Chapter 33: Take a Step Back

The hours that followed were a blur. I couldn’t even tell how much time had passed.

I was in Brennan’s room, holding his hand. I kept praying for him to wake up, even though I knew he wouldn’t. Not yet. They were keeping him sedated to help him heal.

“Grace,” Belle’s voice was soft. “I’m going to grab some food. Do you want anything?”

I shook my head. I was hungry, but the thought of eating made me sick. Belle’s hand brushed my shoulder as she walked past me.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Once she was gone, I rested my head on Brennan’s hand. His skin was warm. I wanted to crawl into his arms and soak up his warmth. But his battered and broken body stopped me.

I opened my eyes and saw a patient property bag in the cabinet next to his bed. I sat up and pulled it out, opening it.

I took out Brennan’s wallet and placed it on the bed, and his leather jacket. There was some blood on the cuff, but it was still in good shape. I put it on over my sweatshirt and wrapped it around me.

It wasn’t warm like Brennan’s skin, but it smelled like him.

At the bottom of the bag was a small, baby-blue gift bag. I pulled it out and opened it. Inside was a small white plush bear holding a ring box.

I felt a knot in my stomach as I opened the box and saw his grandmother’s ring. I took it out of the box and looked at it. Then I noticed something I hadn’t seen before. It was inscribed.

~Always and forever my saving Grace - Brennan~

Tears filled my eyes before I even fully understood.

Brennan had it inscribed. His grandmother’s ring. ~For me.~

I slipped it onto my left ring finger and placed my hand over Brennan’s.

“You’re my saving grace too,” I sobbed. “I need you to get better.”

I put my hand over his and laid my head down on the hospital bed. I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again the door was opening. I turned and looked.

Jaq and Sam walked into the room, Kate and Blake following after. Jaq was already crying, as was Kate. I stood up and tried to speak, but nothing came out.

Jaq rushed forward, pulling me into her arms. I couldn’t cry anymore. I was drained. I held her and let her cry.

She pulled back and lifted her hands to my face.

“You look exhausted.”

I felt it. I hadn’t slept properly since the accident—I hadn’t left Brennan’s bedside.

“I’m all right,” I managed to whisper. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go get the doctor.”

I slipped out of the room, desperate for air.

I walked to the nurse’s station and let them know his family had arrived and if the doctor could walk them through the plan. I was walking back to the room when I saw Belle coming from the other direction with a bag of food.

“Is everything okay?” Belle asked. She had a deep frown on her face. I nodded and pointed to the room.

“His family arrived. I was just getting the doctor,” I whispered.

“Oh, okay,” Belle paused and looked at the time on the wall. “You haven’t left the room for almost 48 hours. Want to take a walk with me and have something to eat?”

I nodded. I needed to gather myself before I went back in.

We walked out into the main corridor and sat on the bench seats that lined them. Belle opened the bag and pulled out a chicken sandwich. She held it out to me. I took it, though I didn’t have any kind of appetite.

“You need to eat,” she said, pulling out her own sandwich. “For strength and for the baby.”

~Baby~. Brennan and I were having a baby. Tears welled up in my eyes. So much had happened in such a short time. I felt like I’d lived a lifetime in a few short weeks.

“Fuck,” I muttered, opening the wrapper. Belle was right, of course. I needed to eat. I already felt like I was out of it. I looked exhausted and felt it.

I took a bite. It might as well have been tasteless because I didn’t even have the strength to savor it. Once I was finished, I crumpled up the wrapper and dropped it into the bag.

“I should get back.” I stood up and took a deep breath. “You can head home if you want for a bit.”

“Are you sure?” Belle asked as she cleared up the trash.

“Of course. You need sleep.”

“I’ll call you in the morning. Bring you in anything you or Brennan’s family need.” Belle stood up and pulled me into a hug. It was nice, but I only wanted Brennan’s arms around me right now.

I walked back down the corridor and into the room. The doctor was in, explaining to everyone what was going on. I zoned out. I’d heard it all already, and it hurt to listen to it.

I slipped my hand back in Brennan’s and closed my eyes.

“Grace.” Jaq’s voice pulled me from my blank daydream. My eyes were heavy, like they had weights on them. I managed to open them and look over at her and Sam.

“Everything all right?” I murmured.

“Kate and Blake wanted to know if they could take you home. For some sleep and a shower?” She looked at Brennan’s brother and sister. “They’re heading to the airport to pick up Alec and Jade.”

I looked at Brennan. I didn’t want to leave him, but I desperately needed to sleep. I had to think about the baby.

I nodded and looked at Kate and Blake. We hadn’t told them yet. We’d wanted to do it together, and now I had to do it alone. They’d see the sonogram on the fridge.

“I should tell you something,” I murmured. “We wanted to tell you together but, uh…”

I looked back at Brennan. He hadn’t moved, though I hadn’t expected him to. I drew courage from him.

“I’m pregnant.”

Kate’s face lit up in a smile, but it didn’t last. Her tears started to flow again, and Blake pulled her into a comforting hug.

She rose to her feet and moved to Brennan’s bedside. Leaning over, she pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“You need to get better,” she said, her voice choked with emotion. “You’re going to be a dad. Grace and your baby need you.”

Her voice faded as fresh tears welled up. She rushed around the bed and wrapped me in a tight hug.

“From the moment I met you, Grace, I knew you were the love of Brennan’s life,” Kate whispered. “And if there’s one thing I know about my brother, it’s that he’s stubborn as hell. He’s going to beat this.”

I pushed down the guilt that was gnawing at me. It wasn’t entirely a lie anymore. We’d both been feeling something, even back then.

Reluctantly, I left the hospital with Blake and Kate. They picked up their partners from the airport while I waited in the car.

Back at the apartment, I showed everyone to their rooms. Kate and Alec took Brennan’s and my room, while Blake and Jade settled into the guest room. Jaq and Sam were in the same room as last time.

“Where will you sleep?” Kate asked, her voice soft as I entered the bedroom. I went into Brennan’s closet, pulled out a pair of his track pants and a t-shirt, and hugged them close.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” I said. “We fell asleep there the day before…watching movies. I bet the throw still smells like him.”

After a quick shower, I left the bedroom and headed for the living room. I lay down on the couch, pulling the throw blanket over me. My eyes closed, and I was asleep within seconds.

***

~I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t breathe. My stomach was swollen. I was surrounded by darkness.~

~I called out for Brennan, but he wasn’t there. I was alone.~

~I tried to take a breath, but I couldn’t.~

“Grace.” Kate’s voice was soft beside me.

I opened my eyes. The room was dark. I sat up, gasping for the breaths I couldn’t take in my sleep.

“You were having a nightmare, I think.”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Brennan used to get me a glass of warm milk and cookies after I had a nightmare,” she said softly, sitting beside me on the couch. “Would you like some warm milk?”

I remembered my mom doing the same for me when I was a kid. The memory brought a smile to my face, and I nodded.

We both got up and went into the kitchen. I found a packet of chocolate chip cookies while she got a saucepan and the milk.

As I sat and watched her warm the milk, I wondered what it had been like when Brennan had done this for her.

For the first time since the accident, I wasn’t consumed by fear. In this moment, I felt a small sense of comfort.

And for now, that was all I needed.