NOTE: Fancy seeing you here in 2017, Wattpad! What's your one-word resolution for this year? Comment that right here for me so I can see what your goals are. Mine, as it was for the remainder of last year, is "NONSTOP."
(If you follow me on Twitter, Snapchat, or Instagram, you know I got to go back home to Hamilton a few days ago. Just when you thought my obsession was dwindling down . . . IT'S BACK.)
I'll tell you more about my goals for this year after the chapter. Preview: I'M GONNA NEED YOUR HELP!
PREVIOUSLY ON THE CLASSIX: So Emeray, Chapter, and Cartney just returned from their time in Notness on set for the movie Onward Train. They ran into the other Famoux members when they got home, which went horribly. The reaction from readers is mixed. Some people are mad at Kaytee, Race, and Till for being bitter. Some people are annoyed with Chapter and Emeray for being well liked. WHAT IS THE VERDICT?!??!
EMERAY
It isn't until the morning that I run into Norax. I wasn't expecting to encounter her so early in my day, but I guess I forgot our usual morning routine, because the moment I step out of my bedroom in the morning I find her waiting for me in the same place she always did before I left for the movie set: At the end of the hallway, steps away from my door, beaming with a clipboard in her hands.
The smile on her face is knowingââtoo knowing, almost. I have no idea what it is she might know. I get nervous just at the thought of it.
"Lumerpa!"
Her voice is a roaring exclamation. I nearly jump back as she throws her arms around me, squeezing my middle so tight, her arms might wrap around me twice. The sudden display of affection comes as such a surprise that I barely have time to even think about hugging her back before she's stepped away to look at me again, wistful and watchful.
"Uh, hey," I say, wary. In contrast to hers, my voice is small, uneasy. I take a step away from her in apprehension.
She notices, but barely misses a beat. "It is so good to see you here again. You were quite missed back in the Metropolix. Shall we start our morning?"
I rest my hand onto my doorknob with hesitation, getting the urge to rush back inside to the privacy of my bedroom. I can't believe that over the last month I'd actually forgotten the extent of how much Norax loves micromanaging my lifeââeven more now since I became one of the public's key favorites. It's as if she'd rather keep the momentum going for me as much as possible instead of ever batting an eye at Kaytee or Till or Race. Worst of all, she is blatantly obvious about it; while always treating me with saccharine kindness, she's a little harsher to the others. They don't take it lightly. Playing favorites like that has only isolated me more.
Being away from Norax while filming Onward Train was an incredibly liberating time for me. Without the Analytix around, and nobody pressuring me to check my likability every other hour of the day, I somehow felt a lot calmer and a lot more in control of my life. There wasn't anybody pressuring me to smile this way, say this thing, do this to make the maximum amount of people like me. All I ever had to do on set was show up in costume and have conversations with Chapter. Granted, the conversations were scripted and done in front of dozens of people, but it was time with him that wasn't forbidden, but encouraged. Norax wasn't there to tell me I couldn't see him like she usually does.
Freeing as it felt, of course, there were moments when the freedom felt a little trapping. After all, Norax is the one who made it possible for me to be there, on that set, feeling as free as I felt. Norax is the one who makes my entire life possible. Norax is the one who makes the plans that always work out in my favor. Kaytee and Race's relationship was something Norax didn't make, and look at how poorly the world reacted to that. But Cartney and Kaytee? Cartney and I? Those were working. And she made those happen.
As much as she's hurt me, I need her. I hate having to admit it.
"Um, it's really been a while," I tell her, ignoring her request to, as she put it, start the morning. Maybe she'll somehow forget about it this time, or let me off on a break.
"A month was much too long." Norax nods. "I'm afraid you can't go off for that long anymore. It was truly unbearable." She takes my free hand in hers, shaking it fondly. Much to her dismay, I flinch.
Back when I first joined the Famoux, Norax's kinder, more softhearted side used to make me want to curl up at her lap and have her braid my hair like my mother used to. But after everything she's done to me, and everything I've found out, it's gotten significantly harder for me to consider that way anymore.
She is my manager. She is in the business of of making me the world's business. And while she's told me time and time again that she always has my "best interest" at heart, I can't help but constantly wonder what kind of ulterior motive she might be hiding away in her remarks and her actions. Is there another career move, another contract bubbling under the surface? And when is she going to make me come face to face with her . . . with her son again?
Just looking at the bright smile on Norax's face too long causes the resemblance to come flooding back in. She might not share his brown hair and brown eyes, but there's the similar curve of her nose, and the way the bones in her cheeks and jaw jut out clean and sharp. Suddenly I see the smile Carstan van Horne gave to me when shaking my hand at Bree's galaââtoo wide, too exact, too knowing.
Dread creeps up in the pit of my stomach, and I step away from her all together, eyes falling to the ground beneath us. How had I never seen the similarities before? How had I gone so long not knowing that the person who brought me up also mothered the person who broke me down in the first place?
"Lumerpa," she says softly. "Please."
But there's a hint of frustration in her tone, bubbling just under the surface. This wouldn't be the first time I've reacted this way to her. In fact, I'm almost always this hesitant around her now. I think she's beginning to get fed up by it, especially since she believes that I'm only upset about the whole contract situation, which undoubtedly has only made me more powerful in terms of devotees. In her eyes, that should be more than enough to make me forgive her for the breaking Chapter and I up, throwing me into a deal with Cartney, and damaging my relationship with Kaytee and Race. The fans are happy, right? What does it matter if I am?
What she doesn't know is that I'm upset about a bit more than just the contract. At least, she lets off that she doesn't know. That night when Norax found me for the first time feels like it happened centuries ago, and I can barely remember whether or not she even saw her son tormenting me at all. Maybe I imagined that.
"I'm okay," I whisper. "I'm sorry."
"That's completely all right, dear," she assures, patting my shoulder. She forces her voice to be casual and friendly, but it sounds too strained. "I'm just glad I caught you this morningââI was actually coming up to check if you were awake."
"You were?"
"I was wondering how the filming went. Everything all right?"
"Uh, yeah, it went wellââ"
Norax gestures to her clipboard, talking over me entirely. "Speaking of things going well . . . I was actually just checking everyone's stats from the Analytix, and you're doing absolutely wonderful. Couldn't be better, really."
She shows me the stats. My likability is at 88 percent, which is exactly the same percent I had the first time I ever checked the Analytix.
We're back at the start, yet so far from it.
"Oh, good."
"Now, if only the others could get such reviews, am I right?" She nudges at me teasingly, and I get the urge to throw up.
"They're trying their best," I manage.
"Their best simply doesn't compare to you."
I don't like the way she's looking at meââlike I'm this shining beacon of light and the rest of her world is full of darkness. I look down at the floor for the second time in this conversation, feeling self-conscious. There's too much pressure on me, too much dependence that I keep the beacon well-lit and kindled in everything I do or say. A part of me wants to remind her that a lumerpa is only an ancient legendââthat I can't actually absorb all the shadows around me like she thinks I can.
"You've got a truly magical way with the fans nowadays," Norax continues. "Why don't we start our little morning and see just how much they love you?"
"All right."
She leads me down the usual hallways. Every turn and step seems so calculated at this point in my life here. I could walk to this room with my eyes closed.
The air gets more still and sterile the closer we get to the room. Norax puts the proper code into the keypad by the door, illuminating it green. Just like that the door opens, greeting me with the same stark white lights I've grown used to. I take it inââthe computers and other gadgets I don't know much about lined up and down the walls on one side of the room, and the completely bare other side enclosed by glass.
The Analytix. My, has it been a while.
I move wordlessly to the glass side, taking a seat at the metal stool in the center. Norax assumes her position on the computer side, starting up the devices for the morning. Several papers and colorful graphs begin to flood the screens as the first voice creeps in. It's animated and exact, the telltale signs of a newscaster.
". . . back from a long trip to Notness. What were they doing? Let's hear more about this from our Notness offices. What do you guys think?"
"Well, take a look at these photos we've accumulated over the month. Judging by the grainy view of some trailers, it's pretty clear Emeray and Chapter were indeed on a movie set. We don't have too much information about the film itself as of now. But with so much star power in one movie, we can hardly wait for it."
"Oh, neither can we. It looks like Emeray is really embracing a bigger career as an actress, isn't she?"
"It looks like it. We get to see her debut soon in the film Algus & Alondra, which also stars . . ." A mixture of a laugh and a groan comes out of the reporter's mouth. "Calsifer Race. The man who ruined her boyfriend's last relationship. How awkward is that?"
As the reporters laugh together about it, their voices fade into a new conversation between a two friends.
"Ugh, that movie is going to be so good."
"I know! What is it?"
"I can't find anything about it yet! I'm looking, I'm looking."
"And look at this! Cartney was on set too! Do you think he's going toââ"
The other friend gasps, realizing something. "Oh my god, do you think he's going to have a cameo somewhere in it?"
"Ah!"
The bulk of reviews I hear in the Analytix go this way. People speculate what the movie is going to be like, share their (unanimously positive) opinions on it, and bring up my film with Race when applicable. By the end of the Analytix session, there's a small but satisfied smile on my face. As difficult as it is to face the other members most of the time, there's still something truly wonderful about hearing so many people love me. It's addicting.
When the final voice fades out, I brace myself for the worst. But a few seconds pass, and no Volxsturm shows up. I exhale with relief.
If there's one thing going right, DEFED isn't in our lives anymore.
"Perfect, Emeray. C'mon out now," calls Norax.
I get up from the metal chair, joining her at one of the spinning office ones outside the glass. She's pulled up a few articles and charts about me, from which she plans a few things I can do the next time I'm in front of the paparazzi. But overall, I'm doing well. As far as my likability is concerned, I only keep going up, up, up.
Which means there's only one place to go from there.
But Norax ignores that fact.
"You're geared up for a pretty eventful few weeks," she tells me. "Starting in a few days you'll be on another set for Onward Train, but that's only for while. Unfortunately for us, your birthday is going to happen while you're on location, so when you get back we'll be having a celebration for it."
My mouth drops open. "Wait, my birthday?"
"March 8th." She gives me a look. "Remember, what you told the whole world during your interview with Ansel Anders?"
With everything that's been going on, I forgot I even had a birthday. I sit back in my chair, thinking about the last birthday I had. I'd been hiding it from everyone at school, hoping they wouldn't find out about it and do something horrible to me in honor of the day I was brought into the world, dreadful as I was. And now we're throwing a party.
"What else do I have going on?" I ask.
"Well, as you know, a few of the other Famoux members aren't exactly on good terms with the public right now."
"Sure."
"We were hoping we could use you and Chapter to patch up their images a little, just by association." She presses a tab on her computer, showing me my first spread with The X. "It's sort of like when the members wrote pieces for you so the public could know you were someone they liked and trusted."
"Okay," I say. "What am I doing?"
"You can obviously do a lot of good when you're promoting your film with Calsifer. People think you two should, in some way, be enemies since you're dating Cartney now. You need to show them that there's absolutely no bad blood between you two."
But is there?
"As for Till, the writers for her Riot movies are adding a little part in for you. Nothing too bigââshe'll obviously still be the star."
"Do you think that's a good idea?" I ask, apprehensive.
"You're only going to be her sidekick in this movie. She's still the focal point. I know Till can be competitive, but it's clear that there isn't competition here."
Race's words come back to mind. Even when Bree was here and alive it was always a competition.
I fidget in my seat, looking down at my nails. The Riot writers have already added a part for me; it's too late to stop them now. "What am I doing with Kaytee?"
"Nothing, actually."
"Wait, what?" I look up at her, and her face is completely serious. "I'm doing nothing with Kaytee?"
Norax takes a deep breath, like a parent about to give a lecture. The dread I'd felt when I first saw her this morning comes creeping back in, the delight from the Analytix reviews wearing off fast.
"I'm not sure if you know, Emeray, the extent of the rivalry between Till and Bree Arch, when she was live."
My stomach drops. "Yeah?"
"I'm very impressed with Till nowadays, really. I expected her of all people to be cross with you and how well you've been doing, but she's been making great progress with her issues with envy. But Kaytee . . ." Norax shakes her head. "I think it'd be best if you gave Kaytee her space for a while."
"But I miss her," I say. I think back to right before the Darkening, when she apologized to me for being so bitter after the contract fiasco. The moment we came back from the Fishbowl she started up with it again like that apology never happenedââlike she was only apologizing in the first place because she thought she was going to die. "I want to be her friend again."
"Kaytee and Till are both very jealous people, Emeray. And when they're together, they learn from each other. I saw the way that Till used to try and sabotage Bree whenever she got better opportunities than her, and I'm afraid to say that Kaytee is starting to become that way with you."
My jaw drops. "She's trying to sabotage me?"
"She's not happy, that's all I know for sure. When you think about it, you look a lot like the new and improved version of Kaytee. You're successful. You're dating Cartney. Your life looks exactly like the one she'd been complaining about months ago and would do anything now to get back."
The feeling flitting around my chest is heavy. I've been so worried about being a replacement to Bree that I've become a replacement even to the living members. All I could tell Kaytee and Till when we first met was that I wouldn't be an actress, and I wouldn't be a singer. If it was going to impede on their careers and make me a competitor, I wouldn't do it.
But here I am now, Kaytee's replacement and the newest sidekick in Till's movie. I didn't keep any of the promises I made them. Worst of all, I didn't even notice it.
Norax continues. "That being said, if it's possible for you to get through to Calsifer and Till, maybe they'll be able to convince her as well. We don't want you to be too forceful with her, though." She puts her hand on my cheek. "You're much too valuable for me to let anyone sabotage your image."
xxx
All rightttttt. Tell me your thoughts on today's chapter.
Now, I just wanna tell you something that's been exciting me:
As I previously mentioned, my goal for 2017 is to be nonstop. To me, being nonstop doesn't mean tiring yourself out to the point where you can't do anything anymore. It means constantly stimulating your mind with something newââdividing your focus on many projects throughout the day instead of cramming on one thing and crashing.
And that's my goal: I really want to divide my focus evenly instead of neglecting parts of my life for others. I want to write and post for you as frequently as possible. I want to embrace the workload of a double-major instead of dreading it. I want to work out and make healthy choices (you already know the freshman-fifteen was not kind to me). I want to take more opportunities that I denied last year because I thought I didn't have time. I want to play more piano, because I miss that. I want to brush up on my Spanish speaking skills. I want to feel better about myself. I want to feel better in general. I want to actually sleep well every once in a while (and get rid of that eye twitch I've had for almost two months now).
Most of all, I want to get The Famoux published. I want to edit that 500+ paged mess, take out the parts that are unnecessary, polish the parts we like, and get it out there in the world in a new and improved version. I want to find a publisher who's interested. I want to start the whole process by the end of 2017.
This is an extremely lofty goal, but as my man Hamilton would say in the song The Room Where It Happens, you get nothing if you wait for it.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
That being said, I'm going to need your support here. I'll need a lot of your input as to what you liked in book one, what you didn't like, and so on.
If you can remember, please comment here something you didn't like about book 1. Maybe a scene? A concept? I won't be able to change everything or massive things, but I'd love to know what you think could be changed.
I love you so much and I feel lucky everyday that I have you. Thank you for being here on this Famoux journey with me.
Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but haters make you famoux. Stay classy, stay classix.