Kyujin - is that all oppa?
Y/N - huh?
My hands tensed from holding stacks upon stacks of boxes, my head turning to look at her.
Brushing her hands together with a proud look on her face, making me smile to myself.
Y/N - I think that's it Kyujin, thanks.
Kyujin - oh alright
We were tasked by Sajangnim to move some boxes for him in the company. The girl's week off was still in rotation so I thought of calling her over to help me with this since I don't want to hurt my back.
Age is still a problem alright?
The boxes in my hand, I sat them down on the floor as I looked around the room. This was going to be a new room for something that he hasn't told me about yet but then again, he has a plan for it.
My back cracked, echoing out into the room where Kyujin showed some concern towards me, rushing over by her feet to stand beside me. Her hands on my back where I just softly laughed.
Kyujin - what's going on with you old man?
Y/N - nothing, just been working too hard these days.
Kyujin - you gotta take care of yourself properly you know?
Y/N - I know, I'll be okay
Kyujin - good
Patting my back softly with a bit of brashness behind it. I stood straight up, my knuckles rubbing gently against my back muscles.
Y/N - you free today?
Kyujin - of course I am, everyone is.
Y/N - wanna go out for lunch?
Kyujin - what about you? Isn't this technically work?
Y/N - yeah but, I got a break.
Kyujin - sure then.
Y/N - cool, come on.
The both of us walked along towards the room's door which was wide open, allowing us to walk through and into the halls
Kyujin - sajangnim's got you working early these days
Y/N - yeah, he figured since for the time being. He doesn't want me working nights right now.
Kyujin - but why?
Y/N - don't know, you couldn't grasp what he does half the time at all
Kyujin - that's true, he's a bit odd at times
Y/N - but he knows what he has to do either way. No matter how weird it is.
Kyujin - yeah. Where do you wanna go for lunch?
Y/N - anywhere, let's just roam around.
Kyujin - yeah sure.
Y/N - and we're walking, it's sunny outside
Kyujin - can we please not? I'm too tired right now
Y/N - from picking up boxes? Come on
Kyujin - oppppppaaaa
Slightly frowning my eyebrows, I turned my head to look at her where she had some puppy eyes to convince me. After a minute of decision making, her eyes are still the exact same. I gave in, sighing as we walked down the stairwell together.
Y/N - fine.
Kyujin - yes!
Y/N - you know, using puppy eyes on me is just guilt tripping
Kyujin - and it works every time.
Y/N - not every time
Kyujin - well, sometimes when you're in a good mood. Whichhhhhhh you are, aren't you?
Easing up, putting on a smile for her as we walked into the garage area.
Y/N - yeah because well. I don't know. I just have a good feeling about today
Kyujin - hehehe now keep that mood, I don't want you to just get all sulky out of nowhere.
Y/N - I'll try. Hey Ji-woo-ssi
Waving towards Ji-woo, he waved back with his usual smile while I took out my keys, unlocking the mustang where me and Kyujin got in.
Y/N - we'll figure something out for food, it'll be a while
Kyujin - alright.
Putting the key in the ignition, pressing on the pedal to let the baby roar.
Y/N - man I love this car
Kyujin - you love it more than Jinae
Y/N - okay there's a fine line there
Letting out a chuckle and putting on our seatbelts. It wasn't long until we left the garage after exchanging a conversation between me and Ji-woo.
â-----
Y/N - see nah, that's why I end up looking like shit at the end of the day
Kyujin - you know working late to the point where you look like a deranged mad scientist has to be a talent.
Y/N - trust me, having to edit a damn video to the best and nearest point of perfection can do something to a man especially when there's a time pressure
Kyujin - thank god I'm not an editor.
Y/N - yup.
The both of us smiled, my chopsticks digging into the bowl and lifting up my food to put it in my mouth.
It was a pretty busy time for the restaurant, she found this place and has been here before and I mean. Alongside the amount of people dinging in as well and considering how weirdly homely it feels.
It's a pretty nice place if you tell me so.
After swallowing my piece down, lifting my chopsticks up and pointed it at her
Y/N - but don't you guys have bad days too?
Nodding, she happily laid her forearms flat on the table with a smirk on her face
Kyujin - every day. You're dealing with girls who are constantly on birth control so we wouldn't get our periods when we're performing. Then on top of that, sometimes we don't get them because of the stress and diets we're on ESPECIALLY before a comeback
Y/N - I'm well aware
Kyujin - so yeah, technically everyday is a bad day except when we're on vacation which is only a few times a year
Y/N - yeah. I know that too. Trust me, dealing with Soo-young-noona especially? It's not even because of her period or shit like that. She's just really brash with me
Kyujin - hehe I know, she does love you a lot and she's the older sibling too
Y/N - yeah. Makes me wish I was older but then again, I think I'm fine where I'm right now in the family hierarchy.
Kyujin - heh.
Y/N - you full yet?
Kyujin - I think I am.
Y/N - me too.
Kyujin - I'll pa-
Y/N - it's on me
Lifting my hand up to ask for the waiter, sitting back tiredly against the chair. Where we shared a look at each other.
Y/N - yeah?
Kyujin - nothing. You're just always too kind to us
Y/N - well, I owe it to you guys for pretty much helping me out with Jinae and stuff.
Kyujin - we like you around oppa, everyone's always so vibrant these days
Y/N - yeah and plus, I'm dating your unnies. You know if I piss off any one of them, the rest of them including you would probably execute me
Kyujin - hehe, and we mean it.
Y/N - exactly.
The waiter came over, asking them for the bill and walked away again to get it.
Y/N - you know, I'm not so kind entirely
Kyujin - but you are
Y/N - I have my moments of shattered morality sometimes
Kyujin - but I wouldn't blame you, you're always tired. And you still are right now
Y/N - how'd you know?
Kyujin - you were holding your chopsticks wrong way the entire time
Y/N - oh. What if I was on drugs or something?
Kyujin - you? No way
Y/N - okay yeah nah I'm tired as hell. I have four hours of sleep under my belt right now
Kyujin - what got you to sleep for four hours?
Y/N - spent all night producing for Seulgi. Was in my bedroom being the quietest I could making a track for her, I'm still not finished
Kyujin - it amazes me that you're also a producer and an editor, but that's taking way too much of your time. Do you even pick up Jinae from school?
Y/N - only sometimes because around the time she finishes, I'm stuck in the editing room. So I have to get Soo-young-noona or Haewon to pick her up. Sometimes Seulg or Joo-Hyun-noona.
Kyujin - Y/N, you really should take your career in hindsight. It's great pay but you have a daughter waiting for you, who wants to be with you.
Y/N - I know. I'm not exactly father of the year material and I- I'm just scared she'll hate me for not being there when she was younger. I don't want to be a deadbeat.
Kyujin - you're not, you're doing great already. You just need time
Y/N - and time is all I have but it's hard balancing it out. I got everyone counting on me to do my part in their lives. The relationships I have, the work I have to do. And just, the other jobs I have too, and those are just when I'm asked. It's too much that I don't even remember the last time I bought a lego set for myself in a while.
Kyujin - I'll talk to sajangnim
Y/N - gonna use yourself as an advantage?
Kyujin - give him some aegyo and he'll let you off again
Y/N - I already missed a lot of work because of the scandal and stuff, I- I just don't know Kyujin-ah.
Sighing, my hand ran through my hair. A little bit stressed over the thought as the waiter came over with the bill and card machine. Taking my wallet out of my jacket and grabbing my card, paying it through.
Y/N - you wanna go anywhere else after this?
Kyujin - nah.
Y/N - I still got some stuff at the company to do then we'll go back to my place
Kyujin - alright.
â------------
*about a few hours later*
Tapping my hands onto the steering wheel, Kyujin beside me sang to the song playing from the speakers as I made a left turn.
Y/N - you have such a nice voice Kyujin
Kyujin - thanks oppa
Y/N - I wonder why they don't let you have a lot of lines
Kyujin - it's hard enough when there's six of us who are all equal in singing ability
Y/N - ever think of going solo?
Kyujin - without my unnies? No way
Y/N - shame
Kyujin - but I do think about it once in a while
Y/N - hm, I mean. You could do great, I'll even produce for you and mix it myself, master everything too
Kyujin - you would do that?
Y/N - yeah since I owe you one, all of you actually.
Kyujin - huh, okay!
Seeing the apartment building in sight, glancing at her briefly as I parked into my usual parking spot.
Y/N - we're here
Kyujin - alright.
Turning off the car and taking the key out of the ignition. We both got out of the car where I locked the car before heading along with her inside
Kyujin - oppa?
Y/N - yeah?
Kyujin - does it bother you that you're dating most of my members?
Y/N - why do you ask?
Stopping on a step, we both looked at each other. Her eyes peering away from me
Kyujin - I'm kind of left out
Y/N - well. It's different Kyujin-ah.
Kyujin - but why am I any different?
Y/N - well your age for one
Kyujin - but Jiwoo-unnie is older by me by a year
Y/N - I never really did say we were actually dating dating, it was more like a I'll give a think about it
Kyujin - oh. So. you're really not dating Jiwoo-unnie then?
Y/N - of course not. And I wouldn't date you, not in a bad way but. You're still eighteen Kyujin-ah. Compared to me, it's not right. That's seven whole years in between and at that point, you're better off dating a guy or girl your age
Kyujin - b- but- I like you oppa.
Y/N - I've always known Kyujin.
Kyujin - w- what?
Y/N - I knew. But- it's not right for me to make any advances towards you nor let you try anything on me, you can like me but- for what we are to each other. It's not right
Kyujin - o- oh.
She looked down, her eyes welling up as she was about to cry. Clicking my tongue from the sight because I made her sad, I was just being honest and truthfully. She's a great girl but she needs a better person to adhere to her feelings than just-
Me.
Walking down a step or two to get to her. I immediately wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly.
Kyujin - b- but- o- oppa....
Y/N - I know. I know. You're a great girl. You have your whole life ahead of you. And, truthfully. If I had to be honest with you. There's no telling how long we're even gonna know each other or see each other. I'll be one big blur in your life in the many years you'll have. As the same with the rest of the girls because. Who knows? What'll happen to me? Or any one of us. I love you in the same way I see Jinae, same thing with Jiwoo. Almost like daughters to me.
Kyujin - b- but- I- I wanna be with you.....
Y/N - you can be with me. Just not the way you want.
She immediately started to sob, tears falling from her eyes as I put my hand on the back of her head, pushing it down to let her cry on my shoulder.
Y/N - for what it's worth. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're even attracted to me at all.
Kyujin - don't say that....
Y/N - god knows that I should've never been able to even form a connection with you girls. You're all too good for me. You all really are.
Tightly twisting my jacket, her hand gripping on my jacket as I listened to her cry.
It broke my heart.
But at least this will give her a form of comfort.
Kyujin - I- I love you-
Y/N - and I love you too. Please. Don't break your heart anymore. I'm not worth it, nor will I ever be.
With the sun setting real low,
I knew to myself that this was for the best.
And the best only.
â-----
Kyujin sat quietly beside me on the couch, her head on my shoulder while she hugged me from the side.
Haewon sat on the other side, the three of us quietly watching tv.
We were all bummed out, tired too so we couldn't just think of anything to say to each other really.
After what happened in the stairwell downstairs with Kyujin, she accepted it. It took a while for her to even look at me but.
She knows that in a way, I was right.
Doesn't take much to really fully understand it but, I don't want to hurt the girl. That's all.
But now, it begs to differ on my thoughts.
I'm twenty five years old,
In maybe three years, I'll get married.
But to who?
Or whom even.
I still love Jimin, I always thought of marrying her one day.
But now, I have Haewon.
Seulg too.
Not so sure on Yoona or Lily yet, shit even Jinsol too.
But we'll figure it out as we go.
Then after?
Jinae grows up.
My muffin all grown up, then. She'll grow even more.
Then the more I know.
I'm thirty eight, watching her go off to college. Maybe me and the girls have a house of our own.
Maybe a few dogs and cats who get along with each other.
Maybe even a fish tank full of goldfish.
I don't know.
But I'm scared of time.
I'm scared of who I am.
I'm scared of who I'll be.
Will I be a father?
A brother?
An ordinary man?
Or all of them?
And it.
Scares me the most.
Knowing that one day, when my life flashes before my eyes.
I'll hope I'll see everything that I'm proud of rather than the mistakes I made.