Working at the restaurant wasn't too difficult. It was time consuming and tiring but with how busy it was I made an average of twenty two dollars an hour.
The customers were usually nice but there were always a couple of creepy men and bitchy women.
It was just part of the job though.
"Heading out?" Stacie asked as I nodded. "I have to get the kids from school, then I have some school work to do." I said and folded my apron up.
"You're always so busy. Don't you take any time for yourself?" She asked with a small frown.
"I haven't had a minute to even breathe in four years." I mumbled, not wanting to get into it.
I have been emotionally detached for so long that I didn't even try to dissect my feelings.
If I thought too hard about how miserable I was, I would fall back into my addiction and I couldn't do that.
It was better to ignore my emotions than to numb my emotions with narcotics.
"I have to go." I said then grabbed my stuff and turned to leave.
"You know I'm here if you need someone to talk to." Stacie said quietly as I nodded. "Thanks Stace." I said then walked out the door.
When I got to my car I closed my eyes, feeling the urge to go to the pharmacy.
I needed to go anyways to get my seizure medication but I had been holding it off. It was a miracle I haven't had one from all of this stress.
I sighed then started the car so I could go get the kids. Then I would stop at the pharmacy since the kids would be with me and I wouldn't be tempted.
When I got to Juniper's school I got out of the car and waited for her class to be dismissed.
Since she was in kindergarten they got early dismissal which worked for me.
"Julia!" She squealed as she ran to me. "Hey, love bug. How was school?" I asked and hugged her. "Good!" She said as I smiled. "Good. Let's go get your brothers and sisters." I said then took her hand.
As we walked to the car a man that was maybe thirty bumped into me. "Oh, sorry." He said as I nodded.
"It's all good." I said he grinned and looked me up and down. It was weird because it wasn't in a super sexual way, almost as if he was taking me in fully.
"Come on." I said to Juniper and pulled her along with me to the car.
It felt like there were so many people trying to get into my pants lately. It was mildly flattering but was genuinely the last thing I wanted.
I just wanted to be left alone.
When we got to the car I got Juniper strapped into his car seat, then got in the car.
"Can we get apple slices?" Juniper asked with an innocence that melted my heart.
"Hmmm..possibly." I hummed and focused on the road. "Peaaaaas?" She asked with a giggle.
I knew I couldn't afford to take the kids to McDonald's right now, but sometimes I couldn't resist.
I could go a night without eating. That would be okay.
"We'll see." I said, knowing full well I would make it happen.
"Okay, Jule." Juniper said sweetly as I drove. When I got to the middle school I got in the pick up line.
I was grateful for Jenna and Carter because they made sure Sam was looked after while I was away.
Jenna especially was good about making sure the boys were out front when I got here.
It made my life just a little easier.
"Hey, guys." I said as the three kids got in the car. "Hey, Jule." They all said at the same time.
"How was school?" I asked and started to drive away. "Boring." Carter said with a sigh.
"Got an A on my math test." Jenna said as I grinned. "Atta girl. Sam?" I asked and looked back at him.
He was being much more quiet than he usually was so I was slightly concerned.
"It was fine." He said causing me to frown. I didn't want to ask him what was up while everyone was here but I would have to address that later.
We drove in silence for a couple minutes before I pulled into the parking lot of the pharmacy.
"Why are we here?" Carter asked as Jenna looked at me wearily. "I have to get my medication. I haven't been taking it and it's dangerous for me to drive right now." I said then parked the car.
"You haven't been taking it?" Jenna asked with concern.
"It's a touchy subject, J. You know this." I said then got out of the car and grabbed Juniper. "Come on then." I said to the other kids as they got out of the car.
When we got inside Sam took my free hand, knowing I didn't like being places that could trigger a relapse.
Granted this was just a pharmacy and it wouldn't be easy to get any narcotics. It was just the fact they were here to begin with that make it challenging.
We walked to the counter in the back of the store where a middle aged woman was.
"Hi, how can I help you?" She asked as Sam squeezed my hand.
"I'm picking up a prescription." I said as she nodded. "Name and date of birth?" She asked and looked at the computer.
"Juliana White, December seventeenth, two thousand and one." I said with a nod. "Just the Brivaracetam, correct?" She asked as I nodded.
"Okay, it's looking like it's going to be $367.56." She said as I closed my eyes.
I couldn't afford that.
"I'm sorry.." I choked out nervously. "Everything okay?" She asked as I shook my head. "I can't afford it." I mumbled as the woman frowned slightly.
"That's with no insurance, if you have access to health insurance it would be...$14.13." She said as I nodded.
"Thank you. Sorry for wasting your time." I said then looked down at the kids.
"Let's go." I said then turned to go back towards the entrance.
"You need them, Jules!" Carter said as I nodded, trying to keep myself together. "Yeah. I'm gonna look into the insurance idea. I'll live." I said then led the way out of the store.
When we got to the car, I strapped Juniper into her car seat, then looked at Sam.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" I asked as he nodded. "Yeah, I know." He said with a small smile.
"We'll talk later then." I said and smoothed his hair down before closing the door and getting in the drivers seat.
We drove down the road for a little while before I pulled into the driveway of McDonald's.
"Apple slices!!" Juniper squealed happily. "Jule, we can't afford it." Jenna mumbled just loud enough for me to hear.
"Don't worry about that kind of stuff, Jenna." I said and leaned over to take her hand, squeezing it once before rolling my window down.
I ordered all of the kids their food then pulled up to the window and paid for it.
I knew it was probably irresponsible to get the kids fast food when I couldn't afford my speeding ticket and medication but they deserved to feel normal.
Normal kids got to have McDonald's and got to not worry about money.
It's what they deserved.
When we got home I distributed the food then folded my arms and leaned against the counter, watching the kids eat.
"Aren't you gonna eat?" Carter asked as I shook my head. "Not hungry." I said with a small smile.
"Sissy." Juniper said and held out an apple slice that came out of her happy meal as if she was giving it to me. "You eat it, love." I said with a laugh.
"Yum." She said then put it in her mouth. It was so cute getting to watch my siblings grow up. Sometimes I wanted to pause time because I loved seeing them be so innocent.
When they finished up their dinner we all separated so the kids could do their homework.
Juniper sat with me and played with her toys so I could study.
She did a good job of not distracting me until it got closer to her bedtime.
"Already, cutie. Time for bed." I said and stood up, scooping her into my arms.
"Sleepy." She mumbled and rubbed her eye with her fist. "Yeah, you're gonna sleep good tonight." I said then carried her to her room.
I got her cleaned up and dressed in her pajamas before reading her a story and tucking her in.
She only made it a couple pages into the book before she was fast asleep, sucking on her thumb.
I smiled at her, then turned to go into Sam's room.
"Hey, kid. Got a minute to talk?" I asked and poked my head into the room. "Yeah." He said and put his book to the side.
"I noticed you've been quiet today. Everything alright?" I asked and sat on his bed.
"We're learning about family trees in school." He said causing my heart to sink slightly.
"I just miss mom and dad." He said as I nodded. "I know. This has been so hard for you." I said with a sigh, smoothing his hair down.
"You're a good sister though." He said, warming my heart. "I love you. I know you're not my child but I promise you'll always have me no matter what." I said then kissed his cheek.
"I love you too, Jule." He said then hugged me.
I felt bad for ever complaining about taking on this life, being a mom for these kids.
It wasn't that hard and I was making them feel special when nobody else would.
It could get stressful, but I would do anything for them.