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I feel like we've had too many sleepless nights. I just wished it wouldn't be this complicated but I know it's so much to ask given his past. I understand that he has trust issues and opening up to me was a struggle but I want him to see that he can trust me like he trusts Cam. I want him to see that I care about him in a way no one ever has.
Was I being completely irrational? I mean, I guess he didn't really need me at all, and I suppose I've always known that but it still hurt. In fact, it cut deeper than that of anything else anyone has ever said to me.
I crawled into bed without brushing my teeth or taking off my makeup. I stared out my window at the street lamps and the moon illuminated my room with a dull white light.
I watched as each grey cloud swaddle the moon turning it into a silver oyster in the sky and when I checked the clock by my bedside I wasn't surprised to see it was two in the morning already.
I heard the infamous creaking noise of my bedroom door and I immediately shut my eyes tightly, snuggle down a little more.
"Ashley, are you awake?" Whispered Mason. I was but I didn't want to talk to him when I could so easily break down in tears.
He didn't say anymore and I thought he'd left the room but the sinking of the side of my bed proved me wrong.
I felt his hand rest gently on my hip and heard him sigh.
"I'm so sorry for everything I've done." He murmured, his hand making my side all warm and tingly.
"I'm sorry that I mess everything up with all that I say and I'm sorry that I said I don't need you. Because I do. I need you more than I need air, I just don't know how to tell you."
Warm tears ran from my eyes and down my nose. I wanted so badly to reach over and hold him so tightly but I couldn't, he broke a piece of my heart tonight.
"I know you can't hear me," he let out a small, sad chuckle. "But I still want to let you know, that I'm trying my hardest to do the right thing. I'm sorry."
I tried my hardest to breathe normally but it just came in small hiccups that I hoped he couldn't hear.
I felt the bed shift back to normal and his hand leave my side. I immediately felt empty and hollow. I needed him, so badly that I couldn't breathe.
After a bit of deliberation and furiously wiping my eyes as I played his words over and over in my head, I got out of bed, shivering at the cold and shuffled through across the floor to his room.
I pushed open the door and closed it softly behind me.
He was on his back with his arm behind his head staring out the window and he didn't even move when I lifted up his blankets and snuggled onto his chest except to wrap his arm tightly around me.
I kissed his chest lovingly and got comfortable before drifting off to a peaceful sleep.
I woke easily in the morning, still in the same position we'd fallen asleep in and I looked out the window to see that it was snowing. I watched the little flakes of ice floating gently in powdery white along the street.
When Mason and I got out of bed we'd decided to make a grand decision: we decided that I would move into his room. His room had the best view of the moon and was closer to the kitchen...
Essentially we were going to take his desk out and put it in my room, take my chest of drawers out and put it in his. So, effectively, we had a guest room and study, all the while we would both be getting a great night sleep in each other's arms. And believe me, when it's in the negative degrees, you need all the warmth you can get.
Around one in the afternoon, Mason started packing a backpack and getting ready to go.
"Mason, where are you going? It's freezing outside."
"I tutor senior extended level bio students remember? I've got work." I jumped up from the couch and went to walk with him to the door.
"Mason it's basically a blizzard outside, you'll freeze to death." He pursed his lips, obviously taking in my words and I prayed that he would stay... selfishly perhaps...
"I'm sure they'll understand, the roads are icy and you could skid on your bike." I tried my hardest to persuade him without sounding needy but still, the idea of his bike sliding out of control sent a shiver down my spine.
"Alright, just let me text them." I did a little victory dance on the inside, walking back to my spot with a beaming grin on my face.
When he returned he stood at the end of the couch where my feet were. I folded the corner of my page from Jane Eyre.
"You know, you're a lot smarter than I first thought." I joked, placing my book on my lap and taking my glasses off.
"Hey, not all bad boys are stupid." I snorted, getting to my feet and walking over to him, jabbing him playfully in the stomach.
"You're hardly a bad boy." I laughed, walking away from him but I was stopped by his hands roughly holding me by my waist and his mouth breathing hot air against my neck.
"Hmmm" he hummed with a sly look that sent shivers down my spine in the best way. "Sweetheart, you have no idea" My eyes fluttered closed and my breathing picked up slightly, becoming deeper.
He spun me around so I was facing him and walked me back slowly until I was pressed against the wall.
He bent his head down.
"You wanna see how bad as I can be?" His teeth grazed against my ear and I felt my eyes roll back into my head. There was humour in his voice buy I couldn't laugh.
"Say I'm a bad boy." He whispered, his voice husky and seductive in my ear.
My mouth wouldn't let the words come out as he pulled my arms up above my head, clasping them in one hand above me and his other cupping my neck and gently moving my head to the side so he could bite my neck.
I moaned causing him to chuckle at my neck sending vibrations down my body.
I let his tongue press against my skin where my pulse was hammering away.
He dragged his lips up my neck slowly, leaving behind a trail of fire until he reached my lips where he hovered painfully.
He dragged his lips across mine, teasing me until I was aching for him. I tried to pull my hands down to reach for his neck to pull him to me but when I resisted he held them tighter.
I whimpered, begging for him to kiss me as I felt his hot minty breath cascade over me.
He smirked before pressing his lips firmly to mine, kissing me forcefully and hungrily.
He dropped my wrists and I immediately tangled my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck as his hands wandered down my thighs and he gripped the back of them and lifted me up.
I wrapped my legs in a knot around him, pulling him tighter to me as he pressed he harder against the wall, attacking my mouth with vigour and needy moans.
He carried me to our room where he dropped me on the bed, smirking at me and crawling over me with his knee between my legs and attacking my mouth once again.
He kissed furiously down my neck, sucking and biting and no doubt leaving a mark.
My heart was pumping ecstatically and my breathing matched as he reached my collar bone where he paused.
"What's wrong?" I asked, looking down a little as he held himself up so he could see my face.
His lips were a deep shade of pink no doubt matching mine as he claimed his breathing.
"We should stop." Woh Woh Woh, hold up. Why should we stop?
"What? Why?" I leaned up on my elbows as he crawled off me and lay beside me, my body shivering with the loss of his touch.
"Because I don't want to rush this." He stared up at the ceiling while I stared at him in disbelief.
He didn't want to rush? Mason Murphy didn't want to rush?
"What do you mean?" I was so confused. I was enjoying myself, in fact I was willingly anticipating, hoping actually.
"Exactly what I said. Not today." I was dumbfounded. In fact, I wanted to keep going. I was ready and happy enough to give to him what I've been holding onto.
I loved him and he deserved to know that.
"But, why?" My voice was small, smaller than I intended. I knew I was going to overthink this but, was he not interested?
"Because, youre different. You make me want to be different for you. I want do this right." He brushed a piece of hair from my face as butterflies fluttered their way from my stomach to my heart.
"Y-you dont want to?" I stuttered, blood rushing to my cheeks and my embarrassment becoming more and more apparent.
"Oh baby," He smiled down at me, that sexy grin that making my stomach flutter. "I definitely want to.
"I know you think I'm ridiculous," he stood up and faced away from me, tabbing the back of his neck and playing with something on my dresser.
"Mason, look at me." I crawled across the bed and grasped his hand, tugging for him to turn around.
"You don't have to do that for me." The fact that he didn't want to treat me like his previous play dates - barf - made my heart swell, but I didn't want him to be too out of his comfort zone.
"I know, but it's for me as well. I've never felt the same thing I feel for you for anyone else. Ever. And I want to prove that to you."
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