"Are we ready to go?" I asked quietly as I grabbed my keys.
"No." Jenna said as I nodded. "I know. Just make sure you have anything you'll want for a while." I said, knowing the fate of my siblings.
"Sissy, did you pack my stuffy?" Juniper asked sleepily as I nodded. "I would never forget your stuffy." I said then kissed her cheek.
"When are we coming back here?" Sam asked as I closed my eyes. "I'm not sure." I said as the front door opened.
"Thank God you're still here." Mike said as I nodded. "We're leaving now." I said as he came over and kissed me.
"Are you sure you can't come with?" I asked as he shook his head. "I have too much work to do. I'll be there in spirit though." He said then looked at my siblings.
"How are you guys feeling?" He asked as they all shrugged.
Sam hasn't spoke much at all since I told them the news.
Carter was angry and so was Jenna. Juniper was too young to really understand any of this though.
"Are you gonna be okay driving that far?" Mike asked as I sighed.
"No, but it's something I have to deal with. I gave us extra time in case I need to stop." I said then smoothed my dress over my thighs.
Today was the court date with my mom. We had to drive there which meant that we were up at 3am to leave.
It was a four and a half hour drive but I wanted to make sure if I had to stop for a seizure then we wouldn't be late.
"Drive safe and let me know when you're back." Mike said then kissed me one more time.
"I'll let you know." I said then grabbed Juniper's bag.
We then went out to the car and loaded it up. Once everything and everyone was situated I got in the car.
"Good luck." Mike said and closed my door, waving to me.
"We're gonna be okay." I said quietly and started the car.
The drive to Seattle was brutal. Luckily I didn't have a seizure or anything.
"Do you guys want some McDonald's for breakfast?" I asked with a yawn. "Apple slices!" Juniper squealed as I nodded.
"Yup. Apple slices." I said then took the next exit. When we got to McDonald's I turned and looked at everyone.
"Get whatever you want and I mean it. I don't care about the price." I said quietly. The older kids knew what this meant and it broke my heart.
We were just delaying the inevitable.
I got the kids their food, not getting myself anything because I felt sick.
I let them eat it then we made our way to the courthouse.
"Do we have to say goodbye now?" Juniper asked as I shook my head. "No, love. We're gonna go in together." I said then parked the car.
"I don't want to go in." Sam mumbled as I frowned. "I know. I wish there was something I could do to change this, but there isn't." I said then pulled Juniper into my arms.
"Jenna, Carter, you have to get out of the car." I whispered. "What if we don't?" Carter asked and looked up at me.
"Then I get in big big trouble." I said with a frown. "Let's get this over with." Jenna said then got out of the car.
When we got inside I went to the front desk. "Hi, I was summoned. My name is Juliana White." I said as Juniper rested her head on mine, putting her thumb in her mouth.
"Okay, you're in room four. Go ahead and have a seat in there and we will start soon." The woman said and pointed the way.
"Come on guys." I whispered and led the way. When we got to the court room I got the kids situated in one of the benches.
I noticed my mom sitting across the room, talking to what was probably her lawyer.
Seeing her made the bile in my stomach rise. I hated that woman more than anything in the world.
I hated her for doing this to us.
We sat there for a little while before the bailiff told us all to rise.
When the judge came into the room I felt my heart sink. This was really happening.
"Juliana White, please make your way up here." The judge said as I nodded and walked to the stand.
"According to our records you are being sued by Susan Wheeler for the abduction of her children is that correct?" The judge asked as I clenched my jaw.
"She abandoned them." I said and looked over at my mother.
"But when asking for their return you refused, correct?" The judge asked as I nodded. "Correct." I said with a nod.
"Susan Wheeler, state your case." The judge said and looked at my mother.
"When my husband died, I dropped the kids off to somewhere they would be safe while I grieved." My mom said as I clenched my jaw.
"When I went back to get them, they were nowhere to be found. Juliana stole them from me and refused to give them back." She explained.
"It says that two years ago Juliana tried to gain custody of the children. Is that correct?" The judge asked and looked at me.
"Yes." I said and started picking at my nails. "You were denied this though due to an addiction of opioids?" He asked as I nodded.
"That is correct." I said as my eyes watered. "Due to the circumstances, starting today Jenna White, Carter White, Samuel White, and Juniper White will be under the supervision of Susan White." The judge said causing my heart to break.
"Juliana will not be allowed any communication effective immediately. By the court of law if you intervene in the parent child relationship between Susan Wheeler and her children you will be prosecuted. Court dismissed." The judge said as I burst into tears.
It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest as my siblings started crying loudly behind me.
"Come on." Mom said as she grabbed Juniper and forced the others to stand.
"Julia!!" Jenna screamed as I turned to look at them. I felt my heart leaving with them as my mom dragged all of my crying siblings out of the room.
"I love you guys. I love you." I said and held my chest, sobs wrecking through it.
Once they were gone, I collapsed. I felt my whole body erupting with pain and tension.
It felt like I was going to die.
"Come on, sweetie." One of the police officers said as she lifted me up, pulling me out of the room.
It felt like my whole world was collapsing around me. After all the fighting I did for those kids to have a good life, it meant nothing.
They were going to go back to an abusive household where they wouldn't be loved or appreciated.
It broke my heart.
The police officer guided me to the lobby then left me to cry alone.
I couldn't stop. The pain in my chest wouldn't go away and I would do anything to make it stop.
After a couple minutes I made my way out to the car and got in. I avoided looking in the backseat because I didn't want to see Juniper's car seat.
I didn't want to accept the fact that this was happening.
I wanted to numb the pain.
My chest was burning as I started my car, driving to the plug I had found a couple years ago.
When I got to his house I knocked on the door, feeling myself shaking with hysteria.
"Julia?" He asked as he answered the door. "I need pills. I'll give you as much money as you want." I said shakily.
"What were you looking for?" He asked as I shook my head. "I don't care. Anything." I said then swallowed hard.
"I got oxy. Three hundred." He said as I nodded and pulled out my wallet. I had grabbed a ton of cash from Colby's funds in case I needed to get a hotel or anything here.
I pulled all the money I had out then handed it to him.
"Alright, give me a minute." He said then went back inside.
I waited for a minute, picking the skin from my nails until they bled.
It hurt but I didn't care. The pain would go away soon.
"Alright. Here ya go." He said and handed me a bag.
"Thanks." I mumbled then turned and went back to my car.
I didn't hesitate to take as many of the pills as I could possibly muster.
The car seat in the back was reminding me too much of the siblings I had just lost.
The fact I couldn't even communicate with them was leaving me with so much pain I thought I would die.
I needed these pills to take the pain away from me.
I needed to feel numb.
I needed them to survive.