Sanem
I check the timetables of the ferries arriving in the afternoon, there is one scheduled for 18.00 and another at 19.00. I sit down at a table in an open-air bar which overlooks the port and have a cold drink while I wait to see if Osman will arrive with the first one which can be seen arriving in the distance. I have brought the book on pregnancy with me and start to read with interest, discovering that I have to be careful with raw or undercooked food, cold meats, poultry and game. I look towards the sea thoughtfully, trying to think back to see if I have eaten any recently, but fortunately I don't think so.
Thinking about Osman brings to mind for a moment the images of the video I saw this morning, what was he doing there with Can and Polen? I shake my head forcing myself not to think about those images, it's not good for me and it's useless.
I keep reading while keeping an eye on the ferry that is getting closer and closer, I am excited at the thought of being able to hug my old friend again, I missed him so much, I wasn't exaggerating when I told Andrea that he is like a brother. He has always been very dear to me, when I was little he defended me from the bullies in the neighbourhood and growing up he became my sincere confidant, maybe even more than Ayhan with whom I always shared more mischief and crazy laughs.
I miss her, but I can't hear her right now, if she knew where I was I'm not sure she would be able to keep the secret in the face of my parents' request who, since she lost hers, have treated her as a daughter on par with Layla and me.
I don't want to put her in a difficult position, it's better not to feel for a while.
The ferry enters the harbour, and I remain spellbound as I watch the precise manoeuvres that allow this mammoth vessel to position itself in exactly the right place and start unloading its human cargo on the island.
I leave the bar to approach the disembarkation point, excitedly scanning the crowd that is disembarking in the hope of spotting Osman. When almost everyone seems to have disembarked and I am resigned to waiting an hour for the next ferry to arrive, there he is at the top of the landing ladder. I move quickly along the quay to meet him, he is talking to a boy as he comes down the ladder, I call him - Osmaaan! -
He turns his head in astonishment at hearing his name called and his eyes open wide as he spots me among the people waiting on the quay. He drops his duffle bag on his shoulder and runs towards me, I do the same and we practically collide in an affectionate and nostalgic embrace. Osman feels like home to me, he's my childhood, he's part of my roots, he's an important part of my life and always will be.
He pulls away from me, smiling in disbelief - Sanem? What are you doing here? -
- It's a long story, I hope that in your busy international modeling schedule there is room for your childhood friend -
- Of course, what do you say, how could I neglect the most tomboyish girl in the neighbourhood? -
I punch him in the arm - Cut it out, again with this story? - We laugh together, happy to be together again. The boy Osman was talking to just now comes up, carrying the duffle bag which he dropped on impulse as he ran to me.
- Osman? Looks like someone's given you a nice surprise. - He smiles and extends a hand towards me - Hi, I'm Sam, an American colleague of Osman's.
I smile back and shake his hand - Hi, Sanem, a childhood friend of Osman's, or rather his only childhood friend, I don't think he has any others.
He looks at me insistently, smiling - What unexpected treasures are hidden in Turkey, I'm enchanted -
I blush with embarrassment as Osman elbows him in irritation - Sam, calm down and get away from my Sanem, will you? -
He smiles amused and not at all intimidated - What have I done wrong, I just told the truth, that's what I think -
Osman ignores him and turns to me - Listen Sanem, our hotel is nearby, would you like to wait for me long enough to drop off the luggage and take a quick shower, I definitely need it -
- Sure, no problem, I'll take a walk through the streets of the city centre and meet you back here in an hour okay? -
We say goodbye with Sam bowing and kissing my hand and wishing to see me again soon. I smile with amusement at the look on Osman's face as he pushes his friend impatiently in the direction of the hotel.
An hour later there he was, waiting for me with his wonderful smile, how I missed him!
We hug each other again in a tight embrace which says a lot about how much we have missed each other. We walk along happily chatting about nothing as in the old days, we choose a nice little restaurant with tables laid under a fragrant pergola on a large terrace overlooking the sea. We sit down and look at each other for a moment, smiling and happy to be together after such a long time, then Osman's expression becomes serious....
- Come on girl, explain to me what you're doing here and why I didn't know anything about it.
I lower my head to collect my ideas and make sure I choose the right words, I tell everything like a river in flood, I stop for a moment just to make the order and then when the waiter arrives to bring our dishes, I talk for the whole evening, I see different emotions shine through the expressions on his face as I go on in my story. The fight, the accident, him and Polen, the hospital, the convalescence, the sale of the creams, our last meeting, I leave for last the most important and most shocking discovery.
- In the hospital, after everything was hopelessly compromised, I discovered that I was pregnant, and that is why I am here. My mother wouldn't have taken long to understand the truth and I didn't want to involve anyone in this situation, I didn't want to shame my parents in front of the neighbourhood so I had to get away from everyone. I chose this place because I'd seen it on television and I'd always dreamed of visiting it, it was an incredible coincidence then to find out that you'd also come here for work-
Osman looks at me seriously, clearly surprised by my revelation, he also realises that the situation is not easy, he looks at me with his big understanding eyes and reaches out a hand on the table to take mine. I feel tears pressing under my eyelashes - Now eat Sanem, this is not the time or place now. Rather explain to me this thing about selling creams -
As always Osman knows what's right, he's managed to lighten my mood and we finish eating, chatting carefree as in the old days. After leaving the restaurant we stroll through the streets of the centre and then go and sit on a bench near the port.
- What are you going to do now Sanem? How long are you going to stay here? -
- I honestly don't know, I have found a very nice and welcoming residence, the owners are two young brothers who are very nice to me, for the moment I will stay here then I will decide on my future and that of the child. I will have to do some checks, I can't stay here for long, it is not advisable to carry a pregnancy on an island in case there are problems, I am aware of that-
- You don't intend to let Can know about the baby? -
-Osman, you know me better than anyone else in this life, I think only you can understand me. What kind of relationship could my child have with a father who lives his life moving from one part of the world to another? What kind of father would he be? Wouldn't he suffer more knowing that his father has chosen to live his wandering life, in which there is no room for a son except for occasional visits, than growing up knowing that he doesn't have a father at all? Can made it clear to me that it was over between us, that he didn't trust me and that I was just like anyone else to him, nothing special.
He has chosen Polen, I have seen pictures of you with them at the presentation of the spring collection, you have seen it too that he has chosen to be with her. There is no place for me in his life and I don't want there to be a place for him in my life and in my son's life, it is better that way believe me -
-Yes I have met them, I don't know, I had a strange feeling looking at them, I didn't feel Can was comfortable with her-.
He remains silent thoughtfully for a long time, he's always been like that, he's not one to speak out of the emotion of the moment, he ponders a matter for a long time before saying his piece.
- Sanem, I love you as much as I love Ayhan, maybe even more because I chose you as my sister since we were kids because I think we are very similar, we are both honest and sincere. This is not like you Sanem, if I were Can I would want to know that I have a child on the way, the choice would then be his, but it doesn't seem right to keep him in the dark -
I lower my head impressed by his reproach, that's how Osman is, he's a friend who doesn't mind telling you that you're wrong. I raise my head with tears in my eyes.
- I can't do it Osman, I can't have anything to do with him, I love him too much and seeing him with another, remembering his brutal hold on me, his angry screams, his icy stare when he told me it's over, it's annihilated me Osman.
I can't, I can't let him be part of my life, I must sever all contact or risk dying of pain.
I can't Osman-
He hugs me tight and holds me as if he never wants to let me go again and I finally find, after so long, the comfort and warmth that only my closest friend can give me.