After I left the apartment yesterday and left Lexi alone, I just drove around town. I didn't know what to do and the bar sounded like a bad idea. And so I stayed in a parking lot a few streets from my apartment.
After I started to fall asleep, I decided it was time to go back. I came home to find Lexi asleep on the couch. Carefully, so that she wouldn't wake up, I carried her to bed and since she probably didn't want to sleep next to me now, I laid down on the couch.
I woke up when I heard the door close. She left without a word, and that hurt more than it should have.
I knew exactly when she came back from work.
But I didn't know how we were doing. We didn't talk for more than a day. No call or text.
She said she needed time, so I gave it to her. It was killing me from the inside.
But when she laid down in bed with me and put her arm around me, I knew that we would be fine.
I don't know what I would do if it wasn't like that.
Her breathing became regular, and I took that as a sign that she had fallen asleep. At that moment I turned around and threw my arms around her. I didn't want to let her go. I didn't care if my arms would begin to hurt. They can fall off for all I care, but I won't let her go. Not again.
*****
I don't know how long I was awake just watching her sleep. I promise I'm not a psychopath, I just couldn't stop staring. She slept so peacefully that I felt sorry when she started to wake up.
I brushed a strand of hair from her face and she leaned into my touch, even though her eyes were still closed.
Somewhere near us, probably on the floor by the bed, there was a soft meow. I don't know if he wants to eat or go to bed, but if it's the latter, he's out of luck. I put him to bed in the evening, so he had to jump down himself. His fault.
"Finn?" Lexi whispered, her eyes still closed. She said my name like she was in a dream. Or she wanted it to be a dream.
"Yes, sunshine?" I let my hand rest on her face, running my finger down her cheek.
"I'm sorry." She lowered her head to her chest and snuggled closer to me. "I'm sorry for everything."
"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who..."
"I'm scared." She interrupted me and I was taken aback by her words. "I'm afraid I'll lose someone else. Mother doesn't even know I exist and father..." She buried her head in my chest. "I just..." She shook her head.
"Lexi, sunshine, listen to me." I grabbed her face and lifted her head to look at me so she knew I meant what I was about to say. "No matter what happens between us...you will never lose me. I mean it."
"What if..."
"No what ifs." I interrupted her. "I know you can't help it sometimes, but when you're with me, you don't have to think like that. No what-ifs, just reality. And the reality is that I..." My sentence was cut off by a loud meow. If I had to compare it to something, someone is skinning a cat. "Okay Sunny, you're starting to piss me off." Irritated, I pushed back the duvet and reached for the cat by the bed. I put him between me and Lexi and it was finally quiet. "Satisfied?"
"Sunny?" Lexi looked at me confused.
"You are sunshine, he is Sunny." I pointed first at her and then at him.
"I like it." She smiled and patted Sunny behind his ears. "It suits you."
"Back to what I was saying." Well, not completely. Because I was ready to blurt out that I love her, and it's still too early for that. The last thing I want to do is scare her. "I'll always be here when you need me. Lexi, you saved me." I smiled. "I owe you so much more."
"I'm pretty sure we're even."
"No, sunshine, not by a long shot." I pushed her hair away from her cheek and kissed her softly.
"So we're okay?" She asked as we pulled away.
"Of course we are. We'll always be fine. No matter what." And even as I tried to calm her down with those words, I could see a little worry in her eyes. I was hoping that would disappear over time.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day.
One day she will finally start to believe my words.
It was a quiet week.
That is if I don't count its beginning.
I haven't returned home yet. I didn't have the heart to go back there and wrap up twenty-four years of my life. However, I realize that I will not be able to avoid it indefinitely.
I haven't even looked at other housing yet, mainly because I've gotten used to living with Finn. It's nice to wake up next to someone every morning.
That is, next to him and Sunny, who is getting bigger and bigger every day. I think we'll probably keep him. It would be foolish to give him away when we have already bought him everything he needs and more. Even if Finn won't admit it out loud, he's taken a liking to him.
Oh, and Zack has a soft spot for him too. Lately, he has been visiting almost every day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I like Zack. He has a good influence on Luca.
And since I'm mentioning Luca, the others are also doing good. Some are better than good.
Lincoln has his final exams and will finally have his doctor's license. For the next few weeks, he is interning at a local hospital, so he won't have much time for us. He and Penny are also doing well, at least that's what I heard, or rather read in the group chat when Adrian was making fun of him.
The twins are just like they always are, with one small difference. Stefan and Destiny started going out more often.
I'm not sure if Adrian misses his brother more or Destiny.
And Jeremy is on his way with Ellie right now.
Just as I was taking the pasta out of the oven, the doorbell rang. Finn, who had been watching me the whole time, stood up and went to open the door for them.
"Something smells amazing." I immediately heard Jeremy from the door. "Uh, you know I love your cooking, babe."
"Should I take it personally?" Ellie laughed beside him.
"Oh, no." He waved his hand at her and put his arm around her shoulders. "But once you taste her pasta, you'll only agree with me, love."
"Uh-huh." She rolled her eyes with a laugh and shook off his hand. "Do you need help with something?" She immediately entered the kitchen.
"No, but thank you, El."
"Oh my god, is this the little devil?" Jeremy laughed at Sunny, who was weaving under my feet. "Luca mentioned that he doesn't like him very much." He walked up to him and patted him.
"That's because Sunny wants someone to talk to him. It's not Luca's specialty."
"I thought so." He snorted and straightened up. "We brought wine." He held up a small bag.
"You shouldn't." I shook my head.
"Oh come on." Ellie waved her hand at that. "It's a little thing."
We all slowly started to sit in the living room as there was more seating. I brought pasta to the table and Finn helped me bring the plates and silverware. I went back for wine and water glasses.
We sat, ate, and talked while the TV played quietly in the background. We laughed this evening. We all enjoyed it, especially Sunny, who was served food by everyone under the table. I was not an exception. How could I when he was looking at me with those huge eyes of his?
After we finished eating, Ellie helped me clean up the dishes while the boys sat in the living room. They offered to help but we quickly stopped them. It's a nice gesture, but I'd die of old age sooner than they would finish cleaning the dishes.
"Thanks for dinner Lexi, it was delicious." Ellie stood next to me with a glass of wine.
"Any time." I smiled at her and placed the last plate next to the sink to dry.
"So how are you two doing?" She nodded her head at Finn. "You look fine, but are you?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, yes." I nodded with a smile. "We're doing good."
"You know, Jeremy really likes him." She looked at them both. "And so do the others."
"It wasn't like that at the beginning."
"Oh, I know." She laughed. "I heard." She took a sip of her wine. "But look at them now."
I looked over to the living room where Finn and Jeremy were sitting across from each other, the table between them, laughing about something. Finn looked happy. Genuinely happy.
"They realized he wasn't a threat." I raised my shoulder.
"You can't blame them, they all look at you like a little sister. It's nice to have someone looking out for you." She tried to hide the sadness in her voice but failed.
"Well, you have us too." I gently bumped into her from the side. "It's going to be hard to get rid of us."
"Oh, how it bothers me." She laughed.
"But really, Ellie. We're here if you need anything." I smiled at her.
"Thank you, Lexi, I appreciate it."
"Okay, you two, are you done gossiping yet?" Jeremy called from the living room.
"Why? Are you afraid of what I will say about you to Lexi?" She winked at him.
"Oh, we're playing that game, huh? Finn did you know that Ellie..."
"Okay Merlin, stop it." She walked towards them and Jeremy immediately burst out laughing. "It's not that funny." She rolled her eyes and sat down next to him but Jeremy grabbed her by the hips and put her on his legs. They started talking and Finn took that as a cue to stand up and walk away from them.
"Hi." He smiled and kissed me as he stopped in front of me.
"Hi." I said as I pulled away from him but kept my hands on his chest. "Looks like you and Jeremy are getting along well."
"Don't tell him I said this, but Jeremy is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. I think we're friends." He looked at me thoughtfully.
"You just signed up for a real ride. Just wait until the hockey season starts." I patted his chest. "That will be fun."
"Can't wait." I was waiting for at least a hint of sarcasm, but I didn't find any. He was genuinely glad. "I was also invited to their evening together."
"What evening together?" I frowned.
"Tomorrow? At Adrian's work?" He looked at me confused. "You didn't know that?"
"Nope." I shook my head. "I guess I wasn't invited."
"Oh, so they want to spend time alone with me?" He raised an eyebrow. "Are they planning to kill me?" He asked seriously.
"Calm down." I put my hand on his shoulder. "You'll be fine." I smiled. "Maybe they just want to get to know you better."
"Sure, that's for sure." He laughed. "If I die, don't let Sunny piss in my shoes, thanks."
"I'll try, but I make no promises." I wrapped my arms around his neck and linked them behind his head. "Enjoy it, okay?"
"Without you, sunshine?" He bowed his head to me with a smile and kissed me softly. "Not a chance."
*****
"Thanks for the invite, babe." Jeremy hugged me while Ellie stood by the bike with Finn holding Sunny. We were far enough away from them that they couldn't hear us.
"Any time." I smiled. "I like Ellie, you look good together." I pulled away.
"I look good with everyone." He raised his chin proudly, but we both immediately burst out laughing.
"Of course." I shook my head.
"I'm glad you're happy Lexi, seriously. I'm glad to see you smile. I guess I can thank Finn for that."
"What are you talking about, I'm laughing with you too."
"Yes, but how many times were they not genuine smiles?"
"Jerr..."
"It's okay." He cut me off. "Finn's a good guy. And you're..." He sighed in satisfaction. "You're just you when you're with him. No pretense."
"You want to steal him from me?" I laughed.
"He couldn't handle me." He raised his eyebrows a few times.
"Stop." I slapped him playfully on the shoulder and he laughed.
"But I mean it." He said still with a small smile. "No matter what anyone says, you two are made for each other."
"Although I'm glad you're saying that....why are you?" I asked a little confused."
Because I know you and I know that there will come a time when you will start overthinking everything or you will run into some problem and I don't want you to close yourself off and lose what you have with him."
That was terrifyingly accurate.
And he's right, I do that in most cases, but not this time.
"And one last thing..." He grabbed my hands, which meant it was something important. "Live."
"What?" I think Jeremy had a lot to drink, which is stupid considering he's driving.
"Live." He repeated as if it made more sense than the first time he said it. "You'll figure it out." He winked at me, leaned down, and kissed my forehead. "Bye, babe."
"See you, Jerr." I smiled and he let go of my hands so he could step away.
I really needed tonight. It makes me feel so much better to know that Jeremy, and the boys, like Finn. They don't even know what it means to me.
"You've been in the bathroom for over half an hour Finn. I realize you want to look good and make a good impression, but you're going to be late." Lexi called from the next room.
I ran my hand through my hair and fixed it one last time. I pulled the sleeves of the black crewneck back into place. I hid the phone that I had on the cabinet and my wallet in the back pockets of my blue jeans and left the bathroom.
"Oh wow." Lexi's eyes lit up when she saw me. "So that's why you've been there so long. You shaved." She smiled.
I ran my hand over my trimmed stubble. It was about time because it was starting to get a little too long and I'm sure Lexi appreciates not getting pinched by my bear every time we kiss.
"Do you like it?" I walked up to her. She was sitting on the bed in comfortable clothes, which meant my t-shirt and sweatpants that were too big for her. She was holding a book in her hand, in which she had put a bookmark and placed it next to her.
"You look great." She bit her lip. "And you smell even better, come here." She opened her arms wide and I happily climbed onto the bed. I lay down between her legs and wrapped my arms around her back.
"I don't want to leave now." I murmured into the fabric of my clothing. "Perhaps..."
"Oh, no, no, no." She quickly cut me off. "You can't get out of this. Get up, you're going." I opened my mouth to say something but she cut me off again. "And no buts."
"All right." I rolled my eyes and sat up. At that moment the bell rang.
"Are you waiting for someone? I thought you were taking a car and going alone." She looked at me confused.
"I'm taking my car and going alone." I stood up and started walking towards the door.
"Good evening. Finn Acker?" A food delivery man was standing in the doorway.
"Yes, thanks, keep the change." I took the money out of my wallet, handed it to him, taking the boxes.
I closed the door and when I turned around Lexi was already standing there. "Um, am I missing something here?"
"I thought you might get hungry." I put everything on the table in the living room. "So I ordered you a little something."
"Are you serious?" She walked over to me and started digging into the food I ordered. I didn't know what she wanted, so I ordered whatever I could think of at that moment and hoped that it would be enough.
"I'm going out with your friends, so at least you won't be bored this way. You have your book, now food, and in a little while, peace." Sunny meowed once around my legs. "And him." I bent down to him and took him in my arms. "You keep her company, understood?" I pointed my finger at him.
"I'll be surrounded by food, so I'm sure he won't move away from me." She laughed and took it from my hands. "Thank you." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me. "Now go." She playfully pushed me away. "And don't let them get you in trouble."
"No fighting." I raised my hands and slowly retreated to the door. "Don't stay up too late."
I took my keys and left the apartment. I entered the elevator and before going down to the ground floor I texted her.
I smiled when I got a message back within seconds.
Yep, that's the woman I'm head over heels in love with.
Sadly, no chapters will be published since the beginning of march. :(
Until then you'll have three more chapters tho <3