The drive back to my house was painfully awkward. I knew I probably shouldn't have let Colby take me home in the first place but he was right.
My seizures were getting worse the more stress I was being subjected to.
It felt like my whole body was shutting down every time I had one and driving after a big one wasn't safe.
It didn't mean I should have let Colby drive me though.
Maybe while we were trapped in a car together I could get some answers.
"So...why were you trying to kill Mike at that club?" I asked, breaking the painful silence.
"I wasn't." Colby said as I chuckled. "Right. So you were just going to add some flavor into his drink then?" I asked as he rolled his eyes.
"What I was doing is none of your business, now stop with the questions." Colby said, keeping his eyes forward.
"You said he was dangerous though. Shouldn't I know why?" I asked he stared blankly in front of him.
"He's not." He said as I scrunched my brow. "So you were just lying then." I said and crossed my arms.
"Jesus, Julia. Take the hint and stop talking to me about it." Colby snapped. "Fine." I said then looked out the window.
"Did he do something to the kids or you though?" Colby asked after a moment of silence. "No." I said simply.
I didn't want to mention the few times he wound up to hit me.
He never laid a finger on the kids though.
He never would either.
My heart was breaking at the fact that I was going home without them.
I worried for their safety more than anything. The fact I couldn't keep in any sort of contact either was killing me.
I spent the last four years raising them and building them up to be loved.
All of that hard work would be flushed down the drain in an instant.
"Are you hungry?" Colby asked, breaking my thoughts.
"No." I said and looked down at my nails, picking at the already ripped up beds.
"I don't even know how you have any skin on your fingers. You're always picking at them." Colby commented.
I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. "I know we clearly aren't in a good place, but you can talk to me about it." He said with a sigh.
"I don't want to talk to you about it." I snapped. "Fine. Be miserable." He said as I squinted. "Great, thanks for the permission." I retorted and looked out the window.
Colby didn't try to talk to me for the next hour. He stopped and got some food for both of us, even though I didn't want any food.
He was always so fucking stubborn.
"Wait. How do you know where I live?" I asked then gasped, the realization hitting me. "You were stalking me!" I said as he rolled his eyes.
"Don't flatter yourself. I was stalking your boyfriend." He said as I narrowed my eyes.
"He's not my boyfriend." I said and looked out the window to see the familiar streets that were my neighborhood.
"He's not?" Colby asked as I shrugged. "May or may not be, either way it's non of your business." I said as he pulled into my driveway.
"This was great. Loved this little reunion but now it's time to never see each other again." I said and reached my hand over for the keys.
"Yeah. Whatever." Colby said, handing me the keys before getting out of the car.
As soon as he was out, I looked for the pills I had in here. I didn't think I took all of them but honestly who knew.
I don't know why I was expecting Colby to be gone by the time I was out of the car, but obviously he was still standing there on his phone.
I watched him for a second before I turned and went to go inside. "Hey, Julia?" Colby asked causing me to roll my eyes and turn around.
"What?" I asked and looked at him. "Let me give you my number...just in case something happens and you need something." Colby said with an uneasiness that felt unfamiliar to him.
I stared at him for a minute, taking in the intensity of his features.
Did I want to open that can of worms? I had Sam's number but he was so far away.
Sure Seattle wasn't the closest, but it was way closer than LA. Did I want Colby to have a connection with me though?
It was for safety. Not for pleasure.
I pulled out my phone and handed it to him, not making eye contact. Colby took my phone and put his number in then handed it back.
"Thanks." I mumbled then shoved my phone back into my pocket. "Bye." I said then went to go into the house.
It felt so lonely in here, knowing the kids weren't with me. I don't think it really hit me until now.
I was going to be here alone.
I went up to my room, avoiding the rest of the house. I didn't want to be reminded of what happened in the past twenty four hours.
My family was ripped apart and I spent time with my ex boyfriend. It was safe to say everything was a little fucked up.
I got in bed and went under the covers, letting myself cry it out.
It felt horrible being in this house by myself. I missed snuggling with my little sister.
I missed helping Sam make cookies and I missed helping Jenna and Carter with their homework.
I missed them all so much.
"Jules?!" Mike yelled from downstairs causing me to sit up.
What the fuck was he doing here?
I got out of bed and wiped my eyes. I knew it would look like I was crying but I wanted to at least try and hide it.
"You okay?" Mike asked as I walked down the stairs.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as he opened him arms for a hug. "I swung by and saw your car. When I knocked on the door you didn't answer and I got worried." He said and hugged me.
"Yeah, I got home not too long ago." I mumbled as he kissed my head.
"I take it that the trial didn't go well?" He asked as I shook my head, feeling my eyes sting.
"I don't want to talk about it." I said as he tensed slightly.
"You're seriously not going to tell me what happened?" He asked as I pulled away.
"It hurts to talk about. I'm not ready." I said as he sighed. "Alright. I thought you trusted me." He said as I scrunched my brow.
"I do! I'm not talking about it with anyone though." I said and crossed my arms.
I heard him mumble something under his breath, but didn't understand what it was.
"What?" I asked as he sighed. "Nothing." He said as I took a step back. "Are you really mad at me about this?" I asked in shock.
"I thought things were going well, Jules. I thought you would be able to talk to me about this." He said with a hint of anger.
"Mike, this has nothing against you. I'm hurting. They clearly aren't here so use your context clues." I said angrily.
"I don't know why you're being like this when I just need someone to fucking comfort me." I snapped as he sighed.
"I'm sorry." He said then pulled me in for another hug. "I just want to go back in time." I whispered as he scratched my back.
"We don't have to talk about this." Mike said as I nodded. "Thanks." I said then closed my eyes.
"Let me take you out to dinner. Does that sound good?" Mike asked as I nodded. "That sounds really nice." I said then looked down.
I was still wearing the black dress that I wore to court yesterday.
"Let me get changed." I said then went upstairs. I didn't want to get super dressed up so I chose a crew neck and some leggings then made my way downstairs again.
I knew that Mike and I weren't technically dating but it felt good to have someone care enough about me to want to comfort me through this.
It was weird knowing I spent last night in Colby's apartment and that I had relapsed.
There was the urge to find pills still coursing through my veins but if Mike was around I wouldn't fall into that.
It was when I was alone that things would get dangerous.
When I was by myself, feeling the unbearable pain I would do anything to numb it.
Deep down I knew it was a horrible idea. I knew that it would lead me down a shitty road but when I had nobody to distract me, I would fall.
Now that I broke my sobriety, there was no telling what would happen in the future.