I opened my eyes feeling groggy and sick. "Ugh." I groaned and sat up, realizing I was somewhere I didn't recognize.
I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I looked around the sleek bedroom.
It looked like I was in an apartment of some sort. It was very clean with a modern style but most importantly very unfamiliar.
I looked down to see that I was wearing a black t-shirt instead of whatever I was wearing before. What the hell did I get myself into?
My head was pounding as I tried to get out of the warm bed I was in.
"What the fuck?" I asked and looked down to see I wasn't wearing any pants. Did I seriously black out and sleep with a random stranger?
When I walked out of the bedroom I walked into the living room.
It was a really nice place but was pretty small. It seemed to be a one bedroom apartment with a living room, kitchen, and balcony.
Off to the side was a half bath and I assumed there was a full bathroom connected to the bedroom.
I let my eyes scan the apartment before my heart stopped.
Colby was standing on the balcony in just some grey sweatpants and no shirt on. He was looking out at the view with a lit cigarette between his lips.
My whole body swarmed with emotions as I watched him smoke the cigarette.
Did I fucking sleep with him? What was I even doing in his apartment? He had no fucking right to be near me.
I stood there in shock for another minute before Colby turned around, noticing me. He clenched his jaw slightly, looking at me with an expression I didn't understand.
Was he mad at me?
I stormed over to the balcony door and opened it, feeling the rage consume me.
"What did you do to me?!" I asked as he rolled his eyes. "Please. I fucking saved your life. You're welcome." He said with an annoyed tone.
"Saved my life?! Last time I fucking checked you ruined it." I seethed and crossed my arms.
"Why am I fucking here?" I asked as he breathed an angry laugh.
"You fucking overdosed and one of my men found you. You're welcome for the narcan by the way." He said in a tone that pissed me off so much.
I didn't remember overdosing but I did remember the need to take pills. I remember the pain that I was trying to numb.
My siblings were gone.
I looked down, feeling my hands shake. The pain in my chest was back and I needed it to go away.
"Where are my pills?" I mumbled as he shook his head. "I don't know." He said simply as tears welled in my eyes.
"I need some." I said then stormed towards the bedroom so I could look for some. "You won't find any." Colby said with a cocky tone as rage filled my body.
"You're a fucking liar." I said then went into his bathroom, opening the cabinets and rummaging through them.
"Julia, stop." Colby said as I shook my head, tears burning my eyes.
"I need them and I know you have them." I said shakily, remembering the terrible thing that happened with my family.
"I don't have any. Now stop." Colby said and pulled me back causing me to start crying. "You need to get me some. You did this!" I said, going into hysteria.
"If you didn't do what you did then none of this would have happened!" I screamed and fought against him.
"I would still have them! It's your fault!!" I sobbed, punching him in the chest as hard as I could.
Colby didn't move.
He just let me hit him as I absolutely lost myself.
"This is all your fault." I sobbed causing him to pull me into a hug, holding the back of my head protectively.
He didn't say anything. He just let me sob into his bare chest as he rested his cheek on my head.
Everything was moving so fast. This time yesterday I had my siblings with me and I was sober.
Now I was standing in my ex boyfriend's embrace, sobbing over the loss of my siblings right after relapsing for the first time in years.
I was a fucking mess.
I sobbed in his arms, letting him hold me for a while before I pulled away, wiping my eyes.
"Are you done?" He asked as I clenched my jaw.
"Fuck you." I said then looked around for my clothes so I could leave. "Julia, wait." Colby said with a sigh.
"Why should I?" I asked and looked up at him, grabbing my dress which was folded on the dresser.
"You know it's dangerous at night here. Just stay until the morning." He said as I stared at him.
He had the same unbothered look on his face as before, but there was something under the surface.
Possibly regret.
"Fine." I said and put the dress down. "I'm serious about not having any pills so don't go rummaging through my shit." Colby said as I rolled my eyes.
"Where are the ones that I had in my car?" I asked and crossed my arms.
"I don't know. You don't need them." He said then turned to go back out to the living room.
"How long have you been on a bender for anyways? Couldn't be more than two weeks unless you were high when you saw me." Colby said and sat on the couch.
"I don't know if that's any of your business." I said as he groaned.
"Alright. If you're gonna be an immature little bitch then you can sleep on the balcony." Colby said as my jaw clenched and I stood up.
"Fucking fine." I said then went to leave again. "God damn it, Julia. Why are you such a pain in the ass?" He asked as I whipped around.
"Me a pain in the ass?! What about you and your fucking power trip!?" I yelled angrily.
"You break up with me with a fucking letter and flee the god damn state after I took a bullet for you only for me to never see you again and now you want to get answers from me?!" I asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"It was for the better. Can't you understand that?" Colby asked as I shook my head.
"No. I can't understand that, Colby. Do you have any idea what I've been through?" I asked, feeling the old feelings coming back.
"You get to have your siblings and you get to live a normal life. I saw your house, it's nice. Better than what you had growing up." Colby said as I shook my head.
"Got." I said as a sharp pain filled my chest. "What?" He asked as my eyes watered.
"Got to have them. And it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows either. Having a nice house doesn't guarantee happiness. I've been in Hell since you left." I said causing his face to drop slightly.
"Tell me what happened." He said as I shook my head.
"No. You don't get to know anything else about me because after tonight, we're done. You're gonna leave me alone and I'm going to get back to the shit show that is my life." I said then stood up.
"Jules." Colby said as I clenched my jaw. "You don't get to call me that." I snapped then went into the bedroom, closing the door.
I wanted to open up to him and tell him about all the shit I have been through.
I knew he would probably be able to help but the idea of that scared me.
I couldn't have him getting closer. I couldn't allow old feelings to rise up because he could easily break me again.
I have already relapsed and seeing him could actually trigger a bender.
I couldn't let myself fall down that slippery road but I could already feel myself slipping.
I could feel the ugly monster that was addiction rearing its ugly head.
I could feel myself wanting to open up and fall into bad habits with Colby.
Part of me would be content staying here with him until I could get back on my feet, but I couldn't do that.
I had to be strong and leave him before we got in too deep.
He already brought me to his house and took care of me, but that was too much. We couldn't do this to each other again no matter how shitty the circumstances were.
It broke my heart knowing that he thought what he did was for the better.
If only he knew the actual shit I have been through, then maybe he wouldn't have done it at all.
It didn't matter though, because after tonight we had to be done.
We had to be done whether we liked it or not.