I didn't mean to be so difficult around Colby.
I felt so bad that I was pulling away from him, being scared of every move he made. It was just so hard getting back to normal after such a traumatic few months.
I found myself slowly starting to get more comfortable around him, craving his affection.
He was always so gentle and made me feel safe. Anytime he was away, I would get nervous.
Even tonight when he went to shower for five minutes, I thought someone would come take me.
It was going to take a while to get back to normal but I was proud of myself for the steps I was taking.
Sleeping was peaceful until the nightmares started, causing me to bolt awake, trembling.
I looked around the unfamiliar room, feeling the panic set in even more.
I noticed that I was alone in the bed.
Where was Colby?
I whimpered, pulling my legs to my chest, rocking back and forth as burning hot tears trickled down my face.
I felt paralyzed as my chest heaved in and out, a full panic attack coursing through my body.
When I heard a door open, I closed my eyes. I was scared to see the person that was there.
"Jules?" Colby asked with concern. "Hey..shhh..you're okay." He said and rushed over to me. "Where were you?" I wailed as he sat in front of me.
"I was in the bathroom, I'm sorry." He said as I shook my head.
"Where were you?" I asked again, choking on the sobs that were wrecking my chest.
I didn't realize how damaged I was that Colby didn't come get me from that horrible place for so long.
I wasn't mad because I didn't want him to put himself in danger, but part of me wondered why he waited so long when he knew I wasn't safe.
"Julia.." Colby whispered as he held my head to his chest, running his fingers through my hair gently.
"Where were you?" I sobbed out for the third time. "I'm sorry, Julia. I'm so fucking sorry." Colby said with a distressed tone.
Was he getting emotional?
Colby hardly ever showed much emotion around anyone. Occasionally I would get little glances of it but right now his voice was thick with sorrow.
I pulled away and looked at him to see a look of dispair on his face.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He said and wiped my tears with his thumb.
"This is all my fault. Do you understand that? You didn't do anything to deserve this torture, and I would give anything to take it from you." He said quietly, looking into my eyes.
"Colby.." I whispered as he shook his head. "Don't make excuses for me. I should fought harder for you, and I didn't. I let all of this happen." Colby said and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
"And I'm sorry." He said as I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. "I forgive you." I whispered, looking into his eyes.
This was the most intimate moment we have shared in a long time, and it honestly felt nice.
I was sick of being afraid and broken, but I had a feeling it was going to get worse before it got better.
"Come here." Colby whispered and pulled me closer, laying down. He held me tightly, making me feel secure.
He held me until I fell asleep, kissing my head every so often.
It meant a lot to me that he was so gentle with me. He was far from a gentle person, killing people constantly.
I was his soft spot though and I always was, whether he wanted to admit that or not.
When I woke up, Colby was still in bed with me. I knew he was awake because he was gently running his fingers up and down my arm.
Part of me wanted to pull away, being reminded of the way those strangers would touch me, but the way Colby was touching me was comforting.
"Good morning." Colby whispered, kissing my head. "Good morning." I said and looked up at him.
"We have to get ready. Nate's friend is waiting." He said and brushed my hair behind my ear.
"I'm scared." I said as he nodded. "I know. I'll be there the whole time though." He said then sat up.
We got ready for the day, but had to stop multiple times because I kept getting sick.
When we finally were ready we got in the car and made our way to our old house.
The nerves were starting to eat me alive again and the feeling of safety was slipping away again.
Being out in public was a beast that I don't think I would be able to conquer for a long time.
The feeling of being watched was so daunting and the feeling of someone waiting to take me again was even worse.
"You okay?" Colby asked, reaching his hand out to me. I flinched, not expecting him to reach towards me like that.
I felt bad that I did that, because last night we made some great progress but I couldn't help it.
"Sorry." I whispered then took his hand. "I'm just nervous." I said and looked out the window. "I know, it'll be over before you know it." He said then pulled into the driveway.
I looked up at the familiar house, feeling my heart ache. There were so many memories at this house, but I didn't know if they were mostly good or bad.
Once Colby parked the car, we made our way inside. I was shaking so badly that I felt like I was going to collapse, but I was trying to focus on the hand that Colby was holding.
His connection felt like an anchor of safety.
"Hey, guys." Sam said as he opened the door. "Hey, man." Colby said as Sam looked at me.
"How ya feeling, Jules?" He asked as I shrugged, taking a step closer to Colby. "Well, a shrug is better than a thumbs down." He said with a grin.
"Is the guy here?" Colby asked as Sam nodded. "Yeah, he's with Nate in the spare room." He explained. "Come on, sweetheart." Colby said and led the way.
"Wait." I whispered, causing him to stop and turn to me. "You okay?" He asked as I nodded and turned, walking to Sam to give him a hug.
"Oh." He said with a hint of shock. I knew he wasn't expecting it, but I needed to make this step and I trusted Sam.
"Love ya, Jules." He said then hugged me back. I nodded then turned towards Colby again, taking his hand.
We walked down the hallway until we got to the spare room that Nate and the guy who was going to help me.
I felt the nerves picking up again as the guy looked up at us. I frowned and took a step behind Colby.
"Hey guys, this is Damien." Nate said and gestured to the guy. "Colby." Colby said with a bland tone as he held his hand out. "Nice to meet you." Damien said then shook Colby's hand.
"You must be Julia." He said as I hid behind Colby more.
"I'm Damien, Nate and I have been friends for a while. We went to 'medical school' together. He said, putting air quotes around medical school.
"He's kinda briefed me on this situation a little bit, but I need some more information if you can give it to me." Damien said as my eyes darted to Nate.
Did he really trust this guy?
"It's okay, Jules. He wants to help you." Nate said gently. "Come sit and get comfortable, I'll stay over here." Damien said and gestured to the bed.
"Come on, darling." Colby said and led the way towards the bed. He helped me lay on the bed, then sat next to me, holding my hand.
"So, when did you take the test?" Damien asked as Colby rubbed my hand gently with his thumb. I looked up at Colby, silently asking him to answer for me.
"Just over a week ago." Colby said as Damien nodded. "Okay, and when was your missed period?" He asked as I chewed my lip. I knew I had to answer this one.
"I haven't had one since I was taken." I whispered. "Okay, so missed period about three weeks ago?" He asked as I nodded.
"Okay, so basically what I'm gonna do is tell you how far along you are, then I can give you some options." He said and went over to his bag and pulled something out.
"Nate, can you give me something to cover her up?" Damien asked as Nate nodded. "Of course." He said then went to get a blanket.
"You're gonna be okay." Colby whispered, leaning down to kiss my head. I frowned and closed my eyes, trying to keep calm.
Damien didn't have a threatening energy and he was clearly being pretty respectful of the whole situation.
Nate came back a couple seconds later with a blanket. "Here, man." He said then handed the blanket to Damien.
"Alright, I'm gonna cover your lower half, then I need you to take off your pants and underwear." He said as my heart stopped.
"Wh-what?" I asked, looking at Colby with fear in my eyes. "Why does she need to do that?" Colby asked with a serious tone, a dangerous look in his eyes.
"Well she can't be more than a couple months pregnant, and an internal ultrasound is the only way I can see the baby." Damien explained.
"There's no other way?" Colby asked as Damien shook his head.
"Unfortunately not." He said with a sigh. "Just do it." I mumbled and started to pull my pants down.
I obviously didn't want to do this, but there was no other choice. I had to be brave and get through it.
Once I got my pants and underwear off, Damien came over. I was shaking like a leaf, fear coursing through my veins.
If Colby wasn't holding my hand I would be freaking the fuck out.
"I'll try to be quick." Damien said then set the machine up. I closed my eyes, my jaw quivering as a mental breakdown brewed inside of me.
"Here we go." Damien said then inserted the wand. I felt myself starting to hyperventilate, memories of being abused being brought back to the forefront of my mind.
"Jules." Colby said causing me to to look up at him.
"Make it stop." I begged as his face fell. "You have to stop." He said to Damien.
"I'm almost done." He said, focusing on the screen in front of him. "Pl-please stop." I begged pathetically. "Almost done." Damien said as Colby clenched his jaw.
"She said to fucking stop." Colby growled, pulling Damien by his shirt aggressively.
"Don't fucking touch me." Damien said as I covered my mouth, sobbing at the sharp pain I was feeling between my legs.