Chapter 39: 38.

Yibo's pov~

It was a peaceful sleep. I woke up in Zhan's arms.

I looked at Zhan, who was still in deep sleep. I gently kissed his forehead and untangled his arms around me before I got up from bed.

I took a shower, and decided to make some breakfast. After I had made the breakfast, I decided to check some emails, so I took the laptop and opened it, however I soon realized that it was Zhan's laptop.  The email section was already opened on his laptop, I was about to close it when I saw my name.

Curiosity got the best of me as I looked at my name in the draft email and I saw hundreds of emails written to me, they were addressed to my old email id that I had made for fun in school.

One by one, I had opened those emails and started to read them.

Zhan had written a lot of things in those emails. In some emails, he was sad, in some he was angry at me for leaving, in some emails he was cursing me, and in some he was apologising for cursing.

In some emails he was begging for me to come back, in some emails he was sharing about his success, emails about his first day at college, his graduation, his right with Jessie, Jessie stealing his software, the establishment of Neonex.

Emails on his birthday, my birthdays, and the day I had left him, they were all there, he had remembered me on all the special days, on the normal days.

~~

Dear Yibo,

Where did you go? Where did you vanish without a word? Do you know how many nights I've stayed awake, waiting for something—anything from you? Do you even realize how much I miss you?

It feels like my heart is being ripped apart piece by piece, every single day that you're not here.  It hurts, Yibo. It hurts in ways I don't even know how to put into words.

Please come back. I don't care where you've been, I don't care why you left—I just want you here. Without you, everything feels so unbearably heavy. The world is the same, but nothing feels right. Food doesn't taste the same. The days stretch endlessly, and nights are worse—because that's when I let myself think of you the most.

I don't know if you'll ever read this. I don't even know if you care. But if you do... if even a small part of you misses me the way I miss you... please, Yibo. Please come back.

I don't need an explanation. I don't need anything—just you.

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

Zhan.

~~

Subject: YOU SELFISH BASTARD

Yibo,

You son of a bitch. You motherfucker. Where the fuck are you?!

How dare you leave me when I needed you the most? How could you just walk away without a word, without even looking back? Do you even care what you left behind? Do you even care what you did to me?

I trusted you. I fucking trusted you with everything I had, and you just—left. Like I was nothing.

You selfish fucking coward.

Do you know what it's been like for me? Do you know what I went through? Of course, you don't. You weren't fucking there. You were gone—while I was breaking, while I was drowning, while I was screaming for you in my head every single night.

I hate you, Yibo. I hate you for making me believe you'd always be there. I hate you for letting me think I wasn't alone, only to rip that away from me like it meant nothing.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's not like you'll read it. It's not like you give a shit.

But if you ever do—if you ever remember what we had and feel even a fraction of the pain I feel—then good. You deserve it.

Fuck you, Yibo.

Fuck you for leaving me.

Fuck you for making me love you.

Zhan

~~

Subject: I'm Sorry...

Hey,

I don't even know if you'll ever read this. Maybe you've blocked me. Maybe you delete my emails without opening them. Maybe you don't care at all. But I have to say this anyway.

I'm sorry for what I wrote before. I didn't mean a word of it, I swear. I was just angry—angry at you, at myself, at everything. But mostly, I was just hurt. I don't hate you, Yibo. I never could.

It's just... it's so fucking hard.

I thought I'd adjust to this new place, that maybe it would feel like home eventually. But it doesn't. It never does. My grandfather hates me. I know it. He doesn't say it out loud, but I see it in the way he looks at me—like I don't belong here, like I'm an outsider in my own family. And maybe I am.

It's a new year, and my aunt is off on a family vacation with her husband and kids. My uncle went to some party—one of my grandfather's client's events—because it's his family's place to be there. Cheng went too. Everyone went. Everyone but me. Because my grandfather didn't want me there.

So here I am, alone. Again. Missing you.

I've been studying for my college entrance exams. Guess which college I'm aiming for? Hazelwood Academy. The place you always dreamed of. I don't even know if I want it, but I want to at least try.

I just keep thinking... if you were here, we could have gone together. We could have figured things out side by side, just like we always planned. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel so empty. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel like I was just existing instead of living.

I miss you, Yibo.

I don't even know who I am without you anymore.

Zhan.

~~

Subject: I MADE IT!!!

Yibo!

I GOT IN! HOLY SHIT, I GOT IN!!!

Hazelwood Academy—I actually made it! I just checked the results, and I still can't believe it. My hands are shaking as I type this, and I think I might be grinning like an idiot, but I don't care because I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY!

And you—you were the first person I wanted to tell. The first person I needed to tell. I wish you were here right now. I can already picture it—you'd give me that huge, beaming smile, the one that always made everything feel okay, and then you'd pull me into the tightest hu,. Then, of course, you'd insist we go out and celebrate.

God, I wish you were here.

It's not the same without you, Yibo. But still... I did it. We did it.

Wherever you are, I hope you're proud of me.

Zhan.

~~

Subject: It's My Birthday... But It Doesn't Matter.

Yibo,

Today is my birthday. I'm sure you know.

Not that it matters. Not anymore.

I know this email will never reach you. I know you'll never read it. But I just need to say this—I miss you. I miss you so fucking much that some days, I don't even know how to breathe.

I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. How can I, when this is the day I lost you? When this is the day you turned away from me and walked out of my life? That memory is burned into me—your last smile, the way you looked at me like you wanted to say something but didn't. And then... you were gone. Just like that.

I wish I had known. I wish I had stopped you. I wish I had run after you, grabbed you, held you so tightly that you couldn't leave.

You know what my biggest regret is? Not hugging you that day. Not looking you in the eyes and telling you that I love you.

I wish you had trusted me back then, trusted me enough to tell me what you were going through. I wish I had paid more attention. Maybe if I had just asked how you were doing, if I had listened instead of pulling away, if I had been the friend you deserved—maybe things would have been different. Maybe you wouldn't have left. Maybe you would still be here.

But all I have now are regrets, and they fucking hurt.

I love you, Yibo. I love you. And I don't know if I'll ever stop.

Your absence is like an open wound, one that will never heal no matter how much time passes.

Please, if you're out there, if you're alive, if you still remember me even a little—come back to me.

Please.

Zhan.

~~

Subject: Am I a Fool, Yibo?

Yibo,

How are you? Are you alive? Are you safe? Are you happy?

Do you even remember me?

Do you miss me the way I miss you? Or have I become nothing more than a distant, faded memory—someone you once knew, someone you've long since left behind?

I wish I could hear your voice just once, to know that you're okay. Because I'm not okay. Not without you.

Jessie has made my life a living hell. He never stops laughing at me, calling me pathetic for waiting for you, making a joke of me in front of our so-called friends. He says I'm a lovesick idiot, a desperate fool clinging to the ghost of someone who will never return.

An orphan. A naive, stupid country bumpkin who got played.

An idiot who doesn't value his friendship, a useless leech on his family.

I fought with him. With all of them. And now, I have no friend.

But even after everything, even after every cruel word, every doubt they've planted in my mind—I still believe in you. I still trust you.

But Yibo, sometimes it's hard. So fucking hard.

Will you really come back? Or am I just some ridiculous joke, the fool of the century, the pathetic boy who waited for someone who was never going to return?

I don't care. Even if the whole world laughs at me, even if everyone calls me a fool—I will still wait for you. I will hold onto your words, to that letter, to the promise you made.

Maybe this is my test. Maybe this is my punishment—for the way I treated you back then, for the things I said, for not seeing how much you were suffering. If this pain is what I have to endure, then so be it.

But even if this wait breaks me, even if it destroys me piece by piece—I will wait for you.

Because I love you.

I love you, Yibo.

Zhan.

~~

Subject: I Did It, Yibo!

Yibo,

How are you, love? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you still chasing your dreams the way we always talked about?

I wish I could hear your voice right now because I have something amazing to tell you.

I finally got funding for my start-up! Neonex is happening!

Can you believe it? My grandfather did everything he could to stop it—he tried to turn my uncle and aunt against me, convincing them that I was just chasing some foolish dream. But they fought for me, they fought for me, and in the end, they not only gave me the money but also found other investors. It's real, Yibo. It's finally real.

This is huge. This is everything.

And the first person I wanted to tell... was you.

Because if you were here, I know exactly what you'd do. You'd flash me that stupid, breathtaking smile, pull me into a hug so tight I'd struggle to breathe, and then you'd drag me out to celebrate—no excuses, no backing out. You'd be proud of me, wouldn't you?

God, I wish you were here.

Because even with all this success, even with all this excitement, it still feels like something is missing. Like someone is missing.

I miss you, Yibo.

But wherever you are, I hope you're proud of me.

Zhan

~~

Subject: Happy Birthday, My Love

Yibo,

Happy Birthday, darling.

You're twenty-six today. Twenty-six. Another year older, another year away from me.

How are you? Are you happy today? Are you celebrating? Are you surrounded by people who love you? Or are you alone, just like I am?

If you were here, I wouldn't let you spend a single second of today without knowing how much you are loved. I'd take you to the most beautiful restaurant, book the entire place if I had to, just so you could have the best night of your life. I'd order the biggest chocolate cake—your favorite, of course—and I'd watch the way your eyes light up when you take the first bite.

And after that, whatever you wanted—anything, Yibo. If you asked me to dance, I would. If you wanted to sit under the stars and talk for hours, I would. If you just wanted silence, if you just wanted me beside you, I would.

I would do anything for you.

But you're not here. And I'm left wishing, like I do every year, that things were different.

Maybe next year. Maybe your next birthday, we'll finally celebrate together. Maybe next year, I'll get to see you smile again.

Wherever you are, I hope today is beautiful. I hope, for at least a moment, you feel loved.

Because I love you, Yibo. More than words, more than distance, more than time itself.

Zhan.

~~

Author's note: So only a few chapters left, I love this story, because this one helped me overcome my writer's block.

Would you guys like me to write about Yibo's past as well? Like how he passed those ten years?