Helena gasped and woke up in her bed. Her heart was beating fast while her body was covered in cold sweat. After the poisoning incident in Concubine Elena's place, Helena kept having reoccurring nightmares. She could not forget her villainy in her second life.
Perhaps it was the curse of carrying her memories. Helena might bore no consequences of her past. Everything returned to the beginning as her villainous act never existed. Everyone went on with their life as if nothing happened except her. She could forget her previous life, yet she could not. Helena did not know how she coped with this guilt. Why did she do it? Was power, wealth and vanity blinded her that much?
"Lady Blackmoore?"
Eric Taupe's snapped Helena from her thought. His superior had stood without moving for minutes. Helena went to the church this morning as part of her routine. Right now, she was standing in front of the orphanage. Visiting the place when she had a problem was not a good idea.
"My Lady, are you all right?"
"I am good, just lacking sleep."
"Lady Blackmoore!"
Jeremy and Lilian ran toward her. Helena pulled sweets from her pouch. "Here are some candies. Share it with other kids, okay."
The children smiled at her. "Thank you!"
Helena's body was quivering. She saw the shadow of Second Life Lilian behind her. The sight of a little girl who lost her father cried alone at a funeral and cursed her under the drizzling rain.
"Lady Blackmoore!"
Sister Mary was shaking her body. Helena realized she had been spacing out.
"Are you all right? I keep calling your name, but you do not hear me."
"I am sorry, Sister Mary. I don't feel well today."
"You should rest at home today instead of coming here. Don't force yourself."
Helena's face was dark. The old nun sighed and sat her down on the bench. "Is there a problem, Lady Blackmoore?"
"No. I am fine! I-" Helena was hesitating and biting her lip. Was it proper to tell Sister Mary about her struggle? The nun smiled gently and touched her hand.
"Lady Blackmoore. You help us without expecting any reward. This time, please let us help you."
Helena felt tears drop down her cheek. When was the last time she spoke about her issue? She had buried this feeling for a long time. Helena was crying until her tears dried up. After she was calm, she began to tell her story.
"Sister Mary, do you believe in the second chance?"
"I do."
"It is my friend. What if she was given a chance to change her destiny but wasted it by doing awful things?"
The old nun knew Helena was talking about herself. She decides to pay no mind to it. "Hmm. Does that person regret their action?"
"Yes."
"Then I say it is fine. We humans are bound to make mistakes, Lady Blackmoore. What matters is whether we reflect on it or not. We must learn from it and move on. Dwelling on your flaws will make everything worse. The only thing we can do is try to find peace and atone for our sin."
Atonement.
Perhaps it was the reason Helena received her third life. Sister Mary was right. Helena might be a villainess in her second life, but she reflected on her mistake. Thinking about her past victim would not change anything. Helena felt the burden on her shoulder a bit lighter now.
"Thank you, Sister Mary. Your words are assuring me."
She sighed. "I hope Whitesmithe can learn one or two things from you."
"Whitesmithe? What happens to him?"
Sister Mary had a bitter smile on her face. "Whitesmithe has been locking himself in his room. He would not tell me anything."
Helena remembered Siegfried. She never heard anything from him after leaving Paradise Star. Perhaps Adham's sadness was related to his guardian. Helena must know the aftermath of the Sabbath.
"Do you mind if I meet him?"
"It might be dangerous, Lady Blackmoore. He is a good kid but does not control his temper well."
"Don't worry. I might be like this, but I am pretty agile. I will be fine."
Sister Mary smiled gently toward her. She allowed Helena to see Adham and led her to his room. Adham lived separated from the rest of the orphanage children. There was not much living space, so he stayed in the attic.
Sister Mary knocked on the door. Adham replied to any visitors by yelling.
"GET AWAY."
"Whitesmithe, Lady Blackmoore is here to meet you."
Helena heard a loud thump inside the room as someone fell from the bed.
"My- my room is not tidy!"
"I won't stay for a long time. My carriage will come in an hour."
Adham opened the door abruptly. His face was red like a tomato. He did not expect Helena to visit him. That young man scratched his head and allowed her to enter the room. Adham was lying about his messy room since it barely had any furniture. There was a bed, a bedside, a wardrobe, a desk and a chair. Some books lie on the table. It was a small and cold place, but Adham remodelled it into a comfy bedroom.
"I will be downstairs if you need me." Sister Mary dashed to the first floor, leaving Adham and Helena alone.
"OLD HAG, COME BACK HERE!"
Helena had already familiarized herself with the room. Most books were fairy tales for children, and some were fictional novels. He had some difficult books to read about how to look or trace for clues. The thickest book in that room was his journal investigation. Adham must take a lot of jobs.
"What-what if anyone finds out? Single man and woman should not be together!"
"Whitesmithe, no one knows you live in here. People think I visit the orphanage as usual."
"But... what if I am doing anything to you."
Helena chuckled and pulled out her whip. "You can try."
"... Sorry, ma'am."
Helena pulled the chair and sat on it while Adham sat across her on his bed. There was an awkward silence between them. Adham broke the ice by making the first conversation. "So... Why do you come here?"
"I heard you have a problem from Sister Mary."
Adham clicked his tongue. "Tch. That Old Hag cannot mind her own business."
"Is it about Siegfried?"
Adham gazed at her with a stunned expression. Helena just hit the nail right on his heart. His face became gloomy and dark. Adham finally spoke with a croaky voice.
"Siegfried was arrested... He..."
Adham could not finish his sentence, but he forced himself to continue.
"He is involved with Paradise Star."
Helena was shocked to receive the news. She never expected Siegfried to surrender. Was he arrested the night when he helped her? Why did he submit instead of escaping from that place?
"I just received information from a knight. Siegfried wants to see me before his execution."
She closed her eyes for a moment. Mr. Siegfried's words now held a significant meaning in her mind. That man predicted his demise would come and entrusted Adham to her. However, Helena did not understand why it should be her.
He buried his face down on his knee. There was disappointment in his croaky voice. "I was foolish man to trust him."
"I'm sure he has his own reason..."
"I helped him, Blackmoore!" He shouted with tears down on his cheek. "This whole time, I have been helping a murderer! Did he deceive me this whole time? The talk about justice was it all just bullshit?!"
Helena could not find the right word to subside his anger and grief. Adham then realized he lashed out at her from rage. He covered his face in shame. "I'm sorry."
Helena was silent. She could hear his sniffles next to her side. Helena wanted to touch him, telling him everything would be all right. However, they were nothing but an acquaintance who met each other in this timeline. Their path might be crossed, but they did not have a deep relationship. The current Adham was not her lover nor her friend.
Helena did not stay anything and remained next to his side. It was the only thing she could do for him.
They stayed silent until her carriage arrived. Helena left the place and returned home. When she stepped down from her carriage, Helena saw people gathered in front of her mansion. One of the officers walked forward and spoke to her.
"Helena Blackmoore, you are under arrest for involvement with Paradise Star."