Chapter 141: Chapter 19: The Show Mustn’t Go On, Part 8

The spell was most likely a combination of [Magic: Sound] and [Magic: Nausea]. Maybe [Magic: Smell]. That, or Theodor really had to consume a breath-refreshing potion after eating smelly food.

But that gave Prof a splendid idea.

“Theodor, before the duel, please eat as much smelly food as possible! Not just those cheap dog sausages and onions, but garlic too. A lot of garlic! And that fermented fish I saw on the market! And pickled cabbages! And, and, and… everything else, that is smelly and gives bad breath!”

“Wasn’t my Spell enough?”

“My ears are still ringing, but your breath… Oh, Heavenly Game Master! I’m still getting sick!”

“Prof, that is actually a splendid idea! Could have come from me! Hey, I actually have a potion, that gives insanely bad breath! Theodor, you can have it! Here!”

“Why is there a potion, that gives bad breath? And why do you have it?”

“Well, there is a potion for everything! Once I found a potion, that made me…”

“Focus, Mini!”

“Well, I picked this potion up from someone I picked up somewhere.”

“Let me see." Prof took the small glass vial for a thorough examination. Well, it wasn't exactly "small", being two deciliters in volume. After taking a sniff, he turned back to Mini. "You do realise, this isn't a potion, but a cooking ingredient? It mostly has garlic and oil, and a few other things in it. I think it would be quite tasty on bread and dry pastries."

“Bah! It’s in a vial and does stuff. It is a potion!”

“So, if I put hard booze into a vial, that would be potion too, if we follow your logic.”

“Of course, it would be a potion! A Drunk-Making Potion!”

“But, if I leave it a bottle, it wouldn’t be a potion?”

“It would be a potion, but in larger packaging!”

“Prof, I think, Mini is pulling your leg again.” Bianca, as the party’s trusty wall came to his help, and deflected a headache-inducing attack.

“Ah, come on, Bia, dear! It’s fun!”

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“Sssssanksss for ssspeaking thisss language. And yesssss.”

“Anyways, this one here isn’t a potion, but a condiment, as I was saying.”

“No, it actually is a potion." Adeltraut supplied "Giving bad breath is not its intended effect, being an antidote and a general medicine is. It makes even the common cold go away within minutes! Well, you can also put it on food."

“How do you know? I don’t remember you having [Medicine], [Doctoring], [First Aid] or [Alchemy] at a high Level.”

“I have [Cooking] tagged and at 213%. I know my ingredients.”

Actually, after saying it, Prof remembered her Character Parchment. He simply forgot Adeltraut had that Skill on such a Level – mostly because the Ogre never cooked. What use was a high-Level Skill, if it was never used?! It was like building a Skill-set, that, for example, was geared towards hitting things over the head with dual-wielded axes, a high chance for Critical Hits, and not getting hit in return. And then not going full-out murderhobo on the wildlife, bandits, and everything moving, twenty-four-seven, for a hundred and forty Chapters or so.

No one would read such a boring story!

Luckily for Prof, he wasn't an edge lord in some trashy web novel but was enjoying his very much real next life, so there was no need for constant warfare against trash mobs.

Besides, constant fighting was hard and smelly work, and he just wanted to see the sights. His awesome build was just there for self-defense. And plundering occasional dungeons.

“So, if we give the stuff to Theodor, he would have extra bad breath and be extremely healthy?”

“Yes. He wouldn’t catch the common cold for a few months. The weather is getting colder, so I would recommend, you all also take a sip. Prevention is very important, even if you have high Vitality!”

It was like having a mom again. A close to three meters high, green, and seriously overweight mom, but nonetheless. Truly, Ogres were really gentle giants.

As long as you don't make them angry and make them bash you over the head with Ogre-sized drumsticks.

The next day, the dueling hit squad arrived early at the chosen Betterment Center's training grounds. Obviously, only after giving Theodor a healthy breakfast. He was even greener than usual. And of extremely bad odor. Strangely, the rafters were packed full with different Greenskins, everybody chanting "Mythrill" at the top of their lungs as soon as Wolfgang entered the premises. Obviously, someone let the details of the upcoming duel slip. Prof was reasonably sure, it was not his party (although, Mini was a candidate for indiscretion), so that left only…

Oh, yeah. Wolfgang. He was a Showman, after all – incapable of not going overboard if there was a show to have. Even, if that went against common sense and efficiency. He probably would have attracted a crowd even for a stealthy assassination!

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Well, having cheerleaders for a sports venue was probably a good thing – even if Greenskins didn't have barely clothed females jumping around. They had to settle for folks sitting on the rafters and chanting.

“Honoured Redcap, may the better side win.” the noise marine approached them, trailed by the other two bodyguards. Obviously being minions of the villain didn’t mean, they had to be arrogant and un-excellent. Greenskins were strange.

The Betterment Center’s head trainer, who was to be the referee for the duel, checked everyone’s gear over and summarized the rules for a last time.

“No deliberate killing blows against subdued opponents are permitted! No deliberate killing blows are permitted at all! A subdued opponent is someone, who can not continue the duel, be it unconsciousness, injured, or if I said so! You all know the other rules, keep to them, or I will disqualify you!”

As everyone, who watched at least one football game knows, referees are chronically blind. Also, they, as neutral parties had their favorites. Knowing the rules only marginally, those age-old facts didn't bode well for Prof and his team – especially for a certain law-evading Vampire.

It was almost certain, the blind and partially neutral umpire would favor the home team! Would the Central European… ehm… mixed Central Fenrian team manage to pull off an overwhelming, surprise victory? How could a foreign team win against their overpowered opponents?

By basing their tactics on the Greenskins’ fetish of being excellent. And, obviously, using chemical warfare!

Of course, the bodyguard brigade wasn't conforming to expectations, as in they did not spread themselves thin, but stayed close together. The sword-and-board Hobgoblin was covering the crossbow-goblin, while the noise marine stayed close and played the spear's tip. Bunching up in this way, however, gave an opening, no one was seriously contemplating.

“Theodor, magic! Now!” Mini ordered, as soon as the opposite team reached close quarters. The resounding magical attack was epical. Legendary even! One could maybe call it mythical! Prof was standing behind the Goblin (he was quite sure, he knew the song, Theodor was belching), and the backlash and the echo staggered even him. The smell was even more… staggering.

At least he wasn’t the focus of the Spell. And the unintended consequences of feeding a lot of smelly food to a Goblin before exercising.

The Spell turned out a lot more… liquid than it was planned.

“This is disgusting! I joined the Bodyguards’ not-Guild so I don’t have to deal with drunken folks vomiting over me! Fuck this! I’m out! I’m going back to a bar, playing bouncer!” the Hobgoblin threw his gear on the ground, furiously trying to wipe away some chunks of sausage. “What did you eat? This is vile! Damn, I won’t be able to get the smell out of my stuff! Boss, you will get the bill for this!”

While the Hobgoblin was raging over his destroyed gear, the Goblin with the crossbow was just sick, barely conscious. Only the noise marine remained, looking shocked.

“Referee! Is chemical warfare allowed in a duel? I call foul play!” He finally contacted the absolute authority for the match.

“That was basically [Magic: Sound], so the use of a Skill and a Spell. It was boosted by… food and medicine, and neither is forbidden. Even if they used gas, it wouldn’t be against the rules. I’m actually grateful, they used belching and not farting. That would have been truly vile!”

“Could you do that, Theodor? That would have been awesome!”

“NO! Don’t even think about it! Leave me alone! I won’t ever eat sausages again! Argghhh…”

“It looks like, two-thirds of the defending team either forfeited or aren't in a condition to continue the duel. I pronounce the Goblin Theodor from the challenging team also in no condition to continue. Take your places, and let's finish this!" the referee directed the teams to their exact positions before the time-out.

Since they were short a one-shot Goblin, Prof’s (or rather Mini’s) team had to amend their plans. Obviously, their team captain already had ideas.

“Team! Everyone STRIP!” not necessarily good ideas, though.

“Are you folks retarded?!?!? Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?!? First vomit and now a strip show?!? Can't you take this seriously?!"

“Hey, I’m taking this seriously! Nothing bad happened EVER by folks stripping, duh!”

“Vulgar undead!”

“I'm NOT VULGAR! See my Parchment! Nowhere it say, I'm vulgar!"

“This… this… this… How you are even allowed to run free?!? You are insane!!!”

“Baseless accusations! I’m not insane!”

“Your own Parchment says so! How can someone be so ignorant and stupid?!?!”

“I’m neither! See! Intelligence of 16! I’m a genius!”

“This is a farce!” their enemy started to get red in the face. With a green base color, it made for an interesting contrast “This was meant as a challenge of Skills, not a visit to a pleasure provider!”

“YOU JUST CALLED ME A WHORE?!?!?”

“Stupid bitch! You even have [Sex] at over 190%! What do you expect?!?!”

“YOU WANT A TEST OF SKILL?!?! I will show you, what that awesome Skill does!!!”

Prof watched the noise marine keel over – obviously, if a green-skinned someone started to turn red, it wasn't healthy. That was probably a record for them. Mostly, they still had to fight, or at least intimidate their enemies into submission. As far as Prof could tell, no one even used a Skill in the duel after the first burst of "magic". He expected a little bit more from high-level professionals.

Since he wasn’t the Main Character in a story, he couldn’t have had such a strong plot armor, no? Besides, he saw a complete set of Plot Armor in one of the shops in Suagarten. Yes, it was even advertised under that name! It was insanely expensive, but the enchantments made the wearer almost unkillable. With that price tag, basically, no one could have afforded it, though. And certainly not him.

“Eeehm… Referee, Sir… I think our honored opponent just suffered an aneurysm or a heart attack. Or both. Could you please get a healer?"

“That was anticlimactic." Wolfgang stepped up to the front liners "The weak of heart can't stand against a determined force!"

“Miss Minerva, congratulations. You finally did it! You annoyed someone to death!"

“No, I did nothing of the kind. It was clearly suicide because he knew, he couldn't win an argument against my outstanding Intelligence and my wonderful Skills!"

“You know, Miss Minerva, sometimes I think…”

“Ehm, Bianca. What did I tell you about arguing with Mini?" Prof jumped to the help of their wall. Rescuing females from certain brain damage was gentlemanly, no?

“Don't do it? Because you will never win and will get headaches?"

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Why didn’t you tell it to the noise marine too, my friend? This was a waste of Greenskin resources. One elite combatant less!” Wolfgang questioned.

“Well, I can’t just walk around and tell everybody, not to talk to Mini! Besides, this is the first casualty of arguing with her!”

“That you know of! Ha!” Mini looked, for some strange reason, extremely proud.

“Do I wanna know?”

“Probably not.”

“I thought so. What know?”

“Now, we kick that little green slime’s door in, and feed him to Binky!”