Chapter 57: chapter 57

Roop knocked on the door and entered. She didn't wait for a reply. Inside she found Simrit lying on the bed with puffed red eyes. Varun was nowhere to be seen and Rahul was with Amar anyway. She walked in and closed the door shut. Simrit looked at her mother and sat up."Mummy," Simrit said in a hoarse voice, "did you see what she did? How am I going to face everyone? Varun was so upset he has gone out for a walk so he doesn't end up in a fight with Mowri   or her husband. She should apologize to me mummy, and in front of everyone," she grumbled.Roop didn't say anything. She just listened. Biji's words rang in her ears. And it all seemed to be true. For the first time she was able to see what beeji had been trying to show her for so long and she had refused to see. She had always associated beauty with goodness. For some strange reason fairness of the skin was seen as the face of all that was  angelic. Not that Mowri   was not beautiful but Simrit had always been more so. In all her life Roop had never felt she was uneducated but today she did. The wise weren't wrong when they said beauty was skin deep. Only it took her so long to understand what it truly meant. She couldn't blame Simrit for it. Maybe she had it in her nature to be like this but it was Roop who had made it a habit with her by supporting her every step of the way. Had she curbed that nature when Simrit had been young she wouldn't have to see this day where her one daughter hated her and the other only used her."I am here to talk about Kulraj's engagement," Roop said a little gruffly."What about it mummy," Simrit said and without glancing at Roop went ahead, "she will get engaged tomorrow to the man she loves, soon Preeti will find someone eligible too only I will be left with what I have," she said pouting her lips.Roop refused to give in to the tactic. Instead she used her brain and not her heart to see how far Simrit could really go."Yes," Roop said, "then all the children would be happily settled," she said watching Simrit carefully, "just like you," she said, "you had a love marriage too didn't you?" she asked.Simrit looked up at that. She narrowed her gaze searching Roop's face. There was something odd about her mother right now. The tone she had used Simrit had never heard it before at least not in reference to her. Even the way she held herself. Normally when Simrit got upset her mother would fret and fuss over her moving around her to calm her down but today she stood by the door, stiffly. Something wasn't right."Are you alright?" Simrit asked."What do you care if I am or not," Roop responded, "let me ask you something," she said and crossed her arms over her chest, "are you not happy with Varun?"Simrit didn't know how to respond to that. Why was she asking her this question? She had always maintained that Varun was very affectionate and they were very happy. Did Varun say something? It was for appearances sake but Varun had never shown indifference towards her in public."Mummy, why are you asking me this?" Simrit said trying to evade the question and smiled, "Here I am talking about something else and you are taking the conversation to a different tangent," she said changing her voice to being pleasant.Maybe her mother had been influenced by the rest of the family. Or maybe she hadn't liked what happened today. She needed to pacify her mother before she made her demands of an apology again. Mowri   will have to apologize to her she will make sure of it."Answer the question Simrit," Roop said as she refused to give in to the beguiling smile of her daughter."Mummy, you do know how happy I am..." she said but before she could say anything else Roop cut her short."Then why are you so jealous of your sisters?" she asked."I don't understand," Simrit said a little nervously.For the first time she felt her hold on her mother slipping. And that made her nervous. She had been her strongest supporter, without her Simrit knew nobody would put up with her anymore."Let me explain it to you then," Roop said, "you said earlier when you fought with Mowri   that given half a chance Arnab   would choose you over her," she said and Simrit felt her nervousness increase but when she opened her mouth to intervene and give an excuse her mother shook her head in warning shutting her up, "I am not done yet," she said, "and just now when you spoke about Preeti and Kulraj you sounded unhappy. It is as if you aren't happy so no one else has the right to be happy too. Is that what this is about?" Roop asked loudly. This was the first time she had ever raised her voice to Simrit. "In your own unhappiness, insecurities and what else, you can't stand for Mowri   to be happy. Is this what it is all about?" she asked angrily, "Answer me," she yelled.Simrit had never seen her mother to be this angry. At least not on her. Even when she had married Varun her mother had been annoyed, upset too but had soon overcome her annoyance. Simrit had always known how to handle her mother and this was the first time she was unsure."Mummy," Simrit tried again as she rose from the bed where she had been sitting till now, "you are taking this all wrong. Why wouldn't I want Kulraj or Preeti to be happy? They are my sisters," she said."And Mowri  ? Is she not your sister?" Roop asked. "Mummy, what are you talking about?" Simrit said. "You know how she is," she tried to pacify her mother and get her back to her side. But it wasn't working."No, I don't know how she is," Roop said, "I should know since she is also my daughter but I don't. Strangely I should know at least about you, but I don't," she said bitterly, "my entire life revolved around you. Everything I did was for you first and then for my other daughters. I gave you everything so you didn't have a tear in your eye not realizing how much it was hurting my other children. And you kept taking, shamelessly so much so you married the man we had chosen for Mowri   and still I stood by you. Not much of a mother am I?" she said sadly. "I had thought at least one of my daughter was happy, she got the love of her life, she got what she wanted otherwise everyone would have been miserable but I was wrong. You never loved Varun," she said and saw shock register on Simrit's face, "you never wanted him for yourself. All you wanted was to take away your sister's happiness. Make her miserable. And to achieve that you took Varun away," Roop said accurately as she saw Simrit start fidgeting. It became much clearer now than it had been ever before. "You deliberately chose the day and time to cause maximum hurt to Mowri  . And you did hurt her. Of all the things you could have done that had to be the worst," Roop said, "and I supported you in it," she said ashamed of what she had done. "It is not your fault Simrit it is mine. It is all mine. I should have seen what I was making you," she said and her eyes filled with unshed tears, "what I was doing to Mowri  ," she said and the tears fell."Mummy, why are you blaming yourself?" Simrit said wondering what was happening here."Who else should I blame? Who else is there?" Roop said helplessly as she cried, "it is me who has turned you into the person you are. A selfish, uncaring, hateful person. A monster who has no regard for anyone but herself," she cried."Monster?" Simrit whispered shocked to her core. Of all the things her mother could have said to her that one word shook her world. "You think I am a monster?" she asked her mother. "I am your daughter mummy, the prettiest of all you bore how am I even remotely close to a monster," she asked Roop unable to believe her mother thought that of her."What else do you want me to call you Simrit," Roop said wiping away her tears, "yes, you are the prettiest of all my daughters but only by the fairness of the skin and you are the ugliest of all my daughters by the blackness of your heart," she said, "I am the one who filled up your brain with the notions of beauty didn't I," Roop said even as Simrit shook her head negatively denying what she was telling her, "what does that make me? A monster too," she said, "I have wronged my own daughter thousands time over to favor you, support you but your greed and maliciousness refuses to be satisfied. You are sick Simrit you need medical attention. The venom for your own sister is eating you from the inside out. Your narcissistic tendencies have become an obsession so much so you cannot look beyond Mowri  ," Roop said unemotionally, "change Simrit you have to at least for the sake of your son," she said."Why now?" Simrit asked on a whisper."Because if you continue being like this then soon the pretenses you have so carefully built in the public eye will fall apart and people will not accept you for who you are," Roop said, "whatever has happened has happened. I don't want any more theatrics till Kulraj's engagement tomorrow. And you will behave civilly," she warned, "get it.""And what if I don't," Simrit asked defiantly. Roop shook her head at the sorry state of Simrit. And she could blame no one but herself."Then your presence is not required here," Roop said finally, "you can leave and make sure next time you come, if you come ask us first," she said and turned to leave. She must have reached the door when Simrit asked again."Where are you going?" Simrit asked."To apologize," Roop said, "to the one person who deserves it a hundred times more than I can give," she said seriously and opening the door left.Simrit stood in her room. It was awfully quiet suddenly. Now what? The only person she could get to do things for her seemed to have switched sides. Should that make her sad or angry? And who was responsible for it? Was it her or Mowri  ? And what was she going to do about it? What was Varun going to say? He had already made it clear that he wasn't happy with what she had done and to not expect any support from his side. His carefully built image in front of everyone had gone down the drain. All his plans of getting her family to invest in his business and including him in their respective businesses had received a setback too. But all that did not matter to her.Was her mother right? Had she let her jealousy poison her mind? Had she let her vanity get the better of her? Did she even have to ask? She put a hand to her mouth. What had she done? She looked at herself in the mirror and stared. Was this the same Simrit who had always prided herself over her beauty? Maybe. Or was it a monster just as her mother had suggested? Simrit kept looking at her reflection as if it would talk back to her and tell her the answers she sought.Self-realization was the key to everything if only people did that often. We are what we make ourselves and nothing more. Hopefully her mother's rejection would make her see things in the right light. Or would it tip her over completely? ********