Y/N - ya ya ya Jinae be careful!
Jinae - sorry papa!
Today was Christmas eve, my hands frantically kept watch of the kitchen while I awaited for the arrival of many, many people.
Keeping on Jinae while I was cooking, she wore a white dress that was by her demand and I wasn't one to say no to her.
Listening to Christmas music in the background, sighing. Thinking about how I'm gonna be off again from work for the next two weeks or so.
Maybe I just like working.
Shrugging from the minor thought, the door suddenly knocked, making me turn my head.
Y/N - Jinae?!
Jinae - Ne appa!
Y/N - can you get the door please sweetie?!
Jinae - Ne!
Listening to her feet scuffle against the ground, I remained focused on preparing for the next course of the meal we were going to have.
Wendy - AHHHHH! Jinae!
Ah Seung-wan-noona is here.
Seulgi - you don't have to get all excited, you were just here a while back
Wendy - hey, I love my niece
Irene - not your niece
Wendy - somewhat my niece
Joy - you mean MY niece
Wendy - yeah yeah
Turning my head slightly to look at them, it was all five of them, all dressed for the occasion but you could tell every single one of them were completely different in how they dressed
Seulgi-noona dressed casually opting for a more cosy winter look. Same thing with Soo-young-noona while the rest were dressed in their own unique way.
Y/N - you guys are dressed like you're going to a ball
Wendy - shut up
Walking up to me, planting a kiss on my cheek where I give one her back
Y/N - Hi noona
Wendy - started already?
Y/N - been a long morning
Wendy - I'll help you out
Y/N - ani ani it's fine, just let me do my thing
Wendy - alright jeez, oh and uh- I'll just set my presents down by your tree alright?
Y/N - yeah that's fine go on
Listening to her walk off, going back to prepping while the two pots in front of me eagerly boiled
Yeri - Y/N?
Y/N - yeah?
Turning my head again to look at Yerim, she smiled softly at me where I just gave her a corner smile from my lip
Y/N - how are you? Been a while
Yeri - I- I'm okay
Brushing her hair to the side, Joo-hyun-noona walked up beside her, planting a hand on her shoulder
Irene - Y/N, you look good
Y/N - so do you noona
Leaning in to kiss her on the cheek, I kept my hands down since it was a bit dirty from being in the kitchen the entire day
Kissing me back, giving me a slight hug
Irene - you don't look a day over 20
Y/N - neither do you, now sit your ass on the couch I gotta cook
Irene - still a bit mean as ever
Y/N - you know I mean it because I love you
Irene - love you back little brother now continue on
Yerim now beside me, her head popping in to see what I was doing while Joo-hyun-noona walked off to join the rest
Yerim - whatcha making?
Y/N - the usual like every year, nothing special
Yerim - does that mean you still have that cake?
Y/N - oh yeah, it's just chilling in the fridge right now. Just finished it this morning and just sat there ever since
Yerim - ooooo
Y/N - you look well, how have you been?
Yeri - you know me, always lounging around doing stuff here and there
Y/N - well that I wouldn't expect
The both of us softly laughed where she got closer to me, where I noticed it
Yeri - I heard you're dating someone now
Y/N - oh yeah, Haewon from NMIXX
Yeri - oh- so it was true?
Y/N - very. Why? What's up?
Yeri - nothing nothing, just heard it from Soo-Young-noona
Y/N - well she doesn't lie so, what about you? Seeing anyone?
Yeri - ani, don't have the time to
Y/N - never have any time huh? All of you?
Yeri - we're busy girls, busy lives and well- some of us have stuff to do
Y/N - So do I, now. Uh- you're not Joo-hyun-noona so, kindly sit on my couch while I cook
Yeri - u- uh okay. Can I at least get my kiss?
Y/N - of course sorry, focused on this
Turning my head to kiss her on the cheek, she blushed a bit before walking off with a bit of a pep in her step making me question myself
Y/N - jesus yeah she still does like me
Shrugging it off, it wasn't long till I felt two hands on my shoulders
Y/N - who is it now?
Seulgi - what? It's just us
Joy - you're so grumpy again
Y/N - yeah because I'm fucking tired noonas. Okay? I'm tired as shit
Seulgi - been up all morning again?
Y/N - like I do every year, except this time it's in my home and you know I'm gonna gourmet this shit up
Joy - you give him one cooking class and he thinks he's a professional chef
Y/N - I literally went to culinary school for like a semester
Seulgi - and?
Sighing, turning to face them
Y/N - dropping out.
Joy - exactly.
The both of them kissed my cheek, smiling gently at me.
Y/N - merry christmas you two, you're both dressed for the occasion like them
Seulgi - haha, it's cold okay? I wouldn't want to wear a dress
Joy - me neither, Hyo-seob said he couldn't make it. He has something to do today
Y/N - that I'm not surprised. Tell him drinks are on me when we see each other again
Joy - I thought you stopped drinking
Y/N - but if it's new years or a grand old holiday like this? Fuck no
Seulgi - attaboy
Soo-young-noona goes into my 'hands off' cabinet, taking out a bottle of whiskey
Joy - I'm gonna get started, you don't mind me taking it do you?
Y/N - nope, go ahead
Joy - thank you little brother
Walking away, flaunting with a kick behind her. I turned to Seulgi-noona who put her hand on my shoulder before I turned back to the food
Seulgi - you alright?
Y/N - yeah.
Responding a bit defeated, she kissed me on the cheek again.
Seulgi - you know you can tell me.
Y/N - just uh- tired. You know. I got all of NMIXX coming over and Jimin and Min-Jeong as well
Seulgi - yeah I heard. Jimin's finally back in your life?
Y/N - not that I wanted to, she wanted to.
Seulgi - do you still feel the same way about her?
Y/N - like back then? I can't.
Seulgi - I know, you have Haewon now right?
Y/N - of course
Seulgi - how does Jinae feel about it?
Y/N - she doesn't know, yet. But when she grows older when she's self aware of sorts, then yeah.
Seulgi - have you given it any thought that, maybe- she might resent you a bit for it?
Y/N - I don't know. You're the last person I'd hear that from
Seulgi - hey you know I'm just worried alright, you're always so tired when I see you.
Y/N - that's the working life, you're just as tired too.
Selugi - yeah but I'm taking it easy, have you?
Y/N - haven't been since Jinae was born
Seulgi - yah. Go talk to your boss and work out some vacation days. Actual vacation days, not the ones where there are and you suddenly have to do him a favour
Y/N - but I want the money
Seulgi - I've given you money before
Y/N - and I've declined it, you know that
Seulgi - hey. I told you so many times. I love you and I don't want you to burn out. I know you love Jinae to your core, but you shouldn't die working.
She's right, I know I've been working so much and just been missing out on pure family time. I have other people to rely on but I've just been using them to take care of my daughter that I'm trying to provide a life for instead of being with her.
Quickly washing my hands, drying them and putting them against the counter where I looked down, sighing a bit before looking up at her
Y/N - I'm sorry. I know I've been a bit out of hand.
Her eyes looked a bit sorry, but unexpectedly, she wrapped her arms around my neck. Pulling me in for a hug
Seulgi - don't be sorry. I'm just looking out for you, you know that.
Tapping her forearm, my other arm wrapped around her waist, hugging her back. The both of us affectionately close.
Y/N - I know. I know. I gotta look out for you too, but. I guess I haven't been doing a good job on that neither
Seulgi - you've already looked after me for so long, I watched you grow up in front of my eyes and I love you more than anything and anyone else other than the girls. It's safe to say I should be doing my part more.
Y/N - thanks noona.
Seulgi - they- they can't see us right?
Y/N - somewhat, we're in the invisible part of the kitchen
Seulgi - ah okay. Would you let me hug you more?
Y/N - sure noona, it's nice to get a hug from you.
Seulgi - hm.
Laying my hand that was on her forearm, down to her other side of her waist. Now fully hugging her back.
Seulgi - have you ever thought about the- uh- marrying thing since last time?
Y/N - a bit. Are you in love with me?
Saying that out of the blue, hearing a calm yet endearing laugh from her.
Seulgi - I am. So what?
Y/N - are you joking?
Seulgi - nah. Not really.
Y/N - wait, you're actually serious?
Seulgi - would I be joking if I wasn't so damn close to you all the time?
Y/N - but you're all like this
Seulgi - Y/N. we hang out more than you do with your own sister, and you guys moved out four years ago
Y/N - huh. Why....... Now? To tell me?
Seulgi - because it's Christmas and my gift to you is that, I love you. More than a little brother.
Y/N - so. A best friend?
Seulgi - you're an idiot aren't you?
Y/N - y- yeah?
Seulgi - not surprised
Y/N - me neither.
Seulgi - like I said, I love you more than anything and anyone else.
Y/N - you're a lot more straightforward than I thought
Seulgi - growing up changes people, I just didn't really want to sit around and wait for someone to love me when you've been there most of my life
Y/N - somewhat most
Seulgi - hehe yeah. You still got Haewon though
Y/N - aw man, th- this is not gonna be a fun dinner is it?
Seulgi - it will be, I'm not gonna be playing footsies under the table with you
Y/N - you probably will
Seulgi - hey, I'm not a child
Y/N - okay okay i'm sorry jeez
Seulgi - but. Do you love me?
Y/N - do I?
The both of us still haven't moved from our position, remembering that I kept the heat down so I don't think the pot would explode behind me.
Seulgi - I- I know you haven't seen me as a woman
Y/N - I s- sorta do
Seulgi - sort of?
Y/N - is it fair to say I had a crush on you growing up?
Seulgi - yeah, do you still do?
Y/N - uh- sometimes?
Seulgi - what about last time?
Y/N - eh- uh- well I sort of was fighting against the thought of you and Haewon and I thought I had to choose and- I do love Haewon but now you're- you're really making it hard for me
Seulgi - why not just love me and her?
Y/N - hey that's not as easy as you think, you know I have to sit with Haewon right? And tell her about this.
Seulgi - I'll sit with you
Y/N - sure but not today you know? Aw fuck you're making feel shitty about this
Seulgi - you're not a player, it was my choice to tell you
Y/N - yeah but I'm the one bearing it right now, this is literally like- polygamy or something
Seulgi - well technically not yet, we're not together
Y/N - noona you're really testing me right now, are you being actually serious?
Seulgi - oh for fuck sake's
Moving her head back to look at me, I didn't expect her to suddenly kiss me. Her lips pressing against mine, feeling her hand lift off from my neck before caressing my cheek.
Closing our eyes, it was a matter of a few seconds as she broke off from my lips, looking at me.
Seulgi - ya, still think it's a joke?
Y/N - I- I- I- I- I dd- d- d- don't?
Seulgi - all flustered?
Y/N - you're- you're really making me into a player noona
Seulgi - I'll just talk to her later this evening, girl talk. Easier for you when you do get to her?
Y/N - I-? Wh- what- what?
Smiling to herself, she let go of my neck before walking off to join the girls as I was left with conflicting feelings.
Y/N - what the fuck?
Mumbling under my breath, safe to say that is gonna throw me off for the next few hours or hell, even more.
â-------
It wasn't long until the next group came, hearing the doorbell. I immediately wiped my hands clean, looking by the living room with Soo-young-noona standing up
Joy - I'll get it!
Y/N - no sit your tipsy ass down
Joy - meanie.
Shaking my head from processing the kiss me and Seulgi-noona had earlier, my hand laid on the doorknob. Turning it to the side before being met with two lit up faces.
Winter - hiiii oppa
Karina - hi oppa
Y/N - ah you two! Glad you made it!
Putting on a happy face, quickly hugging Jimin and Min-Jeong. Allowing them to step inside.
Closing the door, my neck snapped to look at them
Y/N - Soo-Young-noona no funny business alright? It's Christmas and I will not let you ruin this for Jinae!
Joy - YEAH YEAH FINE!
Staring daggers at noona, I offered my hand to the two who were carrying bags on their forearms
Y/N - that's your stuff?
Karina - oh, yeah it's just presents
Winter - yup!
Y/N - I can bring it over to the tree if you want
Karina - you sure?
Winter - okay oppa here!
Compared to Jimin who just nonchalantly gave it to me, Min-Jeong handed me it with some enthusiasm
Y/N - just sit wherever you like, Jimin please don't argue with noona if she starts shit again
Karina - I'll try my best
Y/N - if you're gonna do it, do it in my room or outside. I don't want Jinae picking up bad habits
Karina - I know
Watching them walk off, I followed along but this time towards the tree where I squatted down and put aside the presents that they had before scrunching up the bag and handing it to Jimin
Y/N - here.
Karina - thanks, Haewon here?
Y/N - ani, they'll be a bit late so I'm just gonna continue on cooking. Just talk alright?
Turning to Min-Jeong who was a bit shy from how I was looking at her
Y/N - you know you can talk to them right? They're your sunbaenims
Winter - but- it's a different scenario oppa
Y/N - just ease up alright?
Squatting down to her level, placing a hand on top of her head, slightly patting her.
Y/N - just play with Jinae if you're not comfortable alright or just talk to Seulgi-noona, she won't bite
Winter - arraseo.
Blushing a bit from my action, I had failed to notice that the room had went quiet except for Jinae's usual noise
Y/N - what?
Shrugging it off, the girls quickly went back to what they were talking about before I just sighed.
Karina - you gotta stop doing that type of thing
Y/N - what thing?
Karina - you're giving everyone the wrong ideas
Winter - but what's wrong with it?
Karina - you two I swear
Y/N - you're just overthinking it, I'm just used to comforting Jinae by patting the top of my head like that.
Winter - it's nice though oppa, thank you
Y/N - yeah, I gotta get back to cooking. Excuse me
Walking off while cleaning my glasses, I've gotten used to wearing these everyday. Maybe I should get a checkup soon. Reaching the kitchen, my hand laid on the handle of the pot, opening the lid and examining the contents inside before grabbing the spoon on the side and stirring it and quickly tasting it.
Y/N - seems fine to me.
Turning down the heat, I'll let it simmer for the time being until it's time for dinner tonight, which should be in about a few hours from now.
Hey, it's a special occasion. And I said I'll drink, I think some stores should be open right now that I can buy alcohol from.
Scratching my head, checking the other pot to see if it was finished. It was not. I should ask someone to watch over this.
Turning around in place, seeing who looked free.
Laying an eye on Seung-wan-noona, I'll ask her.
Wiping my hands with the kitchen towel, making my way towards her where she looked up at me
Y/N - do you think you could watch the kitchen for me? I'm gonna head out to buy more alcohol
Wendy - oh? Sure, of course. Bring someone with you
Seulgi-noona who was beside me, introduces herself into the conversation
Seulgi - you're going out?
Y/N - yeah, it'll be quick
Seulgi - I'll go with you
Y/N - sure, let me grab my jacket first
Seulgi - okay
It wasn't long till Seung-wan-noona had got up and went over to the kitchen, turning around to walk over to my room, Jinae runs into me where I held her by the back, looking down on her
Y/N - yes munchkin?
Jinae - sorry papa I wasn't looking!
Y/N - it's okay, come here.
Squatting down and quickly giving her a kiss on her forehead, she smiled adorably at me. Making me feel better despite the stress and deprived sleep I was under
Y/N - how about you go on your Min-Jeong-unnie's lap? Maybe play a game with her?
Jinae - ne!
Taking out my phone out of my pocket, I handed it to her
Y/N - play on my phone okay? Do you remember the passcode?
Jinae - it's my birthday!
Y/N - that's right
Caressing her hair, feeling my knees crack a bit as I got up.
Y/N - go on, she won't mind
Watching her giggle to herself, jumping up on Min-Jeong's lap which surprised her a bit but quickly gave in, giving her a hug and talking to Jinae.
Alright, that's settled.
Walking over to my room, turning the doorknob. I quickly eyed my room, scanning for my jacket until I came across it. Laying on my bed.
Y/N - there you are.
Stepping a bit and leaning over to grab it, putting it on around me snug and fit before zipping it up.
Putting my hands in the pockets, feeling it slightly. My keys and wallet were there, so I headed out of my room. Nodding at Seulgi-noona who takes notice of my nod, getting up from the couch and walking over to me.
Y/N - come on
Seulgi - got everything?
Y/N - yeah.
The both of us made our way towards the front door, opening it. I let her out first where they didn't seem to notice that we were on our way out.
Stepping out and closing it behind me, she quickly made a move on me. Wrapping her arms around my arm
Y/N - what are you doing?
Seulgi - what? We do this all the time
Y/N - you're making it weird
Seulgi - how?
Y/N - you just kissed me earlier
Seulgi - so?
Y/N - *sighs* okay fine
Giving in, we began to walk. Going down the stairs and eventually outside being met with snowy and cold air, sending a chill down my spine.
Y/N - it's snowing already?
Seulgi - hey a white christmas ain't that nice?
Y/N - I didn't wear any boots or gloves.
Seulgi - me neither
Like a snake, I felt her hand slither its way into mine while keeping her other arm wrapped around mine.
Y/N - I'll let it happen since it's cold
Seulgi - it's because you loveeee me
Y/N - that too but unconditionally
Seulgi - hehe
My other hand sank into my jacket pocket as we walked, the faint dim illuminating lights filled the sidewalk, no soul in sight but the merry abundance of muffled noises through walls and voices pushed through but only in the buildings around us
Y/N - no one huh?
Seulgi - it's Christmas eve, people are partying or celebrating with loved ones no wonder
Y/N - you think there'd be at least a convenience store open?
Seulgi - I bet you there would be, some poor person working the night shift tonight
Y/N - it's still slightly early, but they close usually in about an hour?
Seulgi - gives them time to run home
Y/N - yeah.
Taking out my phone from my jacket pocket, turning it on and instantly going into my map app
Seulgi - looking?
Y/N - yeah give me a sec, don't make me fall into the road
Seulgi - ya relax, I'm good at this
Tightly close body to body, we both silently walked as she guided me. I scanned for any stores but found one in close proximity in about two-three minutes away
Y/N - found one, just up the road and a right
Seulgi - nice
Putting my phone away, I turned my neck to look at her. Her nose slightly blushed from the cold.
Y/N - your nose is red
Seulgi - is it?
Y/N - you're a bit too cold aren't you?
Seulgi - y- yeah
Shivering through her teeth, no hesitation in my actions. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around us.
Y/N - it's big enough but it's something.
Putting up the hood and feeling her warm breath against my cheek.
Seulgi - thank you
I didn't expect a kiss from her but a kiss I got, a deserved reward for my selfishness.
Y/N - you planning to stay over tonight?
Seulgi - yeah of course. I don't have anything on tomorrow and I already pre-recorded stuff in advance for whatever
Y/N - that's great, what about the rest?
Seulgi - I think obviously your sister and hm. I k- kind of forgot
Y/N - that's fine, it's too damn cold to think anyways.
Seulgi - y- y- yeah.
We should be about a minute or so away.
Seulgi - Y/- Y/N?
Y/N - yeah?
Seulgi - my face is cold.
Y/N - so is mine
Seulgi - please warm up my face
Y/N - with what?
Seulgi - your hands or something please
Y/N - you're holding one of them
Seulgi - I'll let go for the moment
Y/N - okay just stand still
Listening to my words, we both stopped together in place. Facing her where I felt her let go of my hand before immediately lifting them up and placing it on her face, warming her up a bit.
Y/N - better?
Seulgi - why are your hands so awkwardly warm?
Y/N - did you not notice that my other hand was in my jacket pocket?
Seulgi - you think I can see from here?
Y/N - we're both wearing glasses, how can you be more blind than me?
Seulgi - ya there are snowdrops on my damn face, it's literally blurring me
Y/N - so are mine, Jesus christ.
Seulgi - hey it's his birthday
Y/N - it's tomorrow
Seulgi - is it?
Y/N - don't ask me I just celebrate the holiday
Seulgi - me too I think?
Softly laughing to myself, looking down to examine the snow fiddled ground before looking back at her, a gentle smile on her face.
Y/N - what?
Seulgi - nothing. You look cute
Y/N - me? What's with you being so flirty all of a sudden?
Seulgi - we're like this normally
Y/N - but normally, you mean once in a while
Seulgi - so you admit we flirt with each other?
Y/N - in a friendly way?
Seulgi - there is no friendly way, you just admitted to me earlier you had a crush on me
Y/N - yeah but that- I-
Man I'm really choking on my words here, sometimes I do forget I'm terrible at lying
Seulgi - see you're tripping on your words
Y/N - okay yeah so what? What's wrong with me having a crush? But I have a girlfriend now and you're really testing my patience
Seulgi - what patience? You sound like you're about to get mad at me
Y/N - because you're confusing me at a time where I don't know what to feel. It's Christmas eve, it's a fucking holiday! I have about three or so hours of sleep from last night- excuse me- morning! And you're suddenly confessing to me when you could've done it ages ago!
Her eyes dwindled on thinking about responding the same way about me but my test of will has been tested today, truth be told I am quite tired and maybe yeah. I don't know what to feel at all right now since everything's been so confusing lately.
Seulgi - why are you shouting at me?
She spoke in a low, almost whispery voice making me feel instantly shitty for raising my voice.
Y/N - shit. I- I'm sorry
Seulgi - you're frustrated aren't you?
Y/N - I- I am.
Nodding back and forth at her, I was just trying to relax a bit.
Seulgi - hey, look at me.
I wasn't even looking directly at her, almost like I was avoiding her eyes.
Seulgi - ya, Y/N look at me
Y/N - what?
Finally looking up to face her, I was greeted with another kiss. Closing my eyes as my hands fell from her face down to her waist where she wrapped her arms around my neck.
Sweet little sounds of us exchanging lips, coming in and out of each other. It's like I've been trying to fight it but it was clear from her that she was trying to have as much of me as she wanted.
I pulled her in closer, the warmth of our exchange heating up our bodies. Clouding our minds like an infectious parasite that meant something more than it causing harm but rather, an effect on our relationship from today onwards.
Sealing it with one last small peck of a kiss, the both of us backed away from each other slowly, opening our eyes with a hint of compassion.
We couldn't speak, but we could look into each other's eyes with no problem. We both glanced away from each other for a second before exchanging soft looks.
Seeing her glasses were a bit crooked, I lifted my hands to fix the position on her before I saw that she was doing the same to me. The both of us now focused on fixing each other's glasses but it felt adorable in a way.
Seulgi - t- thanks.
Y/N - y- yeah.
Avoiding each other's gazes, quickly feeling her hand wrap against mine as we began to move back in the direction of the convenience store.
â----------
The walk home was a bit quiet.
Our hands gripping each side of the bag keeping somewhat of a distance between us.
A few stolen glances here and there but nothing much was said between us but small talk.
We now stood in front of the front door, hearing the commotion inside belting away. Mainly the voices of Jinae and Soo-Young-noona.
Turning slightly to look at her, nudging at the handle softly.
Y/N - hey, I'll bring it inside and sort it out.
Seulgi - a- alright.
A quiver in her voice, I nodded my head before she let go of her side, letting me pick it up before opening the door for us.
Letting her in first, closing the door behind me. I made my way towards the kitchen, listening in while giving Seung-wan-noona a kiss on the cheek, but not to start a conversation with her so I wouldn't distract her.
Irene - hey where were you?
Y/N - outside, was getting some beer
Joy - for me?
My face immediately crinkled in disgust upon hearing that noona used her aegyo voice, making me turn ever so slowly around to face her.
Y/N - no.
She immediately turned into a pout, glancing at the now empty bottle that she had taken from me.
Y/N - did you seriously finish all of that?
Joy - I'm not drunk though
Y/N - you better not be, when NMIXX comes, we're having dinner and I'm not picking after you if you have another drunken rant like you did last year
Yeri - a horrible... horrible time
Y/N - you don't gotta tell me twice
Putting away the beer into the fridge slowly but surely, mainly due to the amount of shit I had accumulated in there.
They weren't expired food or anything like that, just a clutter of desserts and the cake that took up most of it.
I stored it away and closed the fridge somewhat aggressively and also grabbed a beer for myself, opened it with a spoon from the kitchen drawer and made my way back to the living room.
Sitting down beside Jimin on the couch where the tv subtly played soft christmas music acting somewhat of background music.
Karina - you alright?
Y/N - oh yeah for sure
Immediately taking a big swig of the beer, the refreshing cold taste of it probably came from how cold it was outside. Making a big sigh of relief as I looked up at the ceiling
Karina - first beer in a long time?
Y/N - a very long time
A giggle came out of her where I looked down and turned to face Min-Jeong still playing with Jinae
Y/N - have they been like that the entire time?
Karina - yep, she really likes Min-Jeong, haven't even hopped off or anything
Y/N - huh, I'll talk to her about a job
Karina - taking care of Jinae?
Y/N - right on the money, papa has to make the big bucks
Karina - has someone ever told you that you need a proper vacation?
Y/N - just earlier, Seulgi told me
Karina - yeah and that's clearly showing much that you need it
Y/N - I know.
Rubbing my fingers against the glass, almost caressing it almost.
Y/N - I had a plan to bring her to Jeju at one point, it would be cool but I don't know. So much time and that they rely on me.
Karina - just tell them to relay work to the other departments, you deserve real vacation time since you started
Y/N - but that's the thing, It's only been what? A year now? Since I started? Hopefully things will ease up by next year
Karina - it will and given that your best expertise is perfecting the videos, you've done a whole lot of undeniable praise and something that couldn't have been done without you. Just talk to your boss alright?
Y/N - note taken
Nodding my head gently, my attention was focused on a 'psst' from the other couch
Irene - Y/N, sweetie grab me a beer too?
Joy - give me one too
Y/N - sure and no noona, save it for after dinner
Joy - I hate you
Y/N - yeah yeah sure.... Sure......
Placing my bottle down on the coffee table, lifting myself off the couch, I quickly got another beer but had decided to bring two actually since maybe one of them might ask.
Handing it over to Joo-Hyun-noona, leaving the other unopened one on the table for anyone to take
Karina - I'll take it
Pausing in my position midway to put it down, leaning over to grab it and opening it with my teeth whereas noona had opened it with a keychain bottle opener.
Handy I must say.
Y/N - here.
Giving it to her, she was a bit surprised at my flashy action making her smirk a bit
Karina - haven't seen you do that trick in a while
Y/N - got it down to a T now, so looks good on camera too
Karina - how would you know?
Y/N - I don't. I assume it does
Making her laugh stupidly at the dumb joke, my attention was brought again to the doorbell echoing out throughout the place
Y/N - must be them. Damn, I didn't get another sip in.
Groaning a bit, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of people in the house but it should go away soon since it's just people I consider family after all excluding the actual family I have.
Standing up from the couch, I walked over to the front door. Graciously opening it, being greeted by Jinsol with a big grin on her face, waving at me hello
Bae - hi oppa!
Y/N - hey Jinsol, merry christmas.
Wavering around to look at everyone else, they all were ecstatic to see me but given that I'm still a bit distraught looking, I hope it wouldn't scare them off.
Hae - not to me?
Sully - or to any of us?
Y/N - sorry, merry christmas everyone. Come on in, everyone's inside.
Sidestepping aside, letting them in where they all hugged me individually.
Jiwoo - you look great oppa
Y/N - you too Jiwoo, looks like you're the one in charge of carrying the presents
Looking down at her hands, both gripping the handles of the bags containing the said presents where she nodded as I closed the door after Yoona was the last one in.
Jiwoo - yeahhh, lost a game.
Y/N - understandable, make yourself at home as usual.
Jiwoo - hehe
Letting them all interconnect, seeing everyone in the room. I was met face to face with Haewon, my hands immediately wrapping around her waist. Leaning in to give her a kiss
Hae - mmmhm~
Giving her one more sweet kiss of sugar, a peck even. Feeling her arms wrapped around my neck.
Hae - someone's in a good mood
Y/N - somewhat in a good mood, how are you?
Hae - great as usual, you look beat up
Y/N - you noticed huh?
Hae - your neck's cold too
Y/N - I was out with Seulgi, beer run
Lifting an eyebrow and giving me a devilish smirk, softly hitting me on the chest
Hae - I thought you quit drinking?
Y/N - hey, what's today?
Hae - Christmas eve?
Y/N - exactly, special occasion.
Hae - well, I'll join you on your special occasion for finally drinking after a long, long time.
Y/N - be my guest.
Grabbing her hand, interlocking our fingers.
Hearing her giggle to herself, feeling her head droop onto my shoulder making me turn to look at her.
Y/N - been a pretty busy day. Was up all morning prepping for dinner and I had to make breakfast too
Hae - seems rough, what time did you wake up at?
Y/N - four am. Seems like my usual time to sleep at but I actually slept real early
Hae - let me guess, twelve am?
Y/N - bingo, I'm on four hours of sleep and about two cups of coffee in
Hae - black or with milk?
Y/N - black. Thought putting in milk would waste time.
Hae - did you finish prepping though?
Y/N - I'm still prepping, but Seung-wan-noona is in the kitchen
Hae - oh is she? I should say hi to her first then the rest.
Y/N - yeah, everyone's getting... pretty comfortable right now
Scanning the room, lots of conversations were taking place but when I placed my eye on Seulgi-noona, briefly turning her head to look at me but quickly darted away. As if to avoid eye contact with me.
It was an expression I haven't seen her do before, let alone even wavering her eyes away from me that quick.
If I had to be honest, I felt like shit.
Man, It's just weird trying to understand it in my head. Seulgi-noona is in love with me. I'm in love with Haewon, but I love Seulgi-noona as well but-
Aw fuck it's really messing up my head right now. But I need to focus first.
Looking at Haewon, her eyes met mine. An eyebrow lift coming from her, curious on what I was about to say.
Hae - yeah?
Y/N - hey, go to the kitchen alright? I'm just gonna go to my room really quickly.
Hae - sure.
Letting go of her hand, she quickly gave me a kiss on my cheek. Making me smirk a bit, slightly lifting a corner of my lips before she ran off
I need time to breathe really quickly.
Walking lightly towards my room, my hands gripping the doorknob like I was going to choke it.
My breaths became heavy, chest a bit tightening as I opened the door and closed it behind me.
Putting my back against it and sliding down slowly, hyperventilating to myself. My butt touching the cold hardwood floor.
Y/N - oh god......
I couldn't imagine how I feel right now, just a mixture of everything throwing itself at me. A lot of emotions, a lot of thoughts circling around.
Most times I can take it but when it gets too much, having to let go is the only option.
Like I was gasping for air, my throat felt like it was going to close up as if the world around me was spinning and I was the only one stable enough to stand on its ground.
My head hurts, and I couldn't understand why. A tear rolled down to my cheek, quickly wiping it away with my sleeve before looking up at the ceiling.
The dim light illuminating from my bedside table lamp, acting as a distraction for me to only focus on.
Positioning my knees up to my chest, forearms laid on my knees.
Y/N - get it together man.
It looked blurry, even though I wore my glasses.
It just felt alone.
I felt alone at this time.
Sniffling while taking a deep breath, getting up from the floor composing myself.
Y/N - it's fine. It's fine.
Whispering to myself that, feeling like I could rejoin the party.
Turning the doorknob and making my way back out. I walked to the kitchen where Seung-wan-noona was still there. Turning her head to me.
Wendy - you alright?
Y/N - yeah. I am.
Laying my palm on the countertop, she stopped what she was doing and turned to me.
Wendy - it's done now, so does that mean we should prepare for dinner?
Y/N - yeah sure, if you like. You can help me set up. The dining table is too small so we'll just eat on the couch?
Wendy - I'm up for that, let's put on a movie for Jinae and for anyone while we eat too
Y/N - good call.
Drifting my eyes away from her, quickly feeling a hand on my cheek. Forcing me to turn to the hand's owner.
Wendy - hey... are you sure you're alright?
Y/N - I am.
Her eyes looked sorry for me in a way. I thought I composed myself enough.
Wendy - your eyes are a bit red, you alright? What happened?
Y/N - nothing noona. Just probably from the cold. I- uhm- I'm just tired too.
Wendy - are you sure?
Y/N - I'm sure noona. I'm alright.
Nodding gently before taking her hand off my cheek, I immediately turned to the kitchen cabinet, grabbing a few serving plates and bowls.
Wendy - just when everyone leaves, you go to sleep soon as possible alright?
Y/N - I will, don't worry.
Wendy - good.
Oh what a merry christmas. It's as merry to others but right now, it's not to me.
â--------
Our stomachs were full, the highs of a once energetic night had been dropped to a peaceful point in time.
Sully - wow, it's gone pretty quiet hasn't it?
All of us stared at Yoona, she looked away in embarrassment before Joo-hyun-noona spoke up suddenly
Irene - yeah. I guess it's one of those nights
Yeri - yea- unnie?
Joy - wae?
She was beyond saving, so I gave her one beer during dinner. Next thing you know, she damn near depleted my entire cabinet because I wouldn't give her another
Bae - you don't look so good
Joy - I'm..... eugh...
Shaking my head in disappointment, since Jinae was asleep. The last thing I want was another drunken rant from her
Y/N - alright upsie daisy, come on. Get up.
Grabbing her arm and wrapping it around my shoulder, she wasn't hesitant to fight back this time. But I was more calm than usual.
Joy - mhmhmmhhhm
Hae - guest room again?
Y/N - uh huh
Nodding at her, she immediately got up and walked over to the guest room door and opened it for me while I carried noona over.
Grunting a bit while she just groaned over and over again before I laid her down gently into the bed, turning my head slightly to look at Haewon, her shoulder against the door and her arms crossed before looking back at noona
Joy - I don't wanna sleep
Y/N - well, you're gonna have to.
Fluffing the pillow for her, she turned onto her side, a bit calm as she stared at me.
Joy - Miahne.
Y/N - it's fine.
Keeping a straight face, I pulled the blanket over to her shoulder, nodding slightly.
Y/N - just close your eyes, I'll give you water in the morning.
Joy - okay. Goodnight.
Y/N - goodnight.
She's compliant this time around.
Walking back to Haewon nodding, she left first, turning back around. My hand on the doorknob.
Taking one good last look at her, now fully drifted off.
Closing the door, I sat back down on the couch with Haewon sitting on my lap, leaning in a bit to grab my beer by the neck and took a sip.
Irene - is she asleep?
Y/N - yup. Wasn't against it this time
Yeri - I hate it when she drinks
Seulgi - it's not as bad as you Yerim
Yeri - me? Come on I'm not that bad
Y/N - you kinda are, just less loud.
Yeri - oh.
Wendy - you're not all too bad. But we all remember, don't we Y/N?
Lifting an eyebrow, shaking my head at the mention of my name
Y/N - nope nope, do not bring that up.
Karina - what happened there?
Kyujin - oooo I'm curious
Bae - what about oppa?
Wendy - not really a story. Y/N can be a bit like his sister when he's drunk
Y/N - no I'm not
Irene - you're just a bit less loud like Yerim.
Seulgi - but a bit more outgoing
Y/N - outgoing? What? I go butt naked and dance on the table?
Yeri - well.
Lily - I really wanna hear this
Everyone was listening in, myself included since I was curious.
I don't hear stories a lot of my drunk self, either I don't remember or they rather keep the stories to themselves for a time like this.
Wendy - it's close enough, a bit flirtatious too. You give him enough to knock out a elephant and he'll be someone else
Winter - ah wait! I do have a story about that!
The girls turned to Min-Jeong, where I immediately remembered what she's on about.
Lifting my finger up and my eyes wide, about to burst at her
Y/N - ya ya ya, do not tell them!
Karina - wasn't this?
They both looked at each other, Min-Jeong nodding fast as she could before Jimin covered her mouth.
Karina - oh no we're not talking about this
Hae - wae? What was it?
Karina - you don't wanna know.
Y/N - yeah..... Forget she said it
Winter - actually. Yeah...
Seulgi - now see I want to hear it.
Wendy - oh me too.
Irene - what if we told you to tell us? We're your sunbaenims
Yeri - oh go ahead Min-Jeong, tell us.
Feeling the immense pressure from their own seniors, My pressure was going onto them too. Begging to not tell it.
Min-Jeong turned left to right, right to left. Deciding between me and the girls but I'm at a disadvantage here.
I've lost before I even tried to fight for it.
She sighed, looking down before giving in.
Winter - alright, this was about late 2018
The girls were immediately interested, all of them had moved in closer to listen to the story including Haewon who jumped out of my lap, leaving me with my beer.
Keeping the same position currently, listening in from afar.
Winter - we had oppa over one night and well. We drank a lot, so we were playing party games
Jiwoo - the spicy type?
Kyujin - was it sexy?
Irene - truth or dare even?
Yeri - wait, like all of you or just some?
Winter - it was all of us and oppa, this was before we were Aespa but we just hung out together a lot.
Karina - but yeah, it did get a bit spicy
The girls inched and laughed with excitement, even though why are they excited? This is a bit weird.
Lily - what happened?
Winter - oppa drank a lot and we did too except for Ning. so at the end of the night, I think we did something.
Karina - oh god, do not say what it is
Wendy - no no tell us! We're old enough!
Kyujin - AHHHH not me!
Jiwoo - nope! Count me out!
The both of them covered their ears but Jimin quickly laughed it off.
Karina - ah it wasn't anything crazy. He was just dancing around loudly, saying some outrageous things and well, a lot of. Adult stuff together.
Haewon - first time I'm hearing about this. Like between you two?
Min-Jeong immediately blushed a bit, her shoulders coming together to rub her forearms.
Bae - wae wae? Why are you red Min-Jeong?
Winter - well.....
Karina - okay, for context me and oppa were together but we- sort of- wanted to try something.
The girls shouted out and hit each other wildly, listening to Jimin where I hung my head, like a train was coming through.
We were young okay!
The ONLY time I will do something like that and we were drunk out of our minds!
Winter - oppa is- g- great at that sort of stuff
Lily - wow that got pretty explicit
Yeri - so y- you two and?
Yerim pointed to both of them and to me where we all nodded.
Karina - yep.
Winter - just me oppa and Jimin-unnie.
Wendy - wow.
Irene - Y/N you're weird
Y/N - HEY IT WAS ONE TIME!
Hae - do you ever think about considering doing it again?
Everyone erupted upon Haewon saying it where she wasn't able to explain herself
Bae - woah what does that mean?!?
Sully - unnie?!?!?
Karina - again?!
Seulgi - with who?!
Hae - wait wait! Like I mean if he's thought about it! Not like now!
They all looked at me, feeling a bit fed up about this.
Y/N - no of course not. Maybe.
Wendy - AH! You dirty boy!
Yeri - with who?!
Hae - is it me?
They were all dying to know, but to escape this. I could think of one thing.
Y/N - can't tell you if I'm too drunk to know.
My eyes held onto the last bit of alcohol on the table, we did buy some soju alongside the beer earlier, so I leaned over. Grabbing it and immediately chugging it down where they all launched themselves at me
Hae - NOOOO! WE HAVE TO KNOW!
Sully - COME ON AND TELLLLL US!
Kyujin - I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON BUT I'M JOINING IN!
Some hands laid on my shoulders to pull me down, some around my neck to stop me and hell on my own hands.
But the power of multiple people is eventually enough to bring someone down and so it did.
I was about maybe an eighth of the bottle left before I was dragged down by Seung-wan-noona and Joo-Hyun-noona where I just coughed.
Y/N - j- jeez are you trying to kill me?!
Bae - hey come on we have to know!
Karina - come on! Where's the fun!
Y/N - re- relax! Relax! Jeez!
Tapping Joo-hyun-noona's shoulder, gesturing to her to let me sit up.
I sat up on the couch where I faced all of them.
Y/N - no. I'm not saying anything.
Hae - come on, I'm your girlfriend, maybe whisper it into my ear?
Y/N - no.
Karina - I'm your ex-girlfriend?
Y/N - no too.
Irene - you love me, come on, you can tell me.
Y/N - not gonna work.
Wendy - I'm your favourite out of the group?
Y/N - not gonna work either.
Yeri - I- uh-
Y/N - nope.
Yeri - aw.....
Y/N - maybe some other time. I'm already feeling the damn effects and my head's spinning. How about we all settle on karaoke or something for the moment?
They all looked at each other, nodding in agreement.
Bae - sure.
Winter - I'm up for it.
Y/N - have a go with each other, two different companies are here and I'm just curious.
My head turned to the noona's who just put their hands up.
Seulgi - put me out of this, I'll let Aespa take it
Winter - unnie it's just me and Jimin!
Irene - I'll fill in
Wendy - me too
Yeri - I'll just watch.
Glancing at Haewon, confident in herself.
Hae - we got this, we'll take you on.
Lily - friendly match?
Irene - oh of course, a friendly sin- sing-off?
Bae - no that's right.
Kyujin - ooooo this is gonna be nice.
Jiwoo - I'll try my best!
Sully - me too!
With the topic now completely entirely different. We only had about two and half hours to go till it reached midnight.
â----------
It's gotten quiet again, but this time due to the fact that it was now past midnight.
Everyone has legitimately slept over.
Like actually. I'm staring right now behind me at Jimin and Min-Jeong on the couch, their heads laying on each other like rocks.
Seung-Wan-noona slept with Kyujin? Which was a sight to see but other than that, they had their own sleeping buddies.
Turning my head back around to look at the city in front of me.
It was cold, so I wore my jacket. Lost in thought.
I rarely use this balcony but, it's great for other stuff. Like times like this.
Feeling a hand on my shoulder, feeling at ease knowing who it was.
Hae - hey.
Y/N - hey.
She stood beside me, joining me as we stared out.
Seulgi - hey, you don't mind me joining do you?
The both of us turned to look behind us, shaking my head.
Y/N - ani it's fine. Come here.
Selugi-noona joined us, where she stood beside me.
Y/N - it's cold ain't it?
Haewon - really cold.
Selugi - mmhm.
The three of us just looked out, the bright city lights still awake.
Y/N - sorry about earlier. I'm just-
Haewon - tired? I know.
Y/N - yeah.
Haewon - we should sleep in a bit.
Y/N - I agree with you.
Seulgi - Haewon?
Hae - yeah unnie?
Seulgi - I have to tell you something.
Y/N - is this something I have to step back for?
Seulgi - ani. Stay.
Y/N - alright.
We all turned around, my back resting against the balcony rail, glancing back and forth between them.
Haewon - what is it unnie?
Seulgi - I kissed Y/N.
Oh.
Haewon laughed softly, thinking she may have misheard it.
Hae - so- sorry what? Say that again unnie?
Seulgi - I kissed Y/N. earlier.
Y/N - hey so I-
Trying to step out of the conversation, Seulgi-noona put her hand on my chest. Pushing me back to where I was and kept silent.
Hae - yo- you did?
Seulgi - I'm sorry. I- I love him as much as you do.
Hae - o- oh.
Y/N - Haewon-ah I-
Hae - no no, did you give her consent?
Y/N - I- I sort of didn't expect it-
Hae - no see, then that's on her.
Seulgi - but then he kissed me back.
Her face spoke a million words, of what I've done.
I couldn't do anything more but be speechless at this.
Hae - y- you did?
She looked at me, but I couldn't find the words to say anything.
Seulgi - I'm sorry Haewon. I- I just could-
But before she could even finish, she had left the balcony.
Seeing her shadow still inside of the house before it faded into the guest room, where I turned to Seulgi-noona.
Y/N - w- why did you do that?
Blankly gazing at her, she couldn't speak either.
Seulgi - I- I don't know.
Y/N - hm.
My face felt like it frowned, but wasn't one that expressed anything of the negative but something else entirely.
Y/N - I'm cold. I'm going back inside.
Seulgi - I- alright.
No words to hold me back, neither did she pull me back in.
I stepped along the floor, creaking a bit at every step as I reached the front door.
Sitting down and putting on my shoes, checking my jacket if I had my keys before walking out of my home.
The hallway felt longer than it should've been. Almost like vertigo.
It felt like ages before I reached the end, but even so. The stairs were worse.
Endless, nameless.
Stepping down into a deeper and deeper hole but I reached the bottom.
My hand gripped the door, opening it fully. Being hit with cold wind and a breeze that shook my pores on my skin but I felt nothing from it as I began to walk.
From what seemed like almost too long to me, noticing a bench.
Sitting down and just looking around me.
Homes buried under ice and snow,
Lights ablaze of muffled laughter and some encased in darkness, full of families.
Even children waiting for Santa Claus to come down their chimney.
In a dream like that,
When was the last time I dreamed wonderfully?