Chapter 30: Chapter Thirty

This chappie’s for @AwkoAshley. Like the new cover? It’s all her beautiful work. ♥

If you wish to send artwork, please label your pm “artwork” as the first word so it’s more helpful to tell what kind of message it is! Thank you as always. x

Chapter Thirty

After a couple hours and after the small percentages of alcohol slowly drain from my body, Lee decides to drive back home. Now that my mind and heart isn’t so clogged up from before, I’m starting to get a panicked feeling. There are many things wrong.

1) Brent. Enough said. And I’m sure Mark will be a problem, too.

2) Even though it’s my birthday, my mother is in the hospital and apparently Madam Jin might be delusional thinking that my mom is her daughter-in-law.

3) What the hell was I thinking confessing my undying love to one of the richest and youngest billionaires in the world that I had met through a lie and that has a fucking fiance?

4) I don’t regret anything.

But then here’s Lee—stupid, gorgeous Lee—who is shirtless once again. He’s driving crazily, with us speeding down empty roads and his left hand out the window. The wind makes his hair fly and he looks so young and…alive. This is probably the youngest, craziest thing he’s ever done and I don’t want to ruin it. But I have no choice.

“Lee, stop the car,” I say. I hate being the party-pooper but my worries are driving me up the wall right now.

“Okay,” he replies, grinning. Ever since I told him I loved him, he’s been smiling non-stop. I could tell him he was on fire and he would smile and say okay. He doesn’t even question why I asked to stop in the middle of the road at night.

Thankfully, this time he pulls the car over to the dirt side instead of stopping smack in the middle of the road.

Lee runs a hand through his hair, still grinning, and asks, “What’s up?”

My insides squeeze at his carefree happiness.

“Um, what are we doing?” I say, looking down at my hands. I’m going to back out if I look at his face and I can’t do that. We have to actually think this through for once.

Lee looks around. “We seemed to have stopped in the middle of an abandoned road.” His face turns back to mine and smiles, his eyes hoping. “Did you want to make out?”

I raise my eyes at him and shoot him a glare. He’s more hormonal than I am.

“No, Lee, I did not want to make out.” Lee frowns, starting to pout. “And I meant, what are we doing? As in us? You love me and I love you but I don’t think that’ll be enough. We’re so different. You have a fiance and a company and so many things to take care of. I don’t want to burden you.”

His face turns serious and his left arm drops from the window. The breeze runs through his hair again. “Ivory….”

“I mean this seriously, Lee.” I push back strands of hair behind my ear. “Today was fun and it was everything I’ve ever wanted and more but…what about tomorrow? You have to go back to work and I’ll eventually have to go back to school and graduate. You’ll have to return to Penny, and I’ll have to return to my mom. We can’t be together.”

What do I want him to say? What answer am I searching for?

“Ivory,” Lee says again. His hand reaches over and takes mine and I am ready to give it up. To say screw reality and let’s live in our fantasy forever.

“Lee,” I say, mirroring him. I let him take my hand.

“I meant everything I said.” He looks down at our hands and runs his thumb over the lines on my palm. “When I say I love you, I mean it. And I say I’ll fight for you—I also mean that.”

“But, Lee, it’s not going to work. Lying about our relationship was one thing but now that our feelings are real…I’m…I’m afraid.” I understand now. I’m scared. I don’t want him to leave me and I don’t want to leave him but even if he does fight for me, it’s going to take more than words.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Hey.” His hand leaves my hand and reaches for my chin. He tilts my head up and his eyes look so sad. “Tell me you aren’t leaving me already.”

“No—no.” I close my eyes and sigh. “I’m afraid that one day I’ll have to.”

He reaches over and pulls me into an embrace and I feel blood rushing to my cheeks because he has no shirt on. “Good. As long as you don’t want to leave me, I will be here, Ivory.” He rubs my back in soothing circles. “I’m going to fight. I’m going to talk to my mother…get Penny out of the picture.”

I pull back and stare at him. “You’re what?”

Lee’s fingers slowly outline my face. “I don’t think it’s fair to you or Penny. You took Mark out of the picture—told him straight up that you don’t need him. The prick didn’t obviously understand.” There’s a fleeting look of anger but then it’s gone. “And if you can do that for me, I sure as hell can do that for you, baby.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’ll take time and small baby steps and lots of work and complications,” Lee says, brushing my cheek with his fingers, “but I will take forever fighting if it means that one day that I can go out walking to—I don’t know—the grocery store without having to worry about stupid things.”

I place my hand over his and kiss his fingers. I’m smiling. “Lee, then you already know that I’m not going anywhere. We can do this together. I’ll fight.”

This is what I wanted. Reassurance that what we have isn’t just some one-day thing. That he’s going to wake up tomorrow and feel the same because, well, he’s Lee and I’m me. You can see why I’m insecure.

“I know you can fight,” Lee says, grinning. “Trust me, my balls haven’t recovered yet from your previous angry outburst.”

I giggle. “Sorry.”

He kisses my forehead. “Okay to leave now? Brent’s going to kill me twice if I don’t bring you back—and trust me, right now, I really don’t want to.”

I nod as he pulls away before starting the engine again and driving. Looking at him makes me want to do this. I want to fight for him. What’s love if it’s not worth fighting for?

“Hey, Lee?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Lee’s ears turn red and he looks over, wide-eyed. “Now, I understand why you act so crazy whenever I sweet-talk you.”

“Eyes on the road,” I reprimand though I’m happy I have at least some effect on him. Here I was thinking that he barely flustered as much as I did. I reach into the back seat and pull out the wine bottle with little left in it thanks to my clumsiness. “Wow, I need a drink after all that.”

“You drunk is a great thing,” Lee announces, smiling in a secretive way. “Almost beats you sleepy.”

“Me sleepy?”

“Yeah,” he says, “you promised me a private lingerie show.”

I spit out the wine I was going to swallow. I apologize to Brent’s car before turning to Lee. “I don’t remember that so you can’t hold me accountable!”

“Whatever you say, Miss Ivory,” Lee says, flashing the famous Lee Richardson Smirk. “One day, maybe.”

“One day, never,” I correct, feeling a familiar blush coming on. Lee mutters something under his breath and I miss what he says. “What’d you say?”

“Nothing,” Lee says, smiling as he pays attention to the road. It’s dark and he is swerving from lane to lane because there’s nobody out here but it’s still crazy. “I just said that I love you, too.”

My heart melts as usual and I’m about to say something when the car skids to the right and my face meets the window even though I’m wearing a seatbelt. I am so used to his reckless driving by now that I just quickly peel my flesh off of the window and sit back in my seat.

Something peculiar is nudging my back and I find the camera we bought from Jen’s Clothes.

“I was wondering where this was,” I mutter, picking it up before sitting back. I turn it on. I scroll through the pictures and I’m surprised to see more than one. We had taken one picture before going into the diner but none other than that.

But there’s more. There’s a picture of Lee in front of the necklace he bought me, pointing to it and grinning. He must’ve taken it when he went to go buy it. There’s another picture of him and the grumpy man from the store. The grumpy man is shooting bullets with his eyes as Lee grins at the camera. The next picture is of me, staring out the window. Well, my eyes are half open and I look like a drugged racoon because of the bags under my eyes and because I was falling asleep when he took it.

And I bet all my money that he was driving and taking this picture at the same time. Lee and his driving hazards. I shake my head.

Next one is of the view of New York City from that cliff we were on. Then a picture of me, sleeping on Lee’s shoulder with the view of the city behind us. I seem to be asleep in a lot of these pictures—my new talent. But the way he’s looking at me sends my heart into a frenzy.

The next one is a close up of me and you can see inside my nostrils and I’m drooling. Guess who’s ready to light herself on fire?

“Ew, Lee!” I say. “You creep.”

Lee looks over and sees that I’m looking through the pictures. He lets out a laugh and says, “What?”

I shake my head again and return to the pictures. The picture after that is one of him laughing at my face. The very familiar urge of wanting to punch him is twitching at my hand.

Then there’s a picture of my cake and all the food. And then one of me closing my eyes with all the food laid in front of me—when he asked me to shut my eyes. I’m smiling and my eyes are closed and the sunset behind me is beautiful and looking at the picture of me makes me feel…beautiful for once.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were taking pictures?” I ask. “This is not fair. I want to take pictures of you off guard, too.”

“Really, now?” Lee smirks. “Well, I guess I’ll keep driving…not realizing there’s a camera right there…and I’m shirtless…off guard.”

I laugh but take his hints and snap a picture. I’ve wanted to take a picture of him shirtless and driving anyways. “Please put a shirt on by the time we get back. Brent will slice you into bits.”

He smiles. “How wonderful.”

❧

We can hear the party before we can see it. There’s a literal thump you can feel as you drive by and the soft vibrations run through you. No doubt it’s one of Brent’s famous parties. He’s partied before he even knew how to walk.

“Let’s not park in front of your house,” Lee says as we drive by it. We couldn’t have parked there anyways because there are cars scattered all around the house and some even on the lawn. I’m going to kill Brent. Well, if he doesn’t kill me first.

“All right,” I say, nodding. And then I look over to Lee and see that he’s paled immensely and his hands on the steering wheel are tightly holding it. “Um, Lee, are you okay?”

He looks over at me and shoots me a smile but it’s nervous. There are few times that I see Lee looking nervous and one of the most times that I see it is when my big brother is involved. “I’m fine, haha, why wouldn’t I be?”

Yeah, Lee is definitely not fine right now.

“It’ll be fine,” I say, trying to add some cheer into my voice but it shakes at the end. I want to say that Brent’s too busy getting drunk and laid to get angry but when it involves me, Brent will snap out of it and unleash his fury in an instant. It’s going to be even more embarrassing since it’s my own birthday party and everyone I know is here.

“Of course,” Lee says, but he gulps so audibly that I can hear it. We find a parking spot a couple blocks down and as we walk hand-in-hand to my house. Lee starts to sweat.

“Deep breaths,” I remind him and he looks over, nodding. He takes a big breath and lets it out. “Brent might be wasted so it’s—”

“Well, well, well, look who decided to fucking show up!”

Brent is walking across the lawn of our house and Lee tenses. Brent’s holding a can of beer in each hand and he’s totally drunk but his anger is imminent. He’s wearing jeans and a white shirt with lipstick all over it—what a surprise. I wonder if it’s Candy’s.

“Uh, hey, Brent,” I say, giving a little wave with my unoccupied hand.

“Don’t start, Ivory, I will kick your ass to China!” I don’t know why he’s yelling. Maybe it’s the loud music or maybe because Brent is half deaf when he’s drunk.

“Okay,” I say, rolling my eyes.

Brent’s eyes wander over to Lee and he squints his eyes. “Lee, you better not be fucking shirtless right now! You best be wishing my eyes are playing tricks on me.”

Shit, I think and look over to Lee who is in fact shirtless. The wine-spilled shirt has been left in the car and how could I forget? I even reminded him.

“No way,” Lee says, his eyes wide. He looks like he’s gotten caught robbing a bank. “It’s definitely your eyes.”

Brent doesn’t stop. His eyes wander down to Lee and I holding hands. “Lee, get your fucking car-stealing hands off my sister! Ivory, quit touching that slimeball! I will decapitate both of you right now!”

I roll my eyes again. “Do you even know what that means, Brent?”

“Yeah! It means to rip you two fucking apart!”

“Um, actually—” Lee starts but then Brent glares at him.

“Did I tell you to fucking talk, Liam?” Brent says, stupidly saying the wrong name. He’s now ten times angrier. He squeezes both empty beer cans and tosses them behind him, which is funny because he will have to end up cleaning this party.

Lee stands straighter and looks down. “No, sir.”

I can’t believe my ears. Lee Richardson is backing down in front of my own brother? Who would've thought? But then again if Brent wasn’t my brother and he was as angry as he is now, I would’ve ran for the hills as well.

Brent turns to me and crosses his arms unsuccessfully. He’s so drunk he can’t even move his arms properly. I guess that runs in the family. “Ivory, where the hell have you been all day? And why was this dick in your bed this morning?” He steps closer and sniffs me. “Ivory…why the fuck do you smell like alcohol?” He’s screaming at me now.

“Calm down, Brent,” I say. It’s funny because just yesterday Brent himself offered to let me drink some alcohol. I let go of Lee’s hand and hold my hands up in surrender. “I can explain. Just calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! I am fucking calm! I am a fucking delighted little ballerina, in fact!” I want to kick my brother in the balls.

“It’s—it’s my fault, Brent. I bought the alcohol,” Lee explains, trying to be the hero. But, dear Lee, you’ve made the wrong mistake.

“You what?” Brent’s head is about to pop open. He’s grabbing Lee before I even know what’s going on and then there’s a punch and a lot of noises. “You fucking asshole! Are you trying to corrupt my sister?”

I am running over to the two boys. Brent’s on top of Lee and he’s about to swing again and I hold his wrist. I knee Brent’s head and he falls to the side for a moment, letting the pain disappear.

“Lee!” I check his face and I see blood. I hold him by his arms and usher him up. “Right now, I want you to run in the house and get lost as possible, okay? Meet me back whenever you can. I’ll be in my room.”

He’s completely out of it and he’s looking around, his eyes rolling back to his head twice. “Ivory? Is that you?”

Well, that isn’t good.

I grab his shoulders and shake him. “Lee! If you want to survive at the moment, then I’m going to need you to run, okay? You wanna fight for me? Run! Now!”

Lee’s eyes focus on me and he nods though it looks like he needs to go to the hospital. “Okay, okay, meet you in a while?”

I nod and he’s gone, running into the swarms of bodies oozing out of our house. How many people did Brent even invite? Like I said, this party was probably more for his interests. But I think I know deep down that this is Brent’s way of coping with what’s happening to our mom.

Brent’s still on the ground but he’s on his back, staring up at the sky.

I lower myself on the grass and sit by him. I shake his arm. “Are you okay as well?” I don’t want my brother to get a concussion because of my knee.

He looks over at me, smiling in a goofy way. “You think I scared him off for good?” Brent pulls himself up so he’s sitting with me.

“Yes,” I say, smiling at my brother as well. “You still mad at me?”

“Yes and no,” he replies. Brent looks around the ground and finds a bottle of beer and doesn’t even check if it’s his or not but takes a swig of it. I flinch. It could be invested with tons of diseases or someone else’s saliva but he just drinks. “You know I’m just trying to look out for you, right? You’re my little kid sis.”

I lean my head on his shoulder. “I know.”

Brent’s been the dad I’ve never really had. All the things dads are supposed to do—chase off any kind of boys, yell at you when you’re wearing an outfit too short—Brent’s done it all. He’s a great brother even if he does get on my nerves. Maybe he parties too much and swears too often and treats women horribly, but I can’t imagine anyone else as my brother and I wouldn’t want to either.

“But if I see him again, I will castrate him.”

“Good to know,” I say. The ground is vibrating under us. “Where’s Candy?”

“Probably inside.” My brother is suddenly tense.

“You like her, don’t you?” I prod. Brent’s trying really hard to look like he doesn’t care but I know he does because he’s biting the insides of his cheeks and he only does that when he’s nervous. And he’s never nervous about a girl.

“Ew, gross, no, get off,” he says quickly. He shrugs me off his shoulder and gets up. “I’m going back in, okay? Stay safe and stay away from Liam.”

“Jesus, Brent, it’s Lee,” I inform him, standing as well. But by the time the words are out of my mouth, Brent has turned and talks to some boys by the door.

Deciding it’s probably safe to go retrieve Lee now, I walk inside of the house. I regret it immediately because the smell of pot is everywhere and you can smell body odor and sweat everywhere. I hold my nose as I walk through. There’s intense rap over the speakers and everyone’s jumping around like some cult.

Boys are doing keg stands and girls are on tables dancing and I’m wondering if this is actually my house and not a strip club. I usually stay in my room during one of Brent’s outrageous parties and everyone knows it’s an off limits place.

At the staircase, Karen is there.

I expect it to be awkward or maybe even tense. I expect her to say something bitchy or glare at me or something. But all she does is nod at me like people do and I find myself nodding back at her. We’re not friends but I guess we’re not enemies anymore either.

And that’s fine with me.

I walk by her and head upstairs to my room. The druggies are on the steps of the stairs all smoking and passing around a joint and I almost want to choke them all like they’re choking me with the heavy smell. Mom would kill me if she was here. I feel my heart squeeze and try not to go down that path of dark thoughts.

I put up the Off Limits sign on my door and slip inside my room, closing the door. Lee’s not here yet but I jump onto my bed, relaxing. I’ve missed my bed even though I saw it in the morning.

It reminds me of Lee and I’s late night conversation and I grin.

I decide to get out of my clothes and get into some sweats because I am ready to crawl into bed and sleep. But when I’m pantless with just a t-shirt and underwear on me, the door rattles open. At first, I grin because it’s probably Lee, but it’s not.

It’s Peter.

He stumbles in, tripping. Peter’s never been good with alcohol. But it’s kind of a shock to see Peter because when I see him, I feel nothing. No erratic heartbeat, no anger, no jealousy—nothing.

“You okay?” I say, walking over to him. I help him stand, taking his arms.

Peter looks up at me, grinning sloppily. “I heard you werre heeere,” he slurs and he holds onto my arms. His eyes wander to my legs and underwear. His face turns red and he’s stuttering. “I-I-Ivory.”

I look down, blushing. I back away from him. “Sorry,” I say and turn around to find the pants that I was about to put on but I’m stopped. By Peter.

He’s hugging me.

His arms are around my shoulders and his chest is pressed against my back. He smells like alcohol and too much cologne. My nose is itchy just smelling him. And I don’t feel uncomfortable with him so close so when I try to pull away, he only hugs me tighter.

I am praying Lee doesn’t walk in.

“Please let me go, Peter. I don’t want to fight you,” I say, gently pushing his arms away. He’s drunk and he’d end up more hurt than me.

“Ivory,” he repeats. He pushes his face into my hair and he takes a deep breath. The whole thing starts to creep me out. “Ivory, I thought you liked me.”

I freeze. I had not been expecting a confrontation like this, ever. Peter knew of my feelings for him? Why did he never say anything? Probably because of Karen, I bet.

“Please get off me,” I repeat, louder this time. “Karen would be upset if she saw us like this. I don’t want to cause any misunderstandings.” I don’t mention Lee would probably lose his head as well.

“Karen and I broke up,” Peter explains as if just by saying that I’ll run into his arms and tell him I love him or something. “After you punched me that day, Karen ended it. You said something to her, didn’t you?”

I remember that day. Karen had been crying in the auditorium and I had punched Peter in front of his class because he had been cheating on her or something. I remember feeling that I hadn’t dropped Peter and Karen for them to end up breaking up.

“It doesn’t matter, Ivory,” Peter says. “I love you only. It’s always been you. But you never told me how you felt and I eventually gave up. And then Karen asked me out and I thought it was a perfect opportunity to make you jealous. Then I would break up with her and it’d be normal. But then you and Karen didn’t talk and you barely looked at me anymore. Why, Ivory? I love you.”

His hold tightens and it’s crushing my chest.

“Let me go!” I’m yelling now. He’s really pissed me off now.

“No!” he shouts back. “Love me, Ivory. Love me, I love you.”

“Shut the fuck up!” I yell and then I bring my arm up and elbow him in the ribs. He gasps and he backs up and eventually falls over a pile of clothes. For once, my messy room has come in handy. I always knew it would.

He’s on the ground, staring up at me with anger and desperation.

“Listen, prick,” I say. “You had your chance! Before, I was basically walking around with a ‘I love Peter’ banner on my forehead. You knew it, too! But well, guess what, Peter? Feelings aren’t meant to be played with. I don’t give a damn if you love me or love yourself or love President Obama! I can’t believe you used Karen to make me jealous. That’s low! I always thought Karen was the enemy and I thought she was horrible, but I guess it was also you.”

There’s tears in my eyes. I don’t know why. Whenever I’m angry and I’m yelling, tears just flow out like a waterfall. It also feels good to let it out—everything I felt for the last stupid years in high school.

“Now, I have no feelings for you, all right?” I say. “I’m with someone else who doesn’t treat people like complete shit! People have feelings, Peter. Maybe not you, but everyone else does. God help you and your shitty ways.” My hair falls in front of my face and I push it back. “This is goodbye. I hope I never have to see you again or I swear I will punch you in the face again.”

I add in a good hair flip and I’m walking across the room for the door. It would’ve been a good exit and I would’ve looked cool but my hand is yanked back.

Peter has a grip on me and it actually hurts. “What’d you say, you little bitch? Just because you can throw a couple punches, quit walking around like you own the damn world. You’re just angry that Karen got a piece of me, and not you. You love me deep down and it’s eating you alive.”

I turn back at him. “Wrong, wrong, and wrong.” I try to yank my hand back but it doesn’t work. “Let me fucking go or I will scream bloody murder.”

Peter smirks and it’s a new look on him. It doesn’t match his usual innocent looking face. Jeez, how did I fall for this chimpanzee?

“Go ahead,” he says. “Nobody will hear you over the music. Scream your lungs out, Ivory, but it’s only me and you right now. Quit acting high and mighty. Compared to me, you aren’t anything but a stupid fucking peasant! I’m basically king over you. Just admit you love me.”

I sigh and shut my eyes. I count to ten before opening them again. “Get it through your thick skull, Peter! I don’t love you! Karen doesn’t love you! That’s what happens when you fuck with people’s feelings!”

“Ivory, you little—”

The door slams open and there’s Lee.

He looks angrier than ever. His jaw is clenched and his lips are a thin line and his fists are closed tightly. I notice his bleeding lip from Brent’s punch but it looks like all Lee wants to do right now is blow something up.

“Lee,” I breathe. “I can handle this.”

His eyes wander to me and they soften. Lee walks to me and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I know, baby. I heard the whole thing. I was going to let you kick his ass but obviously this dumbass can’t understand what you’re saying.”

“No, really, I’m fine—”

“What the fuck is he?” Peter interrupts, getting angry that someone’s butting in.

Lee’s cold gaze is back and it’s on Peter. Lee’s hand slides to my back and he holds my waist gently. “Get your filthy hand off her.”

Peter only grips me tighter. “I can touch her if I want. You’re not the damn boss—”

And then Peter’s on the floor and he’s holding his jaw.

“I’ve wanted to do that since I heard the conversation,” Lee mutters under his breath, rubbing his right hand. He walks up to Peter on the floor. “Listen, what’s your name again? Peter? Listen, Peter, if you’re the king than I am god. Pull this again and I will destroy you. You think you’re all high and mighty for forcing a girl to tell you she loves you? Get a grip. Next time you approach Ivory, why don’t you become a man that could ever deserve her first?”

Lee lowers himself so he’s eye to eye with Peter. “I would say more things and maybe punch you again but a lion doesn’t fight with his dinner. And take my advice, you’re going to need it.”

And then Lee stands again to his full height. He’s pulled on his white office shirt from before and the first buttons are undone. He extends a hand and asks, “Do you wish to leave, Ivory?”

I look over to Peter and then back to Lee and nod. “Yes.”

As we leave, Karen is standing at my door with a red plastic cup in her hand. She’s staring at Peter in disgust, shaking her head. All of a sudden, this all feels stupid. Karen and I gave up our long friendship over a bag of potatoes like Peter.

So as Lee holds my hand and we walk out, I smile at Karen.

She smiles back.

wow, Peter just fucked himself over :))

anyways, aren't u glad u don't have to wait a year for my updates any more? i'm a changed woman i tell u. and i'm going to be even more changed after tonight. i'm seeing my babes and for those who don't know i am obsessed with boy bands and one direction and 5 seconds of summer. but pls don't judge me because i listen to them because i listen to other music as well. like that's stupid. if you don't want people insulting the indie rock side of the music spectrum, don't insult the pop side either. not that 5sos is pop, ahah. okay, i'm rambling because i'm so excited and i can't sleep and it's 2am. why do i always update so late, jesus??? anyways, hope u all like this chappie. there's more danger up ahead. i have to get up at 7, ugh. that's like the crack of dawn.

if anyone is going to be at the aug 8th show, pls tweet me at @indiecigars i would love to meet all of u ♥