I am madly in love with her.
I don't even really know how it happened.
I was standing by the tree, a cup in hand, looking at her by the fire when I realized it. The sun had already gone down, so the only light that was around was coming from the firepit. I swear that all the light from my point of view came from her. From my sunshine.
Almost everyone was sitting around the fire, laughing and joking. I couldn't hear exactly what they were talking about because I was standing further away from them. I don't think Lexi noticed that I moved away from them, but I didn't mind. I could admire her from afar. To see her surrounded by people she loves.
"You're not the type to socialize, are you?" I tore my gaze away from Lexi and shifted it to Stefan, who appeared next to me. "Or do you have more stalkerish tendencies?" He laughed.
"It's too loud there."
"Overcrowded, you mean. Move over." I obeyed him and moved. He then leaned against the tree as well, his gaze on the group of people by the fire. "I know that look, Finn." He exhaled heavily. "You should do something before life gets in the way. You never know how much time you have."
"You sound like someone who has lost someone." I looked at him, his gaze far away.
"Maybe I did." He shrugged. "But can you lose someone you never really had?" He smiled sadly.
"Why are you here alone?" I knew I was reaching the limit, but I couldn't help it. I was wondering why he didn't take anyone.
"Because she could only come with one of us."
"What are you..." I frowned and followed his gaze again. I quickly realized that he was not looking at a whole group, but at one person. "Oh shit."
"Cliché, isn't it?" He laughed. "A guy in love with his twin's girl." He shook his head and looked down. "I waited too long and lost my chance. It's all my fault, but that doesn't make it hurt any less."
"Do they know about it? Destiny or Adrian?"
"I doubt it. And if they do, they're good at hiding it. You want my advice?" He turned to me and grabbed my shoulder. "Do something before someone steals her from you. She won't wait for you to get your life together. Not even Lexi."
I wanted to convince myself that the uncomfortable feeling in my chest was there because I felt sorry for Stefan, but the truth is, I knew deep down it was because I knew he was telling the truth.
"Why don't you tell her now?" I asked him as he was about to leave.
"Because I love them both more than myself. I could never choose between them. I'm going to interfere in their relationship and in every situation someone will get hurt. It's not worth it."
"So you prefer to hide your feelings for her? So that you don't get hurt..."
"Love is about sacrifice, Finn." He cut me off. "You'll understand someday." He nodded. "Now if you'll excuse me." He reached for something that was propped up next to him. "I have duties." He picked up the wooden guitar and walked towards the firepit. "You should join us."
"Maybe later." I nodded and Stefan was gone.
When they noticed him with a guitar, they were immediately excited. He sat down next to Lexi, his twin, and Destiny across from him, and after tuning his guitar, he began to play.
A familiar tune engulfed the silence around me, and seeing them all like this, singing and having fun, made me feel like I'd been missing out on something my whole life.
And that hurt.
"Are we singing so fake that you have to hide from us?" I asked Finn with a smile when I finally found him after ten minutes of searching, sitting by the lake. I slowly walked over to him and sat next to him.
"Sounds better when you're away." He laughed.
"You can hardly hear it here." I frowned.
"Exactly."
"Idiot." I playfully hit him on the shoulder. "Why didn't you join us? I could see you wanted to. What kept you away?" I pulled my knees to my chest, rested my head on them, and kept my eyes on Finn.
"I didn't mean to spoil it for you." He said looking at the surface of the lake reflecting the night sky.
"Why would you spoil something?"
"Because that's what I do." He raised his shoulder. "Wherever I go."
"That can't be true, Finn."
"Tell me, Lexi..." He turned to me and I was suddenly covered in sweat. "Why did you kiss me?"
Oh.
OH.
He wants to talk about that now. Now!
"Um, I..." I hugged myself and looked away from him. "Because I wanted to?" It was a question, but I didn't expect, nor did I want, an answer.
"Ah. So that's why you didn't kiss me again? Because you didn't want to. Got it."
"What no." I looked at him horrified. "I didn't mean it that way. Of course I wanted to, I was just afraid that it wasn't what you wanted. Especially when you didn't say anything about it the next day. I thought maybe you wanted to forget about it. I like you, and if you just want to be friends, I understand, but it's not...why are you laughing? It's not funny." I hit him again as he started laughing while I was slowly breaking down from my nerves.
"Sorry, sunshine." He put his hand over his mouth and tried to calm himself down. "I just find it funny that you thought I didn't want to kiss you again. Especially when all I think about all day is you and your addictive lips."
"What?" My voice broke.
"You know what's even funnier? That you have no idea how I feel about you. Sometimes it's cute, but sometimes I want to shoot myself right between the eyes." He put a finger between his eyes, just above his nose.
"You can't say things like that." I looked away from him trying to hide my red face.
"What things? About my feelings or shooting?"
"Both," I muttered under my breath.
"Come on sunshine." He moved closer to me and cupped my chin between his fingers. He turned my head towards him, and only then did I realize how close he was. "Don't hide from me." When did it get so hot? "You know what I want to do right now?"
If the answer isn't "kiss you", I don't want to hear it.
"Late night swim." And before I knew it, Finn was already standing up and taking off his shirt. It didn't even take a minute and he was only in his boxers. "Why don't you join me?" He winked at me and ran towards the lake, into which he jumped.
"Stupid Lexi." I shook my head and stood up. "Come on Finn, it's late. You shouldn't be swimming now, you never know what might be in that water." I walked a little closer to get a better view of him. I found him a few meters from the shore, his muscular shoulders slightly above the water and he just ran through his hair once. Oh, those muscles.
"In the water? I'd be worried about bears or something." He laughed. "I'm waiting, sunshine." He opened his arms.
"Nope." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Not a chance."
"Lexi, you have a choice here. The hard way or the easy way. Either way, you're going to end up in this lake."
"The hard way or the easy way?" I repeated his words. "Oh come on." I snorted. "Before you could climb out, I'd be sitting in a locked car." I smiled victoriously.
"That may be true." He had a smile on his face like me. "But you can't run away from him." He lifted his hand out of the water and pointed to something behind me.
I didn't even have time to turn around and someone already had their hands on me and the ground disappeared from under my feet. I barely managed to hold my breath before I sank into the lake.
I surfaced and took a deep breath. I brushed the wet hair that was stuck all over my face away from my face and when I was able to open my eyes, Jeremy appeared next to me with a huge smile on his face.
"What can I say, you needed a push." He shrugged like it was nothing.
"You will pay for that."
"Really? And how exa..." Before he finished, I quickly ran my hand over the surface of the water that flew up at him. "Oh, now you've screwed up." He tried to swim to me, but I was a bit faster in the water.
"You're next!" I shouted at Finn, who I swam to, but he didn't even move.
"What did I do?" He asked with a smirk.
"Oh, you..." I shook my head and swam around to hide behind him, knowing Jeremy was still chasing me. "You'll protect me, won't you?" I grabbed his shoulders and felt the warmth of his naked body.
"You were threatening me a second ago" He laughed. "Why should I protect you?"
"Because you like me." I pulled up to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now protect me."
"Really, Lexi?" Jeremy finally caught up to me and stopped in front of us. "You're not playing fair."
"Geronimo!" Our attention was dragged away when we heard Zack's scream and loud footsteps followed by a body hitting the surface.
"Oh God." Jeremy laughed. "What did we start?" He said as we all noticed a quickly approaching group of people heading straight for us.
One by one they lost their clothes as they ran and immediately jumped into the lake. The surface of the lake was so wild that I felt like I was in the sea and the waves were crashing into me.
"I don't think this was your idea of an evening swim." I told Finn resting my chin on his shoulder.
"You're here, that's all I need." I was just glad he couldn't see my red face. Even though the water wasn't quite warm, I was burning.
When did I start losing control over my own body?
*****
"So that was an idea." Stefan laughed, shaking his head to get as much water out of his hair as possible before sitting down next to me by the fire.
"Great idea you mean, Stevie." Destiny sat down next to him.
"Can't argue with that." His twin joined.
I snapped my attention to Finn, who appeared next to me and sat down. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly before draping the blanket I had put in his tent for him today around my shoulders.
"Mhm." I nodded with a smile and meant it.
"Be careful not to get sick." It was sweet how interested he was in me, and if Lincoln hadn't appeared in front of us, I would have kissed him.
Yeah sure, coward.
"Here." Lincoln handed me a cup of hot tea. I will never laugh at him again when he says he is taking some appliances, especially the kettle.
"Thank you." I smiled and took the cup from his hand.
He and Finn exchanged glances before his stopped on the blanket and back on Finn. What I didn't expect was for Lincoln to hand him the second cup he had in his hand.
I don't know who was more surprised.
White flag? Nope, a cup of tea.
It was almost like a dream when even Lincoln smiled a bit at him. When he left to sit by Penny, Finn immediately spoke up. "Do you think it's poisoned?"
"Oh stop it." I pushed his shoulder and we both laughed.
"How about some more songs?" Stefan on my left reached for the guitar.
"No offense brother, but you're playing three songs in a row."
"Adrian." Destiny punched him in the ribs and glared at him. "I'd like to see you play the guitar. It's not that easy."
"Okay, anyone else wants to pick up the guitar?" As if Stefan didn't mind what was just said, he asked.
Almost everyone shook their heads and there were several loud "no"s from the circle.
"Finn plays," Zack spoke up, but all attention was immediately on Finn.
"Really?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Traitor," Finn muttered under his breath. It was obvious to whom it was dedicated. "I haven't played in a while. I don't..."
"Too late." Stefan interrupted him and almost threw the guitar at his head.
"Thanks." He exhaled heavily and pulled the guitar close to his chest, testing the strings and tuning it a little. "You've heard Riptide about five times already, so anything will do..." He ran his fingers over the strings, the melody and his voice absorbing the quiet. "Air in my lungs 'til the road begins. As the last of the bugs leave their homes again. And I'm..."
He continued to sing and play while everyone else listened, some carried away by the music. But when the chorus came, I joined Finn as he played a song that I listened to over and over when it came out. The View Between Villages.
"Past Alger Brook road, I'm over the bridge..." I sang with a smile, Penny, Ellie, Zack, Stefan, Jeremy and even Luca joining in.
I'll never forget Finn's face when almost everyone was singing along. It was like he finally felt accepted.
As if he finally belonged somewhere.
And suddenly my heart was never so full.