Chapter 8: The Lines Are Blurred

My smile faded. I hadn’t prepared a lie for my parents. I didn’t have a ready-made story.

“My dad was a teacher, he’s retired now. And my Mom…” My words clung to the roof of my mouth. My mom had been a teacher too, but I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t explain what had happened.

I wished Jaq could meet my mom too, for reasons I couldn’t quite grasp, but it was impossible. Before I could stop them, tears started to trickle down my cheeks, staining the front of my dress.

I hid my face in my hands, mortified by my sudden emotional outburst in front of people I barely knew.

I wanted to tell them how amazing my mom was. How her smile could brighten any room she entered, how she taught me everything I knew. But the words wouldn’t come. My heart just ached.

I felt arms envelop me. I recognized the scent of Brennan’s aftershave. I’d bought it enough times to know it anywhere.

“Come on,” he murmured in my ear, his breath warm against my skin. “I’m sorry.”

“I asked about her parents?” Jaq asked, her voice filled with concern, which helped me relax a bit. At least she didn’t think I was completely unhinged.

“Grace’s mom passed away a month ago,” Brennan said gently, still holding me. He helped me stand and cupped my face in his hands.

I had to admit, he was really committing to the devoted-fiancé act more than I’d anticipated. Right now, I was grateful for the comfort, even if it was pretend.

“I should have let them know, I’m sorry.”

He pulled me close against his chest. He was warm and smelled good. His heart was pounding hard against his chest, and I barely stopped myself from reaching up and placing my hand over the steady rhythm.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry!” Jaq exclaimed. I could hear her moving around. Her hand patted my back.

“Take care of her, Brennan,” she whispered before kissing her son on the cheek.

“I will,” he replied.

Brennan turned me around but kept his arms around me. We walked slowly out of the cellar and back into the foyer of the house.

“I feel like an idiot,” I mumbled through my tears.

“You’re not,” he replied. “You’re grieving.”

Hearing those words from him made me fall apart. I don’t know why.

I’d known I was grieving from the moment I found out she had passed. I’d known every second since then that I was grieving, and maybe I’d always feel like I was grieving.

I broke down again, tears falling freely, and I felt a little unsteady on my feet.

Before I knew what was happening, Brennan scooped me up off my feet, holding me like he was going to carry me over the threshold.

I looked up at him, probably looking like a puffy, sobbing mess, and wondered what was going through his mind.

We walked into a room that was almost larger than my entire apartment. I could tell by the academic awards on the walls with Brennan’s name on them that this had been his room.

Brennan sat me down on the bed, a king-sized bed…in his childhood bedroom. He walked over to my suitcase and pulled it to the bed, lifting it up.

“Where are your PJs?” he asked innocently. The question seemed absurd, and yet he waited, standing over my half-unzipped suitcase.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Taking care of you, G. You’re upset.” He flipped the suitcase open.

My 'PJs' were sitting on top. I’d packed a tank top and shorts, but as I now realized, by Brennan’s continued presence and his suitcase over by where mine had just been, we were sharing a room.

My sleepwear was hardly scandalous, but I’d also be showing more skin than I had in front of Brennan and I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about that.

Brennan picked up the tank top and the shorts, correctly guessing they were my PJs. He walked to his bathroom and started the taps in the bath.

“Y-you’re running me a bath?” I stammered.

“Yes,” he replied. “You don’t have to have it, but I’ve put some lavender oil in there.”

My apartment didn’t have a bath. The idea of lying in hot water and just relaxing sounded wonderful.

“No, I’ll have a bath. Thank you, Brennan.”

“And about sharing a room? Don’t worry, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

I looked at the bed and let out a chuckle.

“Something funny?” he asked.

“Your bed is so big it could have its own zip code. I’m pretty sure we can safely sleep in the bed and be nowhere near each other.”

The taps turned off and Brennan walked back out into the bedroom. He walked around to where I sat and then sat sort of beside me.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly.

“We are both adults, Brennan,” I responded. “Although I’m currently an emotional wreck of one.”

“You’re allowed to be. You lost your mom.”

I nodded and bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying, but it was useless. Tears welled up again.

Brennan sighed and shook his head. “Like you need reminding.”

“It’s always there, Brennan. The pain is just simmering at the surface waiting for something to tip it over the edge. Talking and thinking about her…” I stopped and took a deep breath, willing myself to speak without breaking down.

“It fills me with all the joy and the pain at once and I don’t know how to process it. But I need to process it, Brennan. I need reminding.”

“What you don’t need is the ridiculous charade I’ve set up for us to play along with,” Brennan scoffed. “You’ve got enough going on, I just had to be a fucking jerk and force you to either serve your notice or pretend to love me.”

Brennan sounded angry, but I could tell it was with himself by the way he spoke.

“Brennan,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I’m still grieving my mom. I think a piece of me always will.”

For the first time since her passing, I talked about her without shedding a tear. But I pushed that small victory aside, not wanting Brennan to think I was being coerced into anything.

“But I didn’t agree to this just because you said you’d let me off the hook for my notice period. I think I would have agreed even if I hadn’t quit.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve been your assistant for three years and you’ve never once come home. Because no matter how you feel about them, they’re still your family.

“I understand that sometimes you have to distance yourself for your own safety or sanity. You wanted to come home, and you thought this ~pretense~ would make it easier.”

Brennan smiled, tilting his head slightly. “Dad asked me about my business.” He paused. “He’s never shown interest before, he’s never cared.

“I hate that it had to come to this, but even if it’s a lie, I’m grateful for a weekend where I can pretend I’m not a total letdown to them. So thank you, for being a loyal assistant and friend.”

“We’re friends, are we?” I shot back, a smile playing on my lips.

“I hope so,” he replied. “I don’t think I want you out of my life for good.”

My stomach twisted. What was he implying? Once I was no longer his assistant, I’d assumed we’d part ways. We rarely interacted outside of work, so why would that change when I left?

I bit my lip, studying him with an intensity that was too much for just friends. Things would change because they already had.

The moment I’d agreed to this weekend, everything had changed.

“I don’t think I want that either,” I admitted softly. “We’re friends.”

“You should go take that bath.” Brennan smiled, standing and extending his hand to me. “Before it gets cold.”

I nodded, placing my hand in his for support as I rose. I hadn’t anticipated being this close to him, our bodies nearly touching.

I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to slide my hand up his arm and rest it on his chest.

I wanted to berate myself for getting swept up in the act, but I had to concentrate all my energy on not doing anything that would make the rest of the weekend awkward.

I looked up at Brennan, intending to apologize for invading his personal space, not realizing how close we were when I’d stood. But he was looking down at me, his breath hitched and his mouth slightly ajar.

He swallowed, then shook his head and stepped back, leaving the intimate space we’d just shared.

“I-I think I’ll go get a glass of water. Do you need anything?”

I shook my head, watching as Brennan hurried out of the room before I could utter a word.

I walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. It was strange to think that this had once been Brennan’s bathroom.

I found myself wondering how many girls he’d brought back here during his younger years. Probably fewer than I’d had to let down, considering he was a teenager when he left for college.

I sighed, frustrated with the thoughts my brain was forcing on me. I bent down and tested the water; it was the perfect temperature and smelled divine.

I undressed and removed Brennan’s ring before stepping into the bathtub. I sat down and reclined, letting the water lap at my chin.

Almost instantly, I felt relaxed and at peace, to the point where I could have fallen asleep if there was no risk of drowning. I leaned my head back, letting my hair float in the water.

It had been years since I’d taken a real bath. I’d been a shower person for too long. I made a mental note to ensure my next place had a bathtub.

Once my fingers started to wrinkle, I got out of the bath and dried off before wrapping the towel around my body and removing my makeup.

I glanced at my pajamas on the vanity and bit my cheek. My toothbrush was still in my suitcase, on the bed in the next room.

Without thinking, I opened the door, still clad only in a towel, to find Brennan in the midst of changing. Thankfully, he was only shirtless and facing away, at least until I opened the door.

He spun around and then, realizing I was only in a towel, quickly averted his gaze.

“Shit, sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay,” I replied, trying to sound more confident than I felt. “It’s just skin.”

I looked away from him, afraid that if I looked, I might not be able to tear my gaze away.

I located my suitcase and opened it, grabbing my bag of toiletries before returning to the bathroom and closing the door.

The part of me that was addicted to romance novels was reading too much into the sexual tension between us.

We were both adults in a bizarre situation where we had to pretend to be a couple. It was only natural to encounter awkward moments.

I set my bag down on the vanity next to my clothes, the ones Brennan had unpacked for me. Sighing, I opened the small velvet bag and pulled out my toothbrush and toothpaste.

I stood there, lost in thought for probably too long, brushing my teeth until I tasted blood. I stopped and turned on the faucet, rinsing the white foam off the brush.

I was way out of my depth. We’d only been here a few hours, and I was already unraveling.

I wondered if I was falling for the same charm as all the other girls. The ones I’d had to let down, time and time again.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t going to be just another girl. I wasn’t going to fall into that trap and be left questioning my self-worth.

I knew Brennan well enough to know that’s exactly what I’d be doing if we crossed that line.

I ran my hairbrush through my hair. Normally, I would have blow-dried it, but I hadn’t packed mine. It was warm out anyway, so I didn’t mind.

I tugged on my shorts and tank top, slipped the ring onto my finger, and tossed my towel and clothes into the hamper. After unplugging the sink, I cautiously opened the bathroom door.

Brennan was over by his dresser, which was adorned with pictures and awards that were clearly from his high school days. I returned my toiletries bag to my suitcase and made my way over to him, maintaining a safe distance.

His awards were for math and science, and he was top of his class and a winner in school contests. I picked up the valedictorian award and traced my fingers over it.

“You were valedictorian?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he answered. “I was kind of a nerd in high school.”

I shook my head, unable to believe it. Brennan was anything but a nerd. He was tall, handsome, muscular, and brooding. I bit my lip, fully aware that I was already thirsting for him like a wanderer lost in the desert.

“I find that hard to believe,” I admitted.

Brennan chuckled and picked up a photo frame. He extended it to me, so I set the valedictorian award down and took it. It was a picture from a Mathletics contest, and I recognized Brennan immediately.

He was tall, slightly awkward, wearing an oversized school sweater and thick black-rimmed glasses. His smile was the same, though I hadn’t seen much of it until now. He didn’t look like a nerd, but I could see how he might have felt like one.

“You’re cute,” I blurted out. Realizing my slip, I quickly added, “In high school, I mean. I don’t see a nerd. I see you, a smart kid who was growing into his body. And I mean, look at you now.”

I stopped and handed the picture back. My face was flushed, and I wished I could find a rock to hide under.

“I wish you’d been at my high school,” he said softly. “Well, when I was there. I think I got called every name in the book.

“It didn’t help that everyone knew who I was because of my parents. By the time my brother started, I was done, and for him and my sister, it was cool that we were the kids of Wolf Wines.”

“So they were popular, and you weren’t?” I had learned more about Brennan in the few hours we’d been out of town than I’d learned in three years, and I was eager for more.

“I sound jealous, I know.” Brennan moved over to the bed. I followed and zipped up my case.

“Hey, high school sucks, B. I hated it too. I was invisible. No one cared enough about who I was to pick on me. You can be jealous about it, no judgment here.”

I lifted my case off the bed and placed it next to Brennan's before pulling back the covers on the bed.

“It’s not even that I am jealous. I’m glad they had a better time than me. I just wish I’d had that too.”

I sat on the bed and sighed. I’d always assumed Brennan had life easy. I’d seen him as pretentious and arrogant. I’d decided he was the way he was for selfish reasons, and now I wasn’t so sure.

“So going to college and starting your own company wasn’t just about sticking it to your parents?” I asked.

Brennan pulled back his side of the blankets. He sat down, facing away from me. I lay down and rested my head on the pillow, facing him but on the edge of the bed.

“No. I wanted to reinvent myself. I still studied hard, I just…partied hard too. What about you, G? We’re talking so much about me and why I’m so messed up. Why are you so perfect.”

I frowned and propped myself up on my arm as Brennan lay down and turned over to face me. He had a smile on his face; he was joking.

“You really are so annoying.” I laughed, lying back down.

“Tell me about you, though. Your life.”

I wanted to ask why he wanted to know about my life. He didn’t need to know about me. Instead, I found myself telling him.

“My parents were both elementary teachers, ever since I was a kid. My mom tried to get pregnant after me, but after many miscarriages, they decided I was it.

“I was a nobody in high school. Even my teachers forgot I was there sometimes. I dreamed of being someone in a big city. So I moved for college and then worked for you.

“At least I got the big city part right for a while, and my life has been more privileged than most. I managed to escape lifelong trauma as a kid. I can’t complain about that.”

Brennan didn’t say anything or even make a noise for a while, at least a minute, until finally he sighed and turned off his bedside light. I turned to turn mine off, but I couldn’t find the switch.

Before I could ask Brennan where it was, he leaned across me, his arm brushing mine ever so slightly. Something stirred within me.

I turned back and rested my head on the pillow, ignoring that Brennan was so close I could see his pulse beating in his neck. He flicked the switch and the room fell into darkness.

He moved away quickly, settling back onto his own pillow. “Sorry. I just invaded your personal space.” Brennan sounded angry, but not with me.

“It’s okay,” I replied, meaning it.

There was an awkward silence in the room, and I could feel the tension radiating between Brennan and me.

I pulled the blankets up to my neck and tried to ignore my confused thoughts and my wayward libido. This was all pretend, and I needed to remember that.

I closed my eyes and focused on falling asleep. It had been a long day. I wasn’t even sure what the time was, but I knew it was late. I needed to reset. Maybe that would make everything make sense again.

Just as I felt my body begin to relax and doze, Brennan’s voice whispered, “You got the someone part right too.”

Too tired to ask what he meant, I fell asleep.