I had so many questions but no answers.
I could see that Lexi was devastated and exhausted, so I didn't ask her anything, I was just there for her.
It seemed like forever that she was crying and it hurt that I had no way to help her. I held her, but that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to take all her pain on myself because she didn't deserve it. Certainly not her.
Amidst all the tears and sobbing, she fell asleep. Of course, I let her. I even scooched over and put a pillow on my legs so she could lie down properly. I didn't care what pain I was in, her pain was the priority.
I couldn't sleep all night. Questions flew before my eyes the moment I closed them.
Why is she still living with him? Why does she allow him to be in her life? Why didn't she leave him long ago?
I came up with two possible reasons as to why she hadn't left him yet.
The first thing is money. Maybe she doesn't have enough money to buy her own place and pay for her mother's medical bill, which she has to pay to be treated there. And if that's the problem, then I'm the solution. I'll give her any amount she wants if it means she gets away from that bastard she calls father.
And the other, worse, thing is that she can't leave because she's just a good person. And despite what he has done and is still doing, he is her father. And in that case, I can't help her. I have no power over it.
I knew I didn't like him at first sight. I knew something was wrong. I wish I had met Lexi sooner and could have helped her in some way before her mother got to the hospital.
Or even earlier.
My gaze drifted to her wrists throughout the night. The two scars on her left arm were the deepest. There were several small ones around them and she had many of them on her right arm as well. They were mostly together, she didn't have them all over her arm, but only on a small part of her wrist.
They are easier to hide. I thought.
I knew I didn't know her then, but I wished I could have been there for her. I wished I could have done something to prevent it. But that is not in my power.
When she started talking today, she said she'd never told anyone before, and it made me wonder what Jeremy and the others knew about her. And if they don't know about it, why did she tell me and not them?
When I told her about my past and everything else, I didn't expect her to start talking.
That's when I realized that Lexi has more masks than I do. But still, after all she's been through, she's a good person. I don't think I'll ever understand. The world threw all the shit it could at her and she still stands.
She's broken, but at the same time, she's the strongest person I've ever met.
I knew I had to make her life at least a little easier, and I knew exactly how. She'll have one less thing to worry about and I'll make sure she doesn't have a scar on her body from now on.
I swear to you Lexi, you will not suffer anymore. As long as I'm here, no one will hurt you again.
*****
I'm not a good cook.
And it's only worse when I don't even have anything to cook with.
In the morning, I let Lexi sleep while I quietly moved around the apartment. I woke Zack up at eight in the morning to borrow eggs, butter, and bread from him.
He wasn't excited.
The only thing I knew how to make without burning it was either scrambled eggs or sausages, so Lexi didn't have much of a choice.
I tried to cook quietly so I wouldn't wake her up, but that plan failed when the wooden spoon fell out of my hand and bounced off the floor about four hundred times.
I looked up at Lexi as I picked up the spoon, hoping she was still asleep. She wasn't.
She looked sleepily around the room and finally stopped her eyes at me.
"Good morning." I cleared my throat and went back to the eggs before I burned them. First, however, I quickly rinsed the fucking spoon.
"Finn?" I heard rustling behind me and her footsteps. "Are you cooking?"
"Hmh. I hope you like scrambled eggs because that's the only thing I know how to make." I laughed nervously and was a little embarrassed. "You can sit down, it's almost done."
"Why didn't you wake me earlier? I would have helped you." I looked over my shoulder to see that she was sitting on one of the chairs at the table.
"You needed to sleep. But I hope you're not working early today because..." I nodded at the clock on the wall she was sitting next to.
"No, I work nights this whole week." She yawned. "Thanks for letting me sleep here. I can't even remember when I slept so well." She laughed nervously.
"Anytime Lexi." I walked up to her with a full plate. "I'm serious. You can take the bed next time, I'm not sleeping in it anyway." I went back to the counter and took the bread from it, which I then placed in front of her.
"You're not going to eat?" She frowned when she noticed I wasn't sitting next to her.
"I need to shower." I put the dirty dishes in the sink. "There's still what you brought in the fridge, I'll eat later." I walked past her. "And please, if you find a shell, don't tell me, it will hurt my ego."
"Sure." She laughed and took a bite of the bread. "Um, Finn?" I stopped in front of the bathroom door.
"Yes?"
"Thank you." She didn't have to specify what is she talking about.
"Anytime Lexi." I smiled at her before going into the bathroom.
It wasn't until I closed the door that I realized how much my heart was beating.
What is wrong with me? Oh, I forgot. I am slowly head over heels in love with the woman currently sitting in my kitchen.
It was almost unhealthy how quickly I ate the breakfast. I don't know if it was that good or if it was because I can't even remember the last time someone made me breakfast.
He doesn't realize how much something so small means to me.
I was just putting away the already-washed plate when I heard Finn coming out of the bathroom. "Lexi?"
"Still in the kitchen," I answered him before I closed the plate cabinet and heard his footsteps approaching.
"Oh, you didn't have to clean it up, I would."
"It's enough that you made me breakfast. The least I can do is clean up." I laughed and turned to him. At that moment I was glad I didn't have anything in my hands because it would have been on the ground by now. When I turned to him, I really didn't expect that the only thing Finn would be wearing was a towel.
I must have swallowed my own tongue.
It's one thing to see him shirtless but to see him in a towel that's way too low by the way, with wet hair and still damp skin is quite another. Purple bruises adorned his toned body, but that didn't make him any less attractive.
What are you doing? He's in pain and you're melting over him!
I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until I almost suffocated.
"Hi." I couldn't get anything out of my nervousness and as soon as it came out of my mouth I wanted to bury myself six feet under. What are you saying, Lexi? Are you drunk?
"Hey." He had an amused smile on his face before walking over to me.
I stood frozen in place, not knowing what to say or where else to look. Anywhere but on his naked body!
"Can I?" He pointed behind me and only then did I realize that he wasn't walking towards me, but towards the fridge behind me.
Somebody kill me, please. "Of course." I quickly came to my senses and took a few steps to the side, away from him and the smell of his body shampoo, which I won't soon forget.
Even though I wasn't close to him anymore, I watched his every move like the biggest creep in the world. I noticed every movement of his muscles as he reached for something, how the veins on his arm popped up. At that moment, I preferred to hold on to the counter so that my knees wouldn't fail me.
"I read too many books," I muttered under my breath and shook my head, trying to push all the possible scenarios out of my head that I know will definitely never happen.
"Did you say something?" With those words, he closed the refrigerator and put the leftovers of the food I brought last time on the counter.
"Nope, nothing." I quickly shook my head and was glad he didn't ask more. "I should go. It's late." I slipped past him. "I mean, early." Pull yourself together, Lexi.
"Are you stopping by tonight?"
"I'm pretty sure I won't. I'm the last one to leave, which means I'm cleaning, so I won't be home until eleven. And that's only if I catch the bus." I took my things from the living room.
"You can take my car if you want. I won't use it anyway."
Karma. That's exactly what it is. Karma for not telling him right away that I don't have a driver's license.
"Oh no, it's fine." I waved my hand over it.
"I'm sure that's a lot safer than a bus in the middle of the night. I'll feel better if you take it."
"It's really not that bad." I straightened up and walked to the door as quickly as possible. "Thanks again for letting me sleep here, have a good time." I smiled and didn't even give him a chance to say goodbye before I walked out of his apartment and closed the door behind me.
You should have told him. That annoying voice in my head-that doesn't know when to be quiet-said.
If I don't have to, I won't tell him. He doesn't have to know everything.
*****
When I finally got home, all I wanted to do was take a shower and lie down. But I was stopped already at the door by my father's voice.
"Where have you been?" He called from the living room, sitting on the couch as always.
"At my friend's house." I put the keys in the shoe rack and took off my clothes.
"Sure." He snorted. "The kitchen is a mess." Clean it. He forgot to finish.
"I'll get to it right away." I started walking towards the stairs but stopped at the first one when he called again.
"We're playing poker today, so make sure it's clean. And finally buy something. What will they think if we don't even have crap chips?"
"Yes, day." I exhaled and went up the stairs.
So my plan flew right out the window. I have to shower, clean the kitchen, and go to the store to buy completely unnecessary things that I don't have extra money for.
I have hospital bills to pay this week and I'm not sure I'll have enough to pay for everything else. I should find another job.
As soon as I got out of the shower I checked my phone because I heard it ring at least three times while I was washing my hair.
The guys who were arguing in the group about today's plans. I didn't even have time to read all the messages and Jeremy was already calling me.
"Where were you all evening and morning? We were texting you like crazy." He spoke from the other side as soon as I picked up.
"I fell asleep early and was so tired that I only woke up a moment ago. And by the way, hello."
"Sorry, hey, babe." I heard in his voice that he smiled. "What are your plans today?"
"Work. And the same till the end of the week, why?" While I was talking, I went into the room, locking the door behind me, and started picking something to wear from the closet.
"We wanted to talk about that camp today. It won't be long before it starts getting cold."
"Oh, sure, camping." I didn't mention that I almost forgot about it, but I'm sure he figured it out.
"Look Lexi, I know it's been a little rough between all of us lately. Maybe everything will change at that camp, please come. I know you don't want to leave your mother alone, but nothing will change in one weekend, if it does, I'll personally drive you back even in the middle of the night. So please, please, please say you're coming. We'll agree on the exact weekend later today, but we've been thinking about the next weekend or the one after that."
I already know that I have the next watching weekend off, but that doesn't mean that it's a sign that I should go.
"However, we have already agreed that anyone can come." He continued while I remained silent. "You can also invite someone. I think Luca will call Zack, so if Finn feels up to it, he can join."
"Finn?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "After what happened at your party? He won't say yes, Jeremy, you know that."
"I think you'd be surprised what he would agree to if you asked him." What is that supposed to mean?
"It doesn't matter, I won't ask him. Half of you don't want him there anyway. Why would I put him in a situation where everyone would just judge him? It wouldn't be fair to him."
"Okay, so you know what?" Oh no. Jeremy has a plan, that won't be good. "All of us, myself included, will apologize to Finn and treat him like we should have from the start."
"But?" This is definitely a trap.
"But you're going camping with us this year."
I was thinking about it when I heard my father shout my name from downstairs. "I have to go, but I'll think about it. Talk to you later." I quickly said and canceled the call before he could say anything.
I got dressed and left the room with still wet hair after my father, who started dictating to me what I should buy for tonight so that his guests feel comfortable.
But did he give me any money for all this? Of course not. Will I still buy it with my own money? Of course, I will, because it's me.
A naive daughter who forgives her own father for everything, because that's how it should be.
Oh, and did I mention how much I dislike my dad's friends?