Chapter 33: Chapter 32

Kristal Anderson

There's so much you don't know Kristal and deep down I hope you never find out, for your own sake.

His words were doing laps in my mind and sending me down a dangerous spiral. The world around me had gone completely silent, only his words played over and over again leaving a ringing sensation behind.

My head whipped in all directions in search for him and my legs began to move, running in the direction that he had disappeared into. But he was no where in sight. It was like he had vanished, taking with him any possibility of getting closure on what truly happened.

I could feel myself spiralling out of control as panic set deep within my core at the possibility of never finding out what his words meant and a collection of symptoms that I was far too familiar with hit me all at once.

No no no not here.

I silently begged my stupid brain, that was headed towards the edge of the cliff with no plan of turning back, to stop, to quiet down. But deep down I knew that I was too far gone.

The first round of chest pains hit me harder than I had anticipated, causing me to stop in my tracks hold onto the closest tree for support. My now trembling hand slowly lifted to my chest that I gripped with all my might as if that would make the pain go away and clear the way for air through.

No no no not here. I couldn't be having a panic attack in public.

One look around at all of the people who would be witnessing me in such a vulnerable state only sent another wave of that agonizing pain through my chest that had me gasping. And gasping. And gasping for air that my body seemed to be repelling.

This was it. This was how I died.

I rested my whole back against the tree trunk for additional support before sliding down until I met the ground.

My thoughts had veered away from the possibility of never finding him and never knowing the truth to the complete fool I was making of myself in front of everyone, because in my head all eyes were on me in that moment. Everyone was watching and that thought only sent me into a faster more twisted spiral.

My hands balled into tight fists, my nails digging deep into the flesh of my palm. A sharp pain shot through me, providing a momentary relief.

My vision was going in and out of focus and I was already preparing myself for the worst, I was going to pass out– or die– any moment. My mind was loud, so incredibly loud, my thoughts were interlinking with one another where one started and the other ended was becoming harder and harder to tell.

Our divorce had nothing to do with–

Everyone's watching

You're making a fool out of yourse–

You'll never know the truth

Every one is watching you

I can't breat–

Everyone is looking

There's so much you don't know Kristal and deep down–

They're watchin–

I hope you never find out, for your own sake.

I brought my hands to my ears in an attempt to muffle the noise that was coming from within.

"No no no, stop it," I mumbled.

A tall blurry shadow lowered itself right in front of me, I was too disoriented to tell who it was. I couldn't tell if they were trying to talk to me, everything was a blurry mess.

Their hands reached out to me and I searched for the strength to push them away but I came up short. Physical contact during a panic attack always sent me into a bigger spiral. I lost count of the number of times Aunt Jenna hugged me when I was younger during an attack in hopes of making me feel better but instead ended up making everything so much worst.

But this was different.

The hands that I was now positive belonged to a man rested gently on top of mine as he cupped my cheeks and a strange feeling shot through me. Usually when I had a panic attack, I would just have to ride it out, let my body beside when it had had enough.

But the moment his hands came in contact with my skin, it was like a fire within me was being extinguished right before my eyes. It wasn't anything drastic but after feeling like I was suffocating for God knows how making minutes, it was like I was being pulled up to the surface for a breath of fresh air.

I was still a gasping, trembling, sweating mess but that sliver of air that entered my lungs allowed me to focus on a very important detail. The softness of his hand, how tender his grip was. From that detail alone, I knew exactly who it was.

Aiden.

I took my time taking slow long blinks in an attempt to regain control over my vision. His thumbs moved back and forth against my skin in a soothing matter and I found myself melting against his touch.

The world around me was slowly beginning to spin on its axis again and all senses were coming back to me. I finally opened my eyes to stare up at him, he looked like he was going to be sick with worry but the moment our eyes finally met, his gaze softened.

"That's it, come back to me baby," Those were the first words I heard, and it was like coming back from the dead while the most beautiful melody was played around you.

I couldn't help but throw myself at him, my arms around his neck I hugged him like my life depended on it. His arms were quick to respond by wrapping themselves around my waist and pulling me in. "Fuck, we were all so worried. You said you were going to the vending machine but you were taking so long, when the receptionist told us that she saw you leave, I couldn't help but think of the worst case scenario," He let out a long deep breath before his head moved and his face was in the crook of my neck like it always was, he breathed me in before saying,"I thought I lost you," He mumbled against my skin.

I shut my eyes monetarily. I managed to make everyone worry for me when there was no reason to. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" My voice came just above a whisper, "I really didn't mean to worry any of you, I just stupidly decided to come and buy something from one of the food stalls instead,"

He pulled back from the embrace and intertwined our fingers bringing our hands down to my lap, "But how did you get all the way here? Darling, you were balled up shaking and struggling to breathe, I need to know what put you in that state," I stared at him, my heartbeat slowly picking up again, he nodded noticing my struggle to answer that question. "It's okay. Just. . . just tell me one thing, did he hurt you?"

I shook my head, "It wasn't my dad," I reassured him. He nodded deciding not to push any further, he pulled me back into his warm embrace.

"One day," His arms wrapped me up in a warm cocoon and I rested my head on his chest wrapping my arms around his torso. "I hope to gain your trust, Darling, I want to know all your demons and I want to help you conquer them all,"

I shut my eyes and held him tighter, "I do trust you. . . with my life," I whispered and in response I felt his head dip as he planted a soft kiss on the top of my head.

We stayed like that for a while, he held me tight through the aftermath of my panic attack. In that moment I felt safe, I felt loved and at peace.

But eventually we had to pull back because Aiden had to call Thea and inform her that he'd found me since her and Cole were also in the search for me. He arm was wrapped around my waist the whole way back to our hotel room like he was scared I'd disappear if he let me go.

Our room was now empty as Thea and Cole had gone back to their respective rooms. Only once we were inside did he let go of my waist and I walked over to the bench at the end of the bed and took a seat.

His words still circled my mind, opening up was never a forté of mine. Removing that layer and allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of someone was always something that I considered humiliating. The fear of bring something for that person to worry about was enough to make me keep my mouth shut on many occasions.

"Are you still hungry, Darlin?" His words flew right past me, too caught up in my head to catch most of what he said.

"What? Sorry I didn't catch that,"

He smiled softly, "I asked if you were hungry," He came over, stood right in front of me and crossed his arms over his chest, "Kris, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

I looked up at him and smiled. I trusted him, with my whole entire life. My smile grew into a grin because I knew I had gotten lucky, he was one of the few good men left in this world and somehow he had chosen me.

I had chosen him too, that night I had chosen him, and I was choosing to give him every part of me, the good the bad and the ugly.

And I knew with all my heart that he would take good care of it.

I slowly stood from my spot, now standing right in front of him our bodies just brushing against one another. I shook my head, "No, all I want right now," I rested my hand on his chest and slid it upward slowly towards his hair. I treaded my hand through his soft hair, "is for you to make me forget,"

The look that flashed through his eyes was a delicious sight to witness, it was pure unadulterated desire. It was raw and there was an animalistic glint in his eyes that tied it all together. That was all the confirmation I needed, I used my grip on his hair to pull him down into a passionate kiss.

That night I gave him my all and he gave me his, it was a night filled with exchanges. Exchanges that united us in ways that words never could and formed a connection between us that even death itself couldn't begin break.

Our worlds collided that night.

I became his.

And he became mine.

• ° • ° • ° • ° • ° • ° •

"I'm deeply offended to see you hiding those, they contrast perfectly with your skin Darlin," I stood in front of the bathroom sink staring at my reflection in the mirror, already fully dressed in light wash jeans shorts and a black tank top. I was applying some concealer to cover up the hickeys– or art pieces as he called them– that he left on my neck and shoulders.

I rolled my eyes, "And how exactly do you expect me to look anyone in the eye with all of these plaguing my neck,"

About half an hour ago I was awakened by the feel of his soft lips on my face as he placed slow gentle kisses on my skin. It took us a good five minutes to peel ourselves from each other's hold and start getting ready. Thea had called to tell us that they were about to head to breakfast so we had no choice but to get ready.

"The same way I'll be looking at people while showing these off," He let out a chuckle turning around showcasing the clear reminders of last night; the marks that I left on him. My cheeks heated up as I grew more and more flustered at the sight of what I'd done to his back, how deep my nails had dug into his flesh.

The aftermath of last night was enough to set my body ablaze again and I enjoyed every second of it. But I played it cool, rolling my eyes I spoke, "Just go get dressed with you? We're already running late," He had just gotten out of the shower and the effects that his wet body only covered by a loose towel wrapped around his hips was  having on me was almost unbearable.

He did as he was told and left to get dressed but not before planting a cold wet kiss on my neck, when I complained that he was getting me all wet he responded with 'Wouldn't be the first time, Darlin'. I walked right into that one.

He was quick to get dressed putting on basketball shorts and a plain white shirt before we finally made it downstairs to the restaurant. It didn't take long for us to spot Thea and Cole who already looked to be arguing so early in the morning.

We walked towards them our hands intertwined– after last night, keeping our hands to ourselves wasn't exactly an option– as soon as Thea spotted us, she practically jumped from her seat and rushed to hug me. How did they have the energy?

"Gosh, you're gonna give me a heartattack one of these days," I let go of Aiden's hand to hug her back, "where the hell did you go last night?"

"I'm really sorry, I seriously did not mean to worry you," I pulled away from the embrace to get a better look at her, "I just went over to the food's stalls right around the corner," I would tell her about my encounter with uncle Greg later, not in the mood to lose my appetite.

"Don't ever do that again, you have to tell me where you are at all times young lady," She said half joking, half serious. I knew that my situation with my father absolutely terrified her.

I let out a short chuckle, "Yes mom," I nodded before turning over to our table where Cole and Aiden were talking. I took Thea's hand and we approached the table, "Cole hey, I'm really sorry about last night I did not mean to worry you guys,"

He looked up at me and nodded, "It's all good, you okay though?"

I nodded frantically, "All good," He reassured him and he nodded in response knowing that that was probably all I was getting from him.

"Come I was just about to have my second plate, gosh the pancakes are amazing," Thea cut the silence short by dragging me towards the buffet, my gaze met Aiden's and lingered on him for as long as I could, a cocky smirk lifted his expression. He knew what kind of effect he was having on me just by looking at me. "Do you have something you want to tell me young lady," She whispered beside me.

"Nope, not that I know of," I played innocent.

"Well I've got something that I want to tell you, you look like you've been shagging, you're glowing,"

I could help but laugh as we reached the buffet and picked up our plates, "Shagging? Seriously?"

"Well what do you prefer; Mating? Doing the devil's tango? Rubbing bones? Making love? Fornicating? Copulating–"

"Ew none of the above and yes we did," I had to stop her through a laugh.

She let out an excited squeal, "Finally! Oh my gosh I need like all the details," She said getting some pancakes on her plate.

"Absolutely not, you're not getting anything from me,"

Once she finished, I decided to give to give the pancakes a try getting two on my plate, "You're such a party pooper," She grabbed the spoon from the bowl of maple syrup beside the pancakes and drizzled some on hers, "Maple syrup?" She asked me, I nodded and she drizzled a spoonful on my pancakes.

"All I'm gonna say is that he's big and he knows how to use it," Her hand clasped over her mouth as she let out another squeal.

"Oh my gosh, you have no idea how happy that makes me, my best friend is finally getting some real dick," She said way louder than she realized and I had to shush her and pray that Aiden didn't hear that, "Fuck I'm sorry," She whispered, "but you deserve it–" My phone started to vibrate in my back pocket from an incoming call, I reached back to retrieve the phone and realized that it was a call from Aunt Jenna.

For some reason, a sense of unease rose and rested at the pit of my stomach at the sight of her hand, "Can you hold this? It's Aunt Jenna, I have to take this," She nodded as I handed her my plate and walked towards the door that led me out to the garden away from the busy eating area.

"A-aunt Jenna, hey,"

"Kris, dear how are you? How has everything been? Have you been safe?" Her questions came in all at once completely disorienting me.

"Fine Aunt Jenna, everything is fine and everything is so beautiful out here. The hotel is really pretty, I'll send you some photos later,"

"That would be lovely, dear. That would calm my nerves a little bit, knowing exactly where you are and where you're eating and where you're sleeping. Goddess," The words were spilling from her lips as if she were on edge, "you've been sticking to Thea right? You haven't been talking to strangers right?"

"Aunt Jenna last night I–" I stopped in my tracks, something in my gut told me not to go any further and tell her that I'd ran into her ex husband and especially not insinuate that he had planted a seed in my head. For the first time in my life, I found myself doubting Aunt Jenna's credibility.  So instead I said, "Thea and I just stayed in our room and played Uno, we're fine I promise,"

I needed to find out the truth on my own.

Thank you all for sticking around for another chapter!!! I appreciate you.

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