his fingers like fine sand. Can't you think about me?
"Qingyuan," The corners of Jiang Zhilan's eyes were red, his throat thick. The mad glint in his eyes only served to make his plea all the more desperate. He wanted to reassure him, but the bitter lies weren't any better than the truth. "I am the king. I am the people's figure. I'm sorry but...if I don't think about the commoner's happiness, who will? Human life is so hard; it's like a small weed battered in a desert sandstorm. If I...if I can give the people a small measure of protection, even for just a small while, I-"
"Alright," Liu Qingyuan kissed the corner of his eye, his voice low. "I understand." A rare smile graced his lips and Jiang Zhilan found himself staring in a daze. If he had grown up in a good family, would the corners of his eyes be soft with sunlight instead of the sternness at his brow? If he had been a noble, would they have grown up together? Liu Qingyuan as the prince's study partner, experiencing the warmth of childhood and the rush of adolescence together. If only he'd met him sooner. Jiang Zhilan looked away, a tear falling from his eye. He quickly wiped it away, laughing embarrassedly.
"I-"
"If you want to cry, then cry. I'll accompany you until you feel better."
"Alright." Jiang Zhilan wiped his face, patting Liu Qingyuan. "If you wait until then, Mo Wu would have long arrived."
Liu Qingyuan grabbed his hand, as if unwilling to let go, pulling him to the bed. He took down several sets of robes hanging on the bamboo clothes rack and packed them all into a cloth bundle. Jiang Zhilan watched him as he moved, his heart feeling a little bit warmer. When it was done, Liu Qingyuan stared down at the bundle in his arms. It wasn't until Jiang Zhilan reached out to take it did he react, hugging it a little tighter. "I'll send you to the border. My men got in touch with the captain of your second army. He'll bring you home."
"You-" Turns out that Liu Qingyuan had already known all along. The little peaceful life they'd built for a few days would never last; not in the midst of this war. Jiang Zhilan took a deep breath, reaching up and grabbing Liu Qingyuan's face. He kissed him suddenly and roughly, pulling away only when Liu Qingyuan was left disheveled. He glanced to the side at the beet-red face of the soldier who had returned to help pack the belongings in Liu Qingyuan's tent. He smiled slightly.
"Alright. We'll do this together." Liu Qingyuan lifted his hand, kissing his palm. His ears were red.
"Together." Jiang Zhilan tilted his head, languid peach blossom eyes focusing on the fidgeting soldier. "Take care of your Captain on the way."
"Y-yes!"