Come clean before you get your hands dirtier
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Derek POV
'You've been looking for me?' Gavinski's head appeared at the door first after he knocks.
I sat by the table of the Oval, putting an end to the thoughts that has been tormenting my mind fourteen hours ago. I flew back from Seattle after the meetings with tech leaders in Silicon Valley. Meeting Brandon Woods was certainly surreal, I mean, he is a man of influential and the father of Rachel, whom darkest secret has been revesled by his daughter. The flight home in Air Force One keeps reminding me of Rachel, where in hell did I find those courage to ask Rachel to be my mistress? And what have I done except hurting her feelings?
I look at Gavinski, both hand gripping the edge of the wooden table. 'Putin divorce his wife of thirty years.' I began my speech.
Gavinski cocked his head a little, he step inside and close the door, attention never leave me, as if he is afraid of not catching the next thing I will say.
'Sarkozy divorced his wife, married again with Carla Bruni a year later.' I add on the list.
Gavinski catch the story, the point of this talk that begins with no proper introduction. His lifted his left palm, gesturing a stop sign.
'The Roosevelts choose to remain as the powerful couple to protect their public careers.' Gavinski managed to argue with me.
'It's not a sin for a President to divorce, clean up his current affair before moving on to the next one. I have been thinking over and over again, Thomas, this is about me and all my life. Divorcing with Grace will not affect my career, but having an affair will.' I refused to be controlled by protocols again. Continuing my marriage with Grace is a mistake, letting go of Rachel is a bigger mistake.
'Of all the time to start an affair, you chose now? Your re-election? The Democrats is expecting you to win the next one. Do you think your rash action about your private little happiness matters to them? Once they found another to replace you, we are gone, Derek. All the thing we work hard for, the bills we tried to get them to sign will wash down the drain.' Gavinski doesn't step back, his face was dipped in shade of pinkish red.
'Thomas. I don't want to get you into the ambulant any minute, you look like you're about to get stroke.' I sat down at the sofa and gestured for him to join me. 'If you think this is my ego president pride to have everything I demand, you are wrong. I am exercising the rights I have as a human, I want my people to have freedom to choose what they want, the same should apply for me. Don't you think?'
'The moment you swear the oath, you know exactly how important reputation is to you. If you were to divorce with Grace, the speculation about you having affair will rise again. And do you thing Rachel can have a peaceful life after you selfishly involved her into your political scandal? Look what happened to Lewinsky?' He looks at me with those eyes that is full of concern. Thomas, if he wasn't my Chief of Staff, he would make a good brother.
'I have set my mind to this. I'll give you time to think about it, but don't take too long, Thomas. Remember, you are suppose to help me through this path? I firmly believe divorce is better than affair, come clean before you get your hands dirtier.'
'Derek, you know it's going to be a tough road if you choose this. When things goes wrong, it test your relationship. How do you think Rachel can go through this with you?' Gavinski's tone soften, this time, he is talking like a friend to friend.
He might be right. I never expected this and it never came into my consideration that what if Rachel could not withstand the limelight shoot on her if I drag her into this. It might backfire.
'I think I should give you the time to think, Derek.' He stood up from his seat, reluctantly walked away to reach the door.
'Keep her close to me, then.' That's all I can demand. After Grace shows me the photos of Rachel with Tony Linton, uncertainties captures my thoughts, what if I can't convinced Rachel that I want her to stay with me?
'She wanted no connection with you anymore.' Gavinski's tone sunken, breaking those words to me makes him guilty.
'Then let me confirm it, with her.' I put my point straight, Gavinski has to give me an answer no matter what. I left him with no choice, he left the room without making any protest. I knew, right now, that my request has been process by Thomas Gavinski.
It's time for Grace and I to have the talk.
---
'Come in?' I heard the knock on the door, it's past nine, Charlotte has left, and I wasn't expecting anybody except 'Grace?'
'Yes. Are you expecting another Grace?' She folded her arms, her face wasn't as fresh as she used to have.
'No.' I shake my head, 'it's just that, you never knock.' I hinted at the door.
'It's late, and if we are not going to start talking, I'd like to walk back to the house I'm exiled to, cause you know, I enjoy walking through the secret underground path alone.'
'Right,' I prevent anymore arguments with her, although I pretty much enjoy the critics session we had over the years. 'Take a sit.' I asked her. She unwillingly step forward and picked the seat she usually sat, the corner of the sofa on the left side. 'Not there, Grace.' I smirked at her.
'What, I don't even have the privilege of sitting on the sofa as well?'
'You have more privilege than that.' I walked across the coffee table, guided her by holding both her shoulders. Grace reacted with surprised, but I don't wish for her to pin anymore hope on me. I let go of her and walk towards the leathered swivel chair, the Throne Chair, if I shall name it. 'Here.'
Grace's expression was filled with perplexity. She exchanged looks between the chair and me, finding answer from within, tracking my body language if I was joking with her.
'Come on.' I pulled her gently by her left hand, motion for her to sit on the chair. Once she settle down, I walk around to stand in front if her. She is still bewildered, yet she closed her eyes, feeling the different sensation, the rare air she breath while sitting there overlooking the whole Oval office. 'Paramount? Is that what you felt now?'
Grace is still uncertain, she grin but her eyes shows stains of doubts clouding over her grey eyes. 'What is this all about, Derek?'
I sigh. 'I hope you know this is isn't easy for me, Grace.'
'What?' Her eyes never leave mine, its getting even intense for her. I can see she love the chair very much, who doesn't? When power is bestowed upon you, you never want to let go of it.
'To give up the presidency.' I told her straightaway. Her head slanted with eagerness to hear my next words. 'I want the office, and I want Rachel. To do this, either we divorce, or you agree to have Rachel stay beside me.'
Her face went blank, her lips flatten into thin line. A moment later, she shuts her eyes, exasperated. 'I can't make you stay, can I?' She muttered.
As hard as it is, I can't be dishonest this time. 'I'm sorry, Grace.'
'Why her, Derek?' Her eyes lids up with tears flowing down her cheeks.
'It wasn't just about her, it's about us. I don't want to live, trapping in this marriage when my career soared in its highest. I want to share it with the person I want to be with. I might not last with Rachel, but I have to be fair. It won't be fair to Rachel if I am still married to you and expect her to stay in the shadow.'
'It's not easy to be a first lady, Derek, she might just run away after a bunch of reporters, press, stalkers, I don't know, just showed up at her door.'
'I won't announce our relationship, Grace, there is no need to get my relationship public anyway.' I poured two glass of whisky, puts hers on my table, and I walked to the sofa.
Grace push herself to the backrest, taking the glass savagely and gulped down all the liquor. When silent has become the only sound in the room, Grace started the talk again. 'Tell me, have you been unfaithful to me when, you know, our marriage is still active?'
'Never. I will never hurt the person I love. Still love.' I turn to her, she is cuddling both her leg, her eyes refuse to meet mine.
'What's going to happen if we divorce?' I guess Reva would be opening a Champagne at her beach house.' She chuckles, so did I.
'She would, although she never questions about our life when she was here last week.'
'Thomas would hate us for giving him unnecessary problems to deal with.'
We both laugh. She begins to stand up from the chair, placing the glass on the table, slowly walking towards me. I looked up and it took me by surprises, I never prepared for that. Grace bent down and kissed my lips. I was stunned. Both her hand cups my cheek.
I held her hand, with any means to make her stop. 'Grace.' I mumbled softly, not wishing to hurt any woman in my life anymore.
'I wanted to know if it still feels the same way I did twelve years ago.' She smiled regretfully. 'It didn't.' She rubs the tears away from her cheek and step away from me.
'I'm sorry.'
'I'm in no right mind to make any decision right now.' She said.
'We'll talk again when you are ready.'
'Right.' She turned away from me, walking to the door, I watched her from her back, as if I have let go of the woman I was married to. It's inevitable for Grace and I to end our relationship, despite everything.
Rachel wasn't the reason for my divorce, instead, she woke me up. She lets me realized that I do have a chance to love another person, the loneliness over these years were cleared by Rachel's showing up. I felt like a real human again, we can't reject affection and we can never run away from it.