I lost it to him, I always did
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Rachel POV
Seattle. Back when I was 16, this is my world. I was lucky enough to be adopted by the Woods Family. They were the nouveau-riche who made in to the upper society since they get a share of the technology pie.
I remember every Christmas, our mansion, not the Downton Abbey kind of mansion, but a really huge house overlooking the lake, invited relatives over for dinner. It was sumptuous, the gifts that my mother prepared came from those with expensive labels.
I still remember the way back home, the address and every thing on the way that takes me home. Nothing change, even the color matches the one with my memories, elegant light brown color with grey roof.
My mind were blank except juggling words to say to Brandon. Here I am, the third steps which leads me to the main door. The wooden door with a bell on the left side. It never change. Not one bit.
I heard footsteps coming towards me. My heart pounds harder then it actually can withstand, like those drums that were played at Chinatown during Chinese New Year.
The door went backwards, the room inside was dark, or maybe the bright sunlight has impact the color stability of my eyes, I can't see clearly.
'Miss Woods, pardon us.'
'Joe!' I gasped.
He placed a finger to his mouth, hushing. 'He is here to see you.' He spoke softly, eyes wondering around to see if anybody follows me.
I stepped inside deftly, an unconscious reminder about the paparazzi incident. Joe closed the door and I suddenly remember this is my house.
'H-how did you come in here?' I questioned him immediately. 'Where is my dad?'
Joe cleared his throat, both hand holding each other, standing very still. 'They are both at the dining room.'
'Both?' I spat the word. How the hell did they end up sitting in the same room? What situation am I in? Meeting my estranged dad and my ex-lover, boyfriend, whatever you call it. Derek still owes me an explanation for how he deny any reply to me.
I stormed into the dining room direction, it feels so natural to walk along the wooden floor even though I haven't step inside here for more than a decade. My mind can't stop picturing both of them having a private conversation together, it is just a weird scenario to have both unfaithful man sitting together. Let's be honest, they are both unfaithful to their wives, although I hate to admit that I belong to the same category as Aunt Lucy, the one who had affair with dad. I wonder if she is living in this house.
My footsteps must be so alarming that they were both expecting my presents even before I announced my entrance.
'Rachel?' Dad's eyes brighten with shock. While Derek were calm, his blue eyes shot right to mine. I can't handle two situation, two very different situation at the same time. I miss both of them, Derek especially. I fucking miss him so much that I felt like punching him, figuratively. He is wearing the blue shirt with his sleeves folded, my favorite.
I had that what-the-hell-is-going-on face towards them. Does my dad knows about my affair with the President or not? I'm looking at Derek for any hints, but my dad walks towards me. I can see he was slightly hesitant in lifting his hands to hug me. I initiate the hug first. It's time to forgive him. He has aged, his hair has patches of grey. Time is harsh on him.
I remember when I was young, I couldn't wrapped myself fully around his body. Right now, I have grown up, and either he has released certain amount of weight or my body has grown bigger, I can fully wrapped myself around him. 'Dad.' I called him, I felt my words trembled. I patted him on his back to assure him that I am back, really back, and we are fine now. The storm is over, Nemo has stopped swimming.
'Sorry, I forgot we have a very important guest here.' Dad pulled himself from me and turned to Derek, who is already standing. 'President Hoffer, allow me to introduce-'
'Rachel. We've met, in fact, she is one of the reason I came to see you.'
Okay, base one what I heard, I can conclude two things. First, my dad doesn't know anything about Derek and me. Second, my dad is about to know something about Derek and me.
Dad eyed at him suspiciously. I hold my breath, I don't think I can't breathe until Derek reveal what he is going to disclose.
'I would love-' He paused.
I died a little when he said love.
'For Rachel to work in the White House.' Derek finished his line.
I went stunned, frozen inside out. I, Rachel Woods to work for the White House? That would be an exact replica of Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.
'What?' I breath, my eyes focus on Derek.
'Mr. Woods would be one of the donor for my campaign next year. It would be sensible for his daughter to be on board as well.' He is talking in a sensibly manner, leaving my dad no clue at all about our hidden agenda.
'You are?' I looked at my dad, it's only a few seconds that our relationship rekindled, We should be in a little awkward stage, however, right now, we are discussing about how Derek is going to continue our affair up to a new level.
'That's right. We've been talking about this since we met during the tech meeting.' Dad replied calmly.
'We'll talk about this later.' I told him, and Derek sternly, while emphasizing the word later. There's no running away, and I won't let Derek leave until we talked. We need to talk.
Dad looks at me and respect my wishes for he said nothing afterwards. I still cling my hand on his arm.
I need a moment with my dad as well. 'How long will we be hosting the President?' I asked, for the intention of knowing how to schedule my time for my dad and Derek.
'Derek will be staying at our house for two days. It's an absolute pleasure to have such distinguished guest leaving his footprint in our house.' My dad replied. He had a British background, and I most certainly enjoy listening to him speaking like a British gentleman.
'I hope it won't cause any inconvenience to both of you.' Derek pace towards us, his striking blue eyes never leave mine, and it does contains hints of a secret meeting afterwards. 'Excuse me.' He nodded and left.
The familiar scent of his body waft towards me, intoxicating. The scent reminds me of every meetings we had, especially during our lovemaking, it's absolutely seductive, he must have done it intentionally.
'Rachel?' Dad called me, and my cheeks warmed, as if he knows those dirty thoughts I'm thinking inside about Mr. President. 'Would you like some tea?' Dad asked hesitantly. Maybe he still feels guilty and ashamed of what he did after so many years.
'Sure.'
---
We sat at the identical rattan armchair under the shades that the gazebo provides. The fragrant of premium Earl Grey filled the empty space between us. Watching the vapor floating above the lovely Victorian tea cups, I came to the conclusion that nothing has changed, the cups belongs to my mom, and for sure, I have the answer to the question that I am going to proceed with. 'How is Aunt Lucy?'
I explode the question which dad should have expected it. He never lifted his eyes to look at me when he heard it. 'Rachel,' he paused, and my heart races again, 'your Aunt Lucy and I, we are sorry that you have to go through that while your mother just died. We are really sorry about everything.' Dad's voice were full of remorse, and it must have took humongous amount of courage to admit his fault. But, he uses the word "we", what was that suppose to hint?
'Dad, ahjuma told me everything, why don't you just talk to me?'
Silent again.
Dad was stuck, he shakes his head.
'I thought...I thought you gave up on me, dad, we weren't related after all...' I sniff, I heard my voice trembled.
He stretches his hand gingerly to touch mine. He held me tight. 'You are always my daughter, Rachel, what makes you doubt about that? Your mom and I love you to bits. I dont know how to explain to you what is going on in our life, Rach. Sometimes, adults makes choices, and that choices may not always be right in other people's eyes.' He sigh and this time he felt relieved.
Of course I understand it, after all, I am one of the culprit who are having an affair as well, but I don't think my dad is able to accept it if I told him that the man who we talk to in the dining room has been sleeping with me a couple time.
'Do you love mom?' I asked, to fill the gap of misunderstand that has lead me to leave home, it was a very stupid idea if I think of it.
He nodded. 'Of course, I married her. I was brought up in a way that you love the person you marry. But.' He paused, the word but is always a change of direction, an indication of reasons for any actions. 'Somehow, feelings faded, and somebody filled the gap.' He faces the unending horizon of the lake, his eyes was blank, like his brain was playing the movie of him and mom.
'Did you feel guilty, does mom knows about this?'
'Of course, Rach,' he snickers, 'there isn't one day I wasn't guilty of all the things I've done. The biggest regret I had was you leaving this house, you were just a teenager, I should be aware of that. What you saw that day was inevitably a shock. Aunt Lucy and I was seeking solace with each other, we lost your mom, she lost her sister.' He sighed again.
This time, it was I who grab his hand. I mouthed to him 'it's okay'. He smiled a little, pieces of sadness surface at his expression. At least I know he isn't a heartless unfaithful beast who treat my mom as a piece of trash, which was a relieve.
---
I managed my time well. I still have two hours before the dinner start, I went upstair to where we host the guest. His room was located on the west side of the house.
Joe and Alan is guarding his door, as usual. As soon as they saw me, they knocked on Derek's door even before I reached.
I walked directly inside and closed the damned door, not even bothered by his guards. He was standing beside the study table reading something on his tablet. His top button is revealed, sleeves folded up, wavy brown hair sexy as always.
God, I miss those face and body. I remained distant. 'You wanted to talk, so, talk.' I folded my arms, standing firmly at where I was.
He locked his tablet, push himself away from the table that supports his leg, the sound of his footsteps clanking against the wooden floor heightens the beat of my heart.
'How are you, Rachel?' His voice was soft, s'mores level of sweet, and hint of sadness all mashed up.
At distant glance, he still held the sexiest politician alive title, but as he gets near, so near that I can see his tired eyes. I wanted to touch his face, stroke away all his tiredness. I hesitate. I hesitate because I was confuse. When I am confuse, I had the tendency to run away, but I don't want to run away from Derek.
Maybe I was naive, but sometimes, when I looked at Derek, I have this hope that he will stay in my life forever.
Before my mental struggle ends, I felt my hand engulf in warmth. I looked at realized it was Derek's hand grabbing mine. He pulled me close, and I just landed on his chest. Just like that, sometimes words are pointless and redundant, all it takes is being close to each other, that is enough.
I found my sanctuary again. I lost it to him, I always did.