She's laughing.
She's laughing at me.
The moment I took out the paper and flattened it, she started laughing so hard I was waiting for her to fall off her chair.
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy her laugh. It's genuine and so fucking sweet.
"Oh my god, my stomach hurts." She clutched her stomach and tried to steady her breathing. "Did you really write down the questions?" She asked me, still with a smile on her face.
"You know what? Screw it." I tried to stand up but she caught me before I could step forward.
"No, sorry." She tried to keep her smile to a minimum. "Sorry, ask your questions. I won't laugh at you anymore." She cleared her throat, let go of my hand, and sat down properly.
Truthfully, I've been thinking about what Destiny told me all day.
When I get to know her, I might get her out of my head. Permanently.
And if it doesn't work?
That's when you drink yourself into oblivion. Nothing new.
So after I decided to meet her, I wanted to be prepared, so I wrote down a few questions so I wouldn't forget them.
I scanned the paper trying to pick one question to start with.
When she saw that I didn't ask her anything longer, she spoke. "Would it be better if it was like a test? I can write my answers for you on the..." She trailed off as I looked up at her. "Sorry." She bit her lip, but I could see she was holding back a smile.
"So...what do you like to do in your free time?"
She covered her mouth in an attempt to look thoughtful, but I know she was just hiding a smile.
She's laughing at me.
And why are you allowing her to do that?
"Well..."
She started and I hoped it would be something like killing puppies or undermining small children to disgust me, but unfortunately, she didn't say that.
"I like to read books. Uhm...I hang out with my friends. Sometimes I bake and..." She shrugged. "That's all I can think of."
"All right." I went through looking at the other questions on my paper.
"Hold on." She stopped me when I was about to say another question. "This goes both ways." She pointed between us. "Just because I don't have questions prepared in advance doesn't mean I can't ask."
"That's not..."
"What are you most grateful for in life?" She interrupted me and carefully waited for my answer.
This is not how I imagined it. It should have been easy. I'll give her questions, she'll answer them and I'll get her out of my head.
Why is she trying to get to know me?
"So?" She raised an eyebrow.
I opened my mouth but didn't know what to say. What am I grateful for? What do I know?
"Um..." I frowned. "My siblings?" It was a silent question.
"Oh." She was honestly surprised, but not in a bad way. Something in her eyes had changed. "You can ask now." She said quietly, folding her hands on her legs.
"Yeah." I cleared my throat and looked at my paper. "Besides home and work, where do you spend most of your time?" I looked up at her.
"I'd say at the guys' apartments. We watch movies, hockey, or just talk and eat. But also..." She paused as if she was thinking about whether to say it. "I also often go to the hospital and bring people what I have baked."
Somebody kill me. I'm serious.
Is there something about her that is ugly? Why can't it be something like...I don't know..ugh! She irritates me.
"Okay, my turn." She thought about it. "Got it. One date you'll never forget."
"Twenty-first of April," I said but realized too late that another question was sure to follow.
"Why?"
"That's another question," I said harshly.
"Oh. Sorry, you're right." She looked down at the table and I regretted saying that.
I don't know why I said that date. Maybe because I've been dreaming about that day lately.
It's the day I almost died at the hands of my own father.
I was hoping she would ask a different question next round.
"What unhealthy habit do you have?" She frowned at the question.
"I don't know if I'm just imagining it, but why does it sound... Why these questions?"
"Can you just answer?"
She rolled her eyes. "What do I know." Drugs, say drugs. "I'm skipping meals during the day?" Wrong answer. "I don't drink enough water? Something like that."
Can't it be something involving drugs? Or what do I know, killing, torturing, and so on?
"It's my turn." She leaned her hands on the table. "What are you doing? These questions, why?"
"Because I want to prove that you are not who you seem."
"What the hell does that mean?" She frowned. "What's wrong with the way I am?"
"Nothing. And that's the problem."
"What? What do you mean..."
"There's no way you're flawless." I jumped into her speech. "You are nice to everyone, always caring, always smiling."
"And what's wrong with that?"
"There is no one like that in reality!" Involuntarily, I raised my voice and noticed how she flinched a little. I closed my eyes tightly and exhaled heavily. "I'm sorry, I..."
"You want to know what's wrong with me?" She cut me off.
"Lexi..." I started but she cut me off again.
"Here." She rolled up her sleeves and took off her bracelets.
I swallowed hard as my gaze fell on her wrists which were covered in scars.
A few days ago I held one of her hands but I didn't notice them. How could I not notice them?
"I have more on my inner thighs, do you want to see those too or is that enough for you? Hmm, what else is wrong with me." She started putting her bracelets back on.
"Lexi I..."
"You what?" She snorted. "After all, you want to see I'm damaged, don't you? But why is that? Why do you want to see me in such a light? Why do you want to think the worst about me? You don't even know me and you've already made up your mind about me and you're going to go for it. You wanted to prove yourself right? Well, congratulations, you're right. I'm not sunshine. Are you happy now?"
I couldn't take my eyes off her eyes, which were full of pain. Pain that I caused.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
"Just leave." She moved away from the table and stood up. "I hope you've learned not to be prejudicial about people whose story you don't know."
I wanted to say something. Maybe apologize again for being the biggest idiot in the world.
But I have a feeling that I would only make it worse, so I remained silent.
And to make sure I wouldn't hurt her again, I stood up and left.
Good job Finn, you screwed up another person's life.
During the last few days, I wanted to lock myself in my room and stay there.
But as it turned out, if I want to have a room at all, I have to go to work.
And why would I want to stay locked in a room? Because of one person. Finn.
I don't know if I expected him to show up at the bistro again and try to talk to me, but if I did, I was far from the truth.
I haven't heard a word from him for a week. No texts, or calls -not that he ever called me- and he didn't even show up.
Am I happy? Partially.
Is it bothering me that I might not see him again because he saw through my mask? Yes.
He saw my scars, the part of me I hide from the world and left. Therefore, it is better to hide it.
Jeremy noticed that I was a little out for the last few days. I didn't tell him the real reason. I just waved my hand at it and said it was nothing.
I know he didn't believe me, but he let it go. He knows that if I don't want to say something, he won't get it out of me.
I think he told others as well. They tiptoed around me every day. I hate it.
But slowly I started to forget about Finn. During the day, at work, I didn't think about him anymore. But I couldn't quiet my head before going to bed.
Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I overreacted. He was trying to get to know me and I exploded in the worst way possible.
I thought about texting him, but I always deleted the message before I could send it.
I stopped contacting him, but I didn't stop thinking about him. What if something happened to him? No, he's fine, he just doesn't want to see me.
"Lexi, are you here?" I looked up from the bowl full of popcorn to Lincoln, who waved at me. "Are you listening to us?"
"Sorry, what?" I straightened up and popped the last two pieces of popcorn in my hand into my mouth.
We are all sitting at Adrian's work, but as always, my head and body are in a different place.
"Tomorrow, Marvel marathon." Adrian reached for the bowl of popcorn in front of me, but Luca smacked his hand. "Ow! What was that for?" He pulled his hand back and scowled at him.
"It's okay, he can have..." I tried to move the bowl toward Adrian, but Luca stopped me too.
"You eat, he can go get another one," Jeremy spoke up next to me.
"Bastards," Adrian muttered under his breath, standing up and walking to the bar.
"He really could have..."
"Shh." Jeremy pulled the bowl closer to me.
I opened my mouth to argue but he silenced me with one look. Fine. This time I'll leave it at that.
"So Marvel marathon, how about that?" Stefan fixed his glasses. He doesn't wear them often because he wears contact lenses, but I think he's making a mistake. He looks cute in glasses.
But "cute" is probably not what guys want to look like. I don't know why. They want to be called sexy but not cute.
"From the beginning?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, we will watch till we pass out and then meet again sometime." He waved his hand over it.
"Monica asked me if I could have her morning shift tomorrow, but I could come around lunchtime. If you want to start earlier..."
"No, lunch is fine. I still have to deal with college anyway." Lincoln jumped into my speech. "And Luca also has to stop by work in the morning. Some papers." I looked at Luca, who just nodded.
"Alright, I'll text you when I get off work." I nodded.
"I'll pick you up," Jeremy suggested. "I've got it on the way." He winked at me.
I wanted to say that it is the other side, but he knows it very well.
"Fine." I laughed. "But..." I stopped when I noticed Zack who had just walked in. Luca next to me stopped breathing. That's quite a reaction.
I don't know if they met since the toilet scene. I haven't seen Zack and Luca is not the type to comment on that.
Zack looked around the bar, and when his gaze stopped at our table, rather Luca, I could see in the dim light that he blushed a little.
He started walking towards us with his hands in his pockets just as Adrian came back with a bowl of popcorn.
The twins who met him immediately greeted him, while Luca just cleared his throat and nodded his head.
I rolled my eyes at his gesture. Can't he say hello normally?
"Hey, Zack." I smiled at him.
"Lexi." He smiled.
"Guys this is Zack. Zack, you've already met the twins." I nodded at them. "And Luca." I subtly punched him under the table, but it didn't move him an inch. "And this is Jeremy and Lincoln." I pointed to each one separately.
"Nice to meet you." He nodded. "Lexi, can I talk to you for a second?" He nodded his head away from the table.
"Sure." I looked at him confused but stood up and walked with him to the bar. "What's up?"
"I really don't want to bother you with this, but..." He looked around us. "Did you happen to see Finn?"
Time stopped for a moment. Only the question indicated something wrong. Oh no, tell me I was wrong. Tell me my stupid head was wrong and he really is fine.
"Not for like a week, why?" I shook my head.
"For the first few days, I still saw him leaving the apartment, but for the last few days, I have not been able to reach him. I called him and texted him, but nothing. I knocked at his apartment constantly, but in vain."
"I didn't see him."
"If you happen to see him somewhere, please let me know."
"Yes of course." I nodded.
"Thanks." He gave me a small smile before turning and walking out of the bar.
I stood leaning against the counter for a while longer. I have a bad feeling. Why do I have a bad feeling?
"Lexi, are you okay?" A woman's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned to the counter to see it belonged to Destiny.
"Yeah, sorry." I smiled nervously. "Hey Destiny, you haven't seen a guy about this tall by any chance." I showed Finn's approximate height. "Slight stubble. He has a scar..."
"You mean Finn?" She cut me off.
"Yes. Did you see him?" I didn't care how she knew his name. The main thing is that she knows who we're talking about.
"Not lately, why?" She frowned.
"His friend is looking for him but can't find him anywhere."
"Oh shit." All the muscles in her face relaxed. That doesn't sound the best. "Oh, Finn." She grabbed her head and exhaled heavily.
"Am I missing something here?"
"The last time he was here we talked about...never mind. He mentioned something about moving and if no one can find him..."
"He...he moved?" I said quietly.
"But I may be wrong." She bit her lip. "Perhaps..."
"Destiny what were you talking about when he told you?" I interrupted her.
"About you." She got out of herself and I didn't need her to say anything else.
He really left.
But not only from the part of the city where I am but quite possibly from the city as a whole.
And all that only because he got to know...me.