"Why didn't you wake me up?" I was startled when I heard Finn behind me while I was making breakfast.
"Jesus." I clutched my chest. "When did you get up? How come I didn't hear you?" I put the knife on the line and took a deep breath. "Don't do that again."
"Sorry." He chuckled.
"You're lucky I didn't throw the knife at you." I took the plate and put it on the table.
"I have a feeling you'd miss." He sat down.
"Do you want to test this theory of yours?" I put my hand on my right hip.
"No, no, no." He laughed. "Thank you for..." He pointed to the plate in front of him.
"You need something to eat. And drink." I placed a glass of juice in front of him before going to get my plate and sit next to him.
"Lexi, about yesterday..."
"I get it." I jumped into his speech. "You had every right..."
"No, I shouldn't have. I screwed up. I should have dealt with it some other way, not fall back into my old ways. I'm sorry." Even if he didn't look me in the eye, I knew he was telling the truth.
"Finn, your father passed away, it's only normal that..."
"It isn't. I hate that he has this effect on me even after his death. And that I broke my promise to you because of him."
Is he serious? His father just died and he's worried about this?
"Finn." I grabbed his hands and examined them carefully. "You promised you wouldn't fight. And it looks like you kept your promise. Only because you had a little to drink..."
"But it hurt you." He grabbed my hands. "I remember the look on your face when you saw me."
"Okay, you have to stop." I put my hand on his cheek. "I promise it's okay." I smiled. "I'm serious."
"But I..."
"No." I interrupted him. "You took all the baggage when it came to me. Now it's my turn. Got it?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I don't deserve you." He shook his head.
"Stop talking nonsense and eat." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "As for the two of us, we're fine. You don't have to worry about that."
"Even after..."
"Oh my God." I let out a frustrated breath. "I'm going to stuff that food in your mouth if you don't stop." It was a joke. A little.
I honestly don't care how he acted yesterday. Although I would prefer if he talked to me before he got drunk. But it's okay. I get it. His dad just died, I won't blame him for how he's dealing with it. As long as he hasn't hurt himself, it's fine.
"I'd like to see you try." He smiled.
"You're trying my patience this morning." I narrowed my eyes and pointed my fork at him.
"Sorry, sorry." He raised his hands in surrender. "But you look adorable trying to sound tough."
"Trying?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yes." He put his hand on my chair and pulled me closer with it. "You're not doing very well." He kissed me.
I should have pulled away and said something to him, but it was impossible. I am weak against his charms.
"Please tell me you don't have to go to work today." He asked as he pulled back a bit after a while.
"Later." I had a sour look on my face. "I'm not ready to go back to normal after this weekend." I let out a disappointed breath.
"We can run away."
"Yeah, right." I laughed and turned to the plate. "Also, I'm going to see my mother and I thought I'd go check on my father as well."
"Sunshine..."
"He's still my father. I know he's done bad things, but..."
"He hit you and stole your money." He cut me off.
"You don't have to remind me, I was there. But still."
"You're too good for this world, I hope you know that. But I'm going with you."
"You don't have to. I'll be fine."
"Lexi, I didn't ask. I won't let you go after him alone. I don't want to argue with you..."
"Then don't." I jumped into his speech. "I understand you're trying to protect me, but you won't be with me 24/7."
"Why not?"
"Finn." I looked at him seriously.
"Fine, go, but so as much touches you and he'll end up in a hospital."
"You promised not to fight."
"Yes, but did the others promise as well?" He raised an eyebrow.
"You're unbelievable, you know that?" I snorted.
"Call me what you want, but I'll always make sure you're okay."
And even though I was glad for that, I hoped he wouldn't have to protect me from my own father again.
*****
"Rachel, hi." I greeted her the moment I walked through the door.
"Lexi." Her face lit up. "Good to see you." She walked around the counter to me and hugged me. "I have some good news for you."
I didn't know if my heart had stopped beating or if it was beating so fast that it couldn't be registered. "Really?"
"Yes." She said with a smile. "The specialist talked to your mother and she talked about her past without any problems. Also about people."
"Are you serious?" I ran my hands over my face. "Was talking about me too?"
"Well..." Her smile dropped slightly. "She mainly talked about her childhood and college studies."
"So she doesn't know who I am." And even though it hurt, at least she remembered something.
"I'm sure she'll remember that in no time." She grabbed my shoulder.
"Thank you, Rachel." I squeezed her hand and left to see my mother. I knocked on her door and found her in her usual place.
I had to introduce myself to her again, but Rachel was right, while I was telling her about this weekend, she compared some things to her past.
And that's a good sign.
*****
I quietly entered the house, which at first seemed empty. But that changed when I heard snoring from the living room.
Of course, things were all over the ground, clothes or empty bottles. In the middle of all the mess was the couch where my father was lying.
I knew only from the smell that came from him that he was not going to wake up just like that, so I immediately started cleaning.
I threw out all the trash, cleaned the kitchen, and threw things into the washing machine. The last thing I tried to do was clean the floor by the couch, which was all sticky from spilled beer.
When I finished everything, I was sweating.
I stood up from the ground and brushed my hair away from my face. I looked down at my father, who was still sleeping carefree.
The whole time I was cleaning, I was thinking about everything that happened. Over how our relationship got to this.
When did it all go wrong? Where did the father who taught me to ride a bicycle as a child disappear? And when did the little girl who loved her parents more than anything else in the world disappear? The girl who thought life was a gift.
For years I tried to save this relationship. But I was the only one, wasn't I? I tried to fix something that was impossible unless he tried too.
Maybe I knew it subconsciously all along. I can't fix our relationship because we don't have one anymore. The only thing that connects us is blood, and that's not enough anymore.
But how can I walk away and leave him alone when I know he can't do it on his own? I don't want to be that person, but do I really have a choice?
Before I could think too much about that, I got myself busy with something else. I started cooking.
And it worked for a while. I concentrated on cutting, so I thought as little as possible about what would happen to me and my father.
But after a while this magic, the illusion, disappeared, and I was left alone in silence with my thoughts.
And what came out of it was that I deserve more. Especially from my own father. This is not how a father-daughter relationship should look like.
I was already putting the food in the containers when I felt his presence in the kitchen door. He just stood there, didn't say anything, and didn't move closer.
"I..." I almost whispered, my eyes fixed on the kitchen counter in front of me. "You have to get a job and make money if you want to keep the house. I'm not going to take care of you anymore. You're an adult, get your life together because I'm not capable of that." I swallowed the stone that formed in my throat. "I've been trying to fix things I haven't broken, but I'm done with that. I'll give you the keys back when I get all my stuff out of here." I stepped away from the counter and without looking at him I slipped past him and went to my room.
I packed as much as possible into two travel bags and went back downstairs. I found my father sitting on the couch, and even though he couldn't see me because his back was turned to me, he knew I was here.
I was already at the open door when I stopped. "I don't know if you care or not, but...I love you, dad." My eyes filled with tears. "And I'd like to forgive you for everything, but I'm not capable of that yet. I'm sorry." With one last look at him, I took a step through the door, and just as I closed it, I closed a chapter in my life. Even though it hurt, it was the right thing to do.
And I really hope it was the right thing, because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if it wasn't.
I didn't listen to her.
Despite the fact that she wanted to go alone, I went with her. Although she probably wasn't aware of it.
I just wasn't sure she would be okay going back to her father.
I waited in the car in front of her house for about a minute, in translation, more than an hour. I didn't hear screaming or furniture being smashed, so I took that as a good sign.
But when she came out of the house a few hours later, she looked hurt, but not physically.
She only noticed me when I got out of the car. She paused for a moment before taking a deep breath and walking towards me.
I didn't say anything even when she was in front of me. She didn't look like she wanted to talk about it.
I took the things from her hands, opened the door for her to sit down, and put the bags in the trunk.
I walked around the car, sat down, and put my hands on the steering wheel. "So where are we going?"
Her gaze was on the house outside the window and her thoughts were completely somewhere else.
I put my hand on her thigh which caught her attention. "What?"
"Where are we going?"
"Oh, ummm." She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate. "I have to go to work and..." She shook his head, running her hands over her face.
"No."
"Sorry, what?" She frowned.
"We're going home." I started the car.
"Finn, I have to go."
"Call them and tell them you're not feeling well." I moved from the place and headed back home. "You'll be distracted all evening anyway, you won't help them there."
"Thanks." She rolled her eyes and turned to the window.
"I didn't mean..." I breathed out heavily. "Give me an hour."
"What for?"
"Surprise." It's a surprise for me too, since I have no idea what I want to do.
"Can I skip it? Not participate?"
"That's not an option. You give me an hour to prepare everything. You can go gossip with Zack for now. I'm sure he'll be happy."
"I don't gossip." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"You know he and Luca are boyfriends?"
"What?" She almost jumped out of her seat. "Since when? And how...Oh, I see." She laughed softly and I was glad she did. "Looks like I do gossip."
"An hour, sunshine." I grabbed her hand, which was already on her knee, and kissed the top of it.
*****
"Hey Zack, how are you? Here's Lexi for one hour, enjoy. Go gossip, paint your nails, or do your hair. See you later." I kissed Lexi lightly on the cheek.
"What happened just now?" I heard Zack as I walked to the elevator. "It doesn't matter. I don't gossip!" He shouted after me and I just smiled.
When I was in the elevator, I took my phone out of my pocket and went to contacts. I stopped my finger on Sebastian.
Pros and Cons? Pros, he meets more women every weekend than I've met in my entire life. Cons, I can keep a splinter in my finger longer than he can keep a woman.
Killian. Pros and cons don't matter, since he recently lost someone, I won't ask him about dating stuff. It's too early for that.
Kai. Pros, he can charm women with just a few words. Cons, apart from words, he has no idea about women.
And then only Val remains. Pros, she's a woman. Cons, none.
This decision is really not that difficult.
"Hey Val, I need your help." I said as she picked up after a few beeps.
"'Hide the body' help or 'how do I turn on the oven' help?"
"Ha-ha-ha." I rolled my eyes.
"I'll be happy to help if it's in my power." She laughed. "So what's up?"
"There's a woman..." I didn't even have time to say anything else before she cut me off.
"I'll start charging for advice like this. Flowers, food, a good movie, and a sunset."
"How the hell did you know..."
"Oh come on." She snorted. "Let's call it a woman's intuition. Oh, and don't forget some dessert. Something she likes."
"I love you Val, I hope you know that." With those words, I got into the car.
"I know, but I'm glad you said it. Take care, big brother."
"You too, Val." I smiled and hung up.
Flowers, food, a good movie, and a sunset. How hard can it be, right?
So I was thinking that I can slowly start finishing the book, but I had one idea and it would literally hurt me if it wasn't included in this book.
So you can look forward to more chapters than originally planned.
(PS: maybe we'll cry a little together)
One small detail, I will publish a little less in March (first part of graduation). But I'll try as hard as I can. <33