Chapter 42: Chapter 42

He leans in and breathes deep.

His face in the curve of my throat, his lips just barely grazing my neck.

A shuddering breath escapes me.

I fist my hands and squeeze until my fingers hurt. Every cell in my body wants to grab hold of this man and hold him close. But I force myself to stand still.

He draws a breath, then another. Taking in my scent.

I shiver.

“Hmm.” He makes a humming sound and even that little rumble gives me a delicious little chill from head to toe.

He releases another small rumble as if he’s reading my every reaction.

He probably is.

It’s part of being a wolf.

Heightened senses mean we learn more about the world around us or people close to us.

I blush thinking all the details he’s picking up about me right now…

He draws back a bit, one hand still on my face and I gaze up at him, losing myself in his dark eyes and perfect features.

It isn’t the physical beauty of this man that draws me.

It’s what’s on the inside.

His steadfast faith in me. The way he’s defended me from the moment we met. The way he accepts me, even knowing all my broken, ugly parts and my unseemly past.

He leans forward and I hold my breath.

Is he going to kiss me?

His eyes start to shut.

I tilt my chin up. His mouth is so close. His lips look so soft.

But as I brace myself for this moment, knowing it’ll cross lines that can’t be uncrossed. I don’t care. I selfishly crave this man.

But the passionate kiss I long for never comes.

He presses his lips to my forehead.

It’s a sweet kiss.

A chaste kiss.

I sink back on my heels and bury my disappointment.

He clasps my hands, looking very pleased with himself. “Come sister, let me serve you a meal for once.”

I follow him into the kitchen and sit.

He pours me a glass of water. Serves up two bowls of the hearty stew. There’s an old fashioned bread drawer and from it he pulls out two rounds of crusty bread.

It’s all very domesticated and he moves easily around the cabin, clearly familiar with the layout and where everything is.

We eat in companionable silence for a few minutes. I feel foolish for thinking there is something more between us than there actually is.

What’s more…I should be grateful for his friendship. For finding ‘family’ when I have none.

It was very selfish and foolish to want more.

I should be content. Thankful.

I force myself to keep eating.

The stew really is delicious. And it’s quite nice to have a prepared meal. In saving money, dining out has not been in my budget. Not even a fast food meal or fancy coffee.

I take another bite.

But it lodges in my throat when Jay suddenly says, "Sister, how well do you know Alpha Sean Stevens?”

We’ve touched on my relationship with Sean.

And it’s not a secret.

A quick internet search would show images of me and the Alpha.

“He’s announced his engagement to Lily Atkinson,” Jay says, “…another powerful pack in the area.”

I set my spoon beside my bowl. “Yes. I’m aware. I saw it on the news.”

“You bear no mate mark on your throat or neck.”

Ah, so that’s what he was looking for when he did that close inspection of me before. I’d thought he had different intentions. And he’s seen my neck before.

“We were waiting for the formal ceremony,” I explain.

Funny, it feels like it’s from another lifetime, the feelings I had for Sean. When I was with him, I was happy. It’s not like I was just going through the motions or something. I loved him.

“Was it a true mate match?” he asks.

The question makes me uncomfortable. “I thought it was…at the time. And when he rejected me, I felt that loss to my soul.”

“And now?”

“I’m not so sure. I don’t think I was ever really meant to be with him.” It feels weird to voice that aloud.

To think that I could have been wrong.

I wish so desperately to have Ava. She liked Sean and connected with his wolf, but I suspect her reaction to Jay would be much stronger.

Without her though… it doesn’t matter.

A human cannot mate to a wolf. Not in the traditional sense, anyway.

Jay sips his water and continues to regard me carefully. “Do you miss him?”

I laugh. “Heavens no.”

I pick up my spoon again but my appetite is gone. “I ran into him recently…and it stirred old memories, old hurts, but I didn’t feel a connection to him.” I take a deep breath. “I wish him happiness.”

Jay’s eyes twinkle. “That’s kind of you.”

“I’m not kind.” Mia Jenkins came to me seeking forgiveness, and I did not grant it. “I’m just a broken, lonely girl trying to survive.”

He takes my hand. My knuckles hurt and my fingers look deformed. I’m an ugly duckling and this man deserves far better than what I am.

The fire crackles in the hearth. There are flowers in a vase on the table.

It’s cozy and secluded and…romantic.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to think and not knowing where we stand has me twisted up in knots.

He comes around the table and kneels before me. He holds both my hands. I’m so aware of this man, so drawn to him.

… “Jay, why did you really bring me here…”