Maybe not everybody who is pregnant feels happy no matter how morally incorrect that was.
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Rachel POV
Damn. It's positive.
My whole life is going to tumble down, just by a mere two stroke of distinct red line. Maybe the instruction is unclear? Maybe two stroke means positively not pregnant? For the whole twenty five year of my existence, I never referred to an instruction manual. How many trees have died in vain for people like me who simply tossed away instruction manual?
Suddenly, all my focus went to my torso, the part where it is nested. I can't actually feel it, but somehow, I can sense something, a life that is building there.
A life that I brought into this world by accident. A life that should deserve a family, a proper family.
When? My brain shouted at myself as I pace back and forth inside my bathroom.
And when I can't get any answer out through the pacing, I sat down at the tip of my bathtub.
I am not even married to Derek, let alone legally dating. This isn't going to make any changes, it won't, because this can't be the reason for anything, it simply involved too many people.
I shut my eyes, took a deep breathe. I have been sitting here for a long time and facing the mirror looking at myself will only increase my stress level.
My breast has been feeling sore since last week and what pushes me to buy the test kit was obviously my menses stops. My instinct urged me to get the test done.
The only unprotected sex that I can recall with Derek was during the Air Force One flight, the week of my birthday. There, one way ticket to parenthood, that's it. And I thought it wasn't that easy to be impregnated.
If only the situation between Derek and I weren't that complicated, I would have texted him right away with the photo of the result.
I took the photo of the result anyway, who knows.
I left the bathroom, changed my clothes and headed to the mall to meet Sarah.
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'Rachel? Stop playing with your food.'
I look up and Sarah was gawking at my plate with disgusted look.
I pursed my lips and ignore her. 'I can't finished it.' I shift the plate aside and drink the Vanilla milkshake.
'You hates sweet stuff. What happened to you?' Sarah ask. I didn't even realized she knows my appetite quite well.
'Once in a while, my tastebud went haywire and it chooses what my body want.' I sip the icy milkshake to avoid exchanging glance with Sarah, I mean, I have this huge immense tendency to burst my deepest secret, and the only thing that is stopping me right now is Derek, I can't allow any chances of this spreading out.
'Hey,' Sarah's tone was filled with secrecy and mischiefs, 'so, I heard a lot about Tony Linton.' She raised her eyes brow.
'About?'
'Well, when I went home with Dolores that night, she spits out about Tony Linton and you.' She leaned forward, charging towards me, 'I mean, Rachel, Tony is so hot, why did you never mentioned about him at all? I mean you have been single for that long, that even I find it weird that you've got no boyfriend.' She shrugged.
'I don't really wanna talk about that right now, anyway, he is nice, but.'
'But?' Sarah is getting really impatient, she was expecting me to finish the line. 'But what, Rachel?'
'But,' I shrugged, 'that's it, but, just but. I would have been dating him if there aren't buts.'
'Have you been secretly seeing somebody else?'
Secretly is the right word. I wanted to cry a river because I am dying to tell every single detail of how I met Derek, how hot my boyfriend is, how romantically nerdy he was when he brought me to stargazing, how amazing Camp David was that it feels like honeymoon with Derek, how much I am practically turning into zombie because I miss him too much and how fucking fucked up I am right now.
'You are, aren't you?' She gasped, like her intuition was right, 'how could I never know that. I have suspected it when I saw a pair of black socks in your laundry, Rachel.'
I kept mum. Tons of negative thoughts have been running wild in my mind. I need to shut her out, the thing about Derek and I should never be disclosed, not even a single breath should I mentioned about Derek to her. I can do it.
'God, I can't take it anymore, Sarah, I am pregnant.'
The next thing I heard was the loud pang of fork falling from Sarah's hand to the gigantic white plate that served her pasta. Her already oversized eyes were gawking at me intensely. I have said it. I'm dead. The only thing I hope would never be leaked was the father of this baby.
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'You don't really have to do this, you know.' I walked towards my door with Sarah holding on to my right arm.
'Nonsense, you are different now.'
'You do realized that I won't reveal anything even when you volunteer to clean my house for the next nine months.'
'Rachel? What kind of friend do you think I am?'
'Friends you can take advantage of?' I put a chershire cat smile once she shut her mouth. I place my thumb on the biometric door lock which Derek urged to use that for safety reason.
As I crept the door opened a little, the ray of light coming from the kitchen told me I wasn't alone, the only person who can get through this door is only Derek and I.
'I think I'm going to vomit, see you soon.' I managed to prevent Sarah from entering my house, and she was shouting outside my door, telling me to call her if anything happen.
Peering towards my kitchen, I went to search for Derek, he was nowhere. I place my Prada on the counter table, walked towards my living room only to see Derek's leg stretching.
'You scared me.' I pad my chest.
'Sorry, I didn't told you I was coming.' Derek sound depressed and I have a hunch that something negative happened to him.
'It's okay, it's just that I might bring a friend over.' I sat on the armrest beside him, stroking his hair. He brought whisky with him. Whiskey wasn't him usual beverage, he was a beer man at night and coffee guy in the morning. 'Is everything okay?' I kissed his hair and the stench of strong liquor hits me immediately.
'You said you're going to vomit, are you sick?' He took my hand and observe my complexion.
Pregnant.
I am pregnant, Derek.
'Fine, I'm trying to find an excuse for Sarah.' Derek lay his head on my waist. If only he knew that I am carrying his baby inside me. 'What's up with you, boyfriend?'
He sigh, sat up and pour himself another glass. 'A glass for you?' He offered.
That would be equivalent to suicide. 'Nope, I'm good.'
He rest at the same spot again, my waist. 'I really had a bad day, have you watched the news?'
'No, I was kind of busy today. Care to tell me?'
'We kind of lose, today. I just came back from Alabama.'
'Sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose.' I don't know if I said the right word.
'It isn't that simple, it means the votes for me will go down.' He sip the liquor at one shot, and pour another glass.
'Are you allowed to be drunk tonight?' I asked.
He chuckles. 'I'm not a kid, Rachel, I need this to release myself for a while. I don't want to go back home, that wasn't my home anyway, that is just my battlefield.'
'You are always welcome here, babe.' I stroke his chin.
'Come here.' Derek places his glass down and held my waist, pulling me closer to him. 'I haven't seen you for so long, I am getting to forget how your breast looks like.'
I stopped him instantly when he tried to place his hand on my chest, my breast is beginning to feel swollen and I don't like it to be touched. 'I'm not in the mood tonight, Derek, sorry.' I shrugged apologetically.
'Why? Somethings bothering you?'
I studied his face, there was mixture of worry and disappointment all at once.
'PMS, I guess.' I told him, sex isn't going to be on the agenda tonight. I am going crazy about bottling my pregnancy to him. I should feel happy, but it felt so wrong. Maybe not everybody who is pregnant feels happy no matter how morally incorrect that was.
'I see.' He scratch his forehead. 'Can I still stay over for tonight? I wanna sleep with you, Rachel.'
'Of course.' I nodded assuringly. 'I miss sniffing your body.' I hugged him, doing what I misses doing the most, breathing him like it was favorite kind of oxygen.