I kneel behind herâI love taking her this way. I can feel so much more of her, I can touch the creamy skin on her back and pay attention to every muscle moving under her skinâand I watch every breath she fights for as I rock into her.
I move her long hair to the side and move closer, slowly pushing farther into her. Her back arches into me, and I take her breasts in my hands as I begin to move in and out of her slowly.
Fuck, it feels so damn good, better than ever. It has to be the hot water pushing around us as I inch in and out of her. She moans, and I reach down to make sure sheâs still being hit with the rushing water. Her eyes are screwed shut, and her mouth is wide open. Her knuckles are nearly white from gripping the edge of the tub.
I want to move faster, to pound into her, but I force myself to stay at this slow, torturing pace.
âHar-dinnn,â she moans.
âFuck, itâs like I can finally feel every inch of you.â The moment I say the words, I panic and pull away from her.
A condom.
I didnât even think to use a fucking condom. What has she done to me?
âWhatâs wrong?â she pants, a thin layer of moisture covering her face.
âI donât have a condom on!â I run my hands over my wet hair.
âOh,â she says calmly.
âOh? What do you mean, Oh?â
âSo put a condom on?â she suggests with a doe-eyed look.
âThatâs not the point!â I stand up in the tub. She doesnât say anything. âIf I hadnât thought about it, you could have gotten pregnant.â
She nods understandingly. âOkay, yeah, but you did remember.â
Why is she so calm about this? She has this grand plan to move to Seattleâa baby would definitely fuck that up. Wait . . .
âIs that your plan or something? If I get you pregnant, you think Iâll go with you?â I sound like a fucking conspiracy theorist, but it does make sense.
She turns around, laughing. âYou arenât serious!â And when she tries to wrap her arms around me, I move out of the way.
âI am.â
âCome on, thatâs insane. Come here, babe.â She tries to grab me again, but I dodge her, moving to the opposite side of the Jacuzzi.
Hurt flashes as clear as a goddamn neon sign across her face, and she covers her boobs with her hands. âYouâre the one who forgot about a condom, and now youâre saying that Iâm trying to trap you by getting pregnant?â She shakes her head in disbelief. âJust listen to yourself.â
Well, it wouldnât be the first time some crazy chick did that. I slide over to get a little closer now, but she quickly rises onto her knees on the bench. I give her an impassive look, saying nothing.
Watching me, her eyes brim with tears as she stands up in the water and climbs out of the tub. âIâm going to take a shower.â She disappears into the bedroom, slamming first the door to the deck and then the bathroom as she goes.
âFuck!â I yell, smacking a palm at the bubbling water, wishing it could hit me back. I do need to listen to what Iâm sayingâthis isnât some random crazy bitch. This is Tessa. What the hell is wrong with me? Iâm so fucking paranoid. My guilt over this Seattle shit is causing me to lose my fucking mind. Whatâs left of it, anyway.
I have to fix this, or at least try to. I owe it to her, especially after I just accused her of the dumbest shit possible.
Ironically, in a twisted way, I almost wish I hadnât remembered the condom myself . . .
No. No, I donât. I just donât want her to leave me, and I donât know what else to do to get her to stay. A baby isnât the answer, thatâs for damn sure. Iâve done everything I possibly can except lock her in the apartment. Sure, itâs an idea thatâs actually crossed my mind a few times, but I donât think she would like it too much. Plus sheâd probably get a vitamin-D deficiency. And stop going to yoga . . . and so stop wearing those pants.
I need to go inside and apologize for embarrassing her and being a dick to her before the entire gang returns. Maybe Iâll get lucky, and theyâll get lost in the woods for a few hours.
But first, I have something else I need to do. I climb out of the hot tub and walk into the room; itâs cold as hell now that Iâm only wearing soaked boxers. I glance back and forth between my phone and the bathroom door connected to our room. The showerâs still running, so I grab my phone and a blanket from the back of the chair before stepping back out onto the balcony.
I scroll through my contacts and find the name Samuel; real fucking clever decoy, there. I donât know why I saved this womanâs number anyway; I guess I knew somehow Iâd get tangled in a fucking web and have to call the bitch back. I changed the name in case Tessa went snooping through my shit, which I knew she would do. I thought sheâd caught me when she asked about my deleted history and heard me yelling at Molly on the phone.
In some ways, Iâm sure sheâd rather see Molly on my call log than this person.
Chapter twenty-six
TESSA
I canât believe Hardin had the nerve to accuse me of trying to get myself pregnant, or even thinking that thereâs even a small chance that I would do something like that to him . . . or to myself. The whole thingâs just absurd and stupid all around.
Everything was going so greatâincredible, reallyâuntil he mentioned the condom. He should have just gotten out of the water and grabbed one; I know he has a pile of them in the top of his suitcase. I watched him shove them in there after I neatly packed our bags.