Let Us Be Normal
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Rachel POV
I admit, I wasn't a person who is so up to date with cool apps. I mean, really not up to date.
I finally downloaded Spotify, and all because Derek's Spotify has been a topic this week. Even Derek was surprise why did I not have this app on my phone.
The best part? I've bought a new home theater set. I figure out, it's time to splurge, I have money, I am rich. Need I say more?
I've done some new furniture shopping as well. The sofa, kitchen cabinet has been refresh with a new set. Honestly, I have never intended to have my home refurnished, I was hopelessly bored of routine and wasting my life waiting for Derek that I decide to invest in something that will
keep my boredom away.
Since the trip to Da Nang, its been three weeks since I saw Derek. I hate counting days, but, things like this will always show up in my mind.
I played Derek's song list to my home theatre. 29 Palms, was the name of the song. I haven't heard it before but it kind of reminds me that Derek is really way older than me, because when this song is out, I was only 3. When I was singing Twinkle Little Stars, he was already a graduate student.
'Bang and Olufsen huh?' Sarah gawked at the speaker, a sleek black, cool rectangular sound system hanged neatly on the wall.
'That's right.' I watched the gem along with her, 'this is worth every penny.' I smiled triumphantly at myself.
Corbin and Dolores invited themselves to my house after I told them I was doing some renovations. Honestly, I have no intention of having an open house party at all. But, Corbin insist we should celebrate. And so, I invited Tony Linton and Sarah to my house.
'Glad I brought Champagne here.' Tony stood next to us, gawking at the speaker too, as if it was some piece of fine art displaying at the Gallery.
Crossing my hand, rubbing my chin, I kind of like how my new house looks now.
'And thank you for The kimchi, please tell you mom that I really appreciate it.' I turn to Tony, who was having the flute of champagne on his hand, and the other one inside his pocket.
'No worries, she enjoys cooking and sharing.' He nodded, glance at me for awhile.
At times, I felt weird about Tony and I. I was guiltily enjoy the attention he gave to me. He wasn't showing any intention of getting anywhere as well, he just show up whenever he is invited. Put guilt aside, he might be my first choice if Derek never came up in the picture.
'Rachel, you really gotta update your song list, what happened to Despacito? Don't you have those in your Spotify?' Corbin is seriously freaked out with 29 Palms.
'Of course.' I shrugged, like it was no big deal, Derek's playlist has that song.
I browse his playlist, using my thumb to scroll down.
'Derek Hoffer's playlist?' Tony glare at my screen.
'Privacy, Captain, privacy.' I hide my phone away from his view. I felt my cheek flushed, panic that he would be suspicious.
'Well, I was right beside you, Rachel, can't really help when I saw our big bosses' name on your screen.' He laugh lightly and walk away.
I avoid my glance at anyone, focusing only on my screen. But I don't think the teasing is ending anytime soon.
'Living alone makes you lonely I guess? And our President is the most hottest politician alive right now, and for that, I am proud to be American.' Dolores chips in, she was never ashamed of anything she thought of. Once, she was so fond of Justin Bieber that she bought a wig that look like his. I mean, that is seriously way too much.
'Enough said, his butt tells everything.' Sarah joins in.
'You go, girl.' Dolores gave Sarah a Hi-5 and pass her a flute of Champagne, soon, their friendship blossomed based on a strong foundation set by their fandom with Derek Hoffer, my boyfriend.
'Seriously, they just reminded me of my sister when she paste every possible poster of Edward Cullen in my room.' Corbin looks at Dolores and Sarah with a hopeless face, shaking his head disapprovingly.
'Your room?' I clarified with him.
'Yep, my parents divorce and we were force to move into my mom's new apartment. There's not much choice, she can't afford a bigger flat.' Corbin shrugged, avoiding my eyes.
I never know those details about him. Corbin pretty much behave like Mr. Happy all the time. I never thought he would have such a sad past.
'I think she helped you in certain way, I mean, I thought you were Robbert Pattinson the first time I met you.' I tried to give him an exaggerated expression.
'Come on, Rachel, that's not gonna make me feel better.' He chuckles.
'I think I did, and don't touch my Japanese Scotch in my fridge unless you want to get your hand burn.' I warned him.
'You evil woman.' He grunted. 'Talking about boyfriend, Rachel, you are impossible.'
I spilled the ketchup when I was about to dip the mozzarella stick. 'What was impossible?' Panic strikes, I was alarmed when Corbin mentioned that.
'You know, I never seen you out with any guy, and Tony is like the best choice you ever have, and you are not even giving him a chance?' Corbin lowers him voice when he says Tony's name.
'Well,' I took a serviette from the paper bag, 'I uhm-'
'I always wanted to try the cheesestick from this store, but the queue puts me off, how did you manage to stand there for one hour?' Tony show up from behind and took the snack.
Corbin knocks onto my shoulder, as if its a hint that I should grab this chance with Tony. I gave a big death stare and he mouthed 'what'.
'Rachel says she is going to get some beer, Tony, can you help her with that?' Corbin fucking did that.
What the fuck.
'I uhm, did I?' I gawked at Corbin while my back while facing Tony.
'Yup, the Japanese Beer, remember?' Corbin winked.
And so, this is sort of a revenge.
'Sure, now?' Tony asked.
'Ya.' I tucked my fringe behind my ear, that reminds me as well that I need a haircut in one of the most expensive salon in D.C , it's my privilege now.
It was awkward, but Tony was cool, so, it's actually not that awkward being in the lift with him. He said nothing while we pace towards the store opposite my apartment.
'Your boyfriend is still working huh?' Tony pick up a conversation. We were walking with quite a stretch of space between us, he had to raise his voice a little.
'All the time.' I answered, truthfully. I mean, it's a matter of fact.
He nodded.
'You are not seeing anybody?' I'm getting to regret the question I asked. What on Earth was I thinking?
He scoffed and shrugged. 'Stop rubbing salt on my wounds, Rachel.'
'You are not serious?' I slanted my head sideway so I could see his expression if he is being honest or the other way round.
'Does it matter to you?' He halted his footstep, I was ahead of him. I stopped as well. 'I'm dying to hold you close to me right now, and I am trying hard not to. Every time I saw you, I just, I just wanna be close to you. And even when you are already taken, I stepped back. It's never my intention of being a home wrecker or whatever you call that. I can assure you that I am clear of our boundaries, which is why I am being normal right now. Avoiding you, means it's abnormal, I'm trying to blend in with Dolores and everyone we knew, so it looks normal, but it wasn't.'
'That was...that was really long. But, it's...it's nice. God, sorry, I'm not trying to be a jerk here.' I palm my face, and brush my fingers over my hair.
'Just let me be normal, Rachel. Let's be normal. I won't took a suicide, I'll be fine, I'm a big boy now.'
Big boy. That word ring in my ear. It's so close to my heart. Derek told me he was a big boy and he can decide for himself about choosing to continue our affair.
I cross my hand, slouched and lean my butt against the railing. It was a moment of silent. Tony followed me, sitting on the railing.
'I can't say anything that would make you feel better, because that is like, I don't know, a lier?' I said softly.
A gust of summer wind flew through us. The convenience store is just ahead, but neither one of us is stepping inside. After all, I had no intention of having beer tonight anyway.
Beer. Derek is a beer guy, I recalls. See? Everything reminds me of him. I can't shut him out, yet I can't bring him near. It's killing me, inside out.
'You don't have to say a words. Just let us be normal, like I said.'
Tony jumped down from the railing, smiled a crooked one and head towards the store. I stood there, watching him from the glass window. I don't think the devastation he experienced now could be compared to mine. I'm dying inside.
I should have agreed to live in the White House with Derek before having my pillow drenched with my tears most of the night.
Love is sick.
Love is for the fool.
Boys are stupid.
I don't know how those words came out, but it just did.