Chapter 68: Chapter 68

GRACE I shake my head to clear it.

This is my ‘brother’ and he likely didn’t mean what he’d said the way I am taking it.

It was an innocent question. I shouldn’t read so much into it.

This attraction I feel…it is one-sided and couldn’t go anywhere. If I cross that line, I’d only stand to lose him. He deserved better than that.

We both did.

I swallow hard and avert my gaze.

“Of course, I would be sad over you. I care for you deeply, Jay.”

“As you did for Sean before you learned the truth about him?”

Actually, I feel more for Jay.

But I can’t tell him that. If he misinterprets my meaning, there will be no putting the genie back in the bottle.

And the last thing I want is any awkwardness or distance between us.

I value his friendship too fiercely.

I clear my throat. "I can love my younger brother but that isn't the same kind of love.”

“Oh?”

Jason isn’t letting me off the hook, and the whole conversation is making me want to cringe. “It's two different feelings. I thought loving someone was forever and irreplaceable. I even... thought that lovers could live and die together.”

“True mates?”

“I know we have ‘matings’ and for wolves, the term mating these days is almost synonymous with ‘marrying’ but those aren’t the real bonds. The kind that bound you to another soul for—

“For 99 lifetimes,” Jay supplies.

I scoff. “No. Forever. A true mate bond extends from this life to forever.”

“And you believe in such a love?” He seems genuinely curious.

“I do.”

“What a romantic notion,” Jason says.

“That kind of love… to live or die together. It’s all-encompassing. All empowering.”

JASON I watch as Grace blushes. She’s quite expressive. Her face radiating whatever emotion it is that she’s feeling and it’s usually a very strong one. She’s all-in, I realize.

Quick to love, to hate. To forgive. To smile.

To live.

Why did I suddenly want to experience such a thing? And with Grace.

What did this mean for me? Was I falling for her?

No. Of course not.

i don’t believe in that kind of love, and I challenge anyone who did to prove that it was honest and true, and lasting.

Because I sure as shit haven’t seen any real examples of it.

But I do admit, that I have feelings for Grace. There is a … sentimental attachment, yes. That was it.

And physical attraction.

I study her and realize that I also have become reliant—obsessed?— with the feeling of being next to her. I want to know her whereabouts, to be there when she comes home, and to ensure her safety.

That’s normal for an attachment to someone, caring about them.

Why else would I have played this game for so long?

There was nothing wrong with enjoying someone else’s company.

If I am really honest with myself, I am treading into deeper emotional territory. I chalk that up to the loyalty and selflessness she displays. Terrence holds a place in my heart, for example, as my beta he has served me loyally and with patient dedication. I am attached to him, and my emotions aren’t the least bit romantic.

It is the same Grace.

to fall in love with her... I could not have done that.

I made a promise to myself long ago to never fall in love with any woman!

“You’re really thinking hard,” she teases. “Any second now, I expect smoke to come out of your ears.”

“Is that right?” I growl playfully. I let my wolf surface and she laughs and then squeals again with laughter when I lunge for her.

She runs around the tiny apartment, even leaping lithely over the bed, and it triggers every age-old instinct I have.

I want to run her down. Claim her. Possess her.

When I catch her, I tickle her instead.

She laughs and smiles and squirms. And laughs some more.

The sound is so pleasing. I keep at it until she’s breathless, because I like having her close and having the sound of her joy in my ears.

“Stop, stop. Okay.” She pouts. “I’m not even sure what I said to set you off.”

I tap her nose. I’m holding her close now and if she hasn’t sensed the change in my demeanor—in my body—she’s going to, any second.

”Jay, you would never make me sad, right?" The gentle tone of her voice has me taking this conversation seriously once again.

I give her the answer she is prepared to hear.

“Your brother will never make you sad,” I say. I mean it. Protecting her for life is as easy as lifting a finger for me. Hell, my accountants could probably find some tax write-off for it.

When she stared at me, her eyes so earnest and hopeful, I feel a pang of unease.

I promised not to make her sad, yet… when she one day discovers that I am not Jay Smith, some vagrant worker, and am actually Alpha ruler of Pack Reed and this entire region… how would she react to the lie he’d been living?

Sad was likely an understatement.

This woman had built up walls all around her and I’ve been let in.

With a word, I could send those walls crumbling to the ground.

It isn't really a question of if I would hurt her, but when…