Chapter 14: chapter 14

10It was a sort of escapism for me to move out of home whenever I picked up a quarrel with my wife or she with me. Our children were too young to understand the family problems. Therefore, I gave only a secondary place to their interests.If it was shift - time, I would wander somewhere till the shift time came and then would go to the office directly. On other days, I used to wander until midnight, and then would knock at the door. By that time, the anger would have mellowed down and the problem would have ‘fizzled’ out.During my wanderings, I used to take asylum in the Ashok Nagar Library or in some park. I could spend at least half-an-hour in the Secunderabad Railway Station. There would be the problem of the platform ticket but sometimes I would not have even that as I would meet some friendly official. In the Clock Tower Park benches would be full. Poor labourers would be sleeping on them. Very rarely would I be blessed with the shadow of a tree. If I took the bus at R.K. Nagar, it would cross the Hussain Sagar bridge. If I got down there, I could get the comfortable cool shadows of the big trees in Indra Park. If I had taken a big book with me from home, then the time would pass on easily. If not, I had to kill the time by looking here and there.One day, I left my house hurriedly. I had not taken my wallet with me. I realized it only when I searched for it, sitting on the bench in the Secunderabad Railway Station in order to have a cup of tea. “If I go home to take the wallet it would appear as though I’ve surrendered,” I thought. A fresh quarrel might erupt and then again, I had to leave the house. Moreover, it was not a working day too! “How to spend the time till midnight?” That question loomed large before me.It was quite foolish of me not to have taken any book with me that day. I had to take a bus to go to any of my friends’ houses! I could not walk to the Ashok Nagar library too. I could not mingle with the crowd that was leaving the station. If any ticket examiner sitting idle spotted me I would be finished.The Clock Tower Park was crowded. My eyes saw a bench that was partially broken. I could not lie on it with my legs stretched out. I started moving towards the Jubilee Park, thinking that I could sit there for some time.The Jubilee Park came to be used extensively and exclusively by the sub-urban people. It seemed that it was meant only for them. The new bus station near it was clean and attractive. But there was garbage, bits of food stuff and the spittle with betel-leave stains that made one feel bad. I felt that it was quite foolish of me to have left my home in the morning itself. The thought of breakfast was agonizing. My house was just ten minutes away on foot. But I was adamant in my resolution!I could not sit there for long, looking at the dirty buses and hearing the din. The Parade ground was empty. On Sundays and on other holidays, there would be at least four or five groups playing cricket in the grounds. The red soil ground was glittering in the gleams of sunlight. The radiant rays that reflected from the small stones were blinding!It was not easy to go to any of the cinema theatres. If I was caught without a ticket, I might be beaten up or even kicked out. As I suddenly remembered the Railway Institute, I started walking. I was hoping to come across some friend who was working there. Perhaps somebody who might have seen me in the literary meetings would recognize me vaguely at least. Hundreds of people had visited the exhibitions I had conducted in the Mahbub College and the Keyes High School. “Won’t there be at least one person who had visited the exhibitions to recognize me? “ I asked myself pathetically! I approached the Railway Institute with a faint hope.I sat under the tree by the side of the large replica of a rail engine there.I opened my eyes feeling the heat of the electric lights. It was night almost. I realized that I had slept for long, forgetting my hunger. I was in low spirits, thinking that nobody knew me in that large town!I thought that I had to knock at the door a bit earlier that day than I used to do, which was only in the middle of the night. There was no other way than walking. I felt miserable with an empty stomach pricked by hunger pangs yearning for food.I saw the long street of the Regimental Bazaar. “If I could cross this long street and go to the Second Bazaar, then everything would be alright!” I thought. I could not exactly remember where I started walking. Thinking that I had lost my way, I leaned on the pial of a house.I opened my eyes as if I wanted to relax. I immediately saw the vermilion dot on the forehead of the lady who stood on my left. The gleaming whiteness of the flowers she had on her plait twinkled at me. I said “water” as if I begged for it. She went inside and brought water in a small shining vessel. I drank four or five tumblers. My shirt was wet with the water spilled by mr. “Please come in!” she requested me. I slowly went inside leaning against the wall. I sat on a wooden bench.My stomach was filled to some extent. It would suffice for three or four hours. I felt that I need not knock at the doors of my house at least for some time. I looked into the face of that lady. The vermilion dot on her forehead made me bow down my eyes. It prevented me from entertaining any evil thoughts. Still I could not prevent myself from looking at her face. She was of a mild fair complexion and was disturbingly beautiful. My body was slowly trembling.I knocked at the door of my house only after four hours. It was midnight.Afterwards, I consciously avoided going to the Regimental Bazaar area. “Would that lady recognize me? Would there have been any problem in her house because she had fed me? I must thank her if I see her,” I thought. I consciously wiped that street off from my memory.Once, I walked along the Regimental Bazaar with Ashokamitran. He showed me a house saying that his uncle stayed in that house. He shared with me his childhood memories of running in the Regimental Bazaar to hire a tonga. As he walked very fast, I could not identify that woman’s house.Next day, I was walking in the Regimental Bazaar. I was determined that I should identify her house and Ashokamitaran’s uncle’s house that day itself. On all sides of the bazaar, there were narrow, crowded streets. Amidst them the bazaar was spacious enough to walk with ease.I saw Somaraj who was working in the Railways. “Where had this idiot gone on that day when I was wandering with a hungry stomach?” I asked myself. I told him about my walking with Ashokamitran in that street. He identified Ashokamitran’s uncle’s house. Somaraj told me that some people who were working in the Railways were also living in that street.I thought that I had found her house. I stared at that house. Somaraj was shocked. He dragged me hurriedly.“Why do you look at that house so long?”“A lady in that house.”“Do you know her?”“Yes!”“Don’t tell anybody that you know her! You mean the lady living alone there?”He did not stop dragging me. “Don’t you understand the meaning of the words, ‘lady living alone’ Many problems because of that lady! There had been problems earlier too! She has just left for some other place! Don’t tell anybody anywhere that you know her!” he warned me.I slowly began to feel the comforting coolness of that long bench!