My mind was racing as I tried to stitch Colby up. The moment kept replaying in my head.
Colby really said that he loved me.
Part of me knew he was telling the truth, that he never stopped loving me. The other part of me didn't care at all.
You didn't break someone's heart if you loved them.
He wouldn't have been so shallow minded if he really loved me.
He would have known how much it would kill me. He knew that he was hurting me and he didn't care.
"Ouch." Colby said as I stabbed into his skin a little harder than I probably should have.
I didn't say anything as I look up and at him.
"Yeah, I deserve it. Continue." He said with a sigh. I nodded and continued working on the stitches.
I decided to go easy on him since he at least wasn't being a total tool.
"It's not the prettiest but I did my best." I said then finished up. "I'm sure it's good, sweetheart." Colby said then reached for his bag.
"So...what's the plan?" I asked and cleaned up while he put a shirt on.
"We have to get rid of them. I'm not exactly sure how but they won't give up." Colby said as I nodded.
"Wow. Great plan, I never would have saw that coming." I said sarcastically.
"What do you want me to say? I don't have a solid plan yet." Colby said as I looked up.
"You're supposed to be in charge of the most powerful gang on the west coast and you can't get rid of a guy who pretended to be a cop." I said as he chuckled.
"He's done more than that and you know, Julia." He said as I squinted at him.
"Trust me I know that. I mean that he's a little bitch that has to pretend to be someone. At least you had the balls to kidnap me." I said causing him to laugh.
"I'll take that a compliment, thanks Jules." Colby said as someone knocked on the door.
I flinched, freezing with fear as Colby stood up. "Don't move." He said and put his hand on the gun that was hidden in his waistband.
I pulled my legs to my chest, watching him as he slowly walked towards the door. He looked through the peep hole then sighed with relief and opened the door.
"Sorry to bother you! You left this downstairs." The woman from the front desk said.
"Thank you. I appreciate that." Colby said then took something from her. "Have a great night." The lady said as Colby nodded.
"You too." He said then closed the door and locked it. "You look scared." He said quietly as I nodded.
"I am." I said and picked at my nails. I didn't want to admit why I was really scared.
It wasn't only because people were after me and would do unthinkable things if they had the chance, but I was more scared about the feelings that were brewing inside of me.
I hated that I was hating Colby less and less.
"Maybe take a shower, it might help you feel more grounded." Colby suggested as I nodded. "Yeah." I whispered then stood up.
I started walking to the bathroom, only to be stopped my Colby grabbing my arm.
"I know it's hard to trust me, but no matter what I'll always try my hardest to keep you safe." He said as my eyes watered.
I nodded and pulled my arm back so I could go into the bathroom, locking the door.
Everything felt so weird and my heart couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the pain in my chest anymore.
I couldn't handle the feeling of only wanting to be wanted when it was convenient.
No matter who it was, I was a pawn. Someone that wasn't deserving of real love. It was only when people needed me.
My mom never loved me. She used me to pay the bills and take care of the kids. I thought my dad loved me but he lied to me my entire life.
Colby only loved me when it was convenient to him. He claims he never stopped loving me but I would always stand by the fact that you cant hurt someone you love the way he hurt me.
Then there was Adam slash Mike. I never loved him but the fact he only wanted me to get to Colby hurt. I meant nothing to him and I meant nothing to everyone.
I looked into the mirror, watching myself slowly start to crumble.
The pain in my chest was so intense that I was doubling over, tears stinging my eyes. I genuinely couldn't breathe and was worried I was about to have a heart attack.
I was silently sobbing, before I finally fell over curling up into a ball. Time passed but I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe or see.
Everything was blurry.
"Jules?" Colby asked from the other side of the door.
I couldn't respond because my heart and body were both seizing with pain. I was having some sort of reaction to all of the heartbreak and all of the trauma.
"Julia, open the door." Colby said with a hint of fear. "I'm serious, Jules!" He begged as I banged my hand on the floor. "I'm breaking the door down. I'm coming." Colby said then started to break down the door.
I trembled, sobbing harder than before. I found myself being scared by the loud noise of him trying to break in.
I felt like I was in danger.
The adrenaline that I was feeling caused me to reach up and grab what felt like a razor. It was the closest thing to a weapon that I could find.
The loud noises got louder and the fear was amping up as I scooted into the corner, trying to hide myself.
Once the door was broken down, Colby rushed into the room. I sobbed and held up the razor, my hand trembling.
"Jules.." Colby whispered as I shook my head vigorously. "Hey...I'm not gonna hurt you. Put the razor down." He said then slowly walked towards me.
I choked on the sobs, shaking my head. "Darling, you have to try and breathe for me." He whispered and crouched down, gently taking the razor from me.
"You're okay, I promise you're okay." He hummed and lifted me up with ease. I tried to fight him off but was really weak and obviously was going through something.
"Shh...you're okay." Colby assured then turned the shower on, making sure the water was a good temperature.
He didn't bother getting me undressed before he was stepping into the shower with me in his arms.
"Everything is okay." He whispered and sat down, holding me in his lap. The warm water was raining down on us while I choked on my own tears.
"Come on, Jules. Come on." Colby said and pulled me close, scratching my back. I wanted him to stop. I wanted to argue with him and push him away but he was being sweet.
He was acting the way he acted when we were in love.
I don't know how long I was in this panicked state but I eventually was able to relax and pull myself out of it.
It must have been a while because the water that was once warm was now freezing cold. "There you are." Colby whispered. I just frowned and looked up at him, not knowing what to say.
I was tired and in pain from how badly my chest was aching.
"You scared me there." He said then leaned forwards and turned the water off. "M'sorry." I whispered, my throat raw. "No, I'm sorry." He said then stood up before scooping me into his arms again.
He then carried me to main part of the room. "Put me down." I said quietly as he nodded and set me on my feet.
My body was weak from the intense attack I just had so Colby held my hands to make sure I didn't collapse.
"I'm good." I said as he nodded. I was surprised he was being so cooperative but maybe he just really felt bad.
I opened my bag and grabbed some dry clothes before turning towards the bathroom. "Uh..." I mumbled, looking at the broken down door.
"Can you turn around?" I asked causing him to chuckle. "Sure, Jules." He said then turned around.
I nodded and turned around, getting changed into some dry clothes. "Okay." I said once I was done getting changed.
"Julia.." Colby said causing me to turn around. "Yes?" I asked as he sighed, running his hand through his wet hair.
"I don't know what to do to prove to you that I love you." He said with a broken tone.
"I know I hurt you but what I just saw made it so real that I broke you." He said and took a step closer to me.
I took a step back, feeling my heart seize again.
"I want you to leave me alone." I whispered. "Is that really what you want?" He asked and took a step closer.
There was so much intensity in his tone that I was shivering.
"After everything we have been through, you really want me to just leave you alone?" He asked as I froze, watching him with intensity.
"Because I will never stop loving you. I've learned that now." He said and looked into my eyes.
"I fucked up and I understand why you hate me, but I'll love you until the day I die. I will love you when you leave me and I'll spend the rest of my life regretting what I did." He said as my eyes watered.
"Please stop." I whispered as he shook his head. "I can't, Jules. I've lost you once already. I can't pretend anymore that you aren't the center of my world." He said as he slowly made his way closer to me.
"I can't let you go without fighting for you." He said quietly. "Give me another chance, Julia." He said as I shook my head, looking into his eyes.
"Y-you wouldn't have left if you loved me." I choked out.
"I was wrong, Julia. I was fucking wrong." He said with intensity before he grabbed my face, bringing his lips to mine.