My head was aching. Tears were constantly forming, stinging my eyes.
I was a complete mess.
I couldn't form any words, even if I wanted to. There was a deep seeded fear that if I spoke out of turn that Colby would make me go back to that horrible place.
He was being so gentle though, watching me carefully as I cut up the pancakes he ordered me this morning.
Sam was here, but even he didn't want to speak. We all sat in silence, eating the food in front of us.
I knew this was tearing Colby apart. He sat up with me all night, not backing down from his promise.
When I wanted to be alone he respected it, and was more than willing to prove that he was here for me.
It didn't make any of this less scary though.
Any moment he could turn on me.
When we finished eating I took the long sleeves of the sweatshirt I was wearing and bundled it in my hands.
I wanted to get up and go back to my little hiding spot that wasn't so hidden, but I didn't want to draw more attention to myself.
My mind kept going back to the fear I felt everytime someone would come into my room.
Everytime they were inviting a strange man in there to violate me.
I was strong for so long but I had fully convinced myself that I would never get out of that situation.
I never expected to be sitting here in total silence with Sam and Colby, neither of them wanting to speak out of fear of breaking me more.
"I guess I should head out then." Sam said, breaking the silence as he stood up.
"Okay, man. Try to get some rest. Thanks for your help." Colby said then stood up to walk him towards the door.
"Of course, I'll see you later." Sam said then looked over at me. "Proud of you, Jules." He said with a grin then waved before leaving the apartment.
I watched as Colby locked the door then turned and looked at me.
"You tired?" He asked as I nodded. "Okay, let's get you to bed then. Did you want me to sleep on the couch? Would that make you more comfortable?" He asked as he came over to me, holding his hand out.
I didn't know what to say. I wanted him to comfort me since while I was taken that was all I wanted, but something wasn't letting me.
I didn't know if I was ready to sleep in the same bed as someone.
I nodded, watching as his face fell slightly. In the back of my head I knew I was being ridiculous.
Colby was my boyfriend and the love of my life, he should be allowed to sleep in the same bed as me like we had done hundreds of times.
I just couldn't get passed the mental block.
"Okay, let's get you situated." He said then led the way back into the bedroom.
I sat on the bed and got under the covers. This bed was much bigger and was way more comfortable than the one I had been sleeping on so I felt guilty to make Colby sleep on the couch.
"I'll just be in the other room if you need anything, okay?" Colby asked as I nodded.
"I love you." He said then kissed my head. I felt my eyes water as he turned and left the room because I felt so bad.
He didn't deserve to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't even form words.
He was being so patient but I could tell it was killing him.
I watched as he left the room, then threw the blankets over my head so I could cry in peace. I ended up sobbing for a little while before I drifted off to sleep.
I opened my eyes to see I was in the blue bedroom. I could feel a pain in my stomach as I looked around.
"Hello?" I called out, feeling like someone was watching. "Juliana." Dad said as he walked into the room.
I looked up at him to see that he was bloody and mutilated, as if he was shot a dozen times. "You should be dead." I said as he laughed, blood coming out of his twisted mouth.
"If I was dead, then how could I be standing here." He said then took a step towards me. "Leave me alone." I whispered, scooting back on the bed.
"You don't mean that." He said as I shook my head. My eyes watered as the door opened, revealing Adam coming into the room.
"Ah, Joey. You came to visit your future grandson?" Adam asked as my brows scrunched. "What?" I asked, my voice cracking.
Adam raised his brows and pointed to my stomach. My eyes widened as they took in the fact that I was extremely pregnant.
"No!" I yelled, an intense pain filling my abdomen. "Looks like he's coming earlier than expected." Dad said as I screamed bloody murder.
"Stop screaming!" Dad yelled angrily as he pointed his gun at me. "Please, stop!" I sobbed out as Adam came over and grabbed my shoulders. "SHUT UP!" He screamed, shaking my shoulders violently.
My eyes flew open, as I screamed. "Thank fuck." Colby mumbled as I looked around the room in a panic.
I was terrified of the nightmare I had, but it was far from the terrifying reality I had just faced.
"I'm here, sweetheart. I'm right here." Colby cooed as he pulled me into a hug. I sobbed into his chest, trying to relieve the pressure in my chest.
"Shhhh, it's okay." Colby hummed, holding me close. My mind wouldn't stop racing, thinking about the fact that I very easily could be pregnant.
I never got to take the last plan b and I had been through so much that it wasn't even certain to work.
There was a good chance that I was pregnant.
"Help me." I begged as Colby's breath hitched slightly. "I'm trying, Jules. I am." He said quietly then tightened his grip on me.
I wanted to tell him my concerns but I couldn't form the words. I was afraid to speak and I was afraid to manifest the reality.
Unfortunately, I needed to deal with it though before it was too late.
I pulled away from Colby, still violently sobbing. "Let me help you, sweetheart." He begged as I shook my head, patting my chest with my hand.
Colby watched me with tears in his eyes. I didn't expect to see him get so emotional about all of this, but I couldn't say I blamed him.
I was being horrible, not wanting to talk or let him touch me. It was just so deep seeded that I couldn't help it.
I reached over and wiped the tear that was falling down his face as I shook my head. "It's all my fault, Jules." He mumbled, taking my hand and pressing it to his lips.
"None of this would have happened if I wasn't such a fuck up." He said quietly. I shook my head, looking down at my lap.
"I know it's scary to talk about, but I can't help you if I don't know how you're feeling." He said as I sniffled.
"Pregnant." I whispered as his face dropped. "Oh, fuck." He whispered as I nodded and looked down.
"Are you sure?" He asked gently as I shook my head. "Okay, we'll get you a pregnancy test to ease your mind." He said then brushed my hair behind my ear.
I shook my head and looked down again.
"What's wrong?" He asked quietly. "Plan b." I mumbled causing him to clench his jaw. I shifted uncomfortably at the slight aggression he was portraying. "Sorry." He said with a sigh.
"We'll get you a plan b and a pregnancy test. Everything is gonna be okay. No matter what happens, I'm gonna take care of you." Colby said then grabbed his phone.
"I don't think you're ready to go out in public and I'm not gonna leave you here alone." He said then focused on the phone.
"I'll have someone pick them up and bring them here." He said then looked up at me.
"That okay?" He asked as I nodded. "Okay. Did you want to try and get some more sleep? You only got an hour in." He said as I shook my head.
I didn't want to live through the nightmares any more.
"What if I offered you some weed? It helps with the nightmares." He said as I shook my head. "Lay with me." I said causing him to smile.
It was a small step in any relationship, but it was a huge step for me right now.
I was terrified that he was going to turn on me and that I would piss him off enough to send me away.
Colby wrapped his arms around me and laid back so he could lay beside me. I found myself being rigid with fear for a minute before I finally relaxed against him.
He wasn't trying to advance on me, and was being respectful with how he was holding me. It was such a gentle interaction that was filled with love.
It was far from any interaction I had gone through recently.
I wanted to trust him, but there was a wall up right now since too many people have betrayed me.
I just had to hope he wouldn't betray me as well.