Everything I will ever need, for the rest of my life, is now in my arms.
I hold Lexi like it's my life. As if I was afraid that if I let her go for a moment, she would slip through my fingers.
I wondered if this was all just a dream. If it is, I hope I never wake up, because I wouldn't want to live in a world where I didn't have her with me.
I admired every inch of her face. She looked so calm and I just hoped it was because of me. That I have the same effect on her as she has on me.
"You're squeezing me too hard." She said tiredly.
"Shit, I'm sorry." I immediately softened my grip.
"Are you afraid I'll run away?" She slowly started turning in my arms. "Hi." She smiled.
"Morning." I ran my hand over her cheek to push her hair away from it.
"Hmm." She closed her eyes as I ran my hand into her hair. "I never want to leave here." She snuggled closer to my chest and I wondered if she could hear my heart beating just for her.
"The winters would be a bit cold, but I'm sure we'd survive." When I saw the smile on her face, all the worries of the world disappeared. I reached out to her and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. As I pulled away, I noticed that she had opened her eyes. "What?"
Without saying a word, she took her hand out from under the blanket, put her finger to her lips and tapped them a few times.
I laughed and kissed her. I couldn't stop smiling even while I was kissing her. How can I be so lucky?
When we pulled away, Lexi wrapped her arm and leg around me and rested her head on my chest.
"Are you afraid I will run away?"
"I'm pretty fast." She murmured into my chest. "I would catch you."
"Tackle me to the ground, huh?"
"Oh, sure, if it meant you wouldn't..."
"I would never run, sunshine." I interrupted her. "Not from you."
And then it dawned on me that this is exactly what she thinks will happen. When she's lost in her own head, that's exactly what she thinks. It was killing me that I didn't know how to prevent it, but I hoped that in time I could prove to her that she needn't be afraid.
"Hey, Finn, are you awake?" Lexi and I both jumped when we heard Zack outside my tent.
Lexi was about to say something but I put a finger to her lips. "I am now," I answered Zack. "What do you want?"
"Your sister called. She said she couldn't get a hold of you."
"Shit." I started looking for my phone, which I had forgotten to turn on since yesterday. I was lifting blankets, pillows, everything around me, and finally found it. I waited for it to turn on and when it did, the low battery warning beeped. "Are you shitting me?" I threw my phone away and put on my hoodie. "I need to use your phone Zack." I opened the tent and went outside, where he was already waiting for me with his phone.
"Last number."
"Thanks." I didn't even look at him and started looking for Val in his contacts. I dialed her number and waited for her answer. "Val are you okay?" I asked the moment she picked up.
"Yeah, it's just..." She breathed out. "I know you probably have a lot going on and...I wanted you to know, I'm sorry..."
"What is going on?" I interrupted her. "Val, what's going on?"
I don't know what I was expecting, obviously nothing good, but what she said destroyed everything that had healed this weekend.
I know I should have stayed in the tent so Zack wouldn't see me, but I didn't care at this point.
I walked out of the tent, ignoring Zack's surprised look.
"Val, what's going on?" I focused on Finn's voice, which was full of concern.
I didn't hear her words, they were too quiet, but I could tell from Finn's expression that it wasn't good.
He looked as if his whole world had stopped. His breath caught in his chest and his entire face turned white.
"Finn?" I said quietly and took a step towards him. He didn't even notice. He was completely out of it.
He didn't say a word, even when he took the phone off his ear. He was looking at the screen where the call was still in progress.
"Is everything..." I didn't have time to finish because Finn suddenly handed me Zack's phone and started walking away. I stood there confused for a moment before I gave Zack his phone back and started running after Finn who was standing by the fire.
"Car keys." He held out his hand to Jeremy.
"What? Why? What's going on?" He frowned.
"Give me the keys." He raised his voice.
"Okay, but..." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and before he could finish, Finn had ripped them from his hand and was walking away. "What just happened?" He looked at me for answers.
"I..." I looked at Finn leaving. "I don't know." I ran after him again, shouting his name, but it was as if he didn't hear me. He got into the car and left me in the dust.
"Lexi." Jeremy grabbed my shoulder. "Is he okay?"
"I don't..." I shook my head, looking at the trunk of the leaving car. "I don't know."
I didn't know what happened, but Finn's reaction to the phone call scared me.
*****
"Let me help you with that." Zack took Finn's bag from my hand and closed the trunk. "Thanks for the ride." He nodded his head towards the car Penny was sitting in.
"No problem." She smiled. "It was nice to meet you both."
"Same. Take care." He patted the hood of the car and Penny pulled out of the parking spot.
I looked around trying to find Jeremy's car, but it wasn't here.
"I'm sure he's okay."
"Mmm." I nodded and walked towards the apartment building.
Even outside Finn's apartment, there was no indication that he was here. With the key that was in his bag, I went in and thanked Zack for helping me with the bags.
"Anytime. Let me know when he gets back."
"Sure." I tried to smile and closed the door behind me.
I stood in front of the door and looked around the empty apartment, which looked exactly like we left it a few days ago.
It was eating me up inside that I didn't know where Finn was or if he was okay. I didn't even have a way to contact him, since I have his phone. All I could do was wait and hope he would come back soon.
I tried to entertain myself with something else. I unpacked all our things, cleaned a bit, but even after a few hours, he was nowhere to be found.
I really got scared when the sun went down. What if something happened to him? What if he had an accident?
I scared myself with these thoughts, but I couldn't help it.
It was nine, and he was nowhere to be found. Ten. Eleven. Midnight. One o'clock in the morning and I slowly fell asleep on the couch from exhaustion. My head was slipping from the hand I was supporting it with, and my eyelids started to weigh a ton.
"Shit." As if an electric shock passed through me, I suddenly woke up when I heard a voice outside the door of the apartment.
I threw off the blanket and ran to the door, which I immediately opened. The moment my eyes fell on him, I wanted to throw myself at him and hug him. However, when I looked at him, I saw how bad he was.
He swayed from side to side, unable to stand still for more than a few seconds. And then there was the awful stench of alcohol.
"Whoa." He looked at me in surprise, his eyes red. "How did you get here?"
"Finn..." I didn't even know what to say. I was relieved that he was here, but the condition he was in made me nervous.
"I'm hungry." He took a step towards me, but his legs got tangled and he almost fell to the ground. Fortunately, he caught himself, even though I was prepared to catch him. "I'm fine, I'm fine." He ran his hands over his face and awkwardly began to walk into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator but immediately closed it again. "I feel like pizza." He tried to go around the table but ran into it from the side and this time he couldn't stop himself from falling.
"Oh my God, Finn." I quickly ran to him sitting on the ground.
"Damn table, who put it there?" He mumbled under his breath.
I carefully took his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. "What happened?"
"Hmm." He smiled. "You're beautiful, you know that?" He looked dreamily into my eyes.
"Finn, I'm serious, what..."
"I love your hair." He cut me off. "It looks like gold in the sun." He grabbed the ends of my hair and wrapped it around his finger. "And they are so soft. How can they be so soft?"
I breathed out hard and lowered my head. "Where have you been?" It was a stupid question because he was obviously in a bar of some sort.
"And your eyes..."
"That is enough." I interrupted him. "Stop." I pulled away from him and stood up. "What happened?"
He waved his hand over it. "You should have a drink with me. We should have a toast. I think I have something here somewhere." He started crawling on the floor and rummaging through the cabinets.
"What are you talking about?" I frowned. "A toast to what? You're not making any sense."
"Ah, there it is." He reached into one of the cupboards and pulled out a bottle of vodka. He opened it and threw the lid on the ground. He held it up in the air with a smile before taking a sip. He wiped his lips and held out his hand to me. "Join me. We're celebrating."
"You're drunk. You don't even know what you're talking about." I walked up to him. "Let's get you to bed."
"A bed? No." He laughed. "We're celebrating!" He threw his hands up in the air.
"Fine, I'll bite. What are we celebrating?" I asked tiredly.
"The death of my father of course." He said with a smile and took a sip from the bottle.
"What?" The hands that were on my chest slipped to my body. Did I hear him right?
"You know what isn't fair?" He stood up with the bottle in one hand. "That I didn't beat him up before he died. For everything he did when we were kids." His voice broke. "For what he did to me." He pointed to his chest. "He deserved to die." His lips began to tremble. "He deserved it." He said through gritted teeth, squeezing the bottle tighter. "And I'm happy he's dead!" He raised his voice. "Why shouldn't I? He was a shitty father. He destroyed everything he touched. He tried to kill me!" Tears welled up in his eyes. "He tried to kill me." He repeated.
But no matter how much he wanted to express his hatred with his words, he felt otherwise. He was angry, but not in the way he wanted. It hurt him.
"He..." He sobbed. "tried to..."
"Oh, Finn." I walked up to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and hugged him tightly. His head immediately fell on my shoulder and he started sobbing uncontrollably. He dropped the bottle he was holding on the ground, but luckily it didn't break, just spilled a little. "It's okay." I ran my hand into his hair and pulled him even closer.
"I hate him." He said with a shaky voice.
And yet he mourns.
*****
I successfully put Finn to bed and cleaned up the mess in the kitchen.
This was an emotional evening for him. He kept repeating how he hated his father, but I don't know if he was trying to convince me or himself.
Exhausted, I took out my cell phone and texted Jeremy where his car was. I got the location from Finn before he fell asleep and found the keys in his pocket.
I walked into the bathroom, but before I could get in the shower, or at least get undressed, Jeremy's name popped up on the screen.
I picked up saying, "Why aren't you sleeping?"
"Believe it or not, I was just getting ready for bed. Is Finn okay?"
"He will be." I looked at the slightly open door. "I hope," I said more quietly.
"I'm sure you're right. I'll stop by tomorrow to pick up the keys. Nigh, babe."
"Night, Jerr." I hung up and put the phone on the counter.
I stood under the stream of warm water for a while. I wondered if all the bad would wash away if I stood here long enough. I wanted to test this theory, but I was interrupted by Finn's scream.
I jumped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around myself, and walked out of the bathroom soaking wet. My gaze landed on Finn, who was tossing and turning in bed as if someone had cut him. Sometimes he shouted, sometimes he whispered, but none of it made sense.
I ran up to him and grabbed his hand. "Finn." I said gently and squeezed his hand, but he didn't react at all. "Finn." I repeated louder, but that didn't help either. I grabbed his face and shook him slightly. "Finn." This time he opened his eyes wide. They were filled with fear. "Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. It's just me."
He looked around us, his chest heaving faster than normal. He looked lost.
"Hey." I ran my fingers over his cheeks in an attempt to calm him down. His gaze fixed on my face. "You're okay."
"You're wet." He almost whispered.
"You noticed, huh?" I laughed, relieved that she was okay.
"Are you going to bed?"
"Sure, I'll just change, okay?" I raised an eyebrow in question and he nodded.
I quickly went to the bathroom to change, and when I came back, I found Finn exactly as I left him. He carefully waited for me to return.
I slowly entered his bed. I put my arm around his chest and snuggled up.
"I'm sorry." Out of nowhere, he said.
"What are you talking about?" I looked up at him.
"I know you don't like drunk people." His eyes were barely open, but I could tell he meant it.
"Don't worry about it." I shook my head. "Sleep, you're tired."
"Mm." He flopped a little lower on the bed and rested his head on me. "Please don't leave me."
"We'll talk tomorrow, Finn. Good night." I closed my eyes, ready to go into the world of dreams.
And while I've never felt safe sleeping around drunk people, that wasn't the case tonight. I think that speaks for itself, doesn't it?