Finn is part of the mafia.
Finn is part of a mafia and I'm making him soup.
Someone should lock me up for extreme naivety. What am I even doing?
I obviously have no self-preservation. By now I should've moved and changed my name so he wouldn't find me.
After all, I've read all those books where just the word mafia follows death itself.
And yet I'm standing in Finn's apartment bringing him soup.
I definitely need medical help because I think I've lost my mind.
"Can you sit down for a bit?" I knew that every movement hurt him, but he couldn't eat lying down.
In obvious pain, he raised his arms a little and leaned against the bed frame. He tried to hide the fact that he was in pain, but he couldn't do it very well. He wouldn't be a great actor.
I slowly sat down next to him and scooped up the soup on a spoon.
"What are you doing?" He frowned. "I can feed myself."
"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "Then help yourself." I handed him the hot soup, and only at the first touch of his hand with the plate did he curse loudly.
"Shit!" He quickly pulled his hand away. "Lexi, that's boiling, put it down."
"It's okay. It doesn't hurt." That's a lie, but I can't exactly tell him that even though it hurts, it feels good. He'd think I was crazy.
"I don't care what you say, it's hot as hell." He reached for the plate, which he almost spilled before placing it on the bedside table next to the bed. He then grabbed my hands, or rather my palms, and gave me a disapproving look. "Hands under cold water, now." It was an order that sent chills all over my body.
I would obey him, but I didn't want him to let go of my hands. His touch evoked something in me that I hadn't felt in a long time.
"Lexi, please." His gaze softened.
I tried to avoid eye contact before getting off his bed and heading to the bathroom. I left my hands under the stream of water for a while and returned to him.
When I was in the door, I found Finn trying to eat, but his hand was shaking too much, so almost everything always ended up back on the plate.
"Do you want some help?"
"I don't want to be fed."
"Then you shouldn't have gotten yourself into the state you are in," I said harshly and walked over to him. I took the spoon from his hand, and when I wanted to pick up the plate again, he said my name warningly.
I rolled my eyes and ran to the kitchen to get a towel. I then put it on my hand and took a plate into it.
Since Finn didn't say anything, he's okay with that.
I fed him in awkward silence until there was no soup left on the plate. All this time I tried to avoid looking at his whole face.
"What's going on?" He asked while I put the plate down.
"Nothing." I tried to stand up, but his hand suddenly appeared on my wrist.
"Lexi." I dared to look into his eyes, which had a thousand questions in them. "Wha's going on?"
I breathed out hard. "Look at you, Finn. You're covered in bruises. I've been through this with Adrian before. Fighting was his daily routine. One day I had to visit him in the hospital because it went too far. And I feel like it will be the same with you. I don't want to see you hurt, Finn, that's all."
His hand slowly fell back onto the bed, but he said nothing.
"I have to go, I'll be back later. Call Zack if you need anything." Even though he didn't even nod, I know he heard me. "Rest." I moved from the spot and didn't stop until I was in front of his building. "What are you doing Lexi?" I shook my head and continued on my way home.
I don't want to see you hurt, Finn, that's all.
I'd like to say that those words didn't hurt me, but I'd be lying again.
Maybe it wasn't just the words, but also her look. It was full of pain that I had caused. I saw the same pain in the eyes of all my siblings.
But for the first time, I also wanted to do something about it. I didn't want her to look at me like that ever again.
When she returned a few hours later, she was quiet. She barely said a few words as she warmed up the dinner she had brought for me.
Knowing she wouldn't say anything, I had to. "I'm sorry," I said honestly.
She looked up from the medicine box to me. "What are you talking about?"
"That I fought. That I ended up like this." I pointed to my face with my hand.
"You don't have to apologize, it's your life."
I grabbed her hand as she tried to go back to dosing my meds. "Yes, but it hurts you. So I'm sorry."
"It's okay Finn." The corner of her mouth turned up a little.
"No, Lexi, it's not." I let out a breath and said something I'd been thinking about since she left. "I'll never get into a fight again, I promise."
I guess I'd say and do anything just to not scare her off.
Why does she have such an effect on me?
Her whole body suddenly relaxed. As if all the worries of the world fell off her shoulders.
"Thank you." She gave me a sincere smile and I knew then and there, that it was worth it. I would give up everything just to see her smile like that every day.
"Since we're cool now, you can ask."
"Ask what?" She frowned.
"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "You already had questions this morning, you just didn't ask them. So? What do you want to know?"
She wants to know about the mafia? Fine, I'll tell her everything I know. Is she an undercover cop trying to get my family? At least I get to spend more time with her during the interrogation.
She bit her bottom lip but smiled. I knew my sunshine was back.
"Books. Are they in any way close to what the mafia is really like?" She put both legs under her and gave me all her attention.
"Depends. What's in the books?"
I've never been the type to read books. I never even tried. I didn't see it as something I wanted to spend my time doing.
Looking back, if I had picked up a book rather than alcohol, maybe I wouldn't have the problems I have now.
"Okay, so..." She looked so excited as she started talking about books. "Arranged marriages. Powerful women in leadership. Secret organizations. Men who..."
"You're going to have to slow down a bit." I laughed.
"Sorry, I'm just..."
"Excited? I can see that." I smiled. "So from the beginning." I put my hands under me and lifted myself up to sit properly. "Arranged marriages aren't that common these days. But I've met a few people who have had that fate."
"Were they happy? In love?" She almost jumped out of bed.
"Not really." I frowned. What are the books she reads about again? "They were two different people who first saw each other at the altar. They have to live together, but that doesn't mean they're in love."
"Oh." She looked... disappointed?
"Women in leadership are common, but over time they get married and tend to take care of the children. But it's totaly up to them. Even though it usually ends up that her husband or her siblings, or another family, takes over."
"But it's probably harder for them, isn't it? Because they're women?"
"Yes, some things cannot be changed easily." I shook my head. "There's always going to be a man who doesn't like that a woman is in a higher rank than him."
"Okay, what about secret organizations?"
"There are several." I nodded. "I don't know about all of them, but for example one that I know is called white snakes. Even though, that doesn't exist anymore." I frowned. "It's a long story."
"Then sometime later?" She asked with a small soul.
"Sometime later." It was a promise.
"On a scale of one to ten, how dangerous is mafia to normal people?"
"As long as they don't get involved, maybe three? Or less." I shrugged. "But if you're afraid something will happen to you, you don't have to. No one knows where I am except my siblings, and even if they did, they wouldn't dare to go against Killian."
"Glad to hear it." She breathed a sigh of relief.
"But just maybe...everything I told you? That could stay between us. Just to be sure."
"I'm not going to go around telling people your secrets, Finn. You don't have to worry about that."
It's not that they're my secrets, it's that something could happen to her. It's unlikely, but still. I'll feel better if nobody dangerous knows about her.
"What about mafia relationships? Can you be with whoever you want or do you have to move in certain circles?"
"Mafia relationships are preferred, but it depends on the person. Killian found someone who wasn't in the mafia...Even if she was in a secret organization...Maybe Killian wasn't the best case. But my sister Val has a boyfriend completely outside the mafia ." And for that, I am incredibly happy.
"Is she happy with him?"
"They often argue, but that's because he's an idiot."
"And what guy who dated your sister wouldn't be called an idiot?" She said with a smile.
"None."
"I thought so." She laughed and shook her head. "Your sister is lucky to have a brother like you."
"You have me too," I said without thinking. "Not as a brother." I quickly added. "I meant that if ever...oh god." I ran my hand over my face. What am I even saying?
"It's okay Finn." She laughed and put her hand on mine which was on the bed. "I know what you wanted to say."
I don't know if the current of electricity passed through her, but it certainly did through me.
The hand that was on my face dropped and I looked at her face.
Something in her eyes drew me to her. Her lips were screaming for me to touch them.
It's been a long time since I was last with someone. Or even kissed someone.
But what I do know, is that I have never felt this way towards anyone before I met Lexi. I've never wanted to kiss someone as much as her. No one has ever attracted me like this.
"We should..." She began to speak. "You should take your medicine." She suddenly pulled her hand away and I felt something missing inside of me.
"Sure." I shook my head.
Come on Finn, she clearly doesn't see you as more than a friend. At least don't ruin that.
I wanted to kiss Finn.
Oh my god, how I wanted to lean in and kiss him.
But I couldn't. I won't destroy everything we have for one kiss that wouldn't even be returned.
I'll just put my feelings for him in a little box that I'll lock and store somewhere deep in my head. Like all my feelings.
"Are you sure you won't be better in bed?" I asked Finn again when I carried a blanket to the couch.
"Even though I enjoy staring at the ceiling all day, I'd rather watch TV." He lay down, which hurt him a little, as I saw how his jaw clenched, but he played it off.
"Whatever you say." I carefully placed the blanket over him and regretted the move when I was suddenly inches away from his face.
My gaze dropped to his lips, which had a small cut on them, and back to his eyes.
Come on Lexi, a little box stored deep in your head.
I pulled away from him before doing something we would both regret and straightened up.
"Do you need anything else before I leave?"
"You're leaving?" He frowned.
"I've been here one all night already. I miss my bed." I rubbed my tired eyes. "If anything, your phone is on the table and Zack lives right next door. You'll survive." I took my bag from the table. "Night, Finn."
"It's late. Be careful. Text me when you're home."
"Yes sir." I saluted and laughed. I caught a soft smile on Finn's face as well.
"Night, Lexi."
Kiss him! A voice in my head screamed. Get out of there before you make a mistake! The other shouted.
"Night," I repeated and quickly left his apartment. I closed the door behind me and stood in front of it for a while, breathing deeply.
It was a good decision, right?
No. Yes. It suddenly sounded in my head.
I took exactly one step away from the door before my attention shifted to the opening door on the other side of the hall.
When a person came out of them, I rubbed my eyes because I thought I was seeing ghosts from tiredness.
But since he was still there and froze the moment he saw me, I found out that in fact, it wasn't a ghost.
"Luca." I tried not to smile. "Strange to see you here at this hour of the night."
"Not. A. Word." He said harshly before he started walking towards the elevator.
"That was fun." I laughed and followed Luca.
At least someone had some action today.
Luca and Zack <3