Rachel POV
I've been thinking of many things that happened many years ago. Prior to Derek, I do have some past relationships that doesn't last more than a year, and so, it is fair to say that I didn't really had any serious relationship until Derek. The rest was just flings and history. It didn't feel complicated, nor difficult if I met them in the street or somewhere in the college. We would still be saying "hi" despite the separation.
When it comes to Derek, this is so new to me, like, is it even legal to talk to the person who you love all your life and now, he doesn't belongs to you anymore?
My contract with Base Andrews ends this year, and unless it's 31st of December, I am nowhere legal to resign, of course I am able to afford the compensation if I do resign, its just that, there is something that withhold me from doing so.
The campaign is almost coming to the finishing point, I wanted to be somewhere close to Derek before the result is out, after all, it means everything to him if he won the second term, I wanted to witness it, before I quit the job.
Today, a hurricane broke out in Florida where Derek needs an emergency visit to the destination.
And I, happened to be the chosen one for the trip. Since this is a last minute decision, the administration decides to use the Gulfstream as the transportation to fly Derek to Florida, he won't be bringing many people along anyway.
When I accidentally spilled the coffee that I brewed, I knew it was Derek's fault, his presence has the aura of manipulating my sanity.
'Hi.' He greeted casually.
I tried my best to put up an okay face, but I couldn't. I am still shaky. I used to melt whenever I met Derek, but right now, my body seems to be in a state of puzzlement, I wouldn't call it indifferent, it's more like adjustment. One month of separation with someone who meant the world to you is not sufficient to recover.
'How are you, Rachel?' He started a conversation. I look up to meet his eyes. It still hurts, I wonder when will I ever recover.
'Good.' I said.
'You are a terrible actress.' He lifted his hand to get a cup from the cabinet.
'What are you doing?' I gawked at his hand.
'Taking coffee.' He stood there, taking away the pot and pour it for himself.
'You are going to steal my job, I see, that's how the revenge is going to be.'
'You are rich, you can survive this.'
'I'm going to quit the job, actually.'
'You what?' He stops pouring the coffee.
'You heard me.' I told him, pretending to be busy with fixing the serviette and stuff.
'Do you hate me so much that you have to make such an extreme move?' He make it sound unbelievable.
'I don't hate you, Derek. I just think, I won't be able to move on if I keep surrounding myself with you.' I explained, sighing.
When I was about to continue what I was going to say, one of the military man approaches Derek, we had to halt it. Reluctantly, he walks away with a frown on his face.
It was only a two hours flight, Derek did not request for any main course on the journey. I simply took the initiative of pouring his favorite black coffee, two cubes of sugar and digestive on the side.
As I place it gently on the table where he is discussing about the severity of the hurricane, I felt ignored.
The man besides Derek proffered a "thank you" instead of him. I nodded politely, peeking at Derek who purposely choose to distract himself with the paperwork instead of looking at me.
Why won't you look at me?
I remained at the pantry area, there was nothing much to do except clearing their cups and waiting for the landing to occur.
It wasn't that awkward when nobody knows the man sitting over there was your ex. Occasionally, I walked about the plane just to seek his attention. I know I am being annoying, I asked for break up, and now, when he is ignoring me, I can't accept it. I retreated back to the pantry area again to prepare for landing.
Even when Derek leave the plane, he still won't took a glance at me.
I don't know what to feel anymore. The way Derek is treating me felt so unfamiliar.
âââ
One month later
'Nope, I am not renting out my apartment.' I told Sarah over the phone. I have decided to begin what I should have began many years ago; fulfilling my humanitarian activities.
'How many days are you planning to be away?' Sarah asked.
'Days? You still think I am joking, did you?' I sound as if I was offended.
'I don't know, maybe you would change your mind when you realized I wasn't there with you.'
'I don't think I would, plus, nobody is going to rummage my fridge and empty them like I would when the food reached it's expiry date.'
'Take it that I am preventing food wastage.'
'Like being a garbage truck?' I laugh.
My heart stop beating for a while...
My door lock buzzed and a clicking sound announced the arrival of somebody.
My body is still frozen, the only obvious reaction I can feel from my body was the beating of my heart. It was racing.
There's only one person who can access that door...
'Sarah? I gotta go. I'll talk to you soon.'
'No! You won't-'
I hanged up the phone, placing it on my counter table. Slowly, I paced towards him...
'You kept your word about not erasing my thumbprint.' Derek hinted at the lock.
The whole apartment went silent again. Maybe, Derek's presence is too distracting, I can't focus on other sound.
'Hi...' I greeted him softly.
'Well, I just want to know if I am allowed to crash here tonight. Tomorrow would be the election day,' he shrugged, 'I needed somewhere to hide.'
I chuckled. I misses his jokes for a very long time. 'You ignored me.'
'Did I? I had a short term amnesia, I can't remember.' He shrugged like he was really innocent.
'I stand firm to my believe that politicians are the biggest liar.' I smile with lips pursed.
'So, you said I'm always welcome here unless you have a boyfriend.'
'I think so, why don't you check it out yourself?'
'I guess my intuition is right, since I have been standing here for a minute,' Derek lift his sleeves and read his watch, 'and we are still talking.' He took off his shoe, and immediately, the superman socks caught my eyes.
'Don't you have other socks?' I questioned him.
'This is my favorite piece.' He took off his blazer, place it on my wooden hanger, folding up his sleeve, loosen his tie and walked past me, I watch where he is heading. 'Your fridge is empty.' He stare at the refrigerator and back to me.
'Technically, there is butter and some apples.'
'I'm crashing here tonight, we need a decent dinner to survive it.'
'It's not like we are going to perform anything physical.' I blurt. 'Oh God, this is so complicating.'
Derek came back to where I stood, propping one of his elbow on my table. 'I love you and I hope you still love me, but you didn't want to be in a relationship with me, I miss you so much that it hurts, and I am really confused too, Rachel. Enlighten me, will you?'
'Is this what you do to every girl you broke up with?' I stare at him with bafflement.
'You broke up with me, if you remembered.'
I was frowning. 'I am still recovering from you, Derek. You are spoiling the whole process of recovery.'
'In the flight, you told me that you were quitting the job, what is that suppose to mean?'
I looked at him, his eyes wasn't staring anywhere else, he needed my answer. I bit my lower lips, 'I am going to leave the capital.'
He remained unmoved, his face is determined, 'Where are you going?'
I took another deep breathe, to stop the lump in my throat from forming. This feels like a break up all over again. 'Brandon's company had a charity organization, I thought it's about time I took some humanitarian project.'
'Well, I have many humanitarian project you can take, the green project, human trafficking, water, food preservation, you named it, and my list is endless.' Derek tries to negotiate with me.
'You don't get it, do you, Derek.' I straighten my back.
'Yes, I don't get it, Rachel, I don't get it. When I think about it again, I don't understand why? Why do we have to go such extreme? You are always on my thought all the time, I'm practically addicted to you, unless you really don't love me anymore.'
'I wanted to start afresh, for us, Derek.' I stood strong to my reason. 'If...' I paused, to get all his attention, to make sure he is listening, 'if I continue to be you mistress, I will hate you, because I wasn't happy, and it's not because I don't love you anymore, I practically love you too much that it hurts, I can't love you when I am hurting too much, Derek.'
Both his hand were scrunching his hair, he was exasperated. 'Ultimately, it's my marriage that you are bothered with.'
I remained silent.
'So, what are we now, Rachel?'
'I have a hunch that we won't make it, Derek. All we are trying to do now is surviving the affair, what if we are break loose from this circle? What if we gain back our freedom and realized that we doesn't want the same thing anymore? I'm a piece of mess right now without you, but the point is, given a different circumstances, without the thrill of affair, are we going to make it? We don't know, Derek, I don't know, all I know is that, I need a break away from you, but that doesn't mean I will love you any less, I care about you even if we are going to be friend, you will always have a place in my heart and everywhere.' I wasn't crying this time, I am trying to behave as compose as I can when I reasoned with him.
'When you said that you won't erase my thumbprint, it's hurts like hell, Rachel, it's like you love me, but I am not allowed to touch you like I always wanted.'
'That sounds like you are up to no good, touching? Am I just for touching purposes?' I looked baffled.
'You know what I mean.'
'In short, I wanted time for myself, I might ruined your career sooner than I predicted if we are going through this kind of underworld romance.'
He sucked a lungful of air, his eyes staring blankly at floor, 'when are you leaving?'
I nodded, it took me a brief moment to answer him, 'it doesn't matter, does it? And, I won't erase your thumbprint, I'm telling you again, I've bought this apartment, if you find that life in the White House is too strenuous, you can come here and make some coffee.'
He nodded, eventually, accepting the fact that I won't change my mind.
'Derek? Promise me something, please?'
He looks up at me, waiting for my next sentence.
'Don't ever bring any woman into this house.'
He chuckles even in the middle of his despairing spirit. 'I will not.'
'Don't bring any other girl to stargazing and don't even tell her about the north star, because that belongs to me.'
'I thought you didn't enjoy the trip?'
'But those words belongs to me, they belongs to Rachel Woods, be more creative if you wanna please another girl.'
'If it will make you happier, I've never brought any girl to stargazing before.' He looks closely at me, even though I know he wanted to hold me, he didn't, a new boundary has been formed as of the day we broke up. Maybe I do want him to hold me like he always would, but it will only make the separation more torturous.
I rubbed away my tears, my stuffy nose blends a weird voice when I tried to laugh. 'Don't throw away the socks I gave you even when they are torn with holes here and there, keep it.'
'Shall I ask my secretary to copy down everything you said? Because it seems like it is going to take a while.'
I chuckles again, I hate my voice right now. 'Lastly, you are going to have to sleep on the sofa tonight. I can't promise what will happened to us if we sleep together.'
He nodded like he had been fooled by me. 'Fair enough.'
A/N
Practically, between a couple who are deeply in love, one of them will sacrifice more, one of them will give in more.
I would say Rachel puts up more to the fiercely ambitious Derek. Don't hate him please! Sometimes, this is just how life works.
It is easy to fall in love, but to survived it, its a whole different story.