Chapter 13: Bound By Hatred: Chapter 12

Nobody had ever looked at me like that, like I was the only source of water in a time of drought. And by God, I enjoyed it. Part of me at least, the other part, the stubborn part, wanted to hang onto my anger and sadness and indignation, and not give a damn about Matteo’s desire for me.

In the last twenty-four hours my dreams had been crushed and an innocent life had been taken. I felt like it was my duty to fight this marriage, and the tingling that flooded my body whenever Matteo touched me. I owed it to Sid, and to my own self-respect. I’d fought too hard and long to be free.

Before I could make up my mind about what I was going to do, Matteo jerked me against him and claimed my mouth in a fierce kiss that made me gasp, then tense. His tongue slipped between my lips, and without wanting to I opened up for him, parted my lips, wrestled his tongue with mine. My hands found their way into his hair, tugging, raking, wanting him closer and at the same time wanting to shove him away.

Matteo gripped my butt and hoisted me up. My legs wound themselves around his waist, but our lips never parted. My body was aflame with lust. No kiss before had even come close to this. Matteo started walking, carrying me toward his bed.

Fight him, Gianna. Fight this. You owe it to Sid.

But I was sick of fighting for today, sick of my emotions. Today I only wanted to feel, let my body take control, forget everything for a few hours at least. There would be plenty of time for resistance later in this marriage.

Matteo threw me down on the bed and the air left my lungs in a rush, but I didn’t get much time to recover because suddenly he was on top of me and his lips were back. His hand slipped under my shirt, fingertips gracing my stomach, then the sensitive skin over my ribs. He cupped my breast through my bra and I arched against him. He pulled away, and I barely managed to suppress a sound of protest. He seemed to know it though. He smiled in that arrogant way as he pushed my shirt up over my head and unhooked my bra. My nipples hardened and his smile widened even more.

Annoyance shot through me. He seemed so damn sure of himself, certain of his victory over me. He had another think coming.

“What would you do if I told you ‘no’?” I asked in a challenging tone.

I’d expected fury or annoyance in return.

“You won’t,” he said without a hint of doubt in his voice. I glared but he didn’t give me the time for a nasty retort. He lowered his head over my breasts and sucked one erect nipple into his mouth. A moan slipped out before I could stop myself and Matteo didn’t allow me any time to gather myself, to raise my defenses. His mouth was relentless. The sensations rippling through my body were almost too much. How could he make me feel like that? His tongue circled my nipple before moving on to the other, leaving a wet trail between my breasts. I shivered. Matteo’s eyes were glued to my face. He wanted to see me surrender to him, wanted to enjoy this victory to the very last. I resisted the urge to close my eyes. He would have seen it as another victory. I wouldn’t give him that as well. He gently bit down on my nipple and I moaned, even louder than the first time.

With a self-satisfied grin, he moved lower, dipping his tongue into my bellybutton. I squealed like an idiot girl and tried to squirm away from him, but his hands came down on my hips, holding fast, as his tongue found every ticklish place on my stomach and hips. I was laughing so hard, tears were pooling in my eyes. I had expected him to be rougher after what he’d witnessed, had almost wished for it, but this playful side? That scared me because he seemed likeable, even loveable. I pushed at his forehead. “Stop it!” I gasped between laughter.

“What’s the magic word?” he murmured against a particularly ticklish place right above my hipbone.

“Fuck you,” I said sweetly. I braced myself but it didn’t stop the squeals and laughs when Matteo traced his tongue over my hipbone. I was on the verge of begging when suddenly he stopped his assault. He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down. His eyes traveled over my legs, and his hands followed the same path, barely brushing my skin. His motions were almost reverent; I didn’t get it. Disgust and fury, those I would have understood.

When he kissed me through my panties, I became very still. I knew what he wanted to do. Nobody had ever done that. It felt very personal, as if I had to bare myself to him in more than just the physical sense, and I couldn’t do it, wouldn’t do it, no matter how much my body craved the experience. Matteo gripped my panties and slid them down my legs. He sat back for a moment, admiring me. “I’d wondered if you were a redhead.”

I rolled my eyes, despite the flush spreading in my cheeks. “Isn’t that what every man wonders?”

I realized a moment too late that mentioning other men wasn’t the best idea in my current situation.

“How did you explain that to the other guys you’ve been with? Brown on top and red down below?” His voice and eyes had become harder, dangerous.

Nobody’s ever seen me like this. The words lay on the tip of my tongue. “I thought you wanted to fuck me. I’m not in the mood for chitchat.”

Matteo shook his head. “Oh, I will fuck you, don’t worry.” He crashed his lips down on mine and I kissed him back just as fiercely. ‘Feel, don’t think’ became my mantra. His hands roamed my body until they found their way between my legs. I forced myself to relax despite my nerves. When his fingers brushed over my folds, I gasped against his lips. The sensations were delicious. His thumb found my bundle of nerves and started rubbing. Two of his fingers slid back and forth the length of my slit while his thumb pressed down on my clit. Maybe my mind didn’t want Matteo, but my body was so eager for him it was ridiculous.

My toes curled as he drove me higher with his fingers. I gripped his neck, bringing him even closer, wrangling his tongue with mine, as my orgasm crashed down on me. My nails dug into his skin but that seemed to turn him on even more judging from the growl deep in his chest. Suddenly two of his fingers moved lower and brushed my opening. Fear spiked. Clamping my legs together, I shoved at his chest and wrenched my lips away from his.

“Stop with the foreplay,” I said breathlessly. What if he could feel something with his fingers? I doubted his cock would be as sensitive as his fingertips.

The hint of a frown crossed Matteo’s expression but then he slid off the bed with a wicked grin. He stood tall in front of the bed. The bulge in his pants was unmistakable. He didn’t give me much time to wonder what lay below the fabric. His hands made quick work out of unbuttoning his shirt and then he slid it off his strong shoulder and let it drop to the ground. This was the first time I saw him without a shirt. I’d caught glimpses of his sixpack through his white shirt before but it couldn’t compare to seeing him bare-chested. My core tightened with desire. Even if Matteo’s personality grated on my nerves, my body definitely reacted to his looks. His hands moved on to his pants, and in one swift motion he dropped both his pants and his boxers on the ground. When he straightened, it took all my acting skills to mask my embarrassment and nerves at the sight of him fully erect.

I really should have listened to Aria, but even as the thought crossed my mind I knew I was too proud to tell Matteo the truth. My eyes took their time taking in every inch of him, not even caring that he smirked at my obvious admiration.

And, boy, was he gorgeous. Everything about him was, his chiseled chest and sixpack, even his cock. I hated him for it. Hated how my body reacted to him so quickly and easily when it had never reacted to Sid or the other guys I’d made out with. He advanced on the bed, every move lithe, and calculated. Every move aimed to show off his muscles and strength. God, I wished it wasn’t making an impression on me. He put one knee on the bed, fixing me with a gaze that made me shiver.

“Stop playing around,” I hissed because my nerves were getting the better of me and that was the last thing I needed.

And he did as I asked. He moved onto the bed and climbed between my legs, grabbing my hips with a dark smile. “I’m going to make you forget every fucking guy you’ve ever been with.”

I glared, and was about to give him a nasty comeback, when he pulled at my hips sharply and slammed into me in one hard thrust. I arched up with a cry as pain shot through me. Damn it. Aria hadn’t been kidding. This was fucking painful. So much for keeping it a secret. I sucked in a few quick breaths through my nose, my eyes clenched shut. “Oh fuck,” I gasped out when I could speak again. This was much worse than I’d thought. I opened my eyes slowly, dreading what I would see. I should have bitten into a fucking pillow, or even my stupid tongue.

Matteo had frozen above me as he stared down at me in surprise. “Gianna?”

My face turned hot. “Shut up,” I muttered. I loosened my fingers, which had clawed at the bed sheet.

Matteo’s eyes were soft. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I decided to play dumb. Maybe I could convince him this wasn’t what it looked like. “Tell you what?”

A sly grin twisted his lips, and I wanted nothing more than to wipe it off his face. Of course he didn’t buy my lie. He wasn’t an idiot. He was a master manipulator and I obviously had a lot to learn before I could trick him.

“That I’m your first,” he said. Did he have to sound so…relieved and proud?

If I hadn’t been worried that getting his cock out of me would hurt as much as getting it inside had, I would have shoved him away. Lying beneath him made a fair argument difficult.

I narrowed my eyes. “I thought we were going to fuck? I’m tired of talking to you.”

Matteo braced himself on his hands, bringing us closer. I tensed at the twinge the movement caused.

“First I want you to answer my question. Why? You could have spared yourself a lot of pain, if you’d told me,” he said calmly. He looked like this was the easiest thing in the world for him, being buried deep inside me, and having a chat.

When it became clear that he would wait until I gave him what he wanted, I said, “Because I didn’t want you to know.”

His grin got even cockier. “Because you didn’t want to admit that you waited for me.”

“I didn’t wait for you. Now stop talking and fuck me, damn it.” This was getting too personal, and I hated how vulnerable I was, naked inside and out. How was I supposed to stop feeling if Matteo kept asking me things I didn’t want to think about?

Matteo didn’t take his eyes off me. They were dark and possessive, and seemed to stare right through me. If it hadn’t felt like a defeat, I would have looked away. He pulled out slowly before sliding back in and I tensed from the pain. My body was a horrible traitor. At least, I managed to hold back a gasp this time. Matteo moved slowly and carefully, his muscles flexing with every thrust.

I hated that he was being considerate. I hated that he wasn’t acting like a total asshole, hated that hating him wasn’t as easy as I’d thought. If he wasn’t an asshole, then somehow Sid’s death was even more my fault, because my running away was unnecessary and selfish and unfounded.

I gripped his shoulders. “Stop holding back.”

Matteo’s brows drew together but he still didn’t move faster.

I dug my fingers into his skin and jerked my hips despite the soreness between my legs. “Stop holding back!”

This time he listened. His eyes flashed and then he slammed into me harder and faster. I closed my eyes as I held onto his shoulder. I probably left marks with my nails. I didn’t care and Matteo didn’t seem to mind if his quick breathing was any indication.

The pain felt good, gave me something to focus on beyond the crushing guilt. But there wasn’t only pain. Soon the stretched feeling turned into an exquisite pressure, a low hum of pleasure I’d never felt before. Matteo lowered himself, changing the angle in which he pushed into me, hitting an amazing spot deep inside me. Matteo’s mouth found my throat and then he bit down on my skin lightly. A moan slipped out of my lips. My eyes shot open, meeting Matteo’s intense gaze. I couldn’t look away. I wanted to pull him closer and push him away at the same time, wanted to hide and open up to him, wanted and not wanted. “Are you going to come?” Matteo rasped.

I shook my head ‘no’, not trusting my voice. Maybe I could have come. It felt increasingly good, but I needed to bring space between Matteo and me, needed time to get a handle on my emotions before they overwhelmed me. I was confused and tired and sad.

Matteo raised himself on his arms again and sped up even more, slamming into me over and over again, and then he tensed above me, his face twisting with pleasure, and damn he looked magnificent, like something even Michelangelo couldn’t have created better. Matteo’s movements became jerky and then he stilled, eyes closed, a few strands of dark hair stuck to his forehead.

My fingers itched to brush them away, to touch his lips and jaw. Instead I dropped my hands from his shoulders and rested them on the bed beside me where they couldn’t do something stupid, something I’d regret later.

Matteo’s eyes peeled open slowly and I sucked in a quiet breath. Why couldn’t he stop looking at me like that? He didn’t smile, only pierced me with his dark gaze.

I pushed against his chest. “You’re getting heavy. Get off.”

The corners of his mouth twitched, then he slowly pulled out and plopped down on the bed beside me and reached for me as if he was going to embrace me. Panicking, I sat up and slid off the bed. If he hugged me now, if he acted like we were a real couple, one that cared about each other, I’d lose my shit. I headed for the bathroom, not bothering to cover myself. Matteo had seen all of me already, and I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking I was embarrassed to be naked in front of him.

I didn’t hear him coming after me but suddenly Matteo grabbed my hand, stopping me from disappearing into the safety of the bathroom. Our eyes met. His were almost…regretful. “I shouldn’t have gone so hard on you, but you know how to push my fucking buttons, Gianna. Did I hurt you?”

Concern, there it was again. Damn it. Why couldn’t he stop acting like he was a normal guy? Did he really think that would make me forget who and what he really was? “Don’t pretend you didn’t like it.”

“I don’t. I loved every fucking second of it. I’ve waited a long time for this moment. I’ve spent almost every waking moment of my search for you imagining having your hot body under me. But in my imagination you were moaning my name and having multiple orgasms. You definitely weren’t in pain.”

That arrogant bastard. “Keep imagining that. It won’t happen.”

Matteo braced himself against the doorframe, trapping me between his arms. “Your body reacted to me, Gianna, even if you don’t want to admit it. Next time you will come when I fuck you, trust me.”

“What makes you think my body was reacting to you? Maybe I was imagining I was with someone else. The mind is a powerful tool.” I tried to slip away under his arm but he pushed me against the doorframe. “Maybe I was imagining it was Sid and not you fucking me.”

Matteo didn’t even blink. He didn’t believe a word I was saying. Damn it!

“If you’d really wanted Sid to be your first, you would have let him fuck you. So why didn’t you?”

“Because you killed him!”

Matteo smiled. “We both know that’s not the reason why, but let’s just pretend it were true. Then I’m glad he’s dead. That wimp didn’t deserve the privilege.”

I couldn’t believe him. “You asshole. I knew you’d get a kick out of it, that’s why I didn’t tell you.”

Matteo leaned close until there was less than an inch between our lips. “But I know and I won’t ever forget. You are mine now Gianna, and I fucking love that I caught you before you found a loser to pop your cherry.”

I tried to slap him but he caught my wrist and actually kissed my palm with a self-satisfied grin. I wrenched my hand away from him. A myriad of insults flitted through my mind, too many to choose only one.

Matteo nodded toward the bed. “Maybe I should tell everyone that we can have a presentation of the sheets after all.”

My eyes grew wide. That was the last thing I wanted, and Matteo knew it. He was taunting me. I pushed past him and this time he let me, and rushed toward the bed. There was a small pink smudge on the sheet. Men had it so much easier. Women had really been screwed over when it came to anatomy. We got our period, we couldn’t pee standing up, we had to squeeze something the size of a melon out of our vagina and our first times sucked majorly. “You wouldn’t dare,” I said.

Matteo crossed his arms over his chest. He was still gloriously naked and was getting a boner again. The bastard was turned on by our fight. “You shouldn’t tempt me.”

I shrugged. “Even if you showed the sheets to your family, nobody would believe you anyway. They think I’m a slut, remember? They’d probably think you faked the stain with your own blood like Luca did in his wedding night.” I tensed. This was a secret I was supposed to keep. Nobody knew. Why couldn’t I ever keep my stupid mouth shut?