Chapter 139: Chapter 19: The Show Mustn’t Go On, Part 6

“You won't get in through the front door." the cousin told them while shoveling spicy stew into his mouth. "There are about a dozen different attendants there at any given time, and our very honored new not-Guildmaster stationed at least two Clay Bands there too. I would like you not to kill off my co-workers. Some are even my friends.”

“Greenskinian windows are too narrow to get through that way." Prof observed, "Is there any other way inside?"

“Sure there is. We have a kitchen entrance in the back.”

“Surely heavily defended too?”

“No, not really. Only Treesqueezers and Pinkskins would be so insidious to invade through the backdoor, and we don’t have many of either here.”

“What about thieves? They would quite likely use an undefended backdoor for some pillaging!”

“Yes, this is exactly, why the kitchen door isn’t defended! If we would lock and defend it, that would be preventing and hindering the thieves, and that would be illegal! Also, most thieves announce themselves before they make a move, so we can prepare ourselves. Or they just go through the front door, and try to sneak around, if they are in for a challenge. Either way, no Greenskin thief would steal valuable things from other Greenskins.”

“Yeah! If the Thieves' not-Guild wants to make money, they just send in the tax collectors or a lawyer!" their resident law bender added.

Prof almost forgot, how alien Greenskin society was. Being excellent to each other was more important, than protecting your valuables from thieves – but thieves won't steal anything valuable to begin with, since that wouldn't be excellent. A sufficiently amoral Traveller could probably rob Ostwaldland, Dunkelgrünen, Grünen-Anhalt, and all the other small Greenskin countries blind within a year.

Since it didn’t happen already, either there wasn’t a thieving Traveller yet, or he was killed off in short order. Based on the zeal the Elves hunted poor dimensional migrants, and what Sandy told him in the Afterlife Office, the second possibility was probably more likely.

So, if no other Traveller had done such things yet, the time was right for Prof being the first.

“We should go through the backside!” he declared

“Oh, naughty boy! I’m up to it! Who wants to participate? In what order do you want to go?”

“Miss Minerva, you are vulgar again. I’m quite certain, Prof didn’t mean in that way.”

“Yes, I know. But we have time, so…”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Not a chance.”

“Never.”

“Not with me.”

“Not sssspeak language!”

With that slight distraction cleared up, their informant provided them with a detailed description of the not-Guildhouse. Not really surprisingly, the floor plan was identical to most Greenskin buildings Prof visited. Well, it wasn't surprising to the local Greenskins, since they probably already knew the standardized layout of their buildings. Everyone else was surprised.

The ground floor’s main hall was utilized as a bar, lecture hall, and of course, a concert hall – it was the Musicians’ not-Guild, after all. The smaller rooms were used mostly as practice rooms, while the first floor was used for offices and storage. The second floor was occupied by bunkrooms and a few suites. The not-Guildmaster commandeered the largest of those for his own use, including an office.

Unfortunately, the spy couldn't say much about their future enemy's Stats, Skills, and Perks. On Arkadia, that was the most important thing – the number of Skill Points per Level depended on Stats and Perks, and how someone distributed their Points could make a huge difference. Not even counting what and how much was trained without a convenient Level Up to throw Skill Points at any problem.

And Perks… According to the game’s Rulebook – Prof read everything twice so far, plus that one time, when he thought, it was The Rulebook – there were quite a few terrific and awesome Perks out there. Even if the rules were for a game, they were similar enough to Arkadia’s real rules. Even if someone was of a low Level, but had a good Perk, he could have been more dangerous, than a higher Leveled one with weak Perks.

More dangerous as in “kill everyone with just one hit”.

Their informant could provide them with only a few hints about the not-Guildmaster: he wasn't really good in fighting Skills, but was quite good in [Art: Music] and [Magic: Music]. And allegedly had quite a few Skills and Perks related to politicking. Prof translated that to proficient liar and thief, congoblin, high demagogy, and backstabbing (no matter, if those were Skills or Perks). Probably with [Convincing] and [Oratory].

That probably meant, he was a squishy – and the explanation for the three bodyguards.

Although magic was well and good (as were soft skills), and any mage could probably flatten a village, being a glass trebuchet wasn't an insurance against cold steel to the kidneys. Armor was part of an insurance, probably that was the reason, that most of the magic users during the Slime Campaign were running around in at least leather armor. There was even one, that had full plate mail.

Find this and other great novels on the author's preferred platform. Support original creators!

Cat told him, that having rigid gear made casting more problematic, but most marginally proficient casters accepted that for added protection. Well, the magic users, who weren't adventurers – for that style was more important. Mostly.

As for the not-Guildmaster, no one saw him in anything but normal, everyday clothing – rich, everyday clothing, to be precise. Since magical gear was a thing on Arkadia, wearing only cloth meant not much, magical clothes could have better armor ratings, than poor-quality plates.

Of course, assuming one could afford it.

A not-Guildmaster most likely could pay for some nice stuff.

“So… Your enemy’s magic liquefied your brain. Your adventure ends here.”

“The noise marine thrust his claymore into your stomach and played a tune on your guts. Your adventure ends here."

“Headshot! Your adventure ends here.”

“You fall unconscious. Your adventure ends here.”

“Oh, come on, Mini! Why does everyone always attack just me, and not the others?!"

“Prof, my friend. If you rush into a room as the vanguard, the occupants logically will attack you first. If you don’t want to die, you should hold back. Bianca here is the wall, after all, not you.”

“But you all told me, since I'm the fastest, I should go first and should try to land a few hits!"

“Isss not working.”

“Yeah, I figured out that much.”

“Next try?”

“Sure. This time, Bianca should go first, though.”

Even Bianca died a few times. Finally, Prof snatched their enemies’ Character Parchments from Mini. He had a suspicion.

“What?! Did all these folks grow up in a cave?!?! Look! You put almost every Skill point into their main Skills! Above 400% in a select few Skills, but everything else is on base value! And the Perks! How did you come up with all these values?"

“Let me take a look!” Bianca slid next to Prof “Miss Minerva, why exactly do they each have 150% in [Party] and [Sex]?”

“Because every high-level person should have it so high? Besides, it's best to plan with the worst-case scenario, not the for the easy way!"

“Right. Oh, wait! You have Irresponsible! What could possibly go wrong? Ring a bell? I think this is just you being Cruel!”

“Hey! Being Irresponsible doesn’t mean, I’m dumb! My unmatched Intelligence is 16, in case you forgot! I’m the most intelligent person currently in the room!”

“Not counting Prof, Miss Minerva.”

“Mine is 17.” Wilhelm provided

“Look, Bia, my dear. Prof’s Intelligence may be higher, but he doesn’t use that Stat all that much. And he doesn’t have all those extremely important Skills like I do!”

“And what about me?” Wilhelm asked

“You thought, becoming a lawyer was a good idea. I rest my case.”

“Anyway, without knowing the approximate Skills and Perks this simulation isn't going to help us much." Prof ended the bickering about who was the most intelligent. The most intelligent people usually didn't need to prove, they were the most intelligent. Only those, who weren't at the pinnacle of intelligent-ness felt themselves inferior enough to jump through loops.

Like a certain Vampire. Who was also narcissistic.

Well, and a lot of experts on the TV and on video platforms.

Anyhow, Prof was definitely the most intelligent person in the room (even if he didn’t have a lot of scientific Skills), and was almost at the pinnacle of humanly possible. Even his Character Parchment said so! No further proof was needed!

“Ah, and what do you propose? Asking them for their Character Parchments?”

“Maybe if I ask politely…”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Forget it.”

“That’s sensitive private information.”

“Or we could hire someone with a high enough [Observe]?”

“That would be expensive. Are you willing to pay?”

“Expensive?!? No way, I’m willing to pay for an expensive professional! We are almost broke again!”

Prof remembered something, Wolfgang told him about Greenskin duels. They could maybe challenge the not-Guildmaster and hit him over the head repeatedly with something hard and heavy. But, no. The band wouldn't stand for an assassination mid-brawl… ehm… mid scientific exchange. That wouldn't be excellent. They would rather lose than win by being not-excellent.

It was a wonder, the Greenskins were still present on Arkadia. Being always excellent was… well, excellent, but as soon as the other species weren't playing by the same rules, sticking to being excellent was the same as shooting yourself in the knee. With a crossbow.

“We could try to assassinate some of the bodyguards, at least.”

“Assassinating folks isn't excellent," Wolfgang warned him

“Ehmmm… Kill them openly?”

“Isn’t excellent either.”

“Hey, we are planning to invade their headquarters through the kitchen door and kill every last one of them! I doubt that is excellent!"

“Well, while it isn’t exactly excellent, it is justified by the not-Guildmaster not being excellent, and it is covered by the law. Killing them, especially the bodyguards on the street isn’t excellent, and it is against the law. Trust me, I’m a lawyer! Those two are completely different things!”

Alien logic, there was it again. No normal Earth-Human (and probably no normal Arkadia-Human either) would be able the understand the difference. Luckily, Prof didn’t need (or wanted) to understand, firstly, because he had a trustworthy lawyer, and secondly, because he wanted to regroup outside of Greenskinlands to begin with. Most likely there wasn’t a cross-border police force on Arkadia yet, and there weren’t extradition laws either. Well, there was a cross-border assassination force, but Red Elves had nothing to do with foreigners causing accidents to Greenskin not-Guildmasters.

Either way, it was probably a good idea to listen to locals. After all, they knew, how their countries worked.

Their discussions of how excellent it was to shove deadly implements into the bodies of other people were rudely interrupted, however.

“I have a proposition for you.”