I could feel the nerves bundling in my chest as I parked my car in front of the restaurant.
I had been trying to convince myself that this wasn't a date but I knew it technically was.
I haven't been on a date or with anyone since..well since Colby.
I shook my head, not wanting to think of him.
When I got out of the car I made my way to the restaurant, only to see the cop from the other day standing there.
He actually looked really nice with his brown hair styled. He was wearing jeans and a dress shirt with a nice jacket.
"Hey! You look nice." He said as I walked up to him. "Thank you. You clean up nicely." I said with a smile.
"Thank you. Thank you. Ready for some dinner?" He asked as I nodded.
"Reservation for Octavia." The cop said as we walked up to the hostess stand.
"Follow me." The girl behind the counter said then led the way through the restaurant.
I found myself getting nervous because this looked like a pretty nice place.
I didn't like when people spent money on me but I especially hated really nice places.
I didn't belong in places like this.
"For you." The cop said and pulled my chair out for me. "Thanks." I said then sat down.
"So...do I get to know your name or should I just keep referring to you as the cop that pulled me over?" I asked as he sat down.
"I guess you can know my name since I know yours. Juliana." He said causing me to laugh.
"Call me Julia. Juliana is too formal, I feel like I'm being yelled at." I said as he nodded. "Julia..I'm Mike." He said and held his hand out.
"Michael." I said with a grin as I shook his hand. "Now I feel like I'm being yelled at." He said as the waiter came over and put some bread on our table.
"Hi guys, can I get you something to drink?" He asked as I nervously looked at the menu.
Jesus the prices were bad.
"Water please." I said quietly and looked at the waiter. "And for you, sir?" The guy asked, looking at Mike. "Water as well." He said causing the waiter to turn and walk away.
"So, how've you been?" Mike asked as I shrugged. "I keep myself busy." I said, not really knowing what to talk about.
It's been so long since I've done anything like this, that I didn't know how to keep a conversation flowing.
"That's good. You seem a little young to have four kids. Not judging at all but it caught me off guard." He said causing me to laugh.
"They're not mine. They're my siblings and I take care of them." I said with a sigh. "That must be hard considering their ages." He said as I nodded.
"They're good kids. They make it so easy." I said then looked at my hands.
I realized I was picking at my nails, pulling at the nail beds anxiously,
"I wish I had siblings, but nope. No kids either, although I want them one day." Mike said with a smile.
Usually I would think it would be weird to be talking about kids on the first date but I think it was sweet he was trying to relate.
"Maybe one day." I said feeling my heart sink, thinking about the baby I had lost.
"I didn't mean to upset you." Mike said after a couple seconds of silence.
"No! You didn't, I just got lost in thought." I said with a small smile as the waiter put our waters on the table.
"Get whatever you want." Mike said to me as we looked over the menu.
Everything here was more expensive than I would be able to afford so I was feeling cautious about ordering anything.
After a while of looking, I decided on soup and a salad since it was the cheapest and actually sounded good.
"So, why exactly did you want to take me to dinner? I was a hot mess..not to mention breaking up the law." I asked and folded my hands on the table.
"I don't know if you know this but you're gorgeous. If I wasn't so scared of my supervisor then I would have ripped the ticket up and not given it to you." Mike said with a laugh.
"I deserved it. I was running late and just needed to get the kids to school. I may be an okay sister but I'm a shitty mom that's for sure." I said with a laugh.
"Hey, I speed too. Perk of being a cop is you don't get pulled over." He said causing me to shake my head and giggle.
"That's so unfair." I said as he grinned. "Maybe one day you can tag along with me and see all the action." He said as I nodded.
"I think I'd like that." I said then smiled at him.
I had to admit that I was actually having a really good time. Mike seemed to be really respectful and didn't seem very pushy at all.
When our food got there we started to eat and it was actually amazing.
"I like your tattoo." Mike said and gestured to the rose on my wrist.
I felt my heart shift slightly, but ignored it. "Thanks. I always forget I have it." I said with a sigh and looked at the rose.
"Does it mean anything?" He asked as I shook my head.
"It means nothing to me." I said then took a bite of my salad.
When we finished eating our dinner, Mike ordered a dessert for us to share.
I was also a little uncomfortable with how well this was going because I expected it to be a mess.
I obviously wasn't the best at dates and wasn't the most comfortable surrounding myself with new people but maybe it was time to move on from that.
Maybe I needed to let myself be happy for once and needed to welcome someone new into my little world.
There was a voice in the back of my head which was scared to do that though. I didn't want to let the kids get too close to someone only for that person to leave.
Not to mention the fact my mom was trying to get the kids back from me.
I didn't have time for a partner. I had to focus on that and focus on the crippling debt that was surrounding me.
I wasn't able to have a significant other right now.
"You okay?" Mike asked with a laugh, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Yeah. Got lost in thought." I said then took a bite of the cake in front of me.
"You do that a lot." He said with a grin. "Yeah, there's a lot going on in my life right now. Can't seem to escape it." I said with a laugh.
"Is it the ticket? I can seriously take care of that for you, Julia." Mike said as I shook my head.
"It's okay. I'll figure it all out." I said with a sigh. "The least I can do is take you on another date." He said as I raised my brows.
"Oh yeah?" I questioned as he nodded. "Yeah. Maybe something more exciting like taking a ride in the police car." He said as I nodded.
"I'd like that, but I have to take care of the kids. I was lucky to have a friend watch them tonight." I said as the waiter dropped off the bill.
"Maybe that friend can watch them for another date." He suggested as I nodded. "Maybe." I said quietly.
I knew Stacie would do it because she was supportive and wanted me to have fun but it didn't sit right with me.
It wasn't her responsibility to watch my siblings while I had fun.
Once Mike paid we got up and made our way outside.
"Let me walk you to your car." He said as I nodded. "It's over here." I said and pointed towards it.
"I had a really good time." I said as he took my hand and walked with me. "Yeah, I did too." He said with a smile.
"I hope we can do this again soon." He said as we got to my car. "We'll see. Thanks for this." I said then gestured towards the restaurant.
"You're welcome, Julia. Goodnight." He said then leaned in to kiss me.
I gasped slightly and turned my head, causing his lips to plant onto my cheek instead.
"Ouch." He said as I frowned. "It's not you...I just.." I started, stumbling over my words.
I didn't want to tell him how my last relationship ended or how I was petrified of commitment now.
It would have totally killed the whole night.
"You don't have to explain anything. I think it's cute." He said as I nodded.
"I'll explain one day." I said then reached for my door handle. "Thanks again." I said then got in my car.
I felt bad that I did that to him, because he was sweet. I just couldn't break past the insecurities.
Maybe I wasn't ready to delve back into the dating world.