"What can I get you?" I asked them, my small notebook in hand, pen ready to write down their orders. I didn't look at any of the three guys sitting in front of me. I have nothing to say to them.
"How's Finn?" Jeremy spoke up.
"That's not on the menu. If you don't know what to order, I would recommend today's specialty." I pointed to the front of the menu.
"Lexi, come on." Adrian leaned his elbows on the edge of the table.
"I'm working. If you're not going to order anything, I'll have to ask you to leave." I know it wasn't their fault what Lincoln said, but neither of them really stood up for Finn. Adrian even supported what Lincoln was saying. I thought they were more mature. I was obviously wrong.
"Lincoln said you two were fine. He apologized. What else..."
"He apologized to me." I interrupted him. "Not to Finn. He's the one who deserves an apology. I thought it would be nice if he met more people. I was counting on you giving him a warm welcome, but look what happened. You all let me down. He didn't do anything to you." I shook my head in disappointment.
"We're sorry we didn't stop Lincoln. Really, Lexi. We tried, but..." Stefan gestured between him and Jeremy. "We're just sorry." He exhaled heavily. "Lincoln said what happened and how Finn was. How is he doing now?" He asked with genuine interest.
"He's going to be okay," I said quietly and everyone looked relieved, even Adrian. "I'm going to see him after work to check on him."
"It's a good thing he has you." Stefan smiled.
"If there's anything we can do..." Jeremy trailed off.
"Apologize," I said without hesitation. "Apologize and really mean it. Otherwise, I doubt there's anything you can do."
"We promise that..."
"Stop it, please." I interrupted Adrian. "Do it or don't, but don't do it for me. You should do it for yourself because it's the right thing to do. If you're going to apologize to him just because I'm mad at you, you're wasting all of our time. Now, are you going to order? I have other customers."
Lincoln, Jeremy, Luca, Adrian, and Stefan have always meant more to me than anything else in my life. We've always been on the same side, but now...it's like I'm miles away from them.
I'm standing up for Finn, and in doing so I'm going against a long-standing friendship. But if it's wrong, why do I feel like I'm doing the right thing? Is it because I see a bit of myself in Finn? That when I'm with him I feel?
Whatever it is, I just hope I don't regret it.
I wish I could talk to someone about this. Talk with someone who could help me.
*****
Rachel greeted me with a warm smile. I only spoke to her briefly before heading to my mother's room.
I usually come here on Wednesdays, but I needed to see her. Hug her, even though I know it probably won't happen.
I knocked on the open door, distracting her from reading the book. "Yes?"
"Mrs. Pierce." I smiled. "Nice to see you again. Do you know who I am?" I took a few steps closer.
"I..." She frowned and took off her glasses, which she only used when reading. "I'm sorry, honey, but..." She shook her head. It could be seen that she was trying to put my face somewhere but in vain.
"It's okay." I gave her a small smile. "Would you mind if I kept you company for a while?" I almost held my breath.
"Of course not. Sit, sit." She quickly pointed to the chair across from her. "And stop calling me Mrs. Pierce, call me Adelaide, please." She put the book on the table and gave me her hand.
"Lexi." I accepted it and sat down.
"A beautiful name." She smiled and pulled her hand to her. "You look a little tired honey, everything alright?" She asked with a hint of maternal concern.
"I just feel like..." I exhaled heavily. "I feel like I'm doing everything wrong."
"You know what?" She placed the bookmark in her book, which she closed and moved away from us. "I have a lot of free time. Why don't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help you somehow, hm?" She looked like she really wanted to help me.
It took all my strength not to break down on the spot and start crying.
"There is this man..."
"Of course, all worries start with men." She laughed and made the whole situation a little lighter.
"I haven't known him that long and maybe not that well, but there's something...I can't even describe it." I let out a frustrated breath.
I hate when I can't express what I feel. When I can't put my feelings and thoughts into meaningful sentences.
"When we're alone it's like... like all worries disappear. With him, I feel... alive. But then someone always has to remind me that there's a real world. A few days ago I tried to introduce him to my friends, who are like my family."
"Let me guess, it didn't go well."
"It was horrible." I put my head in my hands. "There was a lot of yelling going on." I muttered.
"The thing is, with guys...they're territorial." I looked up at her. "They think they know what's best for us. They try to make decisions for us because that's probably their instinct. But be sure of one thing." She reached across the table for my hands and placed them with hers on the table. "Those who really care about us are only out for our own good. They are trying to protect us, even though it may not always seem like it. In their eyes, they may have been doing the right thing. You have to realize that a woman and a man are not the same, and they never will be. We see things differently."
"They said things that"
"Of course they said things." Her touch was lost from my hands, which flew up into the air. "They're men, honey." She laughed. "They say the first thing that comes to mind. You can't hold it against them. Especially if they care about you."
"So should I just leave it at that? Say everything is fine and move on?"
"What did those friends of yours say about the man you're seeing?"
"That he's dangerous and not good for me. And maybe they're right. He often fights. He promised to stop, but still. He also drinks a lot, which I don't like, and smokes." I stopped when I realized that I was trying to find the very faults, which was not fair to him at all.
"I don't know if you're trying to convince me he's a bad guy or yourself." She laughed.
"I really don't know what to do. On one side are my long-time friends who have always wanted well for me." I raised my left hand to represent my guys. "And he's on the other one. I can't choose between them. I don't want to choose."
She smiled and held out her hands to me. She placed both of my hands that were raised on my legs. "Always, choose yourself. Not one side or the other. Yourself."
"But how is it supposed to help me? What am I supposed to do?" I'm sure it was meant to be motivational, but I really don't understand what she was trying to say.
"Deep down you know what's good for you. Sometimes we choose to ignore it, but it's there. And if you really don't want to choose, then don't." She pulled away and shrugged. "One way or another, it's going to work out somehow."
I feel like I took a really big step forward with my mother today.
Unfortunately, she won't remember it tomorrow.
Knocking saved me from the most boring program in the world.
With less difficulty I walked to the door and opened it, waiting for Lexi behind it.
To my surprise, Lincoln was standing there.
Even though he probably saved my life, my smile fell faster than I thought was possible.
"Is Lexi here?" He asked with even more dislike than I have for him.
"No," I said harshly.
"Awesome." He nodded his head and took a step towards me. "Will you let me in?"
"No," I repeated my answer.
"Look, I'm not exactly a fan of yours, I don't like you, and I honestly don't care if you're okay or not. But for some reason, Lexi cares about you. So let me in so I can examine you."
I hesitated, but in the end, I opened the door without another word and let him walk past me into the apartment.
"You can sit on the couch." He said as he placed his bag on the table and took out his gloves to put on.
I carefully walked back to the couch and sat down. Lincoln walked closer to me and when he tried to take my face in his hands I pulled away.
"Look, I have to look at it. Trust me, it doesn't make me any more happy than it does you, to have to be so close to you."
I snorted, but this time when he reached for me, I let him.
He carefully went over the bruise on my eye, pressing in some places. "Does this hurt?"
"No," I said even though it hurt a little.
"I take it, that it hurts a bit." He pulled away and pulled something out of his bag. "Use this twice a day," he held up a small white box, "on that lip, eyebrow, and maybe around the eye. Be careful not to get it directly in your eye, though. If that happens, try to rinse it out right away." He placed it on the table. "Roll up your shirt." He pointed his finger at my chest.
I grabbed the edges of my t-shirt and tried to lift it up, but my god it hurt like a bitch. I hissed loudly in pain, which earned his attention.
"That's not a good sign." He exhaled heavily and tried to help me take off his shirt, but I stopped him.
"I got it." I said harshly.
"Whatever you say." He snorted.
Once the shirt was off, he frowned at my body. Not to mention, it was more purple than ever. That will probably be because of all the kicks I got.
Lincoln leaned down and placed his hands on either side of my ribs. With just a gentle touch, I clenched my jaw. Fuck, that hurts.
"They're not broken, which I'm surprised about, but any movement will hurt for a few more days. Maybe even weeks." He thought for a second. "You should think about taking a warm bath every once in a while, it will help."
"I don't have a bath."
"Long warm showers then. I can give you more pain pills, stronger ones, but I don't recommend them."
"Why?" I frowned.
"Because you live alone." He simply said and did not comment further on it. "Besides your face and ribs, do you have any other pains? Headaches or difficulty breathing?"
"Not really." I reached for my shirt and started to get dressed. Christ, why does it have to hurt so much?
"If anything changes, you should go to the hospital."
I pulled my shirt over my head. "Mhm." I nodded, even though I knew that wouldn't happen.
"You can also use the ointment on your ribs, but you have to massage it in, so it will hurt a bit."
"There is some money next to the TV, take it."
He snorted and straightened up. He slung the heavy bag over his shoulder. "I'm doing this for Lexi. I don't want your money." He said as if I was offering him money that was made of human body parts.
"Suit yourself. Close the door behind you on your way out." I saw that he was still standing in the same place, so I spoke again. "Whatever you want to say, keep it to yourself. I really don't care."
"I don't understand what Lexi sees in you." He frowned. "I don't know if it's out of pity or something else, but she's making a mistake."
"If you want to hurt me, you're going to have to hit me."
"You're a joke." He shook his head. "But I swear if anything happens to Lexi because of you..."
"You'll what?" I jumped into his speech. "What are you going to do?" I challenged him, but he remained silent. "That's what I thought." I snorted. "But don't worry, that won't happen. I'm not trying to hurt her. I'm not that big of an asshole. She's had enough problems with her mom and..."
"What?" He cut me off. "What do you know about her mother?" He looked at me as if a horn had grown on my forehead.
"That she's in the hospital and..." I tried to answer, confused.
"Did she tell you about her mother?" He asked in shock, looking as if his knees were going to give out at any second.
"Yes?" Why is this so strange?
Lincoln slowly started to back up, turned, and walked out of my apartment without another word.
What just happened?