Clean break is the agenda
â¢â¢â¢
Rachel POV
I read his message, for the hundredth time. I haven't even unlocked my phone, The notification just show his message. A loud bang hits my heart, my chest pangs like a punch by Mike Tyson. Okay, it's not that bad.
I could have stare at his message for the next five minutes and wonder what I should do. I can't lie to myself that this has been my wish secretly. I want him to respond to me. The little voice inside still whisper Derek's name whenever I was, whether I was in the shower, running in the street, and even when I was having dinner with Tony.
This is the moment where I'll reply him "yes!", but there is always a moment of hesitation. It's been a culture, I guess, to play hard to get. It would be better if he show up at my door, instead of messaging because we are both at the edge of this country, him in the East, and I'm at the West.
Perhaps, I have been bothered by many things. Not that many, actually, but it weighs a ton in my heart. My dad. This daddy issues plunge me into a labyrinth. I'm finding a way to get out of this maze. If things were okay between Derek and I, I could just confide in him and he will give me the courage to look for him, furthermore, he has already met my dad. I can't predict what might happen if I ever see Brandon again. Where should we even begin the conversation?
Back to Derek's issue now. Instead of typing a message back, I was pondering if I should call him instead, I'm dying here to hear his voice. I miss him so much that I'm faltering like a wilting rose.
Again, it might be safer if I message him, what if he is not in a position to answer my call? I have to prevent any chances that this affair will be leaked out again. Instead of Clinton-Lewinsky, the next generation will use Hoffer-Woods as the reference for scandalous affair involved politicians.
Can I call you, Derek?
Well, that's actually the same question he asked, but I gave him the green light that I am ready to talk.
I hit send. Stared at my message for a while. Fuck, I replied him. Now, I might die waiting for him to reply because my heart is experiencing palpitations.
I can't focus on anything except the phone. And that's the part I hate, the waiting. And its only a mere one minute after I send. I kept looking at the phone, it still indicates that Derek have not read the message.
Maybe somebody else was there that prevents him from replying me. I keep pacing up and down, walking along the space that I can step in the hotel room.
He is still not replying me. It's already ten minutes, I believe it is crucial to him that I reply his message, what is going on? I should have call instead of waiting. Waiting kills people, people who are in love particularly.
I unlock my phone, the screen shows our texting screen. To my surprise, he has already read the message.
He read.
But he never reply.
Why?
---
I said before, one more hit and I will be crushed.
I received no reply from him. There is so many emotion that hits me all at once. I on the television every hours to make sure that nothing happens to him. I mean, if anything shall happen to the President, CNN will have the first report. So, I concluded that his personal safety is assured.
Now, there is only one reason. He changed his mind. Or maybe, getting back together with me was never on his agenda, having a clean break is the agenda.
Whenever something emotionally hits me hard, my natural respond was always to escape. There is no different this time. I bought a ticket to Seattle. I'm back to square one again, I need a family for myself. When I thought I could slower my pace in life, live in the moment with Derek, but boy, I was wrong. So wrong.
I pack my luggage and left the room. However fast I wanted to run away, I still remember to leave Tony a message, not that I felt guilty towards him, I never promised him anything in the first place, but it's a curtesy, something that the current President should learn.
And there, I bid Los Angeles goodbye. But I did left my heart in Los Angeles, the last time my heart was alive and kicking was last night. He gave me hope and now he wrecked it all. Now all I have is a heart made of stone, I'm not sure if I am functioning well.
Hi! Sorry for the late updates! I've been busy with my cranky one year old, and I just came back from a trip with my family.
If you have been reading up to this chapter, a thank you just isn't enough for your support!
Please vote for this story if you like.