"Are you okay?" Sam asked as Jeremy sped down the road. I was so far beyond okay, but I was afraid to say anything.
I was afraid to even acknowledge the pain that was radiating from my shoulder.
I knew I had been shot but pain meant nothing to me. I had been in such an intense amount of pain lately that I started to believe I deserved it.
"Jules." Sam said and turned to face me. I flinched back slightly, looking down.
"I'm sorry this happened. You don't have to talk yet, but know that we're here and we love you." He said then reached his hand back and put it on my leg.
I whimpered at his touch, feeling ashamed. Sam had been nothing but sweet to me, and he would never hurt or harm me.
I was just broken.
When we got to the secret society base Jeremy parked the car in the alley.
"Do you think it's safe to bring her down there?" Jeremy asked Sam, gesturing to me.
"I don't like the idea of it." Sam hummed then looked back at me.
"Can you turn so I can see your shoulder?" He asked as I looked down and turned my shoulder.
"Okay, we should be able to treat that at the apartment. Same with my side." He said then looked at Jeremy.
"I'll run down and grab some supplies. If I don't come back in ten minutes, leave. Understood?" Jeremy asked as Sam nodded.
"That okay with you, Jules?" He asked and looked back at me. I looked down, nodding slightly.
I heard him sigh before leaning his head back. "We really missed you, ya know. I know you've been through a lot and being scared is normal. We're gonna take care of you though." He said quietly.
I appreciated that he was trying to comfort me, but I was terrified.
I was scared of the people that would come looking for me.
I was scared that I have been abused by so many men in this city.
Nowhere was safe.
My heart ached at the fact that Colby was still in that house. I was petrified that he was going to get killed.
If he was killed I didn't know what I would do.
Jeremy came back a couple minutes later, holding something in his hand.
We drove in silence back to Colby's place. I was trying so hard to keep my composure but the adrenaline was fully wearing off and the pain I was feeling was starting in my chest.
I didn't realize that I haven't been out in public for so long. Normal human interactions didn't exist where I was.
Hell, I was still wearing literal lingerie and didn't feel awkward about it.
It was unfortunately normal.
However, walking up to Colby's apartment was awkward because we were covered in blood and I was in lingerie but I was hoping nobody questioned anything.
When we got upstairs I looked around, trying to grasp the idea that I was safer here.
It just didn't feel like it.
"Come sit." Jeremy said as patted the couch next to him. Tears filled my eyes as I walked slowly towards the couch.
I sat down and kept my eyes averted, not knowing what he would want from me next.
"Hey..I'm not gonna hurt you, Jules. I just wanna help you." He said gently as Sam sat on my other side.
"Do you need help with yours, man?" Jeremy asked and looked at Sam. "I think I got it. It's really not deep at all." He said as Jeremy handed him some supplies.
I wanted to apologize to Sam because he got hurt for me. He was always so supportive and seemed to care more for me than his own pain right now.
"Do you think Will avoided actually really hurting you on purpose?" Jeremy asked as he unpacked some stuff to fix me up.
"It's a weird situation. When he was fighting me, it was like he wasn't really trying. He could have fucked me up but he didn't." Sam said as Jeremy got a cotton pad and doused it in rubbing alcohol.
"This is gonna sting, but I'll try to be gentle." He said then brought the cotton pad to my shoulder. I tried to not make a noise, but couldn't help the small whimper that left my lips.
I closed my eyes and let Jeremy do his thing. I was grateful that he put numbing cream on the wound but I would do anything for a pain pill or two.
It would feel good to be numbed after the trauma I had just endured. I felt it all building up inside me. There was so much pressure to keep in but I knew I would break again at some point.
I didn't want to think too hard about the fact that I killed my own father. I wasn't even certain he was actually dead.
We thought he was gone the last time, too.
"And, all done." Jeremy said with a grin. "You were a badass." He said as I nodded slightly. I didn't feel like a badass.
I felt weak and like I was going to crumble at any moment.
I looked around, not knowing really what to do. I have been living a life where someone was telling me what to do, who to do, and everything in between.
"You can go shower if you want, Colby will hopefully be here soon." Sam said as I nodded and stood up.
I slowly made my way to Colby's room then closed the door. I looked around the room, picking at my nails.
I hated how uncomfortable I was feeling because this was once a comfortable space for me.
My heart was racing as I looked around, hoping to find somewhere to hide. I felt much more comfortable when I was hiding.
Who knew who was coming after me right now. If I hid in here, they would never find me.
I walked over to the dresser and pushed it away from the wall slightly so I could squeeze behind it.
When I got back there, I pulled my knees to my chest, hiding my face in them.
I felt the tears starting to form, thinking about all of the death I had been surrounded by tonight.
The sounds of gunshots echoed in my brain, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut. I hated how scared I was and how pathetic it was that I was hiding like this.
There was a time when I felt so strong and sure of myself. I had learned to become totally independent and not afraid of anyone.
When Colby left me, I had to become the most independent I had ever been before.
Now, I was the complete opposite.
The more time that passed the more worried for Colby I was. I knew these people wanted him dead. I knew that they were horrible people who would do anything to get what they wanted.
More time passed before the door opened, causing me to flinch.
"Jules?" Colby asked as I sighed with relief. I was happy he was okay, but I still was feeling unsafe.
What if this was a trap?
What if someone was holding a gun to his back, making him find me so they could take me again?
"Sam, where is she?" He asked as he walked into the bathroom. "She's been in there for hours, she's gotta be in there somewhere." Sam said with concern.
"Jules, baby. You can come out." Colby said gently. I shook my head, trying to slide back a little more into the little cubby I was in.
I thought I was going to cry as he walked closer to where I was hiding.
"Oh, sweetheart." He whispered, finally spotting me. I shook my head, tears filling my eyes before dropping onto my cheeks.
"Will you come out for me?" He asked and held his hand out. "I can promise you're safe." He said as I looked at his hand.
After a couple minutes of silence Colby sighed then sat on the ground, leaning his back against the wall.
"I'm really proud of you, ya know." He said and leaned his head back, looking over at me. "You didn't deserve that though." He said as I sniffled and tightened my grip around myself.
"I've missed you. Not a day went by that I didn't think about you." He said then closed his eyes.
"I can't promise that this is over, but I can promise that you're safe right now. Nobody is going to hurt or touch you." He said then sighed.
"And I'll sit here all day every day until you're comfortable enough to come out." He said gently.
I wished that I wasn't so afraid, and that things could fall back to where they were. I wanted to feel safe and comfortable.
I wanted to believe that Colby or any of the others wouldn't hurt me. If I have learned anything in this whole situation though, it was to never trust anyone.
No matter how close they were to you, they could turn their back on you at any second.