Chapter 118: Chapter 16: Never Sewer The Party, Part 4

Fortunately, there was a conveniently placed well behind the monument, so the two sewer-dweller could wash up quickly. Unfortunately, they couldn't do much with their clothes, and neither of them were very good at [Washing]. They were missing crucial equipment too. Like that thingy, medieval people used to wash clothes. Or the other thingy that was used to get water out of washed clothes. Or the third thingy that was used to dry de-watered clothes.

Well, they had the last one, it’s called a rope, and every adventurer has some of it in their packs.

Even if Prof technically wasn’t an adventurer, he had some.

When Prof hung his clothes up to dry, he realized, he needed someone with a high [Washing] Skill. His underpants became pink somehow – and he was absolutely certain, he did not wash them with anything that was pink or red. Actually, he didn't even have stuff that was those colors!

Joining the others – being marginally less stinky – he started to wonder.

“If Bianca’s team managed to navigate the city without problems, why did we need to crawl through the sewers?”

“I don't know. I assumed you were keen on visiting the architectural wonder that is Saugarten's sewers. I'm told, Humans don't have canalization."

“But… But… But… You told me, the canalization is the best way!"

“No, I told you, the canalization is the only thing, that fits your criteria for traveling."

“Hey, those criteria were made because of the riot that was happening in the city! If I knew, there wouldn’t be problems, I wouldn’t have made them up! Why didn’t you say something?”

“It looked like you had fun making them up. It isn’t excellent to destroy someone else’s fun. Well, as long as said fun doesn’t impair someone else.”

Greenskins… Imagine a culture, where everyone would be willing to wade through stinking sewers just because they thought, their friend was having fun and wanted to see one of Arkadia's seven wonders, that is Saugarten's sewers.

Oh, wait.

Crazy, isn’t it?

Speaking of the Seven Wonders… Prof was reasonably sure, Saugarten's sewer wasn't included in the list. He did see a few booklets about different numbers of wonders on Arkadia or Fenria but postponed buying any of them. His expenses for other books (that included rulebooks) precluded the investment.

“Hey, if navigating the riotous city is so easy, how comes Mini isn’t back yet?” He asked Bianca

“Prof, you do realize, you sent Miss Minerva through a riotous city to a brothel?”

“Ahm… Yes?”

“Doesn’t it answer your question?”

“Oh, look! A monument!" There probably was a Skill for changing topics on the fly. Prof just wasn't good at it. It was the first time, he actually took a look at the monument, and he was sorely disappointed. He expected some hero (with a lowercase h) in a heroic pose, or at least a crafter doing crafter things, or something. What he got was a downward pointing arrow with an ornate "E" (well, the Greenskinian version on an E) on top. It was modern art!

“Say, Wolfgang. What is this supposed to represent? A monument to some mining accident, or the direction where the economy is going?”

“No. The monument is the Eastern Meeting Place.”

“Commemorating a failed expedition, a heroic campaign, or a station where someone important did something important?"

“No. You know, people are going to places sometimes and join other people, going in the same direction. Or you expect a delivery, but the messenger doesn't want to enter the city. Or some random refugees need a place they could link up while fleeing the city. To make things easier for them, we invented this excellent thing, called Meeting Places. You go there and don't need to search for your teammates or cross the entire city multiple times. This here is the eastern one."

“I do know, what a meeting place is. But why don’t you put up a statute of, say, a random blacksmith, or a coach, or whatever? It would look better than a simple arrow.”

“Because then it would be a monument to a random blacksmith or whatever, and not of a meeting place! It is much easier to say 'at the Eastern Meeting Point' than 'at the statue of the random blacksmith at the eastern city limits'. Everyone knows, what a monument to a meeting place looks like, you would need to give directions to random statues of random people!"

Alien logics. Don't go there. Don't ask about the logic behind it. Swim with the flow.

It was well past dawn when Mini deigned to finally show up. She was riding an enormous black horse – if we extend the definition of "horse" beyond every possible limit. Usually, the definition doesn't include sharp teeth, built to rend flesh, claws instead of hooves, and black puffs of… blackness being emitted each time the hooves… claws made contact with the ground. Or red eyes, that left afterimages behind after every movement.

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“Hey, Prof! I brought you a gift! See?”

“Mini, whose horse is this?”

“It’s a Nightmare, Prof.”

“Ok, whose Nightmare is this?”

“It’s Sepp’s.”

“I’m afraid to ask, but who is Sepp?”

“Sepp’s dead, Prof. Sepp’s dead.”

“Why is… never mind. I don’t really want to know. Will Sepp’s friends look for the Nightmare? Or the authorities?”

“I don’t think so. They have more pressing problems right now, like…”

“No, I don’t want to know. Let’s go.”

“Where to?” Everyone was looking expectantly at him.

“Ehmm… Dunno? Definitely not to the East. To the North are the Bergians, to the South this Seven Kingdom place, right? I would rather not go South. Less likely to go south. Hehe. You get it?”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Not sssspeaksss foreigner.”

“Ah, I know! You used the idiom wrongly. We say ‘it went East’. Because the Valley is there.”

“We say, goes West, in the direction of the Domain.”

“And the Bergians use North. I don't know why. Prof, my love, please don't try to be funny. At least intentionally. You don't have the Perks for it. Leave being funny to me! At least, you can look funny anytime something new comes up. Trust me, you are much better at looking stupid… ahm… funny than dear Bia here! You are almost a natural!"

“Hey, that was unnecessarily cruel!”

“I second the statement.”

“Thank you, Bianca."

“No, I meant Miss Minerva’s. You do the stu… funny expression much better than me.”

“I concur. With Bianca, Mini has to expend effort to scandalize her, with you, it just comes naturally. Like the time…”

“You too, Wolfgang? I got it. Poor me always making faces when confronted with something.”

Was it the right time to get offended, spring a pointless argument, and ditch his so-called friends? Get his stuff, and stomp off into the sunset?

No!

First, it was dawn, and if he dramatically stomped off in the direction of the sun, he would go East. That would go east very fast, as the Greenskins used the idiom. Secondly, it was just friendly banter after surviving a life-threatening adventure of… being politely escorted through a riot to get their stuff or drop off girls in a brothel. Or crawling through well-maintained sewers. Or whatever Mini was doing.

And finally, Mini just brought him a gift, that would immensely improve his road- and cross-country mobility. No need to stomp off, if he could ride!

“So, where to?” Prof asked

“Actually, to the South-West is Ostwaldland’s second largest city. We could go there. It is said, it’s the most picturesque town in all of the Greenskinlands.”

“All right! Onwards to the picturesque town of…”

“Sumpfigerort.”

“Yes, onwards to Sumpfigerort!”

“Onwards!”

“Let’s go!”

“All right!”

It only took half an hour to start moving in the end. Most of the time wasn't spent re-arranging their belongings (that took only five minutes or so), but with Prof getting friendly with his new mount. Obviously, it is very important to be friends with a horse-sized carnivore, especially, if you want to ride it and keep your appendages fixed to your torso. Prof very much liked his arms and legs where they were, he more or less grew attached to them in the last months. In the end, it took only a few Gremlins for the nightmare to become docile. Docile as in he didn't want to eat Prof's face off and allowed Prof to sit on his back.

Another few minutes went by with asking around, where Sumpfigerort exactly was, and how to reach it.

“I don't think, we will able to sell the gems in the new city, so we are officially broke again. Any ideas, on how we could get money? Probably we should start delving dungeons." Prof started with the brainstorming while they traversed the highway ring around Saugarten. All right, since there wasn't that much traffic to warrant a highway ring, they were traversing agricultural backroads. Highway ring sounds better, though.

“Well, we will do what we know best." Wolfgang said, "Before you ask, that is playing music."

“I heard, all the dungeons here are managed by the Adventurer's Guild. We would need to join them." Mini supplied. "They always have other jobs to do too, stuff to kill and they are even willing to pay money to folks to do it! Having fun and getting paid at the same time! It's awesome!"

“Miss Minerva, have you ever been inside of an Adventurer’s Guild?”

“Of course I was! I'm a master-level adventurer at home! I've been promoted to it by retrieving the crown of some silly bird from the Grand Dungeon of So'Ee!"

“You are the Guildmaster of your local branch?!?” Prof was shocked. If Mini was promoted to any position of authority, that place was probably going to go east (or west or north) very quickly. Oh, wait. Wasn’t Mini some kind of noble, and on the list for inheriting the title of Duke? Duchess. Whatever.

“Of course not, silly. The Guildmaster is my uncle… nephew… ehmmm… crap, your language doesn't have the correct word for our awesome Vampire family relations. Being a master means, I can open a new Guild everywhere, and the Locals will accept my fabulous leadership! Even the All-Elven Bureau for Covert Operations recognized my position and accepted me as a Journeyvampire. I had only to promise, I won't do any adventuring in the Domain!"

“The Elves call the Adventurer’s Guild the All-Elven whatever?”

“Actually no, Bianca. But I didn’t care to remember the correct name. It was silly.”

“I don’t think, Journeyvampire is a real position in any Guild.”

“I know! They actually called it Awesome Adventuring Lady-Vampire With a Rank of Slightly Below Supreme Grandmaster.”

“Really?”

“No. But it was some overly complicated, unnecessarily flowery, and boringly long name. I don't really care, Journeyvampire sounds more awesome, anyway. What do you think?"

“Oh, look! We have arrived at the road to Sumpfigerort!”