Chapter 58: chapter 58

Arnab  sat next to Mowri  as she slept on. Somewhere in the middle she had fidgeted and he had held her hand in his. She had calmed down after that. He had checked her forehead but she seemed fine. There was no fever. It was almost evening now and she had been sleeping for over four hours. Arnab  would have gotten worried had she had fever or any signs of pain but she seemed fine. He had been thinking over and over again about what biji had told him. No wonder she hadn't been able to talk about it. She had kept her emotions bottled up inside so much so she had changed because of them but she hadn't been able to get them out. He gently stroked the side of her head. How much pain did she carry inside?His instinct was telling him to get up and take her away. But he knew he couldn't. Beeji was right. It was not Kulraj's fault and she should not suffer for whatever happened. He could hear some music play downstairs so at least things were being projected to be normal in front of the people who were present here apart from the family. Mowri  stirred and then opened her eyes. They were red and so swollen but Arnab  was glad she was awake."How are you feeling?" he asked gently.She looked confused then as if things came back to her and she looked away trying to sit up. He helped her. Once she sat upright he moved a little away giving her the space she needed to feel comfortable."Water?" he asked quietly.She still didn't look at him but nodded her head in assent. He rose and gave the glass to her. She took it and finished the contents. Her throat felt parched. Raw. As things became clearer she wasn't sure what she had told Arnab  or how he had taken things. She didn't remember anything after he had come in and she had almost choked him to death."I am sorry," she said hoarsely."Why are you being sorry Mowri ?" Arnab  asked gently as he took the empty glass from her hands and kept it on the side table. "I don't know," she muttered and looked at the clasped hands in her lap.How was she going to face him after what had happened today? What would he think of her? He already knew she had a sharp tongue but now he also knew she was violent. She wanted to cry all over again. Why didn't she just leave when biji had asked her to? Oh yes, Simrit's comment about Arnab  had angered her."Look at me," he said gently but there was a steely firmness behind his voice.She wanted to obey. But she wasn't sure what she would find there. And that made her nervous. She wouldn't be able to handle contempt if there was one or even pity. But he wouldn't ask her twice she knew that. So taking in a deep breath she raised her head. She forgot to expel the breath she had taken when she looked at him. There was understanding in his eyes and his expression was gentle. But when she looked carefully she also saw anger and pain. She frowned. Why was he angry? And why was there pain? Did someone say something to him while she had been sleeping with exhaustion? If someone did she would rip apart her family this time consequences be damned.Arnab  watched her expression change from confusion to anger in a matter of seconds. Now what had got her riled? Before he could ask her she started talking."Why are you angry?" Mowri  asked the frown still in place.Arnab  wasn't aware she read him this accurately. Though he had calmed down but he still couldn't believe how things had gotten this ugly and that had angered him. How a mother could differentiate between her own kids? It had pained him to see Mowri  like this."I am angry because I am not sure why no one stopped what happened today?" he said evenly, "I am angry because you were hurt when I was not there?" he told her. "I am not sure if it was done deliberately and that makes me angry," he said but he kept his voice under control."I am sorry Arnab ," Mowri  said upset suddenly, "I don't know what else I can say. This is the first time you are spending time here as a part of this family and things that you have to see, hear and endure I am not sure how you are faring but I am not happy at all," she said and bit her lip."You never asked how I know things you didn't tell me?" he said quietly."You must not have sat here holding my hand all this time," Mowri  answered just as quietly, "who told you?" she said."Beeji," he said."What else did she tell you besides what happened today?" she asked."Only you had a fight with Simrit on my account and that it was majorly her fault," he told her.Arnab  had decided he wouldn't tell her he knew almost everything. He still wanted to hear things from her mouth. Her words. It was important. And he hoped biji would be smart enough to not tell her he already knew most of it.Mowri  didn't say anything. It would have been better if biji had told him everything. But that was the coward's way out. She should have already told him everything. So what if it was painful at least he would have known. What should she do now? Before she could come up with an answer there was a knock on the door. Arnab  rose from his chair and went to answer it. He opened and let biji inside.Mowri  sat there on the bed and when she saw who it was she turned her head away looking away from her grandmother."Is it possible to speak to Mowri  alone Arnab ?" biji asked looking at Arnab .He stood there a bit undecided and then nodding left."I will be outside if you need me," he said.Whether it was for biji or Mowri  he wasn't sure. Maybe for both of them. He wasn't sure who might or might not need his help. And with that he went outside closing the door behind him.Beeji looked at Mowri  who refused to even look at her. She sighed. She knew Mowri  wouldn't forgive her this time round at least not that easily. She was after all her granddaughter."So you wouldn't even look at me?" Beeji said as she went to sit in the chair Arnab  had just vacated.Mowri  refused to answer as she stared at the curtains."Mowri ," Beeji started but before she could say more Mowri  butted in."Why are you here?" she said rudely."You know why I am here," biji said just as strongly."I don't want your apology or anything else," Mowri  said adamantly, "I don't want to understand your reasons anymore and I don't want to know why Simrit will go unpunished again," she said."I had asked you to leave Mowri ," biji said refusing to back down, "why didn't you?" she asked."Well, I was," Mowri  said finally looking directly at biji and she saw the shock on biji's face as she looked at her face. So she looked that bad. But it didn't matter. "But then she insulted Arnab . What did you want me to do? Give in and walk away or kiss the ground she walked," she said angrily."What happened to your eyes?" biji said still in disbelief.It pained her to see Mowri  in this mode. She hadn't realized how much Mowri  had internalized her pain. How much anger she kept contained in her body? And for five years. There was so much raw pain in Mowri 's eyes biji didn't know how it escaped her notice all these years. She will have to go get her eyes checked or maybe she was losing her touch."I cried," Mowri  said in a matter of fact manner.She knew it was bad of her to talk to her grandmother like this. It wasn't her fault. But then she should have stopped Simrit. And she didn't. Mowri  could see the tired lines around biji's face and she hadn't missed the slow gait either but she refused to relent."I know," biji said, "Arnab  told me. Mowri ," she said, "I know I have no right but I want you to stay back," she said and when she saw the protest forming in Mowri 's eyes she quickly went ahead, "do it as a favor to me. Please. I know it is not easy after what happened. And with the relatives here and everything... it would not be right by Kulraj," she said.Mowri  heard the desperation and the pleading. And she knew it wouldn't be right by Kulraj. Why should she suffer because of her tiff with Simrit? Besides she loved Kulraj. How could she let her be ridiculed? She also knew the ploy. Beeji was very smart. She knew very well this time Mowri  will not give in and she had played the Kulraj card and that hurt her again."You are really smart biji," Mowri  said and rose from where she sat on the bed, "but why is it always me? I got insulted. My husband was insulted in front of everyone out there and still I have to be the logical one in this where is it written that it has to be me? Always. Why can't anyone talk sense into that stupid girl? Why biji? You say you know me, you understand me then can you understand this anger? Tell me," she asked emotionally. "Make me understand. How is it my fault? Why do I get to be the sacrifice every single time? Wasn't last time enough for all of you? What pleasure do you derive by hurting me," she asked as she felt the weight of her questions.Beeji had never seen this side of Mowri . Not even after her engagement had broken. She was taken aback. What had they done to her?"She went unpunished when she married the man I was engaged to," Mowri  said tautly as she tried to clamp on the emotions, "and she goes unpunished today after she insinuated she could snatch Arnab . Where is the justice in all of this for me? Last time it was because this family had to save face, this time it is the same thing with the added excuse of Kulraj and next time biji," she said, "next time what excuse would you give. You always said you treat everyone equally, you always took the major decisions of this house then why was I neglected? Am I not important enough? Just because I am not as fair as the rest of you?" she yelled.At that point Arnab  walked in. One look at both their faces told him biji wasn't faring as well as she had thought, she was losing the battle big time and Mowri  was not winning either. Beeji looked helpless and defeated and Mowri  looked angry and very much on the losing end. Before he could say anything Mowri  looked at him and he sighed. She was back to being vulnerable again. And she was looking for support. But so was biji. She had asked him to help her out before. What could he do to balance things out between them? He had just heard Mowri  yell and he had come in to see if all was fine. This was the trickiest situation he had ever faced."You may not understand my reasons now Mowri ," biji said as she rose from her seat, "I can only request. People here already have a lot of gunpowder don't make the mistake of giving them the matchstick as well," she said, "I know I have no right and this is neither the time nor the place to answer your questions but just think," she said almost pleading, "just as it is not your fault it not Kulraj's fault either," she said and then sighing, "think about it Mowri  and yes," she said as she almost turned to leave, "you have to tell him everything. If not for your sake his sake," she advised, "he should know what he is dealing with," she told her and then turned to leave.Arnab  watched the old woman leave but with her head held high and he couldn't help but admire the strength and pride in her. He hoped if faced by something like this he could do the same. It was Mowri  who worried him. She had suddenly turned pale. He moved towards her and she practically collapsed in his arms."What have I done?" she whispered. "I should not have said those things to her," she said, "oh God, Arnab  I hurt her so much today," she said guilt rising within her as her anger subsided, "she didn't deserve any of it," she said and Arnab  gathered her in his arms. "I think we really need to get this out of you Mowri ," Arnab  said quietly, "it is eating you from the inside. All this anger bottled up is dangerous. It might not be easy but you need to get it all out," he said then pushing her head at an angle where he could look her in the eye he said, "talk to me," he told her. **********