As soon as his lips were on mine I felt the familiar electricity coursing through my veins.
I wanted to pull away or push him away but my body was reacting to his kiss, letting him mold me like clay in his hands.
I was his in this moment.
Colby moaned as he crouched down slightly, reaching for behind my thighs so he could lift ne up and I could wrap my legs around him.
The feeling of his tongue invading my mouth was one that I didn't realized I missed until this second.
I loved him.
Colby pulled away after a second, only to attach his lips to my neck, sucking at the skin that at one point in time he had claimed with hickeys and love bites.
I gasped at how good it felt, bringing my hands to his hair, lacing my fingers through it.
I got so lost in the moment that I forgot how badly he hurt me. I forgot that I hated him for breaking me.
I forgot how easily he could break me again.
"Colby." I gasped as he sucked and bit at my neck. Colby groaned slightly, and kissed up my neck and back to my mouth.
I let him kiss me for a second before I finally pushed him away.
We looked at eachother, trying to catch our breath, intensity surrounding us. I shook my head and looked at his swollen lips, feeling my heart ache.
I wanted to feel his lips against mine again but we couldn't.
We couldn't rope ourselves into the pain that being together was.
I couldn't live the rest of my life being hunted down.
"We can't." I whispered as his face fell slightly. "I can't." I said as wiggled so he would set me down.
"I know I fucked up. I know that." Colby said with a nod.
"It's much more than that, Colby." I said and shook my head.
"I can't live the rest of my life in fear. I can't do it." I said and wrapped my arms around myself.
"You need to just forget about me. Exactly like you said to me all those years ago..we can't be together." I said, feeling my heart sink.
My heart and brain were clearly disagreeing.
Colby took my face in his hands, looking into my eyes.
"Isn't it obvious I'll never forget about you?" He asked quietly.
Those words broke my heart for some reason.
Our lives could have been so different if Colby hadn't made that one decision. We wouldn't be so broken and we would be able to love eachother without the insecurity.
I didn't know if we would ever be able to fully love and trust each other again.
"Give me a chance, Jules." Colby said as I sniffled and took a step back.
"I need time. You can't fix this that fast." I said with a frown, sighing.
"I understand." He said as I nodded. "Get changed...you're dripping all over the carpet." I said then turned around so I couldn't see him.
My brain was so foggy and flustered and my body was still buzzing from the breathtaking kiss we just shared.
It felt like the very first kiss we had.
It was dangerous and felt almost wrong but also so right.
We couldn't go down that road again.
"You can turn around." Colby said as I nodded and turned to see him standing next to the bed with no shirt on and grey sweatpants.
God, I hated how good he looked.
I looked away from him, turning towards the bed so I could get in.
I was exhausted from todays events but I was too restless. I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping no matter how hard I tried.
I felt Colby get into bed next to me, but I stayed as far away from him as possible.
"I'm not gonna bite, Jules." Colby said with a laugh as I sighed and turned to lay on my back.
"What are we doing?" I asked quietly, looking up at the ceiling.
"Going to bed, sweetheart." Colby said as I shook my head.
"No. I meant in general. We know being together is dangerous. Why are we doing it?" I asked and looked over at him.
"Because it's more dangerous for you if we're apart." He said as I sighed. "They'd give up, wouldn't they? If you didn't come looking for me. I can handle them for a while." I said as he shook his head.
"They'll never give up. I already fell into the trap. They know that the rumors are true. Maybe if I didn't fuck up then they wouldn't bother you." He said and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Maybe if I just kept to myself..." I mumbled as he sighed.
"Come here." Colby said and opened his arms to me. "None of this is your fault and it never will be. They were in your home before you even met Adam, correct?" He asked as I scooted into his embrace.
"I don't know for sure." I said with a sigh. "My wallet was the only thing touched. Except for my fake ID." I said and looked up at him.
"You still had it?" He asked as I nodded. "I had a lot of stuff." I said with a shrug.
"No judgment. I have that drawing you gave me. The coloring book one." He said causing me to gasp slightly.
"You kept it?" I asked as he nodded. "It's in my desk drawer at base." He said causing my heart to sink.
He really kept that for all these years?
"I didn't know that." I mumbled as he nodded. "I didn't tell you." Colby hummed then scratched my back.
"Get some rest. It's late." He said as I looked at the clock.
2am.
"How long was I in the bathroom?" I asked with wide eyes. "An hour before I checked on you and probably thirtyish minutes with me." He explained as my heart sank.
It felt like a long time but it didn't seem that long.
"Oh." I said as he nodded. "Yeah, that's why I was so worried. I thought you killed yourself or something." He said quietly.
I felt my eyes water, knowing that those thoughts have been plaguing my mind recently.
Life just felt so pointless anymore.
What was the point of living if I was going to be hunted down? It would make everyones life easier if I was just dead.
"Hey.." Colby whispered and wiped my tears. "I know we have a past, but you can talk to me. There's no expectations. I'll love you forever even if you don't love me back." He said quietly.
I frowned and turned my face into his chest.
I didn't know how I felt or how I was really supposed to feel. He broke my heart and he broke me but it seemed like overnight he realized what a mistake it was.
Colby was being gentle and cautious which was something I haven't seen from him in a long time.
When we reconnected he seemed like a different person.
Hard and unwilling to let anyone in, but right now while we were laid in this bed, wrapped in each others arms, he seemed like the Colby I loved.
The Colby I would take a bullet for.
I didn't answer him or speak again. Instead I cried myself to sleep in his arms.
I knew I would probably regret our kiss and I would regret letting him hold me, but it didn't matter right now.
I needed him in this very moment.
When I woke up, Colby was still gently scratching my back. His cheek was resting on my head and he didn't seem to be asleep.
Did he sleep at all?
I shifted slightly so he would know I was awake. He didn't move though, just kept scratching my back.
"Good morning." He hummed, his voice vibrating the chest I was laying on.
"Did you sleep?" I asked and started to sit up. "A little bit. You were out." He said with a smile.
"Yeah. I was tired." I said and looked at the door that Colby had broken down.
"We have to fix that." I said as he shrugged. "I'm just gonna give them money." He said then stretched his arms out.
"What's our plan?" I asked with a sigh. "We're gonna meet Sam and the other guys in an undisclosed location." He said as I scrunched my brow.
"Why them? Don't you want your own gang to help you?" I asked as he chuckled.
"I don't trust those idiots." He said then got out of bed, stretching.
"I mean I get that. Are you gonna tell me where we are going?" I asked and went to get a change of clothes.
"Eh, it's just not important. We're going to be hiding out there until I can figure out what to do. Then we'll eventually end up back in Seattle." He said as I nodded.
I wasn't in the mood to argue. I was still not feeling my best and I was confused about how I was supposed to navigate this situation.
Time would have to tell what would feel right.