I knocked weakly on the door in case Finn was asleep. I texted him a few minutes ago, but sadly no reply.
But when I heard a thump, I knew he wasn't sleeping.
"Shit." There was a sound from inside and with it a sound as if he had bumped into something.
The door opened a few seconds later and Finn stood behind it. But what I didn't expect was that he would be half-naked.
The tattooed birds, which I had seen once before, were almost invisible through the bruises.
And even though his chest was every shade of purple, he hadn't lost any muscle.
Lexi, you're staring, stop it.
I shook my head like a dog trying to shake off water and raised my head to his face. "I brought you dinner." I picked up my bag, which I stopped for at Joey's.
"Come in." He swerved to let me in, and that's exactly what I did. I slipped past him and went straight to the table in the living room. Finn right behind me.
I unpacked everything on the table while Finn sat down on the couch, leaving a place for me next to him.
When I sat down, and I'm not kidding, I could feel his warmth.
"How are you feeling? Your chest..." I didn't finish the sentence, just looked at his bruises again.
"I tried to put the ointment Lincoln brought, but . . ."
"Do you need help?" It flew out of me before I even registered what I was saying.
"Um." He looked at me questioningly, as if asking if I was serious. "Sure."
I reached for the white box on the table and opened it. I took out an ointment with an orange inscription on it and squeezed a little into my palm.
"Perhaps if you would go lower and lean back?" I raised an eyebrow.
He did it without a word and I sat closer to him.
"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" He just nodded slowly, his gaze on me.
I took a few fingers of the ointment from my left palm and carefully applied it to his bare stomach.
Finn's head fell back and a low pained moan escaped his mouth.
"Is it too cold?" I asked.
"No, no, it's good." He breathed a sigh of relief.
Since he didn't say it hurt, I continued. I slowly massaged the ointment over his entire chest and ribs.
It's bad that I enjoyed it, right? He is in pain and I enjoy my hands on his body.
"How does it feel?" I pulled my hands away from him, even though I didn't want to, but he was done a few minutes ago, so I had to stop at one point.
"Better. It's cold, but in a good way." He straightened up. "Would you mind if you..." He pointed a finger at his face.
"No, of course." I squeezed a small amount of the ointment into my palm and approached his face with only one finger.
I carefully applied a thin layer to his eyebrows, and I didn't even realize that I was slowly getting closer and closer.
"Even around the eye?" I raised an eyebrow and he just nodded.
I bit my lip in concentration, tracing the purple-blue skin around his eye.
It would be much easier if he closed his eyes, but I didn't say it out loud.
"And the lip." I almost whispered.
It was dangerous to be so close. And especially when I was still touching him.
I took my time before rubbing his torn lower lip, but since he didn't complain, I didn't speed up.
"All done." I took my hands off him, but for some reason, neither of us pulled away. I was so close to his face that I only had to lean in a little and we would kiss.
I was surprised that my chest wasn't hitting his. My heart was beating so fast and I was breathing like I had just run a marathon.
Part of me thought he was going to pull away because there was no way he felt the way I did. But that changed when his hand found its way to my face. His palm was so warm that I wanted to melt into it.
I almost touched his lips when I realized something.
He's on pills.
Everything is numb right now. He probably doesn't even know what's going on. It's not really him. He would regret it as soon as the effects of the pills wore off.
It didn't matter how much it hurt, I turned my head to the right, away from his hand. "Uhm...you should eat something." I pulled away from him with my whole body and reached for the food that was for me.
Good job Lexi, now it won't be awkward at all.
I think I just got friend-zoned.
Confused by what just happened, I looked at Lexi who was opening small boxes of food.
We almost kissed, I'm not imagining it, am I? It really happened, didn't it? And if so, she pulled away.
That is a sufficient answer to my question of whether she feels the same as I do. Funny, I didn't think something like that would hurt more than nearly broken ribs.
Ouch.
At that moment I knew what I had to do. I picked up my phone and texted Zack. A few seconds later the answer came. We exchanged a few messages before I threw my phone on the couch, slightly irritated.
A fucking traitor. I thought he was my friend.
"I brought it from work and didn't know what you wanted, so I took what you always order. Hamburger, no tomatoes and fries." She handed me one of the half-opened boxes.
I cleared my throat. "Thank you." I took it from her hands.
"Of course." She almost whispered. "Oh wait." She stopped me when I had the burger in my hand and was about to take a bite out of it.
"What?"
"I just put the ointment on your lip."
"Yes, I know." I snorted. We almost kissed, but of course, unimportant.
"No, I think it'd better to take it down since you're about to eat.." She reached for the tissues from her bag, but before she could even get close to me with them, I yanked them out of her hand.
"I got it." I said harshly.
"Oh, okay." She was a bit taken aback.
I didn't mean to sound so idiotic, but how else is it supposed to sound when I am an idiot?
I just didn't want her so close to me again. She has already rejected me once, I won't risk it a second time. It hurts more than I thought it would anyway.
I wiped the ointment from my lip and threw the napkin on the table. I bit into a hamburger, but after all the food Lexi made for me in my kitchen, our brought over, this was nothing.
I tried not to look at Lexi, I really tried, but somehow I couldn't. My gaze from the TV always went to her in some way.
Get yourself together, Finn. You know how she sees you. You are only making it worse for yourself.
I prayed that something would break our awkward silence and tense atmosphere.
I really didn't expect it to happen though.
When my phone started ringing, I thanked all the saints that Zack had called me. But I was a bit taken aback when it wasn't his name that flashed on the screen.
I picked up and exchanged a quick glance with Lexi before speaking. "Kai?"
"Finn, little brother, how are you?" I heard the sound of his car in the background.
"Um, okay? Is something wrong?" I frowned and my gaze escaped to Lexi again who had a question in her eyes if everything was okay. I'd like to know too, Lexi, don't worry, you're not the only one.
"Nothing much, just that I'm in Portland, few minutes from you."
"You're what?" I almost flew to my feet. "How do you even know where I live?" Everyone knew I was in Portland, but I didn't give anyone my address.
"Nyx stopped by so I asked her for a little favor. I had some work nearby so I decided to stop by."
I think I started hyperventilating. He can't see me like this. My god, I'm barely even able to walk to the door without hurting myself more.
I heard him say my name but I wasn't able to answer him. I was out. Staring at the wall in front of me.
Lexi was the one that brought me to reality. Her hand appeared on my knee and that, for some reason, calmed me. My breathing began to slow more and more as I looked into her caring eyes.
"Finn, are you there?" My attention snapped back to my phone.
"Uhm, yeah, yeah, sorry, bad connection." I shook my head.
"I'll be there in five minutes. See you, little brother." And then he hung up.
I took the phone away from my ear and stared at the blank screen.
"Is everything alright?" Lexi gave my leg a small squeeze which required my attention.
"My brother is on his way." I got out of myself.
"Okay? That's bad because..." She looked at me confused.
"He can't see me like this." I swallowed hard. "I said I'd pull myself together andâ"
"Finn, it's okay, you just need to br..."
"It's not okay, Lexi!" Involuntarily I raised my voice at her, and when she winced and closed her eyes, I cursed that I had ever been born. I'm a fucking idiot.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She didn't even look at me.
"Shit." I let out a frustrated breath. "I'm the one who's sorry. None of this is your fault. I'm sorry. It's just that I don't want him to see me like this. I already know what he's going to say and I'm only going to hate myself more for it. "
"I know it's bad, but you could lie." She shrugged. "To say you were protecting someone."
"He won't care, trust me, I know that." It was like that more than once. I tried to help and almost ended up six feet under. Everyone in my family has had enough of it.
"You fell?" She raised an eyebrow.
"You're not a good liar, Lexi." I laughed but quickly realized that I knew that wasn't entirely true.
"Then I guess the only thing left is the truth. You can give him my food if it calms him down." She pointed to the table.
"That's kind of you, but I don't think I'll get off that easily." I laughed nervously.
"It was worth a try." She threw a french fry into her mouth.
The whole time we were waiting for Kai I was thinking about what I was going to say. I finally came to the conclusion that I'd rather stay quiet. The worst part is that I don't even have a shirt on because of the ointment that is currently drying. So when he comes he will see everything.
"Are you sure I should stay here?"
"That's up to you. But be prepared for me to get yelled at. It doesn't matter that I'm a grown man." Maybe if you behaved like that, your siblings would also recognize it.
The moment I heard the knock on the door, I wondered how big the fall from the window would be.
"Should I..." She pointed at the door.
"Maybe he'll soften if he sees a pretty face. Why not give it a try, right?" I caught Lexi blushing slightly, but she quickly stood up and walked to the door.
"Well hello, uhm, I think I have the wrong apartment." I heard my brother's voice as she opened the door.
"If your name is Kai, you don't." Lex smiled at him and thus he became one of the luckiest people in the world. "I'm Lexi. Come in." She moved a little away from the door so he could enter.
By the time I saw my brother walk through my apartment door, it was too late for my plan with the window. He looked a little confused, his eyes on Lexi, but when he stopped to look at me, for a second it was clear that he was happy to see me.
But that quickly passed, as did his smile when he took a good look at me.
"Finn." I have probably never seen more disappointment in his eyes and tone. His gaze fell from my face to my bare chest and I regretted not putting on the shirt after all.
Lexi, standing behind him, carefully closed the door and it was obvious that she didn't know what to do. "We were just eating. There's enough for you too if you..."
"No, thanks." He interrupted her.
"Okayy." She almost whispered until it was inaudible and took a step back from him.
"What the hell, Finn?" He frowned. "This is your idea of getting better?" He pointed at me. "You look worse than ever. Shit, Finn." He shook his head in disappointment.
"I'm okay." Remember how I said I should be quiet? I should've.
"You seriously think I'm going to believe that. I'm not blind. You do realize you look like you got hit by a car, right? Look at you, Finn!" He raised his voice until I got chills.
Truthfully, I was used to this. Kai was always the one who liked to tell me everything to my face. I know he wants to protect me, but he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand what's going on in my head. And he will never understand it.
I sat there, ready to take in everything he had to say, as always. The only difference this time was that Lexi was also here, and she obviously didn't like what Kai was saying. I could see she was fighting with herself whether to say something or not. She wasn't looking at me, but I begged her with my eyes not to.
"Have you lost your goddamn mind? After everything that happened? You want Killian to bury another person?" And that was just enough to get Lexi to say something.
"I think he gets it." Her voice was steady. "Yelling at him won't change anything."
Kai's jaw clenched, a vein popping up on the side of his temple, obviously annoyed by her saying something. He slowly turned to her. "I don't know who you are. Or who you think you are, but right now this is a family matter. That means, get out, blondie."
And at that moment? With those words? He fucked up.
O-ou