Look at this dog not listening to others. I sighed with frustration, and Ferdel sighed beside me.
Yeah, this was the situation which happened all the time. Oh, this bastard.
âWhy did you choose a dog though? You could have said a rabbit, pig, horse, or a fox even.â
Why was he curious about that?
As usual, it was a useless question, I thought Caitel would ignore it, so I picked up the toy next to me. Round, large, and hanging on a stick like meat.
Meat, meat!
I was biting it, and Caitel took the toy out of my hand.
Oh, but my gums itch, Dad!
âHer eyes.â
âHmm?â
I tried hard not to be taken away by him, but in the end, my toy disappeared into his hands.
It was a good toy, sob sob.
âHer eyes only look up to me and reflect myself, just like a dog.â
âWell, you know. It sounds like an insult even though itâs not.â
I knew. Did my eyes really resemble a dog that much?
No matter how I thought about it, it sounded like an insult. Was it simply because I was not innocent?
âA dog will wag its tail even if its master tries to beat it or kill it.â
What was he suddenly talking about?
Heâs always a serious man without humor in his life, but now Caitel was somehow different than usual. Something like heâs depressed? I took a deep breath. It sounded like a small sigh.
âThatâs what her eyes reminded me of.â
Caitel closed his mouth.
Papa, I reach out to his cheek with a small whisper.
Dad, I really liked you, but at times like this, I didnât know what to do.
Oh, it was good until thenâ¦
Why was he the one looking like an abandoned dog�
I touched Caitelâs cheek. I wanted to tell him that he didnât have to make a face like that. I guessed it was still impossible for me with these little hands of mine right now.
When would these hands start to grow?
I didnât even know how much time it took to grow enough to cover his cheeks completely.
âItâs irritating.â
Ferdel also stiffened his face.
âWhat?â
Caitel held my waist on that question. The same crimson eye as mine. Red and vivid, representing both Birth and Death.
âShe doesnât know what kind of person I am, yet she relies on me because I am her father. Even though I might try to kill her.â
âSo are you going to kill her?â
Ferde asked Caitel with his chin oh his hand. Caitelâs eyes turned to Ferdel. It must be a serious situation, but Ferdelâs face was dry, like an audience watching a movie.
âNo.â
If he confirmed, I would have run away from him, but fortunately, Caitel denied. His gaze returned to me. His confused eyes strangely seemed pretty to me.
Oh, wait. Was I crazy too?
âIf youâre not going to kill her, why are you so worried? Youâre really weird sometimes.â
âI think itâs not only sometimes.â
âYes, always.â
He talked back to Caitel, and got beaten up again.
Anyway, he really earned punishment with his words.
Not forgetting to look pathetically at Ferdel, I turned my head back to the gaze holding me.
âDo you know what kind of man I am?â
You might be the crazy one?
âWhat if I try to kill you?â
Caitel was asking me very seriously. I couldnât understand and agreed to those questions, but I guessed he didnât really care. Holding me in his arms, he muttered.
âSheâs too naive and defenseless.â
Thatâs because Iâm still a babyâ¦
Well, I could say I was defenseless because he was my father. It was actually a difficult question for both of us.
Ferdel sighed. He seemed to not know what to say to these difficult questions.
âYouâre father and daughter. Isnât it okay to put down your guard a bit in front of family?â
âIâve never learned of anything like that.â
I realized what kind of life this man had been living through. There was a darkness in his cold smile. I wiggled in his arms.
âAre you afraid that eyes will betray you?â
âNo.â
âThen whatâs wrong with you, huh?â
I didnât want to be ignorant of this chaos. I wanted to know him, answer his questions, and solve it for him.
However, I could do that only when I know the answer. I didnât know what heâs asking, what heâs afraid of, or whatâs he likes. The more I knew, the more difficult he was.
âI remember Assisi.â
Somehow I felt his arms shaking.
It was subtle. Something like a tremble.
Yeah, I thought he and I still had a little distance. Not as far as the sun and the earth, but the distance between Seoul to Busan?
Of course, that was a long way off, but compared to the sun and the earth, it was much shorter. I wonder. When the day came that I knew about all of Caitelâs past, his thoughts, and what heâs thinking of, what would I think of him then? WouldI like him? Perhaps, I would hate him?
However, the important fact still remained, Caitel was still my father no matter what.
âYou know, you can have some more trust in people.â
The voice of Ferdel awakened me from my own appreciation. Caitelâs gaze was breathtaking.
âSheâs your daughter, after all.â
Yeah, thereâs nothing more obvious than that. I accepted it right away, but Caitel frowned at first.
âDonât try to give me adviceâ
âIâm just trying to help you!â
Ferdel pulled back as if he was sad. I was a little glad that now, Caitel seemed to return being my father. I opened my arms right away and embraced his neck.
âPapa!â
However, dad, he should stop worrying about such useless things. If he tried to kill me, I would run away without looking back. I could crawl now! Stop looking down on me!
âBy the way. If I have a son, why donât you give your daughter to me?â
âDonât even dream of it.â
It was also my toy that flew to the smiling Ferdel.
My toys again! This asshole, my toys werenât his tool for hitting! He didnât have to throw it like that!
âWhy!? Am I not good enough to be your in-law?â
âYes, by a lot.â
Ferdelâs face crumpled at the unreserved answer.
âItâs not enough.â
With that word left, Caitel went out with me. Fertel, who was left alone, shouted from behind.
âYouâre stingy!â