Chapter 22: Show Me Different

“Damn,” I muttered, absentmindedly gathering the broken pieces.

“Grace, don’t.” Brennan was by my side in an instant, but it was too late. A sharp piece sliced into my hand, and I dropped the glass again as bright red droplets fell.

“Let me see.”

“No,” I whispered. “It’s okay. It’s just a small cut.”

Brennan huffed and left the room. I thought he’d actually listened until he returned with a first aid kit. He set it down on the counter before grabbing a clean dish towel and wrapping it around my hand.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you’re going to let me take care of this.”

I swallowed hard and nodded. I knew I was acting strange, I just didn’t know why. Ever since the call with my dad, something had changed.

Brennan opened the first aid kit and pulled out some gauze and a bandage. He unwrapped the towel and inspected the now-stinging wound.

“It’s stopped bleeding,” he murmured, dressing it. Once he was done, he pointed to the couch and said, “Sit.”

I walked back into the living room and sat down while Brennan cleaned up the glass. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and brought it to me.

“Talk to me,” he said, sitting down next to me, still giving me space.

“I just miss my parents,” I said softly.

It was half true, I always missed them, but I wasn’t sure it was the reason I was acting so strange.

Brennan nodded. “Okay, I understand. You’ll be with your dad soon, right?” He smiled and placed his hand on my knee. “Back around memories of your mom too?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Though I kind of get the feeling my dad is talking me out of the move.”

“Really? Why?” Brennan’s hand didn’t move. I liked his touch, a little too much. I fought the urge to place my hand over his and folded my arms across my chest instead.

“All I ever wanted was to live in the city.” I smiled wistfully. “I used to make these silly dioramas of my dream neighborhood. My parents kept them all. There are at least ten in our basement back home.

“It was never about escaping them, or a tough life, or anything like that… My heart was just here.”

I stopped myself. Stopped rambling. My heart was wherever I wanted it to be.

“I’d like to see them one day,” Brennan said softly.

“Huh?” I replied, confused.

“The dioramas.” He laughed.

“Oh, sure. Of course. I’ll email you a photo,” I replied with a wry smile. “Let’s be real though, B, the minute I’m gone it’ll be like I was never here.”

Brennan’s hand moved from my knee. He shifted on the couch, putting distance between us.

“You really think that?” he whispered. “That I could just forget about you? After everything…after the last few days?”

I turned and looked at him, confused by the flash of hurt in his eyes. His jaw clenched and he bit his bottom lip.

“Am I wrong? I’ve seen and let down more of your conquests than I care to admit. I’m not like them, and you forget about them easily, Brennan.”

~Oh shit.~ This was the problem. This was what was eating at me. I’d let myself fall into this world that wasn’t real. I’d let myself look at Brennan in a way I’d held back from in the past.

I’d known I was falling, but how deep surprised me. The fact I knew he couldn’t love me back was poisoning my thoughts while simultaneously making me want to stay.

“You’re not like anyone else, Grace,” he replied, sounding annoyed. He stood up and walked into the kitchen. “And the fact you think that after three years I’d just forget about you… Well, it fucking hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I stood up and walked across the floor to where Brennan stood and put my arms around his neck. “I know we’re friends.”

Brennan’s body tensed. He took a step back, out of my arms.

“I need some air,” he mumbled. “I might go see if I can catch my parents.”

My stomach dropped, and I could feel fear in the back of my throat bubbling beneath the surface. He walked to the apartment door, and with every step, my stomach twisted further.

“Brennan!” I said, almost breathlessly, my voice desperate. “Don’t go.”

Brennan looked back at me. His jaw clenched, and he sighed deeply.

Within seconds, he was in front of me, lifting me up off the ground. Our mouths crashed together, causing electrical volts of lust to ricochet through me like thunder in the clouds.

Brennan walked through his apartment, into his room, and closed his door behind him.

He threw me down on the bed and quickly undid his pants while I set about removing my own. He was inside me before either one of us could think about anything else, his mouth on mine again.

We were rough, our movements jagged and hot. Brennan was angry and turned on, and I could tell. I wanted to remove his anger, but not the intensity of this moment.

“Brennan!” I called out. I covered my mouth, realizing his parents could come home at any moment.

The first hint of a smile played upon his mouth, and he shook his head. He took one of his hands and grabbed my wrists, lifting them over my head and holding them there.

“I like hearing my name on your lips,” he crooned, kissing the curve of my neck. “Don’t ever stop.”

“Brennan,” I pleaded. His mouth tickled against my skin, to the point it was almost painful. He nipped gently before sucking on my ear.

“Again?” he asked, increasing his pace and force.

I wanted to scream his name. I wanted to shout it so loud that everyone heard it, so that he knew how I felt, so that this didn’t ever have to end.

A wave of pleasure and pain washed over me, so intense that I started to tremble.

“Brennan!” I cried out. It was all too much. I fell apart for him, spectacularly, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. He collapsed onto me shortly after, his breaths coming out in ragged gasps.

He released my hand, and I moved mine to cup his cheeks.

He looked at me for a moment, a strange expression on his face, before he stood up, pulled up his pants, and left the room.

As soon as he was gone, my heart ached. I knew something irreversible had just happened. First, we’d had sex, then last night we’d made love, and now…for the first time, we’d used each other.

I pulled up my pants and crawled under the covers. Before I knew it, I was crying. I curled up into a ball, hugging my legs.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to Brennan gently rocking me in the dimly lit room.

“Grace,” he whispered. “Are you okay?”

I glanced at the alarm clock. It was nine o’clock. I’d slept most of the day and I was still tired.

“I’m fine,” I said, feeling anything but.

I knew we weren’t really together and that what we were doing was bound to end in tears, probably mine. But the way he’d looked at me afterward and then left the room…I couldn’t shake the feeling.

“Are you sick?” he asked, his hand on my forehead. “You don’t have a fever.”

“I’m fine!” I said, a bit too forcefully.

Brennan pulled his hand back, his face filled with worry. I didn’t care that he was worried. For the first time, I wanted to get away from him.

“I need to apologize,” he whispered. “I need to be honest.”

I scoffed and threw the covers back. “I need to take a shower.”

I walked across the room, into the bathroom, and turned on the light. Brennan followed me and stood in the doorway.

“Grace. I tried to show you...how disconnected I am. How I’ve been for years. How I am with women. I knew it was stupid. I knew it would hurt you. I’m sorry.”

I stopped by the shower door and turned to look at him. The sex hadn’t been the problem. I’d been as turned on as he was. I’d been overwhelmed by him.

But once we were done, he’d said nothing. He’d just left me. I had no right to feel hurt, but he was right. I did.

“We’re not really together. I don’t owe you explanations,” I said.

“With you, I’m different, and I don’t want you to think that you’re just like…” He stopped. “I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you, because I do.”

I frowned.

“We’re friends, Brennan. I know you care.” My voice softened. I walked to the door and placed my hand on his chest.

“I think I’ve just gotten so caught up in this and I got confused. That’s my own fault… Soon things will be back to normal, and it’ll be fine.”

“They won’t be though,” Brennan said. “You’re leaving.”

Brennan didn’t say anything else. He turned and walked away. I closed the door and then leaned against it. This whole plan had been flawed from the start. We’d been asking for trouble and now trouble was here.

I forced myself to shower, only to realize I hadn’t brought any clothes in with me. So, I wrapped a towel around myself and opened the bathroom door. Brennan wasn’t in the room.

I walked into the closet and pulled on a pair of pants and a t-shirt. I walked to the bed and sat down. I fell asleep before Brennan came back.

When I woke up the next morning, he was facing me, asleep. Tomorrow would be our last morning together, and the way things were now, I wasn’t sure our ending would be sweet.

I leaned forward and stole a kiss. Brennan stirred. His hand caught my hip and moved under my shirt and up my back.

He was half-asleep—his movements seemed almost automatic.

“Grace,” he whispered.

I wanted to let myself get caught up in him. It would have been so easy. Instead, I slipped out of his grip and got out of bed. I tiptoed into the closet and grabbed some clothes before getting dressed in the bathroom.

When I walked out into the dining room, Jaq was already sitting at the table sipping on a coffee.

“Good morning, Grace!” she exclaimed, standing up. She walked into Brennan’s kitchen and pulled a cup out of the cupboard. “Let me get you a coffee.”

I nodded. I needed the pick-me-up this morning.

“Sam is still asleep. I gather Brennan is having a sleep in as well?” she murmured, pouring the coffee from the pot into the cup. “Cream?”

I nodded. “Yes, he’s asleep, and yes to cream. Thank you.”

Jaq walked to the table and placed the steaming cup down in front of me as I sat down. I picked it up and wrapped my fingers around the warmth.

“I took the liberty of Googling some wedding boutiques—that’s the right word, isn’t it? Googling? Anyway, there are a couple not far from here. They open after nine.”

I nodded, remembering that I’d agreed to the wedding dress thing. I looked at the clock on Brennan’s wall. It was 8:45.

“We’ll catch a cab,” I said. The thought of walking made me want to lie down and take a nap. “I can’t seem to shake this fatigue.”

Jaq smiled and picked up her cup, bringing it to her mouth with a knowing smile on her face. I took a sip of the hot liquid, hoping it would give me some energy.

“Are you sure you’re not…you know?” she asked, placing it back down.

I nearly choked on my coffee, taken aback by her question. I managed to regain my composure, shaking my head as I set my cup down on the table.

It wasn’t out of the question—sure, the only foolproof way to avoid pregnancy was abstinence—but I was on birth control shots and Brennan and I had only just been intimate for the first time last weekend.

It was way too soon for any symptoms to show up.

“I’m sure,” I finally responded. “Maybe I’m just coming down with a cold.”

Jaq let the topic drop, and a little after nine, we hailed a cab to the bridal boutiques. I felt like an imposter stepping into the lavish store. Guilt spread through me like a poisonous vine.

The dresses were stunning, a sea of white and ivory spread out before me. I knew they were extravagant and overpriced, but Jacqueline Wolf didn’t strike me as the type to take no for an answer.

The saleswoman approached us, grinning at both of us. Jaq and the woman chatted while I continued to look around in awe.

A dress in the corner, displayed on a mannequin, caught my eye. It was simple yet elegant, with lace detailing and a high neckline. It was a form-fitting dress with a flared hem and train.

I crossed the room and ran my fingers over the fabric.

“Ah, that’s our Octavia dress from the Milk and Honey collection!” the saleswoman exclaimed. “Would you like to try it on?”

Being here felt like some kind of cosmic joke. Trying on the dress and letting Jaq buy it was a whole new level of wrong. But I ~loved~ the dress.

“Yes,” I murmured.

Once I was in the fitting room, the dress hung in front of me like a cruel reminder of what I didn’t actually have. I wasn’t really engaged, and this wouldn’t really be my dress.

I sighed and stripped off my clothes before slipping into the gown. It fit me perfectly, as if it had been tailored just for me.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and for reasons I couldn’t quite understand, tears welled up in my eyes.

I pulled back the fitting room curtain and stepped out. Jaq and the saleswoman both flocked to me. I wasn’t really paying attention to them, but Jaq’s hugs and sniffles suggested she liked it too.

“It doesn’t look like any alterations will be needed. If you like this one, we can pack it up and you can take it home today.”

“What do you think, dear? Would you like to try on any others?”

I turned and looked at my reflection in the mirror. If I were getting married, this would be my choice. I could see myself, standing in front of him, declaring my love.

I would only marry one person in this dress, and that one person didn’t believe in commitment anymore.

Tears filled my eyes again, but this time it was the realization that this was all some kind of twisted fantasy.

“I think we’ll take this one,” Jaq murmured, pulling me into a hug, mistaking my tears for ones of joy.