Chapter 6: 6: Chapter 6

LEAH

The next day passes in a hurry. We have packed all the cars and are headed together for the castle. Irritation has been seething inside of me after Ares blackmailed me into saying yes to getting pregnant. As we sit in the car together, I can no longer contain myself, so I turn to face him with my arms crossed demonstratively.

“Aren’t you ashamed?” I ask before he turns around as he meets my gaze.

“What do you mean?”

“You practically tricked me into saying yes yesterday when we had sex.”

“Leah, I haven’t tricked anyone. You said yes to my proposal to start a family, and you know I’ve wanted this for a long time. I agreed to start with contraception, but we then said it would only be a year. You know how important this is to me, I’m not getting any younger, and with every year that goes by without an heir, our family is vulnerable.”

I bite my lip. This is the conversation I’ve been trying to avoid for a long time. I don’t know if I’m ready to be a mother; what if I’m not a good mother?

“I understand you’re scared, Leah,” he continues as he watches my inner struggle. “I’m scared too. Afraid that something will happen to you, afraid that something will happen to our future children. But we can’t let fear dictate our lives.”

“I know… I understand what you’re saying. And I want pups too, you know that. But what if I’m not ready?” I fiddle nervously on the sleeve of my shirt as I turn my stare down to my lap.

Ares takes off his seat belt as he moves closer to me. He puts his arm around my shoulders so I can rest my head against his body.

“If none of us are ready, we will get ready together. We’re doing this together, right?” He strokes his hand against my cheek.

“Okay, Ares. You’re right.” I turn my face up to him and smile. “Let’s do it. I’m getting off the pill.”

***

After spending hours showing our guests to their temporary houses and around the pack, I am finally able to sit in one of the armchairs in the castle’s library. I sink down as I open the book that I’m currently reading, ~Werewolves, Myth and Facts~.

“Sit down, John, I get all nervous when you hover around me,” I say without lifting my eyes from the book. I hear him sit down in one of the other armchairs farther back. The library is one of my favorite places in the entire castle. The walls are covered with bookshelves full of knowledge, and it is always quiet here.

After a while of reading, John clears his throat, and I look up.

“Excuse me,” he says quickly, turning in his armchair.

“Don’t worry, what are you thinking about?” I put my bookmark next to the page I just read and closed the book in my lap.

“I don’t want to disturb you,” he replies hesitantly, but I can clearly see he is thinking about something.

“Tell me, what is it, John?” I insist.

“What are you reading? Do you want to tell me?”

I stare at him thoughtfully when I realize he wants to hang out, and that explains why he is behaving so differently from himself. He who is always so quiet and composed suddenly sits in front of me and wants to hang out. I smile before a small laugh escapes me, thinking how much he has changed in this time that we have spent together.

“It’s about our species’ past, different myths but also a lot of facts. Did you know that you can have a second-chance mate? It’s very rare, but if your mate dies or you get rejected, you have a chance to meet another. There are not many cases that are registered, but there is still a possibility. I think that seems like a nice thought, don’t you think?” I look at John, who stares back at me silently.

“Yes, that’s a nice thought,” he finally says cautiously.

“What about you, John? Do you have a mate?” I quickly realize that I have asked a far too private question. I understand that the probability is low because he is accompanying me all day, and he has never mentioned a mate.

He shook his head. “She died.”

I widened my eyes at his revelation. “Oh my god… John, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“You don’t have to apologize. She died ten years ago… Ares found me when I was in a very dark period of my life. He brought me here and gave me a new purpose. Something else to focus my energy on; to be one of the leaders of his army. It took many years before I could fall asleep without desperately wishing for a quick death, to be reunited with her.” His gaze is dark, his wolf utterly present as he is thinking back on memories of his mate. I can’t help but feel sadness for him. Losing your mate is the worst pain you can endure. The pain when you are rejected by your mate is just as terrible, but it passes faster than if you are separated by death.

I get up, walk over to him, and sit down in the chair next to him. I put my hand on his and smile gently.

“I’m glad Ares took you in, you’ve become a great friend, and I hope you feel the same for me.”

He meets my gaze without saying anything. The atmosphere in the room thickens, and I slowly remove my hand from his. When the silence became too tangible, I stand and walk toward the door.

“I think I’m going to bed now… See you tomorrow, John,” I say before leaving him in the library.

***

The first thing I do when I get to the bedroom is go into the bathroom. I open the mirror cabinet to take out my birth control pills. I stand silently thinking about whether I should throw them away or not. Part of me longs for my own pups, but another is so worried about the dark times right now with all the rogue attacks. I also couldn’t lie to Ares and take them secretly; Sia would never allow that.

~“You have to trust our mate.”~ Sia snorts inside me, and I roll my eyes. I trust him, that’s not why I’m hesitating. Maybe everyone feels this way about having children?

~“Maria, what are you doing?”~ I ask through mind-link.

~“I’m resting my poor swollen feet,”~ she replies tiredly.

I bite my lip; it’s not so important that I must disturb her when she’s this tired.

~“I see, you rest… But maybe we can meet tomorrow for breakfast?”~

I open the lid of the trash can and hesitate for a moment before throwing down the carton of the contraceptive.

~“I’d love to have breakfast with you, see you tomorrow!”~

I return to the bedroom and sit down at my dressing table. Slowly, I start combing my hair while looking at my reflection. I will probably grow into the role of mother, and I have my best friend as support, and I also have my mother closer again. I am going to ask Maria tomorrow about how it feels to be pregnant, becoming a mother, her expectations, and even her fears.

I take off my beautiful pearl earrings that I inherited from my grandmother and put them on the table. Before I crawl under the covers, I undress and change into one of Ares’s T-shirts. Just as I am about to turn off the table lamp, the bedroom door opens, and Ares steps in.

Our eyes meet. “Have you taken your pill today?” he asks hoarsely.

I shake my head.

Immediately he rips off his clothes and climbs over me. I giggle at his animalistic ways before he kisses me hungrily.